Deborah is a twenty-six-year-old lady who is not in any relationship. She visits her much older friend, Aunty Nike who has been married for fifteen years and the following conversation ensued.
Pick the words carefully, see the wisdom embedded in between the lines and learn a few principles in the conversation…yes, just a conversation. Somebody said the wisdom of a person can be found in his words.
Aunty Nike: So, my dear, how has it been?
Deborah: Well, it’s been great o…
Aunty Nike: So, when are we walking down the aisle?
Deborah: Aunty, I will walk alone?
Aunty Nike: God forbid
Deborah: I never find person o… (I have not found anybody)
Aunty Nike: You are not to find a man; you are to be found.
Deborah: And if I’m not found?
Aunty Nike: You will be found?
Deborah: But time is going, Aunty, and the pressures are much!
Aunty Nike: Are you sure you are findable?
Deborah: Findable? I go write am for head? (do I have to write that on my forehead?)
Aunty Nike: Not like that.
Deborah: So how?
Aunty Nike: You know what the scripture says, right?
Deborah: Tell me, Aunty
Aunty Nike: He that findeth a wife…
Deborah: Oh that one. I know it.
Aunty Nike: Do you notice what it says? He that finds a wife…
Deborah: Yes, what does that mean?
Aunty Nike: He that finds a wife…not a woman, not a girl.
Deborah: I see
Aunty Nike: There is a difference
Deborah: But I don’t understand. How do I become a wife before being found?
Aunty Nike: That’s the core message in there. If you don’t become a wife, you are not findable!
Deborah: But it is you people that will preach now that one should not have pre-marital sex, you should not go and spend weekends in a guy’s house, you should not cook or wash boxers, and so on. So how do you become a wife before being found?
Aunty Nike: Good question. I will give you a good answer.
Deborah: I dey hear o… (I am listening)
Aunty Nike: It is not becoming a wife in terms of physical actions; it is more of preparation of the heart.
Deborah: So, I will become a wife in my heart? You these spiritual people! How?
Aunty Nike: Yes, because according to that scripture, what must be found is a ‘wife’
Deborah: So how do I become a wife in my heart, Aunty?
Aunty Nike: You become a wife in your heart through your preparations and dispositions.
Deborah: Aunty, no confuse me with grammar o. (don’t get me confused with bogus words’)
Aunty Nike: It is very simple. The question is ‘are you a wife material?’ Are you prepared? Every man is looking for a wife material, not a girl.
Deborah: Aunty, I am not a girl. I am twenty-six
Aunty Nike: It is not about age. You can be thirty-five and yet not be a wife material…still a girl in your dispositions.
Deborah: Dispositions?
Aunty Nike: The way you think, which informs the way you act.
Deborah: Aunty, I need to get married fast, I am getting miserable
Aunty Nike: And after marriage, the misery will fly away? To far-far-away kingdom?
Deborah: Yes now, with a husband by my side.
Aunty Nike: You are not yet a wife material.
Deborah: Aunty, which one now, you wan curse me? (You want to curse me?)
Aunty Nike: I am not cursing you, I am telling you who you are, you are still a girl and you are not yet ready to be found.
Deborah: How?
Aunty Nike: What is the definition of a wife?
Deborah: A woman who is married.
Aunty Nike: That is dictionary definition; give me biblical definition.
Deborah: I no be pastor, Aunty (I am not a Pastor)
Aunty Nike: ok. A wife is not just a married woman, but a married woman who is a help-meet. A wife is to complete her husband. She is coming with something on the table, not just coming to get! When you say you need a husband because you are feeling miserable, what you need to know is that marriage will not remove the misery; it will only make you a married miserable woman and probably drag the man into misery as well.
Deborah: Aunty, I don hear! (I have heard)
Aunty Nike: You better hear!
Deborah: At least, I won’t be lonely again…all those nights I spend alone hugging my poor pillow…
Aunty Nike: There you go again. You are still a girl.
Deborah: Something is wrong with that statement again?
Aunty Nike: Everything is wrong with it.
Deborah: Tell me, Aunty.
Aunty Nike: Marriage does not solve the problem of loneliness. It solves the problems of aloneness. God told Adam, it is good for man to be alone, not lonely…
Deborah: I don’t get…
Aunty Nike: There are many married people who are very lonely. Due to selfishness, ignorance, pride, and unforgiving spirit…
Deborah: Na wa o…make person no kuku marry now… make I just find one man wey go giv me pikin na… (This is serious. Maybe I should not get married then. Will just have a kid from a man)
Aunty Nike: There you go again; you are a girl. I know why you have not been found.
