Yesterday we learned about baggages in marriage, that we all have and come into our marriage with different kinds of baggage.
We also learned that these baggages are unresolved issues from our past, our background, and from our childhood experiences. These baggages or bags or luggages have to be emptied and the content exposed and dealt with.
We established that in marriage no secrets are allowed. Everything must be open and talked about.
And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. – Gen 2:25 (KJV)
Today, we will be looking at the various types of baggage we carry into marriage. Most of these we don’t even know we carry. Rest comes to our wearied souls as promised by Jesus only when we learn to come unto him in total surrender and then confess our faults one to another.
Types of Baggage
Relationship Baggage
This type of baggage is from our childhood relationships. Where we felt rejected, unloved, neglected, or criticized. Where we have a sense of shame or a low self-esteemed of ourselves. For whatever reasons we feel not up to the standard of other people.
Spiritual Baggage
Here we have learned to combine spirituality with lies and other vices. We grow up in church yet do a lot of bad stuff, like steal offerings, watch pornography in the church toilet or during sermons, sleep with a unit member, and still hide under being spiritual.
Moral Baggage
When you have this type of baggage, your sense of judgment is warped. You cannot decertify between good and bad. You even call good bad. You don’t know what is morally right. You smoke weed, you get involved with lesbianism, watch pornography, gamble, and the like.
Emotional Baggage
You were in several relationships that never worked or were involved with different ladies/ men and had emotional affairs with them. Maybe you were involved sexually with them in other to keep the relationship.
Physical Baggage
Here you kept your distance from people; this is similar to relational baggage. You enjoy solitude. You don’t want or like to associate with people. You suspect everybody and feel everyone is bad.
Sexual Baggage
With this, you are involved with all manner of sexual escapades. Sex toys, threesome, abortion, sex with strange men and women, prostitution, one-night stand, sex for material gains, etc.
Now that we have an idea of the type of baggages we may be carrying, these are the steps involved in dealing with them.
1. Unpack Your Bag: Stop hiding your bags, bring them to the open and be willing and ready to unpack.
2. Unload: Seek help from counselors, don’t try to handle things alone. You also need someone to be accountable to.
3. Be Patient: Don’t be too much in a hurry, be patient and follow due process.
4. Lighten Your Load by Forgiven: Forgive all those you have to forgive including yourself.
5. Take Classes Together: You need information, so you and your spouse needs all the education you can get.
6. Let Go Of Past Hurts: It’s important you let go and keep them in your past, so that you can experience new life.
God bless your marriage!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY Rest comes to my soul
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, help me to be open about my baggages
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. – Genesis 2:25 (KJV)
Everybody has got baggages and each of us came into marriage with our individual baggages. If not dealt with properly in marriage, it has the capacity to hinder the progress of any marriage no matter how much the couples love themselves.
How do you know what’s in your bag? Check your beliefs, your childhood experiences, did you have an absentee father? Have you ever been sexually abused? Did you grow up in an environment where you did not “feel loved”?
Baggages are negative, unprocessed emotions from past experiences. All types of baggage, if not taken care of, can negatively impact your current experiences — your relationships, your friendships, your family relations, your career, etc.
Is Your Bag Heavy?
Does it feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders? People go through different experiences in life and that makes some people’s baggages just like a little child’s school bag, while for others because of their experiences their baggages can be compared to the biggest “ghana-must-go” bag out there. Imagine walking with such a heavy load, your movement and progress will definitely be impeded.
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28, KJV
Emptying and Refilling
Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. 1 Peter 5:7, KJV
It’s not God’s desire for you that you have guilt, fear, regrets, shame in your bag, those things weigh you down, they will wear you out and get you tired. It won’t affect you alone, it will also affect your spouse and cause you to hurt him/her unintentionally this is why it’s most important to deal with them.
You can’t deal with baggage by locking the bag and burying it somewhere in the deepest depths of your heart, it never works that way, you’d have to slowly open them and with God’s help deal with them.
Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly Matthew 11:28-30, KJV
The solution, after you’ve identified those baggage is to cast “ALL YOUR CARES” on him. Let go and let God, forgive ALL who have hurt you in the past.
Unforgiveness will lead to resentment, bitterness, negativity which will affect our relationships, emotions and physical health. Once you’ve forgiven, you’ll begin to feel lighter, literally.
All the issues about bags and luggages is to get your past opened up. Every couple should have a day of opening their boxes. Like we all opened up our wedding presents when we first got married and we were presented with different gifts.
This is extremely important. Tell yourselves everything about yourselves. Yes, everything. The good, bad and the ugly. It is better done now before you start discovering one by one later. Help you spouse open up. Listen empathetically, give uninterrupted attention and h/she will feel secured opening up. Put off all phones and gadgets and let it be a me and you time.
We will continue tomorrow by Gods Grace.
