dating journey

Dating with Intention: How to Date Purposefully

by Rev Dunamis Okunowo | Nov 5, 2024 | Singles and Married

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Dating with Intention: How to Date Purposefully

The dating scene can be a mixed bag. Sometimes you’re on an endless stream of “meh” dates, and other times, you’re just not sure where things are going. So what if, instead of just hoping for a good match, you took control and started dating with intention? If you’re ready for something real and meaningful, this approach is for you.

Intentional dating means being clear on your goals, values, and the type of relationship you’re looking for. It’s about moving beyond the swipe culture and looking for genuine connection. Ready to dive in? Let’s walk through how to date with purpose and discover if it’s the right move for you.

What is Intentional Dating, Really?

Think of intentional dating like this: instead of just “seeing where things go,” you’re going in with a plan. You’re asking yourself the big questions, like “What do I want in a relationship?” and “Does this person align with my values?”

Intentional dating is not about obsessing over finding “the one” right away. It’s about clarity. You know why you’re dating and what kind of connection you want, and you’re ready to put in the time to find it. It’s less about chasing a fairy-tale romance and more about building a lasting partnership.

Why go intentional?

Less confusion: You’re both on the same page, so there’s less “are we or aren’t we?” stress.
Real connections: You’re aiming for depth over casual vibes.
Faster decisions: Intentional dating helps you recognize when someone’s a match—or not—quicker than dating aimlessly.

Set Your Relationship Goals

Before hitting the dating scene, do a little self-reflection. What do you actually want?

Ask yourself:

What matters most to me? Do you value loyalty? Faith? Open communication?
Long-term or short-term? Are you looking for marriage, companionship, or someone who helps you grow?
Non-negotiables? Figure out your deal-breakers, like honesty, kindness, or shared faith.

Knowing your relationship goals keeps you from getting sidetracked by anyone who isn’t on the same wavelength. And, bonus: it makes you way more attractive to the right people.

Communicate Your Intentions (Without Making it Awkward)

A lot of us get nervous about talking about what we want. But here’s the thing – when you’re upfront about your intentions, you’re saving everyone time and potential heartache.

You can start simple, like:

“I’m looking for something more meaningful. How about you?”
Or try, “I really value open communication and honesty. I just want to make sure we’re on the same page.”

This way, you’re not diving into the “where is this going” talk too soon, but you’re making it clear you’re not just here for a fling.

Be Present During Dates

So, you’re on a date with someone promising – now what? Mindfulness is your friend here. It’s all about being fully present so you can actually connect and get to know the other person.

Tips for mindful dating:

Active listening: Really listen, not just to respond but to understand. Put the phone away.
Ask meaningful questions: Skip the usual “What do you do for work?” Instead, ask things like, “What’s something you’re passionate about?” or “What do you enjoy doing in your free time?”
Non-verbal cues: Pay attention to body language and eye contact. Often, they tell you more than words can.

Being present not only makes the date more enjoyable but also helps you get a true sense of compatibility.

Compatibility Check: Do They Align with Your Values?

This is the big one. Dating with intention means looking beyond the surface and figuring out if someone aligns with your values and goals. Here’s what to consider:

Shared Values: Do they care about the same things you do, whether it’s faith, family, or social issues?
Future Plans: Talk about goals—career, family, travel. Are your lives going in the same direction?
Communication Style: How do they handle conflict? How do they communicate their needs and feelings?
Lifestyle Preferences: Do your day-to-day habits align, or would they clash?

Assessing these areas can save you time and emotional energy in the long run.

Tackling Challenges in Intentional Dating

Intentional dating can bring its own set of challenges. Here’s how to tackle a few common ones:

Rejection: This doesn’t mean you’re not good enough. It’s actually freeing – it just means they weren’t the right fit.
Different Expectations: If one person wants serious and the other wants casual, you’ll need to communicate openly to avoid misunderstandings. Don’t shy away from the tough conversations.
Managing Disappointment: Not every date will lead to a connection. See each experience as a chance to learn and get closer to what you want.

Intentional dating can be tough, but each step is a part of the process that brings you closer to someone genuinely right for you.

Building a Foundation That Lasts

If you’re lucky enough to meet someone amazing, focus on building a strong foundation together. Here’s how:

Trust: Keep promises and be honest about your intentions.
Respect: Value each other’s perspectives, boundaries, and individuality.
Open Communication: Talk about everything, even the tough stuff. Vulnerability strengthens bonds.

If you and your date are on the same page, keep the connection growing by prioritizing trust, respect, and communication.

When to Move from Dating to a Relationship

Wondering if it’s time to make things official? Here are some clues:

You’re both feeling it: Mutual feelings are essential. Both people should be on the same emotional level.
You’re talking about the future: Planning ahead together is a great sign that you’re ready for more.
You’ve had the “Define the Relationship” (DTR) chat: This is key to make sure you’re both clear on exclusivity.

The transition from dating to a relationship should feel like a natural next step. Take it slow, respect each other’s pace, and enjoy the ride.

In a Nutshell

Intentional dating is about bringing clarity, purpose, and self-awareness to your dating journey. It’s not about chasing perfection but about connecting with someone who aligns with your values and goals. So, if you’re ready to move beyond casual and start dating with purpose, take these steps to heart. It might just lead you to the kind of relationship you’ve been praying for.

