Yesterday we looked at how important it is for wives everywhere to praise their husbands. We looked at how a little girl danced in honor of king Herod and praised him. He was willing to part with half of his kingdom. When women praise amazing things happen.
Today, we will be looking at ‘Husbands Appreciate your wives’.
To appreciate means to recognize the good qualities of something or someone. Husbands, your wives are your helper; they are created for you and for your good.
The fuel that keeps wives going and functioning in their calling as helpers, is appreciating their efforts and labour of love.
Any husband that doesn’t appreciate his wife is stifling the potential of his wife.
Appreciation comes with a sense of thoughtfulness that allows for gratitude. You become grateful for the little gestures and the big things your wife does.
Every wife is moved to do more or motivated by words. For example, if your wife cooks a meal and you appreciate her, she will remember the appreciation and will want to do better the next time she is cooking. If she is not appreciated, however, the creativity to do more or do better is not there.
If the love language of your wife is words of affirmation, you have to give her big doses of appreciation. Appreciate your wife for her looks, appreciate her for her dress sense, appreciate her being a home keeper, appreciate her for her intuition, appreciate her for her sacrifices, appreciate her for her kindness, for taking care of the children, for believing you, for encouraging you, for being there, for doing the dishes, and the list goes on and on.
One thing about appreciation like praise is that the more you give it the more you see reasons the give more appreciation.
In the same way, the less you show appreciation the less you will find reasons to show appreciation.
May God grant us grace to show more appreciation to our wives.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will be more loving and tender to my wife
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to be a good husband, teach me how to always praise my wife
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY But when Herod’s birthday came, the daughter of Herodias danced in the midst [before the company] and pleased and fascinated Herod, and so he promised with an oath to give her whatever she might ask. –Matthew 14:6 – 7 (AMPC)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Take out time to praise your wife today
So we learned how important communication is in marriage. Not just anyhow communication but husbands and wives should dedicate time and attention to proper and effective ways to communicate with each other.
It can’t be over-emphasized, that Intimacy in marriage can only be brought as we grow from one level of Communication to the other levels.
There are five levels of Communication. I started with the first level yesterday, which is Hallway talker. Today, I am continuing:
2. Reporter’s Talk
This level is a step further than the first. Here, the conversation moves from general talks to talking or giving facts or information about events. It is a reported kind of talk.
Here more information is given, but still, this kind of conversation does not promote intimacy. In level two communication, we do not express our opinions, thoughts, or how we feel about the subject matter.
If you are at this level two communication, your aim should be to move up and climb the steps of effective communication so that intimacy could be engendered.
Remember, level two communication is summarized; Just give me the facts.
3. Intellectual Talk
In this conversation level, your spouse is given the freedom to think differently. This is an amazing gift to give each other in marriage.
It is recognizing the fact that each one of you is a unique individual with a different perspective, viewpoint, and way of reasoning.
Marriage is trying to bring our way of thinking into alignment without suffocating the uniqueness of each other’s thinking. Two becoming one is choosing the best of our different thinking patterns and or merging our different opinions till we arrive at the best alternative.
When we recognize our weaknesses and strength and know that each one of us has a role and part to play and that neither of us is superior to another. We will honor each other and give each other the opportunity to air their opinions.
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will be a blessing to many
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, teach me how to communicate effectively
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. –Jeremiah 33:3 (KJV)
Communication is simply talking, but of cause, there are more things involved than just talking. A healthy conversation involves not just what is said but what is heard.
In essence, communication is a two way conversation which involves speaking and hearing. The two spouses must form the conscious habit of allowing the other spouse express himself or herself. While he/ she speaks, the other partner should be actively listening.
Not listening for pleasure, not listening for information but should practise empathic listening. This is putting yourself in the conversation. Trying to understand and feel the impulse of the speaker.
It is unhealthy to to dominate a conversation without waiting at intervals to get feedback. To check whether your hearer is hearing the right thing, to know how he/she is processing the information. The aim of your conversation especially on marriage is for your partner to understand what you are saying , understand and then obey you.
Listening should not also be done with the intention of giving a reply that will defend your status or what you represent in the marriage covenant.
