Are you a minister, pastor, church worker, or leader, and you live in Ibadan? You are cordially invited to “Equip” a Minister’s Conference with Rev Femi Oduwole and Rev Gbeminiyi Eboda as part of our 9th anniversary convention.
Rev Dunamis and Sophia Okunowo will also be hosting us. Attendance is free, but registration is required. Kindly register HERE
Don’t miss it. Spread the word!
Loving Someone Who Isn’t Ready Yet
There’s a special kind of ache that comes from loving someone who isn’t ready. You see the potential, the prayers you’ve prayed seem to be forming in them but they’re not quite there yet. You’re emotionally invested, but spiritually torn. And so, you wait. Now, the real question is: did God ask you to wait?
Many times, we romanticize waiting. We tell ourselves we’re being patient, loyal, and long-suffering. Meanwhile, love without wisdom is an idol, and you may unknowingly be putting yourself in the place of God. If they’re not ready for commitment, consistency, or growth, then you need to call yourself back. If you keep hoping they will change, you have to ask: Is this faith or fear of letting go?
God’s kind of waiting always brings peace, not anxiety. He doesn’t keep us in emotional limbo. When God says “wait,” it comes with assurance, clarity, and purpose, not confusion or heartbreak. “For God is not the author of confusion but of peace…” (1 Corinthians 14:33).
It’s okay to love someone or something deeply and still choose obedience. God will never ask you to lose yourself while trying to prove your love to someone else. If they are not ready, that’s it. No amount of waiting can make them become who only God can shape them to be.
Sometimes, the most powerful display of love is letting go and trusting that if it’s God’s will, He’ll bring it back matured, whole, and aligned. Until then, choose your peace, clarity, and God’s timing over emotional desperation. “He has made everything beautiful in its time…” (Ecclesiastes 3:11).
Here are five steps to detach from someone who isn’t ready yet:
1. Accept the truth
Stop holding on to their potential. You may see glimpses of who they could become, but love must be rooted in reality. God doesn’t call us to wait on maybes. If they’re not showing up with clarity, commitment, or growth, believe what you see, not just what you hope for.
2. Pour your emotions out to God
God can handle your heartbreak. He can bring the tears, confusion, and disappointment to Him without filters. This is where healing begins. “Cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7)
3. Create a healthy distance
Love doesn’t mean unlimited access. Guard your heart by setting boundaries emotionally, mentally, and even digitally. Muting, unfollowing, or creating space isn’t cruelty; it’s wisdom. You can’t heal while staying where you’re constantly triggered.
4. Reclaim your identity and purpose
You are not less because someone wasn’t ready for you. You are still chosen, loved, and whole in Christ. So, refocus on who you are and what God has called you to do. Your worth is not tied to their readiness.
5. Surrender the outcome to God
Let go of the emotional control. Trust that if it’s truly God’s will, it will return whole, healed, and aligned. Until then, choose obedience and peace over those pressures.
Dear KHCites, love is a beautiful thing, but it must be mutual, mature, and God-led. If they’re not ready, don’t stay stuck. Trust God with your heart. He knows how to restore, redirect, and reward those who obey even when it hurts.
You text first. You call first. You plan the hangouts, say sorry just to keep the peace, and always fight for the connection even when it’s clear they’ve stopped showing up.
Let’s be honest: nothing hurts more than feeling like you’re the only one trying in a relationship that was supposed to be mutual.
Love Wasn’t Meant To Be Begged For
Real love is intentional. It gives, it shows up, it sacrifices on both sides. When only one person is carrying the weight of the relationship, something is fundamentally wrong. You weren’t created to chase someone into loving you back; that’s not love, that’s survival.
In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, love is described as patient and kind, not self-seeking. Notice how these qualities flow both ways. God designed love to be mutual, not a one-person show where you’re constantly proving your worth.
The Reality Check You Need
Stop making excuses when love feels one-sided. Stop making excuses for someone’s lack of effort. If they wanted to text you back, they would. If they cared about your feelings, it would show consistently. Matthew 7:16 reminds us, “By their fruit you will recognize them.” People’s actions—not their occasional words—reveal their true heart toward you.
Amos 3:3 asks, “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” Healthy relationships require two people moving in the same direction with equal commitment.
You Deserve Better
You deserve someone who chooses you back without confusion, without pressure, without delay. Someone who meets you halfway, prays with you, and values your presence. Ephesians 5:25 shows us that love should be sacrificial and intentional, on both sides.
Permission to Pause
If you’re exhausted from being the only one trying, it’s okay to pause. It’s okay to stop texting first. This isn’t about games but about protecting your heart and seeing the relationship clearly.
God sees every unanswered text, every one-sided conversation. Psalm 56:8 says He keeps track of all your sorrows and collects your tears. Your heart matters to Him.
