30 Shocking Realities Before Marriage by Eno Jerry Part 2

by Rev Dunamis Okunowo | Jun 11, 2024 | Singles and Married

Reading Time: 4 minutes

30 Shocking Realities Before Marriage by Eno Jerry Part 2

We started on this yesterday and we will conclude today.

19. Manage Expectations

It’s normal to fantasize about marriage and picture the ideal relationship. However, unrealistic expectations can damage a union if not addressed. When two individuals commit their lives together, compromise is necessary.

No one is perfect, so don’t expect your partner to meet all of your emotional or physical needs without also meeting theirs. Appreciate your significant other for who they are, not who you imagine them to be. Small irritations that seemed minor before may bother you more as a married couple.

20. Find Purpose

Also, your partner should not have to fulfill your purpose or identity. While support is important, relying on them solely for happiness places unfair pressure on their shoulders. Maintain interests and friendships outside the marriage for balance.

Similarly, allow your partner space to follow their dreams too. Whether it’s furthering education, changing careers, or pursuing hobbies, encourage each other’s goals. Make time for activities you each enjoy separately as well as together.

21. Be Flexible

Compromise means considering your spouse’s perspective and finding solutions that work for you both. Be willing to bend when possible and don’t just think of yourself. With patience and teamwork, you can overcome challenges as a united front. Going into marriage with realistic views sets the stage for a fulfilling partnership built on mutual understanding and support. Unmet fantasies often stem the root of dissatisfaction.

22. Work on Communication

Strong communication serves as the foundation for any healthy relationship. However, speaking and listening with understanding do not always come naturally and require effort. As a couple, make developing this skill a priority.

Start by listening without judgment or assumptions when your partner speaks.

Focus fully on what they say rather than thinking of your response. Ask clarifying questions if needed so you can see things from their perspective. All these are important before marriage.

When sharing your feelings or needs, do so respectfully using “I statements” instead of accusations. Say something like “I feel upset when you forget our plans because I was looking forward to our time together.” This avoids placing blame.

Discussing disagreements kindly helps resolve issues rather than letting them fester. Come prepared to compromise rather than demand your way. Take breaks if tensions rise so you can return to difficult topics with clearer heads.

23. Don’t Sweep Issues Under The Carpet.

Small problems become big ones if not addressed. So talk through everyday annoyances before they accumulate. Catching issues early gives the best chance of a resolution that satisfies you both. With practice, you’ll strengthen your ability to communicate supportively as a team.

Healthy communication habits take work but are well worth establishing as the foundation for a strong marriage. Facing challenges together through respectful discussion helps deepen understanding and intimacy between partners

24. Seek Counseling if Needed

Even couples excited about marriage may have areas to improve before tying the knot. Pre-marital counseling provides an objective third party to help identify issues and give you tools to build a healthy relationship.

A counselor can guide meaningful discussions that you and your partner find difficult alone. They’ll prompt reflection on your backgrounds, values, expectations, and communication styles. This helps ensure you see eye to eye on important topics and are ready to support each other.

Working through any existing problems with a professional also gives the best chance of overcoming them. Bottled-up resentment or unresolved conflicts from your past are less likely to negatively impact your marriage.

Pre-marital sessions teach relationship skills like active listening, “I statements,” compromising, and managing conflict. Practicing these with guidance strengthens your bond and ability to face challenges together down the road.

Don’t be afraid to seek counseling if you notice areas of concern. It takes courage to address problems head-on with your partner and a counselor. But it provides so much benefit to working through difficulties before marriage rather than hoping they’ll disappear after “I dos.”

With counseling, you’ll feel confident that you and your significant other are fully prepared for the commitment of marriage. Your union will be built on a strong foundation of understanding, trust, and communication from the very beginning.

25. Signs It May Not Last

While every couple faces obstacles, some partnerships show red flags indicating deeper issues. If several of these signs apply to your relationship, seriously consider whether you and your partner are ready for marriage. It’s better to acknowledge problems now rather than later.

26. Lack of Commitment

One or both individuals are not fully bought into the marriage. They are not willing to put in the effort it requires through good and bad. One or both feet may still be out the door. Before marriage, this area should be sorted.

27. Inability to Solve Problems

Major conflicts over important issues like finances, intimacy, or in-laws are left unresolved. Partners lack effective communication skills and are unable or unwilling to find compromises. This is a crucial area that needs to be addressed before marriage.

28. Unrealistic Expectations

One or both have an idealized, fantasy view of marriage and relationships rather than a realistic one. They expect their partner to meet all their needs and resolve all their issues. Before marriage, unrealistic expectations should be discarded.

29. Lack of Trust or Respect

There are underlying trust issues due to past hurts, different values, or personality clashes. Partners disrespect one another through insensitive words, dismissal of feelings, or private criticism. If this happened before marriage without check, it will still happen afterward.

30. Frequent or Escalating Arguments

Disagreements happen, but true red flags include arguments that end in personal attacks, name-calling, or one partner trying to control the other through anger or tears.

Take time to reflect on whether any of these signs ring true for your relationship. Addressing concerns with counseling before marriage gives the best chance at a healthy union built to stand the test of time.

