Today, we will be looking at a house that is not united; the causes and consequences and the possible solutions.
God created homes to be united and to be the greatest source of togetherness and unity so that from our homes, unity can spread to the nation, our workplace, and to other relationships we have.
The devil is scared of families. He is scared of the unity in the family. He cannot imagine the havoc that will be done to his kingdom if families are united. He became proactive, and so all his attack is on the family. He wants to prevent unity in our homes and families as much as possible.
Let’s look at the scriptures
But he, knowing their thoughts, said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and a house divided against a house falleth.- Luk 11:17
The Amplified version puts it in a better way
But He, [well] aware of their intent and purpose, said to them, Every kingdom split up against itself is doomed and brought to desolation, and so house falls upon house. [The disunited household will collapse.] – Luk11:17
It says a disunited household will collapse. May that not be our portion in Jesus name!
We should try to prevent disunity in our homes. Husbands and wives need to be on the same page. And one major thing that can cause disunity or a breach in the spirit is not being truthful.
Insincerity will break the unity. In the spirit realm, it is like a breach. Quarrels, strife, and suspicion, are all causes of disunity.
Wives not being submissive to their husbands threatens the unity in the home. One degree away from the truth is falsehood. There is no little lie or white lie. A lie is a lie
May God bless us.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am not disobedient to God. I am quick to hear and obey.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, teach me your ways that I may do it your way
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Psa 133:1 (KJV) Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!
This type of conversation is not just limited to a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ answer. The wife’s or husband’s opinion is needed and necessary.
For example, ‘Are the children eating rice this afternoon?’ ‘I don’t think it will be the best option for them. They need more vegetables in their diet’.
It is important to note that, the question, what do you think about….is so important in husband-wife conversations.
Your husband or wife’s opinion matters and don’t want them feeling like they are not smart. If the wife is just accepting every decision made and is not really a part of the decision-making process and involved in the intellectual aspect of thinking through, there will eventually be problems later on in the marriage.
4. Emotional Talk.
‘Let me tell you how I feel’.
In this fourth level of Communication, we share our feelings. When our feelings are shared, we share ourselves because we are what and how we feel.
We are simply making ourselves vulnerable. When we share with our mate how we feel, the intention is not whether we are right or wrong. We mostly don’t want to be judged because of how we feel. We just need our spouse to listen, understand and accept that that’s the way we feel.
We kill intimacy when we are quick to judge the feeling. I am not saying we should not correct but first acknowledge your spouse’s feelings.
It is more difficult for most people to share their feelings than their thoughts. These are two very different things
‘I feel that guy is a thief’.
‘I feel the car will break down’
‘I am thinking the issue with the woman is not natural’.
When you share your feelings, you are expressive. When you don’t share your deepest feelings, a path of you is left hidden or covered.
When you share your feelings, you are vulnerable, open, unashamed, no inhibitions.
Couples should aim at growing together into this fourth level of communication, to enjoy a higher level of intimacy.
In our concluding part, I will be talking about how your marriage can move up on the level of Communication and you both can become intimate couples. The goal in every marriage should be to know each other and be as intimate with your spouse as much as possible.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will be a blessing to many
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, teach me how to communicate effectively
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. –Jeremiah 33:3 (KJV)
There are five levels of Communication. A further read is encouraged on the subject of communication especially by the best selling author Gary Chapman. I am sure you will find it rewarding and worth your while.
1. The Hallway talker
In this type of conversation no intimacy is developed or worked at. This conversation doesn’t involve wanting to know the feeling or thought process or pattern of the other person. The conversation is on autodrive.
You have a particular way of response to what is said or asked. Example,
‘How are you doing?’.
‘Fine’.
‘How are the kids?’
They have gone to school.’
The essence of communicating with each other is develop intimacy. No deep communication, no intimacy. And intimacy is the essence of marriage.
Why am I married if I can’t enjoy love, acceptance, understanding, oneness, sincerity and transparency?
Every married couple, should aim at climbing the steps of communication to further develop the intimacy between them.
You can’t be involved in monosyllable answers and expect intimacy to be developed.
If couples are not careful or well discerning, twenty years of their marred life will pass so quickly and they will discover they have not improved on their communication and that they are still in the ‘hall way’ method of communicating.
They were distracted by work, a busy schedule, distracted with the children and yet each spouse were just coping and not really pleased with each other.
The children are grown and they are now left with each other to deal with the hurts piled up for so many years and not talked about.
May God in His mercy send help to us out of Zion in Jesus name.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the wisdom of God
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, help me to communicate well with my spouse
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Jer 33:3 (KJV)Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.
Several years ago, the weather was really hot. The power was out. One particular night, power was restored and I woke my hubby to put on the air conditioner. I usually enjoy him doing stuff like that for me. He woke up and as he was getting out of bed, he discovered that the whole rug was flooded with water.
What happened was that the sink in the bathroom was blocked, someone (probably one of the boys) left the tap on and when power was restored, the brother staying with us switched on the pumping machine and before we knew it, our room was simply flooded!
This was a little past 12.00 am and we had no choice but to remove the rug and start mopping. You can bet it was not funny at all. Thank God for a good, hardworking hubby like mine who did the job. (I did a little too).
My point this morning is that if your sink is blocked, be ready for some sleepless nights, unnecessary mopping, and the like.
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. – Ephesians 4:29 (KJV)
In marriage, this same principle applies to your communication sink. Once it is blocked, you require extra work. Repair and remove every blockage affecting your communication. It only causes troubles uncalled for.
What could cause blockages in your communication sink and how can you handle it?
That is what I will discuss tomorrow.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I know how to communicate with my spouse. My spirit is not closed towards my spouse. I am a good listener. I am sensitive to my spouse.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY I pray, Lord, that you teach me by your Spirit to know how to communicate to my spouse with the right words and at the right time in Jesus Name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY All the words of my mouth are in righteousness; there is nothing froward or perverse in them. -Proverbs 8:8 (KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Have a meaningful discussion with your spouse today
The issue of communication in marriage cannot be over emphasized. Think about it, before that relationship started, you had to communicate your love to her.
In preparing for the wedding, you had to do a lot of communication. The problem is a lot of couples stop communicating after marriage.
Words are powerful. Jesus said words are spirits. Spirits don’t die, therefore words don’t die. Jesus said you will account for everything you say.
You can build your marriage with right words and you can ruin it with wrong words. Whilst doing my Master’s Degree programme in Communication and Language Arts, a professor told us in class something simple but powerful.
In communication, the speaker and the hearer are very important. Until what is said is perceived and understood by the receiver, there is no communication. The question is “are you listening to her?”
Spend time with your spouse. Discuss from time to time. If you don’t give your spouse attention, you will be shocked of the extent he/she can go just to get attention.
In some countries, listeners are hired and paid just to listen to women talk. That is how important communication is.
Whatever happens in your marriage, don’t stop communicating. Learn your spouse’s love language, that is his/her password!
You see, out of the abundance, of the heart, the mouth speaks… If you are on his/her mind, there will be communication! When you are rendered incommunicado in a marriage for whatever excuse, it is not a good place to be.
If your marriage is defective, you can still make amends today!
He stands at the door of your heart and knocks. If you open the door for him he will come in right now and realign your marriage.
May God give you more understanding.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My mouth is full of right words. The opening of my mouth is unto wisdom and grace.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Spirit of God, fill my mouth with right words over my spouse, children and family
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Pro 18:4 The words of a man’s mouth are as deep waters, and the wellspring of wisdom as a flowing brook.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Fix a time for a hearty discussion