Sometimes God is trying to pull you out of places where you’re not truly valued. Don’t shrink yourself to fit into someone’s limited capacity to love. Trust that He’s writing a better story, one where love flows both ways.
You’re not too much. You’re simply asking for what love should naturally provide. And that’s not too much to ask for at all.
I thought love was constant communication: texting every hour, long late-night calls, never giving a breathing space.
But then I learned—love is not obsession. It breathes. It gives space. It respects boundaries.
Communication is vital in love, but love doesn’t choke each other.
I thought love was fireworks. You know, butterflies. That head-over-heels, can’t-eat, can’t-sleep feeling. Uhhhhh, my God! That kind that elicits “God, when o?” “Am I a spoon?” from friends.
But then I realised—feelings can fade. Real love shows up when the butterflies are gone; commitment is the only thing standing.
Yes, love elicits butterflies, but if love is not founded on commitment, it’s never gonna last. Never!
I thought love was someone finally choosing me, so I’d feel valuable. Ehm, don’t blame me. The blame is on low self-esteem. I was immersed in it from the experiences I had in childhood. Well… I sought love to feel valuable.
But then I understood—love doesn’t prove your worth. It recognises it. You don’t need love to feel valuable. You need value to love well.
I thought love meant never arguing, always agreeing, always smiling.
But I discovered—love isn’t the absence of conflict, it’s the presence of grace. It’s knowing how to “disagree to agree,” how to apologise sincerely, and how to grow together. It’s learning that I am on the same team as the one I love.
I thought I knew what love was.
Now I’m unlearning and relearning with God as my teacher.
I’m chasing wholeness. Wisdom. Purpose.
Because I want a love that looks like Christ—selfless, kind, consistent, and strong.
Hey, you. Yes, you—the one who’s tired of love talks.
Tired of hearing “wait on God.”
Tired of trying to make your marriage work.
Tired of hoping someone will choose you and stay.
Tired of feeling like love is for everyone else… except you.
Can I be honest with you? Love can be exhausting—when it’s done in your strength, when you’re doing all the bending, adjusting, forgiving, praying, and hoping… while the other person barely notices. When you feel like you’ve been faithful, but love hasn’t been kind in return.
But here’s what you need to know:
God sees you. He hasn’t forgotten. He isn’t late. And no, you’re not too broken, too difficult, or too anything to be loved right.
You were never created to chase love. You were created to carry it. To be full of it. To walk in it—with or without a ring, a title, or romantic gestures. Your value doesn’t increase because someone texts you “good morning” or posts your photo. You are loved now. Completely. Unconditionally. Eternally.
So, take a breath. Stop striving. Let God love you into wholeness before anyone else tries to hold your heart. Or before the one holding your heart (your spouse) learns to hold it well.
And when love comes, it won’t make you beg, drain, or confuse you. It will honour what God has already healed.
You’re not hard to love. You’re just waiting to be loved right.
Oftentimes, people walk away from toxic relationships, unhealthy attachments, or bad habits, thinking that the battle is over. But leaving is only the first step. The real challenge is filling that empty space with something better. It’s easy to think that once you’ve cut ties with the wrong person or situation, everything will automatically be fine. But if you don’t intentionally fill your heart with positive, God-centered things, you might find yourself slipping back into old patterns even after you might have vowed that it would never happen again.
“When an unclean spirit goes out of a man, it passes through dry places seeking rest, and does not find it. Then it says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came.’ And when it comes, it finds it empty, swept, and put in order. Then it goes and brings with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they enter and dwell there; and the last state of that man is worse than the first.” — Matthew 12:43-45 (NKJV)
This is the very point Jesus was making in Matthew 12. A man was freed from an unclean spirit, but when the spirit returned, it found the house empty. Without something better taking its place, the man’s situation worsened. It’s a pattern we see in relationships, too. If you leave one behind but don’t fill your life with healing, purpose, and spiritual growth, you open yourself up to emptiness and vulnerability. This emptiness can lead you to crave the wrong things: unhealthy attention, distractions, or even another toxic relationship.
Instead of just walking away from bad relationships, it’s crucial to intentionally build a life that’s full of what truly matters—God’s wisdom, His love, and a deeper sense of purpose. Focus on nurturing your relationship with God, growing emotionally, and investing time with people who help you grow in faith. Stay busy with purpose, serve God like never before, and pursue personal growth. When you fill your life with the right things, you create a strong foundation, leaving no room for the wrong things to creep back in.
Leaving behind what’s wrong is an important step, but the real work begins after that. If you don’t fill the empty space with God’s truth, His presence, and a sense of purpose, you are at risk of falling into that same cycle. Today, make the decision to fill your life with His presence so that when love comes, you are not settling out of emptiness but embracing something beautiful because you are whole, ready, and aligned with God’s perfect plan for you.