I think we cannot also have a good conversation with our spouse if our interpretation of what marriage is, is defective. Until we see our marriage from the view point of it being a covenant relationship, every other thing becomes loop sided.
What we see most couples practising is contract and not covenant marriage.
This is so important. It is a contract (which could be unwritten and informal), when the marriage is based on mutual benefit. That is, we are both doing something for each other.
For example, I will be nice to you, if you bring in enough money. Or, if you help out in the house, I will prepare the meals.
The opposite obtains if your spouse doesn’t do what is expected. I will be very cold and unresponsive to you if you hurt my feelings. I will be uncaring to you if you disrespect me.
Marriage is a covenant. In which each partner takes up his/her responsibility. A wife is to submit fully. The husband takes up his responsibility to love her like Christ does irrespective of what she does.
It is the aim of covenant relationship to please and serve the other person despite what he/ she does.
It’s kind of difficult right? Very hard. Especially if you have been to some school of hardknocks, where you have been deeply hurt.
If you are starting on a clean note and you have this understanding, how blessed you are.
No matter how farther away we have gone, in Christ there is always a way out. He shows us and leads us in the way since He is the way.
We need to retrace our steps and in humility, accept what works.
When a marriage is not working, both partners are responsible. It is not just one persons fault but the two parties have their contributing factors.
Tomorrow, I will attempt to summarize the five levels of Communication.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am communicating well with my spouse.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to be a better communicator
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY They said to him, “Hezekiah says, ‘This is a black day. We’re in crisis. We’re like pregnant women without even the strength to have a baby! Isaiah 37:3 – MSG
The scripture clearly identifies the importance of physical attraction when it comes to marriage.
God in His wisdom knows that if a man does not derive satisfaction from his wife, he would seek it else where, which of course will not only be detrimental to him, but to his whole family.
So, God advises the man:
Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger? For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he pondereth all his goings (Proverbs 5:18-21 KJV)
In other words, what God wants is that you focus on your wife and not somebody out there. He said all your ways are before Him and He will inquire about everything you do. More or less, the affair that you think is secret is actually open to God.
As a single, you don’t want to spiritualise everything and say attraction doesn’t matter! It matters a lot!
Marry somebody you like and you love, a friend you can play with and laugh with. That is why the scripture says, “…rejoice with the wife of thy youth.“ The Importance of Body Chemistry
You also need to know that God will not force anybody on you. This idea that you are marrying somebody not because you love the person but because God said so is defective.
As a lady, when a guy walks up to you and tells you that God has spoken to Him, you also need to hear God as well.
Now, we have established that physical attraction is very important! But there is a balance! Physical attraction alone is not the only thing that determines your choice! See the scripture.
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. (Proverbs 31:30 KJV)
Message Translation says:
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear–of– God. (Proverbs 31:30 Message)
So we see here, the only thing shouldn’t be outward beauty, but also inner beauty.
It is okay if she has hot legs, but her heart must also be hot for God! A hot leg without a hot heart will get your hands burnt at the end.
So in man or in a woman, I should have attraction for him or her, while he or she must have attraction for God.
This is very important!
In conclusion, no lady should ever think she is not beautiful. There is nothing like that. You are beautiful and you should believe it.
Have you not seen some of the most handsome men (in your opinion) get married to some of the most ugly ladies? (again, in your opinion) And then such men would say their wives are beautiful! You see, beauty is in the beholder’s eyes!
When your husband sees you, regardless of how you think you look, he will love you and will tell you that you are beautiful.
So, you can help yourself and your esteem by looking at the mirror daily and pointing to who you see there and say, “you are beautiful!” The Importance of Body Chemistry
If some people have told you that you are ugly, it is okay. You are wonderfully and fearfully made, so says the scripture. That means you will be “wonderful” to some and you will be “fearful” to others. Certainly when your spouse sets eyes on you, you will be “wonderful!”
So be patient and wait for the salvation of God in your marriage.
May God help us all.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am a child of God. I am beautiful
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will be your wisdom and strength
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it (Proverbs 31:10-11 Message)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Write down what you want in a spouse.