Deborah: See, Aunty, I have been praying and fasting…
Aunty Nike: That is not the first thing you need. What you need to do first, is to renew your mind with God’s word daily and read a lot of good books to prepare for marriage. Get on KHC and devour those devotionals!
Deborah: Aunty, fasting, and praying is important. I even go to the mountains to do dry fasting.
Aunty Nike: After you fast and pray, the man shows up, and then you drive him away with your ‘girlish’ attitudes and dispositions!
Deborah: Aunty!
Aunty Nike: You need to become a wife first. You need knowledge. A man of knowledge increases strength! You need to be informed and be prepared. You need to understand what marriage is. You need to know that marriage is not just a contract but a covenant.
Deborah: How do I do all that?
Aunty Nike: Renew your mind by reading God’s word daily. Follow KHC devotionals daily and learn all you can learn. Be prepared. Become a wife in your heart, not by offering sex to keep a man.
Deborah: No sex, Aunty?
Aunty Nike: None of that until after marriage!
Deborah: So how do I test what I am going for?
Aunty Nike: Another reason you have not been found. If anybody finds you like this, he is a boy, not a man, and he is looking for fun, not commitment!
Deborah: So how do I test if we are compatible?
Aunty Nike: Oh, since you have been testing, where has it gotten you? And what is your standard for compatibility? And after testing, how do you know if he is compatible or not? And if he is not, you look for the next man to sleep with? How many people will you keep on testing for compatibility? You will just discover one day you are fifty and you are still testing!
Deborah: Aunty, don’t be harsh.
Aunty Nike: You need to become a wife, dear. The scripture cannot be broken. It is ‘he that findeth a wife… It is better to trust God for direction rather than turn yourself to a testing ground.
Deborah: It is well
Aunty Nike: Go get books to read. Get a mentor to take you through. Read your Bible daily. Then pray for direction. God will surely help you. You will be found. The man will not only be handsome, but he will also be so anointed to the teeth! When he smiles, you will fall under the anointing!
Deborah: Aunty!!!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will be found by the right man
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, make me a wife
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD (Proverbs 18:22 NLT)
A lot of singles and married couples are often caught up in the hustles and bustles of life and become distracted. Here is a reminder list of what you should do regularly to each other and how to go about it.
1. Pray for him.Pray for her.
Let it be genuine. This helps you to harness the help of God to come to bear for you. Genuine prayers for each other will go a long way to keep you together. Minimize the quarrels and maximize the times for prayers.
2. Call each other daily.
Whether you will see each other later in the day is not the issue, the issue is that communication is the live wire of any relationship or marriage that will survive. Keep in touch. Send SMS. Use chats.
3. Exchange gifts regularly.
It doesn’t have to be expensive! But let it be touching. Notice what I wrote, exchange gifts; not collect gifts! Those little gestures help to keep the fire of your relationship and marriage aflame.
4. Share with him or her what God is dealing with you in His word.
Whatever God tells you in your devotion or in your personal walk with God, will also bless him or her as long as it blesses you. You don’t have to make it look like you are in another service when you want to do that, but you make it as natural as possible.
5. Encourage one another.
You are his number one fan. You are her number one fan. Don’t discourage each other. Don’t dissipate your energy on criticism. Be aware that your input goes a long way because you are the closest person.
6. Forgive each other so that your heavenly father will forgive you also.
You are not perfect, are you? So don’t become a judge, rather lovingly overlook and forget any mistakes that are meant to show up.
7. Let corrections be done in love.
Do you know it takes up to nine affirming statements to be able to accommodate and see one criticism as it should be seen? But you know what people do is give nine brutally critical statements and one or none of affirming statements. It will not yield any positive result like that.
8. Seek to help each other in obeying God’s instructions.
You are the greatest influence. Don’t encourage him or her to sin. Stand on the path of truth and help him or her to resist temptations.
9. Don’t feed each other’s weaknesses.
Rather, you should balance him or her out, because you will always have the strength and in areas where he or she is weak. Be available to help him stand. Be there to help her say No to iniquity. Don’t be seen as a partner in crime, or partner in iniquity. Let him or her be able to say, I trust my fiancé/fiancée/spouse; he will never compromise. Trust one another and protect your trust.
