Communication is simply talking, but of cause, there are more things involved than just talking. A healthy conversation involves not just what is said but what is heard.
In essence, communication is a two way conversation which involves speaking and hearing. The two spouses must form the conscious habit of allowing the other spouse express himself or herself. While he/ she speaks, the other partner should be actively listening.
Not listening for pleasure, not listening for information but should practise empathic listening. This is putting yourself in the conversation. Trying to understand and feel the impulse of the speaker.
It is unhealthy to to dominate a conversation without waiting at intervals to get feedback. To check whether your hearer is hearing the right thing, to know how he/she is processing the information. The aim of your conversation especially on marriage is for your partner to understand what you are saying , understand and then obey you.
Listening should not also be done with the intention of giving a reply that will defend your status or what you represent in the marriage covenant.
I think we cannot also have a good conversation with our spouse if our interpretation of what marriage is, is defective. Until we see our marriage from the view point of it being a covenant relationship, every other thing becomes loop sided.
What we see most couples practising is contract and not covenant marriage.
This is so important. It is a contract (which could be unwritten and informal), when the marriage is based on mutual benefit. That is, we are both doing something for each other.
For example, I will be nice to you, if you bring in enough money. Or, if you help out in the house, I will prepare the meals.
The opposite obtains if your spouse doesn’t do what is expected. I will be very cold and unresponsive to you if you hurt my feelings. I will be uncaring to you if you disrespect me.
Marriage is a covenant. In which each partner takes up his/her responsibility. A wife is to submit fully. The husband takes up his responsibility to love her like Christ does irrespective of what she does.
It is the aim of covenant relationship to please and serve the other person despite what he/ she does.
It’s kind of difficult right? Very hard. Especially if you have been to some school of hardknocks, where you have been deeply hurt.
If you are starting on a clean note and you have this understanding, how blessed you are.
No matter how farther away we have gone, in Christ there is always a way out. He shows us and leads us in the way since He is the way.
We need to retrace our steps and in humility, accept what works.
When a marriage is not working, both partners are responsible. It is not just one persons fault but the two parties have their contributing factors.
Tomorrow, I will attempt to summarize the five levels of Communication.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am communicating well with my spouse.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to be a better communicator
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY They said to him, “Hezekiah says, ‘This is a black day. We’re in crisis. We’re like pregnant women without even the strength to have a baby! Isaiah 37:3 – MSG
A husband that is into ‘house-binding’ and not husbandry loves his wife genuinely, the God kind of love (Agape) that is kind, patient, gentle etc (1Cor 13:4-8)
In Eph.5:25, husbands are given a direct and clear command. ‘Husbands love your wife…’ Husbands are commanded to love but the love being described here is not sexual in which love is based on your wife’s body and the sexual pleasure you can get from her body.
Some husbands are only nice and full of compliments when it is time for sexual pleasure.
In husbandry (animal kingdom), there are no affections, no kind words, no thoughtfulness and tenderness. The male just goes ahead to mate the female.
But for a ‘house-binding’ husband, love is total and complete. It is the God kind of love which says, ‘I love you in spite of this issue.’
It is a willingness to accept your wife for who she is. It is a love that is unconditional. It is sacrificial, willing to go the extra mile.
It is not overly demanding, critical or fault finding. It is simply based on a conscious decision to walk in love not because she deserves it but because the word of God commands it.
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am a love being. God’s love flows in me. My love is selfless and not selfish.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, teach me to walk in love daily in Jesus Name. Shed your love abroad in my heart , O Lord
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Col 3:19 AMP Husbands, love your wives [be affectionate and sympathetic with them] and do not be harsh or bitter or resentful toward them.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Memorize and meditate and confess the attributes of love in 1 Cor. 13
His principle is that ‘women are to be seen and not heard. He believes his wife’s opinions are inferior to his. He will rather ask others for their opinion than his wife. He sees his wife has a love-making machine, a cook, a dry cleaner, and a house help.
6. General Husband
He is a husband to every available lady. He does not believe in keeping himself solely for his wife. He sleeps with everything in a skirt.
7. The dry Husband
This type of husband lacks the ability to enjoy himself. He is a total bore. There is no fun with or around him. He is not romantic at all. He does not enjoy the company of his wife.
8. Analgesic Husband
He sees his wife as a problem solver, a pain reliever, and someone to use only to meet his needs. He sees her as someone to exploit.
9. Parasite Husband
He is dependent on his wife for everything and cannot take decisions on his own. He does not work nor does he do anything worthwhile.
10. Baby Husband
He is not mature at all. He is a baby emotionally. He nags, throws tantrums, fusses, refuses to eat when angry, and keeps malice with his wife. Spiritually, he is a baby. He cannot pray or fast. He still struggles with paying his tithes, offerings, and other financial obligations.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am led by his Spirit to choose rightly the man I will marry.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY In the name of Jesus, I receive Grace for my fiance to mature in Christ and be all he can be for the glory of God. Amen.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Rom 12:2 Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Make sure you are comfortable with the character and personality of the person you are going out with. Prayerfully ask the Lord what to do next.
The blockage could be anything from malice, anger, unforgiving spirit, selfishness, hurt, fear, lack of trust, tiredness, hatred, jealousy, envy, and a lot more.
Rather than for you to keep mopping the flood in your marriage, you can stop the flood, remove the blockage and repair the sink!
Repair your blocked communication line and you will be amazed at how much you will eliminate sleepless nights in your marriage.
How can you repair your communication sink?
1. It is important you discover his or her love language. It helps communication better and you can be sure you are effective in your communication.
2. Ladies, do not close up your spirit on your husband! It will slow things down generally in marriage because the power of agreement is the greatest weapon you have.
3. Men, do not stop wooing your wives. Let the fun continue.
4. When communication sink is blocked, it encourages adulterous relationships as the legitimate need of communication can be sought to be met in illegitimate ways.
5. Stay in touch with God in fellowship as this helps a lot to put things in perspective and makes the wisdom of God available through the Holy Spirit to manage the home well.
I pray for you today that God will give you the strength to end that strife, that bitterness and let go of that unforgiving spirit and join forces together to advance your marriage and lives in Jesus name!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I know how to communicate with my spouse. My spirit is not closed towards my spouse. I am a good listener. I am sensitive to my spouse.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY I pray, Lord, that you teach me by your Spirit to know how to communicate to my spouse with the right words and at the right time in Jesus Name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY All the words of my mouth are in righteousness; there is nothing froward or perverse in them. Proverbs 8:8 (KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Have a meaningful discussion with your spouse today