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Watch Today’s Devotional

30 Shocking Realities Before Marriage – Eno Jerry Eze

by Rev Dunamis Okunowo | Jun 10, 2024 | Singles and Married

Reading Time: 4 minutes

30 Shocking Realities Before Marriage

1. Before You Enter that Marriage.

If you want to build a strong and lasting relationship, learn from other people’s mistakes. In this devotional, I will share my personal story and the issues I faced in past relationships. I will show you how anger, disrespect, and blaming others can damage your bonds. More importantly, I will explain how change is possible when you take ownership of your weaknesses.

2. Parents as Models.

Growing up, I witnessed frequent arguments and even physical fights between my parents. As children, my brother and I would cry and beg them to stop fighting to no avail. Witnessing these conflicts shaped my views on relationships from a young age.

3. Growing up in a quarrelsome home.

It was all I knew to see parents constantly quarreling, even in front of us kids. My parents loved us but they didn’t understand the impact their fights had on our development. We learned that resolving conflicts through yelling and aggression was normal.

4. The impact on children.

Seeing your parents fight regularly leaves scars. As a child, it makes you feel unsafe and stressed. Subconsciously, it can influence you to repeat similar behaviors in your own relationships later in life. I believe growing up in that environment is what made me prone to anger issues and arguments as an adult.

5. Arguing and fighting as weaknesses.

In my teens and early adulthood, I saw arguing and even physical fighting as normal behaviors. I took pride in “winning” fights and felt validated when others were impressed by my aggression. However, these were clearly weaknesses that would damage my relationships if not addressed.

6. Owning your faults instead of blaming others.

For a long time, I blamed my parents and upbringing for my anger issues. I thought it wasn’t my fault since that’s all I knew growing up. But the moment you realize your parents’ actions don’t define you, change becomes possible. You have to own your faults instead of making excuses for bad behaviors. No one else can change you but yourself.

7. Examples of anger issues from my past.

Looking back, I see many examples of how my anger ruined past relationships. I would blow up over small things and say hurtful words just to win arguments. I never respected my partners’ feelings or tried to understand other viewpoints. My anger was like a monster that I couldn’t control.

8. The impact on relationships.

Is it any surprise that those relationships didn’t last? No one wants to be with someone who constantly yells, blames, and shows anger without reason. It destroys trust and communication. Both parties always feel on edge, like walking on eggshells. Respect and care fade away when anger takes over. I didn’t realize it then but my behavior was emotionally abusive.

9. Making the decision to change.

It took hitting rock bottom, with the failure of yet another relationship, for me to realize I had to change. I decided to seek counseling to understand the roots of my anger and how to manage it better. This was the first step to taking control of my life and weaknesses.

10. Seeing positive changes with time.

Learning new coping skills like active listening, expressing feelings respectfully, and taking a breather to calm down when angry – these techniques really helped. With practice over months and years, I saw real differences. Fewer outbursts, more patience, and greater control over my emotions. My relationships became far more peaceful than before.

11. Communication skills to develop.

Some key skills I worked on include: listening without interrupting, using “I feel” statements, finding compromises, validating feelings, and apologizing when wrong. These small changes in how you interact go a long way in making the other person feel heard and respected.

12. Showing respect for your partner.

Beyond communication, it’s important to respect your partner’s individuality and make them feel cared for through little gestures. Saying thank you, doing small favors, giving compliments, and making time for each other daily all show you value the relationship. Respect is the foundation of any healthy bond.

13. Growth and healing in my own marriage.

I met my husband a few years after starting my personal journey. By then, I had learned so much and was still learning. Of course, new challenges would come up but I had better tools to handle them respectfully. Our communication is honest yet caring. We make each other feel valued every day.

14. Advice for others based on my experience.

If you struggle with anger or past hurts influence you, don’t delay getting help. Your future relationships and mental well-being depend on it. Also, keep learning from your mistakes; that’s how you keep growing. Finally, value your partner and meet them with compassion – this will take you very far.

15. Get to Know Your Partner.

Getting to know someone fully takes time. Before marriage, it’s important to truly understand who your partner is at their core. Spending quality time together in different situations can help reveal important things.

16. Date Nights.

Plan regular date nights where you engage in meaningful conversation without distractions. Ask questions and really listen to learn about each other’s upbringing, values, life experiences, and goals. Did you grow up similarly or differently? What matters most to each of you?

17. Understanding.

Also, make an effort to understand your partner’s relationships with family and friends. How do they interact with loved ones? What role will family play after your wedding? Knowing how to navigate in-laws can help prevent future issues.

Be open about topics that affect your future too, like finances, children, faith, and careers. Discuss expectations for these areas to ensure you are compatible. It’s better to address any gaps or disagreements now rather than be surprised later.

Make quality time together a priority, even when busy with work or other commitments.

18. Conversations.

Continuing meaningful conversations throughout your relationship helps you and your partner grow closer emotionally and practically. Going into marriage with a solid understanding of each other sets the stage for a healthy bond.

I will continue from here tomorrow. Be blessed!