10. Make sure you have a mentor you talk to from time to time.
Sometimes, the very intense issues and disagreements are dissolved with a few statements. Well, that is the grace of God upon our lives and upon this ministry; to provide positive intervention in crisis-laden marriages and to provide godly counsels for those in courtship.
Accountability to those who have done what you are trying to do is a lot of wisdom. Stay close with these devotionals that have been a succor to a lot of marriages and relationships across the world, discuss it from time to time and keep on making adjustments! So help us God!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will apply discretion in every area of my relationship and marriage as God helps me. I seek help regularly.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, I ask that you give me wisdom and understanding in my relationship and in Jesus name.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Colossians 3:15 MSG Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Learn to discuss regularly with your fiance/fiancee
When God will send help, He will use men. Appreciate people and don’t bang or kick at doors, if you must close doors, close them gently.
You might still need to pass through the same doors some years down the line. So, don’t take the doors off the hinges or the hinges off the door!
7. Decide to be nice.
Be ready to offer help when you can. Learn to relax and smile. You are not the only one that has issues, so don’t stamp them on your forehead. Don’t walk with your shoulder down like all the problems of the world are on you.
Don’t get so depressed because you have no suitors to the point that your countenance is sending them away without knowing!
Joh 15:12 (KJV) This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.
8. Decide to stay where you are appreciated and not where you are just tolerated.
Everybody wants to be appreciated. Our dog, Shady, would refuse to eat when you scream at her. How much more, humans! Don’t let men trample on you and your esteem. Don’t sell your body for money. Maintain your dignity.
1Ti 4:12 (KJV) Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.
9. Decide to be humble.
Remove every shoulder pad because God is just starting with you. The last miracle you got is the least God can do in your life. Stay humble. God resists and opposes the proud. He exalts the humble.
Thank God for every breakthrough and don’t let it get into your head. Don’t stop going to church because of a couple of millions in your account!
Jas 4:6 (KJV) But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.
10. Decide to be a giver.
Never ignore opportunities to give! Fulfill your vows. Don’t joke with your tithes. Be a kingdom investor and you will see more coming your way! It never fails.
Pro 11:24 (KJV) There is that scattereth, and yet increaseth;and there is that withholdeth more than is meet, but it tendeth to poverty.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I chose to make quality decisions that will advance my life.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to be disciplined with my decisions.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Galatians 5:16, NLT: “So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves.”
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY What decisions are you taking today?
2Sa 8:15 ERV – David ruled over all Israel, and he made good and fair decisions for all of his people.
This morning, I want to write to you by the Spirit of God on a few things you can do that are guaranteed to turn your life around for good. Life is about decisions!
Think about yesterday and look back at the number of decisions you made alone yesterday.
The life you are living now is a consequence of the decisions of yester-years. The life you will live tomorrow is a springboard from the decisions you are making today.
Every MAN has M-A-N seasons. That is Morning, Afternoon, and Night!
The problem is that the consequences of bad decisions made in the morning of one’s life do not show until nighttime!
You are probably in the afternoon season of your life now. The mistake of the morning season does not fixate you into a permanent regret night-time.
You can change what your tomorrow will look like with strong decisions.
The challenge behind making decisions is that habits and comfort zones will be confronted, most times painfully. But it is the price you must pay to move forward.
If you want a different result in your life, you cannot continue to do things the way you have been doing them.
Here are the decisions to make. The list is not exhaustive, however.
1. Decide to have a relationship with God.
You cannot go far without this. Your life could be ended with a gentle breeze like when you blow off a candle-light, and that would be it. Fear Him who created you and have kept you alive! Be grateful for the gift of life by giving your life back to Him!
Mat 10:28 (MSG) “Don’t be bluffed into silence by the threats of bullies. There’s nothing they can do to your soul, your core being. Save your fear for God, who holds your entire life—body and soul—in his hands.
2. Decide to fellowship with God daily.
You need that daily renewal and rejuvenation or you will soon be wearied. Weariness at its peak can bring suicidal feelings. Be wise!
Isa 40:31 (MSG) But those who wait upon GOD get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles, They run and don’t get tired, they walk and don’t lag behind.
3. Always seek the help of the Holy Spirit.
As a believer, you have been configured to succeed only with His help. Without Him, you will not have dominion over sin.
Gal 5:16 (KJV) This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.
