The Signs Of An Unhealthy Marriage. Just like a person can be diseased and wouldn’t show for a while, it is possible for a marriage to be unhealthy without immediate expression of the underlying problems. But there would be tell-tale signs. There are many of them, but we will take a look at a few of them this morning.
The Signs Of An Unhealthy Marriage
1. When there is no relationship with God
A marriage in which the couple has no relationship with God is sure to crack with time. You cannot build a home successfully without God.
Psa 127:1 (KJV) Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.
It is only God that can turn a house into a home.
Don’t just have a relationship with God, build it, nurture it.
It’s the same for singles getting ready to meet their loved one or already in courtship. Don’t fall in love with someone who doesn’t have a conscious relationship with God.
How do you know a person who doesn’t have a relationship with God? It’s too simple. His actions, words, choices, and priorities will reveal the kind of person he is.
You don’t just want a handsome guy, you also want a spiritual man. You don’t just want a lady with hot legs, her heart must be hot for God too!
It takes a man who really knows God not to slap or beat his wife! It takes a lady who knows God not to become a constant irritation to his husband!
2. When the couple is not accountable
An unaccountable couple is sitting on a keg of powder, waiting to explode any minute.
Life is all about wisdom, and every error and failure experienced is an expression of foolishness lurking within.
Accountability helps you to learn from older couples and those who have been where you are trying to be.
It is the most dangerous thing in this world to fall in love with someone who is not accountable! Singles that hath ears, let them hear now!
The sad part of a counseling session is always that part where this kind of conversation ensues:
“Who is his/her Pastor?”
“He doesn’t have a Pastor”
“What about his parents?”
“His parents can’t talk to him. He won’t listen”
“Does he listen to any of his friends?”
“None of his friends can talk to him.”
“Who does he listen to then?”
“He listens to nobody!”
The moment a guy or lady has disfranchised themselves from all authority figures, the moment they are isolated from any help, the moment they are disconnected from those that can speak into their lives, it is always a complicated situation! So you will do yourself a favour by considering only those who are accountable! If you are already married, ensure you sort this part of accountability lovingly, and prayerfully. May God help us all.
These are two of The Signs Of An Unhealthy Marriage. I will stop here this morning!
Good morning!
I will be 50 in October! Don’t forget to mention me in your prayers today…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY Lord, I love you passionately.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Father, please set my heart on fire to love you passionately.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Psa 42:1 (KJV) As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Love your spouse passionately.
The Crazy Thing About “I Do” The day you walked down that aisle and said “Ido,” something happened. It’s almost crazy! Your body is no longer your own, it belongs to your spouse.
A fusion takes place in the realm of the spirit, which is so strong that God proclaimed, “let no man put asunder!”
God becomes the witness of this union, and any attempt to drive a wedge in between this union is coming against God Himself.
As couples who are believers, and well-grounded, the weapon of the devil against you is strategic.
If you are a weak believer with no firm resolve, he can easily bring adultery and infidelity to the table and you will be swept off your feet if you are far from God.
But with those who may be grounded, the devil still has strategies. His weapon is to keep you divided, torment you in your thoughts, and keep you perpetually in strife.
You are not in adultery, but in your mind, you are probably worse off.
This will affect the whole family because your thoughts are magnetic and will determine many things around you.
How will you pray and agree together when the mind of one of the spouses is riddled with doubt, contempt, and dislike for the other?
This is the devil. And you get to know this in little things.
Your spouse is easily excited talking to others but irritated when you are alone.
The friend you saw in your spouse as courting sweethearts has evaporated into thin air!
Sometimes, this shows up as singles in courtship too. Unexplainable and perpetual irritation from one party could be an indication of deep-seated issues.
Before you start blaming him or her, you should take responsibility first for where you find yourself, humble yourself and ask God to help you.
It is another problem entirely when you keep blaming your spouse for your own actions, neglect, and carelessness. That can be unfair and you will never change that way.
It is like a General Manager who keeps blaming his employees for losses and the employees who keep blaming the Manager for their ineffectiveness. That organization is in a quandary!
Stop the blame game! It is a trap of the devil.
See, there is no point wasting your time, there is much to do!
Why would you fast forty days and then use four days of strife to rubbish everything?
Why would you sow seeds for years and then pull them out with careless, selfish thoughts and words?
Common, get on the same page and combine your weapons against the enemy of your soul.
From the day you got married, you can no longer do it alone!
So, get over trivial issues, be it husband or wife, and be on the same page so that you can both enjoy the fullness of God’s blessings in your life.