God bless your marriage
CONFESSION OF THE DAY I choose to cast my care on God.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord I receive grace to trust you more
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. 1 Peter 5:7, KJV
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Be patient to understand your spouse
4. By being honorable yourself and being faithful to the commandments of your husband.
This is simply obeying his biddings. There are some instructions your husband will give you directly or indirectly. There will be things he does like, maybe based on his temperament or based on his background. If he doesn’t like something then obey and respect his wishes. Don’t talk down or look down on him because of what he loves or does not love.
You show honor to your husband by keeping his words in your heart so that you can obey them. There is nothing more dishonoring than your husband telling you he doesn’t like something repeatedly and you disobeying him.
5. You honor your husband by honoring people he honors.
You show honor to your husband by honoring relationship he holds dear. Even if you don’t feel like respecting them, you do out of your honor to your husband.
An example is respecting his parents, his mentors, his boss, his colleagues and any other person he holds dear.
6. You also show honor to your husband by giving to him
There is no honor without giving. You should give of your substance to the one you honor, especially the man that is ordained by God to be your head. You must see him as he is.
He is your lord, your glory. So you celebrate him with your seed. His birthday is a good time to shower him with some good things. Father’s Day is another good time.
May God grant you understanding. God bless you marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage is a blessing
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, do a miracle in my marriage today.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. – Heb 13:4 (KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Put the above points to use.
Continued from yesterday. You can read Part 2 HERE
Most importantly, a blessed man or woman can cast out demons. He or she can take charge of the spiritual milieu of the house. That is what you should go for.
Not a man or woman that will drag you to a herbalist’s house in your hour of need.
You need a blessed man or woman that can speak in tongues! Not just hot legs, but hot legs plus hot heart for God. That is what you need.
What is the purpose of marrying a beautiful lady with an empty head?
Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful face on an empty head. – Proverbs 11:22 (MSG)
Hey, ladies, KHC daughters, listen to me, you need a man that can intreat the Lord for you!
Further down in the chapter we are studying, that was what Isaac did for his wife!
And Isaac intreated the LORD for his wife, because she was barren: and the LORD was intreated of him, and Rebekah his wife conceived. – Genesis 25:21 (KJV)
Message Translation says Isaac prayed hard. You need a man/woman that can pray hard when you are down!
Two weeks before I got married, my wife collapsed and was hospitalized. It was an attack. My in laws did not know what to do. She was on drip for three days and had not opened her eyes.
When they told me over the qphone (those old NITEL boxes), I traveled to Abeokuta where she was, and discharged her. I put a stop to the attacks and asked that the life of God flow int her. She opened her eyes, sat up and asked for food. Even the doctor was amazed at the power of God.
That did not happen because I was a Pastor, it happened because I could intreat the Lord. That is part of the blessing!
I will have to stop here this morning.
May heaven assist you to find that blessed special man or woman!
Put your hands on your head, go ahead and speak in tongues a little.
I call your relationship blessed. I call your courtship blessed. I call your marriage blessed. I call your family blessed. I call your home blessed. I call your children blessed.
Now, I pray for you, by the unction on me this morning as I write, everything that looks like a curse, everything that is a departure from God’s promises over you and yours, is removed in Jesus name!
I have been commanded to bless, so with God’s authority over my life and ministry, this morning, I call you blessed!
Go out today declaring that you are blessed and see what the Lord will do today and in the next seven days!
CONFESSION OF THE DAY I am blessed so I attract the blessed.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord I receive the gift of a blessed man
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1Pe 3:8 Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous
We started this conversation yesterday and looked at how we can give honor to our husband and this can be our gate way to blessing. God has blessings in store for women who understands how to honor their husbands.
Today, I will show us few ways we can express honor to our husbands
1. Do more than is expected or normal for him
We have to do more than is expected. There are normal things that are expected of you as a wife, do more. Care more, love more, be faithful to a fault, be sincere to a fault, respect more than normal or expected.
Don’t just stay with the status quo, don’t just do a little, exert yourself, spend and be spent, give your self wholly.
So love your husband till he says you love too much. Until he says you have done too much, you have not done enough.
2. Take charge to meet their material need
You show your honor and respect for your husband by making yourself responsible to making sure their material needs are meant.
I am sure you will be thinking, are you not supposed to be the one to be taking care of? Your husband will take care of you but you will also look out for his needs. You don’t take him for granted. Let his need be your priority.
3. By acknowledging and recognizing the gifting that is on his inside.
Only you should be able to appreciate and celebrate the gifting of your husband. Even when others do not see any thing good in him, you should celebrate him like a billion dollar. Nobody must celebrate your husband more than you do.
Don’t let any secretary, colleague or mate celebrate your husband more than you do.
Be his number one cheerleader. Be his big fan. Be crazy about him. Laugh at his every joke, be filled with his love evermore.
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage is a blessing
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, do a miracle in my marriage today.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. – Heb 13:4 (KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Put the above points to use.