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Support Systems: How Family and Friends Shape Your Love Life

by Rev Dunamis Okunowo | Oct 23, 2024 | Singles and Married

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Support Systems: How Family and Friends Shape Your Love Life

The Modern Dating Landscape

Dating in 2024 isn’t the same as it was for our parents. Swipe culture, dating apps, and social media have changed the game entirely. We’re constantly bombarded with “options,” and while that sounds fun, it can actually be overwhelming. Ever felt “decision fatigue” after scrolling through profiles? You’re not alone. We live in a time where the pressure to present a “perfect” relationship online can make the whole dating scene feel more like a competition than a genuine quest for connection. Add ghosting, unmatched values, and endless situationships to the mix, and it’s no wonder we all feel a little lost sometimes.

So, where do you turn when it feels like too much? Your family and friends. While you’re out there navigating this wild world of dating, they can be your grounding force—your emotional GPS.

Why Your Squad and Fam Matter in Dating

Let’s talk about the real MVPs: your support system. Whether it’s your BFF hyping you up before a first date or your parents casually dropping interesting (sometimes awkward) relationship advice, they’ve got your back. Here’s why they matter:

Emotional Support: Dating can be rough. Your crew keeps you grounded when it feels like you’re free-falling through endless options and heartbreaks.
Reality Checks: They’ll call you out when you’re overthinking a text or getting lost in the honeymoon phase. (Yes, your partner might not be perfect.)
Boosting Your Confidence: Let’s be honest, sometimes you need someone to remind you of your worth—especially after a ghosting incident.

Family Influence: Blessing or Stressing?

Family can shape the way you date in ways you might not even realize. Whether it’s that “how we met” story your parents keep sharing or the unspoken pressure to follow certain relationship milestones, your fam’s perspective can carry weight.

The Good Stuff: If you’ve got a supportive family, they’re there to encourage you, give advice, and be that emotional safety net. They can offer a perspective that helps you evaluate whether your potential partner vibes with your values.
The Pressure: Not every family will see eye-to-eye with you on dating choices. Maybe they expect you to get serious with someone quickly, while you’re still enjoying casual dating. Or they might have “the perfect person” in mind for you (cue eye roll). The key? Balancing their advice with your own desires. You do you but listen to their input with an open heart.

Friends: Your Dating Reality Check

Friends are often our first go-to when we need to vent, celebrate, or ask for advice. They’re in the trenches with you, navigating this dating battlefield together.

Share the Struggle: Your friends are likely dealing with similar stuff. From awkward first dates to deciphering cryptic texts, they get it. This makes them perfect for bouncing off ideas or getting a much-needed pep talk.
Group Dates, Anyone?: Not into one-on-one hangouts yet? Group outings with friends can help ease the awkwardness. It’s a more relaxed way to see if you vibe with someone without the pressure of “formal” dating.
Fashion Police: Ever stood in front of the mirror, completely stumped on what to wear for a date? Your friends can swoop in with killer outfit suggestions or throw in some conversation starters that’ll break the ice.

Introducing Bae to the Fam: The Big Moment

Bringing your partner home to meet the fam? That’s a milestone. Whether it’s the “Sunday dinner with the parents” or the big family reunion, it’s normal to feel nervous.

Here’s how to survive it:

Prep with Your Partner: Chat about your family’s quirks beforehand. Maybe your dad’s going to ask about politics, or your sibling will roast you (with love). Being prepared helps manage the pressure.
Stay Authentic: Don’t feel like you need to morph into someone else. Families appreciate when you’re genuine—it sets the tone for a real connection.
Handle the Nerves: Yeah, it’s nerve-wracking, but try calming techniques like deep breathing, or even a quick prayer beforehand. You’ve got this!

When Friends and Family Disapprove

Sometimes, your family or friends might not be on board with your partner. It sucks, but it happens. Whether it’s because of cultural differences, conflicting values, or just plain vibes, this disapproval can throw you off your game.

Here’s how to handle it:

Open Conversations: Ask for specifics. Why aren’t they vibing with your partner? Maybe they’re seeing red flags you’ve missed, or perhaps they just need time to adjust.
Set Boundaries: If the criticism is constant and unhelpful, it’s okay to say, “Hey, I value your opinion, but I need to make my own decisions.”
Trust Your Gut: At the end of the day, it’s YOUR relationship. If you believe in your partner and feel confident, keep your focus there.

Managing Expectations: Chill Out, Everyone

Look, we’ve all had that moment when a well-meaning family member starts hinting about grandkids or your friend asks when you’re going to make things “official.” While their curiosity comes from a good place, it can also create a lot of unnecessary stress.

Communicate Your Pace: If you’re taking things slow, be upfront about it. People will be more understanding when they know where you’re coming from.
Focus on YOU: You’re not obligated to fit into anyone else’s timeline. Whether you want to date around or settle down, it’s your choice. Don’t let external expectations define your dating journey.

The Bottom Line: Balance and Boundaries

Navigating relationships can feel like a rollercoaster, but your family and friends are your safety net. They offer love, advice, and the occasional reality check. But remember: this is YOUR journey. Take their advice, weigh their opinions, but at the end of the day, make decisions that align with your own values and goals.

Dating in the modern world is tough, but with the right balance of support from your inner circle—and confidence in yourself—you’re equipped to handle whatever comes your way. So go ahead, enjoy the ride!