The Silent Struggle in Relationships and Marriages

The Silent Struggle in Relationships and Marriages

by | Jul 24, 2025 | Singles and Married

Reading Time: 2 minutes

The Silent Struggle in Relationships and Marriages

Are you a minister, pastor, church worker, or leader, and do you live in Ibadan? You are cordially invited to “Equip” a Minister’s Conference with Rev Femi Oduwole and Rev Gbeminiyi Eboda as part of our 9th anniversary convention.

Rev Dunamis and Sophia Okunowo will also be hosting us. Attendance is free, but registration is required. Kindly register HERE

Don’t miss it. Spread the word!

Dianna struggled deeply with masturbation. She was new in her faith, and it all started when a guy made her feel wanted through flirty chats and sexual conversations. He spoke to her in ways that made her feel special, then convinced her to explore her own body. Before she knew it, self-pleasure had become a habit.

Eventually, guilt overwhelmed her. She said:

“I feel so condemned… like God is angry with me.”

Maybe you’ve felt the same, whether you’re single or married. But here’s the truth:
God is not waiting to punish you. He’s waiting to restore you.

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1 (NIV)

God doesn’t hold your sin over your head when you come to Him with honesty.

“Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more.” Hebrews 10:17 (NIV)

So… Is Masturbation Really a Big Deal?

In today’s world, it’s often seen as completely normal. “Everyone does it,” they say. Teens, singles, and even married people use it as an emotional or physical escape.

But the real question is:
Is it helpful or holy for someone who wants to follow Jesus?

Sex was created by God for intimacy and unity in marriage. When we take it outside that purpose, whether with another person or by ourselves, we often end up with lust, shame, and distance from God.

Masturbation feeds the flesh but leaves the spirit starved.

“Dear friends, I urge you… to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul.” 1 Peter 2:11 (NIV)

This isn’t about shame. It’s about spiritual health and freedom.

So Why Do We Do It?

Sometimes it’s boredom. Sometimes loneliness. Sometimes, emotional pain.
In some marriages, it might come from unmet needs or a lack of connection.

Whatever the reason, here’s a better question:
What’s feeding the desire?

Porn? Romance novels? Late-night scrolling?
Who are your influences? Friends? Online content? Even a spouse can sometimes encourage unhealthy habits.

“Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Corinthians 15:33 (NIV):

So, How Do We Break Free?

Start with Jesus. Not in fear, but in honesty.

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you.” Ezekiel 36:26 (NIV)

That’s a promise. And He means it.

Fill your time with scriptures, prayers, worship, community, and accountability.

And yes, cut off triggers. Don’t keep the door open to things that keep you trapped.

Also—talk to someone. A mentor, a spiritual leader, someone mature in faith. Healing begins when we bring things into the light.

You Can Be Free

Don’t believe the lie that you’ll always struggle with this. You won’t.
The power of Jesus is greater than your habits.

You are not alone.
You are not too far gone.
And you can live free.

Recommended resource: Overcoming Pornography and Masturbation.

The Silent Struggle in Relationships and Marriages

Trying to Prove You’re Worth Loving?

Trying to Prove You’re Worth Loving?

by | Apr 5, 2025 | Singles and Married

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Trying to Prove You’re Worth Loving?

Some people are constantly trying to earn love. They over-give, over-explain, and overcompensate—just to be seen, heard, and chosen. They do beyond what they naturally would have done simply because they want to prove they are worth loving. Maybe they grew up in a family where love wasn’t freely given—everyone worked to receive love. When you do right, you’re loved; when you make a mistake, love is withdrawn. And so that’s all they’ve known all their lives—working just to earn love. Well, here’s the truth: You were never meant to beg for what should be freely given.

“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5‬:8 [NKJV]‬‬

You see that? Love is freely given.

For singles, if you constantly feel the need to prove your value to someone, that’s not love—it may well be a performance. Love doesn’t make you walk on eggshells. Love doesn’t manipulate you with silence or keep you in confusion. If you always feel like you’re “not enough” unless you do more, give more, or become someone else, step back and ask: Is this love or emotional slavery? You still have time to walk out of that relationship. The right person will recognise your worth without needing a presentation.

This is not a stamp of approval to remain the way you are—weakness and all. Work on being a better version of yourself, keep growing, etc., but don’t do these things simply because you are trying to buy someone’s love.

This can also creep in subtly in marriage. In such situations, you start feeling invisible—like your efforts go unnoticed, like you have to compete with work, children, or even social media just to get your spouse’s attention. And you can start feeling empty and all. But remember this: You are valuable, even when you’re unseen. And sometimes, the healing starts when you stop trying to earn love and start receiving it the way God intended—freely, confidently, and without fear.  

See Romans 5:8 again: “…while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” That’s love—undeserved, unearned, unconditional.  

Let’s stop shrinking ourselves to fit into someone’s frail idea of love. And you absolutely don’t have to fight to be loved.

Shalom.