4. Decide to be accountable.
Don’t live your life recklessly. Deliberately get a mentor or pastor over your life. That is how you are preserved. Get somebody over your life that you can call on the phone anytime for wisdom! Stay in touch with that person. Give to him. Pray for him. That is how to be a good protégée.
1Ti 4:14 (TPT) Don’t minimize the powerful gift that operates in your life, for it was imparted to you by the laying on of hands of the elders and was activated through the prophecy they spoke over you.
5. Decide to stay off iniquity.
Don’t cut yourself short and jeopardize your destiny because of exuberance. Zip up! Stay away from all sexual sins. Be a man, not a boy! Ladies, preserve your virtue! Stay faithful to your spouse. Don’t trifle with pre-marital sex!
2Ti 2:19 (KJV) Nevertheless the foundation of God standeth sure, having this seal, The Lord knoweth them that are his. And, Let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity.
I will stop here and continue tomorrow.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I chose to make quality decisions that will advance my life.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to be disciplined with my decisions.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Galatians 5:16, NLT: “So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves.”
Pro 13:2-3 KJV (2) A man shall eat good by the fruit of his mouth: but the soul of the transgressors shall eat violence. (3) He that keepeth his mouth keepeth his life: but he that openeth wide his lips shall have destruction.
I want to write about something important this morning. It is a principle of the scripture and that which guarantees us daily victory in our daily work, in our relationship, marriage, and life generally.
It is what you say with your mouth. What you say with your mouth is very important because it will literarily give direction to your life! The words you say with your mouth are so powerful that they will overwhelm your life and seek to control the events of your life and love affair.
I believe it is for this reason that Jesus Christ said:
Joh 6:63 KJV It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.
When you were born, you needed to make a sound. That would be the sign of life. If a baby refuses to make sounds, he gets some spankings. As the baby grows into a toddler, everybody expects the baby to start talking.
Words are formed eventually and that becomes a sign of growth. You needed to ask a lady out and she needed to respond with words before marriage can happen. Nobody proposes or reply a proposal with silence.
On the wedding day, vows of words are exchanged and those words are terms of the marital covenant. In a marital affair, constant, loving words must go on or the marriage will die. That is how important words could be.
To give your life to Jesus, some words must be confessed and that would be it! In the Spirit realm, words are so important and the devil knows this. That is why he seeks to feed you with negative thoughts so that you can verbalize them. The moment you verbalize that negativity, it becomes your experience. That will not be your portion in Jesus name.
So the question this morning is “what are you saying?”
The scripture above says when you keep your mouth, you keep your life. Watch what you say!
Don’t make statements like:
“I don’t even understand my life.” (You will never understand it when you keep saying that)
“I am very confused” (You just invited the spirit behind confusion to have legal entry into your soul)
“I think there is a curse working against me” (You just empowered the devil to operate)
Never say the wrong words. Never use wrong words on your fiancée or your spouse!
Don’t say words like, “you are very stupid!”
Don’t say to your wife that she is slow.
Don’t call your husband an irresponsible man.
Potential Wife, don’t cut your potential husband into two with your mouth. There is a difference between a wife and a knife!
Husbands-to-be, don’t hurt and wound your wife-to-be with insensitive words, words mean a lot to them.
There are parents who call their children, “coconut head!”
How will the child be brilliant with that prophecy when you know the only thing inside a coconut is water? Or don’t you know that as parents, whatever you call your children is like a prophecy into their future?
Don’t say to your wife, “Fat lazy woman, you were once slim and beautiful when I found you, but now, you are….” Guess who turned her that way? Rather than say that, go and enroll her in a gym!
Don’t say to your husband, “It is the greatest error of my life marrying you,” I regret ever knowing you!” Rather than say that, pray for him, because you are one!
As singles, if you are enduring verbal abuse daily, don’t close your eyes and walk like a zombie into that relationship. Seek help, because he might not change, in fact, it will often get worse after marriage because marriage doesn’t change anybody.
If the lady you want to marry is always shutting you down for whatever reason, it is defective, seek help and seek counseling!
Words are very important! Don’t tell me somebody loves you when he or she tears you apart with words that demotivate and weaken you daily!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am speaking the right words to help my love affair
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will give you the wisdom to speak rightly always.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Pro 10:19 MSG The more talk, the less truth; the wise measure their words.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Analyze your love affair and check if you have been speaking the right words