As singles in courtship, you are simply dissipating a lot of power when you entertain strife continually!
May God bless your relationship, marriage, and home.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will cooperate with my spouse
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Devil, take your hands off my marriage in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Rom 14:16 (KJV) Let not then your good be evil spoken of
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Write down what you love about your fiance/spouse and thank God for those things.
The Husband You Should Not Be. He is the wife-beater. He is the cheating husband. He is the Mummy’s boy. Someone once said the word husband means “He that binds the house together! House-Band! There are a lot of things to learn about how to be a good husband! Sadly enough, we were only taught animal “husbandry” in school.
Here is a list of The Husband You Should Not Be
1. The Wife beater
The wife-beater is the violent husband. He is short-fused, and so gets violent at any little provocation.
He is impatient and believes so much in using his fist. Somewhere in his mind, he believes a good slap is more effective than a conversation.
He probably grew up watching his dad beat his wife!
His wife lives in perpetual fear, not knowing when to talk or when to shut up.
If he has an equally aggressive wife, their home is always in chaos, settling one quarrel after the other. After a while, the neighbors don’t bother again. It becomes a usual ritual.
If he has a docile wife, he would feel he is being effective while in effect, he is losing it.
If he is a churchgoer, he blames his antics on the devil every time. Even the devil is amazed at how somebody can lie!
This cannot continue. God demands a change. That woman God gave you is to be cared for and cherished!
“Pastor, you don’t know my wife!”
“You are right. I don’t know her, but I do know the scripture! You are to love that woman!
Say Amen!
2. The cheating husband
The cheating husband, for whatever reason, has been enraptured in stolen waters. He is relishing in another man’s bread, and the scripture aptly says, it is indeed sweet for a while, but in a moment and without warning, it turns into the gravel in his mouth! He is bouncing on a bed that doesn’t belong to him and he would soon land where he never envisaged.
Pro 20:17 (KJV) Bread of deceit is sweet to a man; but afterwards his mouth shall be filled with gravel.
The cheating husband will soon know that that there is a lot of shit in the cheat!
Adultery is the game of the foolish because of the obvious consequences involved.
Pro 6:32 (KJV) But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul.
The Message Translation says Pro 6:32-33 (MSG) Adultery is a brainless act, soul-destroying, self-destructive; [33] Expect a bloody nose, a black eye, and a reputation ruined for good.
It is simply not worth it
If you are a young lady involved with a married man, please, stop it. Such will always end in tears. Don’t slow yourself down. If you don’t know how to go about it, please call me and let me pray for you.
3. The Mummy’s boy The Mummy’s boy does nothing unless he tells his mum first. This can be very annoying to the wife.
There is nothing wrong with having a strong tie with your mum, but it is wrong when your mum comes between you and your wife.
It is absolutely wrong to discuss personal issues with your mum that your wife knows nothing about.
Mummy’s boy needs to change. Your mum is another man’s wife, and you are to focus on your own wife.
This can be a little bit challenging if the man is the only boy raised by his mum, the tie will be strong and the dependence will be massive. But lovingly, patiently and without any rash actions, there should be a gradual disconnection, not to abandon your mum, but in terms of prioritizing relationships.
Your wife comes first. And that is the Bible truth. Above is a list of The Husband You Should Not Be
I will stop here this morning.
May your marriage be blessed!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am strong in the Lord
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, take every indecison away from my life
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Pro 6:32 (GW) Whoever commits adultery with a woman has no sense. Whoever does this destroys himself.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Apologise to your spouse if need be
The Woman You Should Not Be. Mrs. Johnson is a high-energy, productive, choleric wife. Her husband always feel disrespected most of the time. Where is the balance between such a couple?
Wives should be sensitive and not usurp the authority in the house.
Here are the type of wives that need to exercise some caution in this area.
The Woman You Should Not Be 1. The Choleric wife
Cholerics are known to be energetic, sharp-mouthed, unemotional with words and actions, and can survive on their own.
They usually don’t need any encouragement to forge ahead.
They can be very independent and this can often lead to friction in the house.
The couple should learn to maximize their strengths and minimize their weaknesses. Usually, a choleric wife will be married to an opposite temperament, someone who is reserved, laid back, and probably an introvert.
The choleric wife should go out of her way to ensure she honours her husband at all times.
2. The Proud Career wife
A woman at the top echelon of her career can often become prideful if care is not taken.
The husband should be secure enough to let his wife go for the best and ultimate in her career.
There are husbands who can be so threatened by the progress of their wives. This is a wrong heart. Let her be, and let her go for the best. Give her wings to fly!
Much work lies with the wife in refusing to get proud of her achievements. The keyword is honour.
3. The stubborn wife
Some wives can be stubborn o! From counselling experiences, I have seen wives that would stand by their opinion even when you show them the scriptures. There are stubborn men as well o!
Stubborn wives don’t talk much, they just won’t budge. They will just be looking at you like Lucozade, but what they will do is what they will do.
This is not good as well. It is not beneficial for the prayer life of the couple. Anything that will engender strife should be flushed out of the home.
4. The manipulative wife
The manipulative wife has several weapons in her arsenal including crying, throwing tantrums, withdrawing, talking endlessly, refusing sex, and nagging, until she gets what she wants.
She always wants the man at her beck and call.
This may go on for a while especially if the husband is on the calm side, but one day, the hidden molten magma may give way to eruption. And this is not usually the best.
Every husband must strive never to get to the point of exploding.
5. The insistent wife Another type of the woman you should not be is the insistent wife who is hard, difficult, and doesn’t listen to anything apart from what she knows or wants.
Her major weapon is anger.
She always wants to be told what she wants to hear and she picks up quarrels with anybody that dares go against what she feels.
Her husband lives in perpetual fear of what could happen next.
This is a wrong attitude that could be detrimental to the marriage.
The problem is that what she knows is limited and what she wants can often be a wrong desire.
We are all a work in progress and nobody knows it all. Meekness or being teachable is a great virtue in marriage.
Husband and wife should strive to live considerably with one another.
Put yourselves in one another’s shoes.
The following verses are probably the best advice for the couple
WIVES
1Pe 3:1-2 (AMPC) IN LIKE manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives, [2] When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him–to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].
HUSBANDS 1Pe 3:7 (AMPC)
In the same way you married men should live considerately with [ your wives ], with an intelligent recognition [ of the marriage relation ], honoring the woman as [ physically ] the weaker, but [ realizing that you ] are joint heirs of the grace (God’s unmerited favor) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. [ Otherwise you cannot pray effectively. ]
How To Get Out Of The Prison. Sally and Bode were so much in love, or so, Sally thought. She was looking forward to the wedding and settling to raise a family with Bode. Sadly, Bode had other plans. He led her on, to the edge of nowhere and led her soul hanging to nothing. All the while Sally thought it was a romantic journey, she ignored all the warning signs and now she has been lethally thrown into a dungeon of sadness and bitterness. Bode got married to another person!
On the day she saw the wedding pictures on Instagram, Sally lost it all. Her praise vaporized into thin air. Bitterness settled and she became angry at God.
The case of Mrs. Johnson wasn’t different. Ever since she discovered her sweet loving Christian husband was cheating on her, she couldn’t easily forgive. Her trust bowl was shattered, her fragile heart was ruptured, her gait was wobbled, her dancing feet were frozen, her laughter became a dirge and her praise was gone.
The devil had Sally and Mrs Johnson where he wanted them. Soul imprisoned!
David in the Bible was there too. He said in
Psa 142:7 (KJV) Bring my soul out of prison, that I may praise thy name: the righteous shall compass me about; for thou shalt deal bountifully with me.
Every time you find it hard, difficult or impossible to praise God, the soul is in the prison. Every time your lips become heavy to praise God, the soul has been caught and shackled in the snare of the fowler. And when the soul is in that position, bountiful blessings will be impossible to receive.
Just like it’s impossible for a prisoner to have maximum benefit that life has to offer. His movement is restricted and he cannot meet great people. His choices are limited and his will are controlled and he must be under servitude. He can’t go on vacation and he can’t choose what he wants to eat. His life became regulated with force.
The Message Translation puts it this way:
Psa 142:7 (MSG) Get me out of this dungeon so I can thank you in public. Your people will form a circle around me and you’ll bring me showers of blessing!”
The dungeon of life is where you have ceased to give thanks to God.
How To Get Out Of The Prison
You must purge your soul of hurts, unforgiving spirits, bitterness, wounds, or just anything that hinders you from praising God continually.
You must find a place of forgiveness for those who dealt with you badly, cheated, jilted, deceived, and despitefully used you. You must find forgiveness for an erring spouse, and allow God to do His work. Hurts must not be allowed to hunt you down and wounds must not build mounds over your destiny.
Don’t allow anything to take your praise away! This is How To Get Out Of The Prison May God grant you more understanding.
Your relationship will not crash. Your marriage will not suffer a mishap!
