So here is the concluding part of our series on Handling affairs in marriage. Let me just delve into today’s teaching and get it over with.
Like I said earlier, the Grace of God needs to be embraced in an abundant measure to effectively help with handling affairs in marriage.
4. A lot of teachings
It is good for the spouse of the erring couple to surround the spouse involved in an affair with a lot of good teaching materials. It is the truth from inside those books that God will use to set him/her free. It is the truth that set free
Joh 8:32 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
No matter your good words it will not be as effective as God’s word. Let good lead you to specific materials and tapes of anointed men and women of God. There is virtually every book on every topic you are looking for on telegram, books on handling affairs in marriage inclusive. Download them and let the spouse involved in an affair, read them.
Transformation only comes by renewing the mind.
Rom 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
It will also be helpful if the erring spouse can have some time of sober reflection, this has a good part to play in handling affairs in marriage.
This becomes very important. Intercession must be going on for the spouse involved in affair as much as the erring spouse should also be doing a lot of prayer for himself or herself.
Prayers for the help of God, Mercy, forgiveness, Grace to crucify the flesh and not yield to its dictates must be said as often as possible by the erring spouse. Faith and hope must also be kept alive because if the devil succeeds in getting the erring spouse to a point of defeat, this will help in handling affairs in marriage. A point where he/she feels despondent or a feeling of ‘there is no point’, ‘ let give up’, the battle has been lost.
But keep hope alive and encourage the erring spouse that with God all things are possible. The grace of God can make strong. The flesh cannot have dominion over you because Christ has already died for you. Prayer is a game-changer when it comes to handling affairs in marriage
We are not of them that give up. Christ never gave up even though the pain and the price he paid was so much. He won the victory. He won the battle. So we have the victory. We are only enforcing our victory because the devil is a liar.
The devil seeks to kill, steal and destroy. The erring spouse must just be encouraging to stand his ground.
Psa 30:5 For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
There will be great joy, if you endure the discipline of enforcing your victory and you’re finally able to handle and put a stop to affairs in marriage.
Jas 4:7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
When you learn to submit to God and his principles and ways of doing things, you will resist the devil and he has no choice but to flee, and this will help a great deal in handling affairs in marriage.
Resist him no matter how strong the temptation is or long the addiction has been. You resist him in the name of Jesus. Use every weapon to resist him. The blood of Jesus, communion, the word, prayers and he will flee.
God bless you.
May God grant us more understanding and give us grace to do. God surround our marriage in Jesus name.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will be faithful to my partner.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Father, help me to keep my marriage vows.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY James 4:7 (ESV): Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Open up to your spouse, if need be.
We started on the topic of Handling affairs in marriage difficult. We started on this topic yesterday and I established the fact that it is a difficult situation to handle for the spouse.
It is better prevented than experienced.
Handling affairs in marriage is difficult. The pain and hurt of the betrayal of an affair is in different categories. There are more painful experiences than others.
Imagine the pain of someone having a full-blown sexual affair with your house help or having an affair with your sister or brother or with your best friend or even with someone who needed your help and offered to help.
The pain of being cheated and taken for a fool is best described as a dagger piercing ones soul.
That is why, the spouse of the erring spouse must allow the Lord heal his/her soul completely.
The first response is that of frustration and revenge.
It is to be noted that our response to handling this issue (i.e handling affairs in marriage) can never be in the flesh. If we must handle things well, we should never allow our flesh to gain ascendancy over our spirit.
There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. Romans 8:1 KJV
The only way to avoid condemnation is to walk in the spirit.
The devil seeks to accuse us to God even in the midst of that very difficult situation. He wants to accuse us so that the unity and agreement needed as a couple to break the backbone of lust is broken.
When the spouse that is supposed to stand in the gap to the erring spouse is bitter and offended against the spouse that needs help, how will there be total victory and complete deliverance?
Hear me, I am not saying or pushing the responsibility to be free in the hands of the other spouse, I’m only saying it puts the enemy to shame faster.
Imagine if someone comes to accuse your son to you for stealing your money expecting you to flog him, it will be the son’s privilege and he will forever be grateful if you don’t join the outsider to condemn him but show him mercy.
For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: Matthew 6:14 KJV
The outsider cannot do anything except the father agrees with the outsider to punish his son.
I am not undermining disciplining a child when wrong. It is just an analogy to tell us you don’t have to join the enemy in disciplining or correcting your son. You will punish your son but not in the presence of the outsider. It is a family issue and should be handled as such.
Likewise handle the erring spouse infidelity as such. Once again, this is done by being in the spirit.
Let’s continue on the issue of handling affairs in marriage
3. Walk in the spirit
This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. Galatians 5:16 KJV
If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Galatians 5:25 KJV
Our flesh is what seeks expression when we feel we have been violated. The flesh wants to respond in retaliation. The flesh wants to fight back but we must go by the way of the cross when it comes to the issue of handling affairs in marriage.
It takes unconditional love to forgive and keep forgiving even when the erring spouse is in the wrong.
Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. Matthew 18:21 – 22 KJV
It takes a conscious walk in the spirit to do this. If it were not possible, Jesus would have not said it. But that he said it means it is possible.
Jesus will definitely give us grace. This Grace is available for us if we will embrace it. If we are willing and obedient, he will give us this grace to forgive.
But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. James 4:6 KJV
Let’s trust God to help us. No matter how far stretched we are, God still has more Grace to give to us.
I will stop here today and continue tomorrow on handling affairs in marriage
God bless our marriage and protect us from the powers of darkness.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will be faithful to my partner.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY My Father, help me to keep my marriage vows.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY James 4:7 (ESV): Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Open up to your spouse, if there be any issues
It is difficult and hard when your spouse has been involved in an affair or affairs. It takes a lot of maturity and God’s love shed abroad in our hearts to properly handle the situation.
It will take God and the willingness of the erring spouse to denounce this habit, turn a new leave and become an instrument against affairs in the hands of God.
Such change is very possible when the erring spouse knows how to appropriate the grace, mercy, and blood of Jesus. No devil has the power to make any of us do what we don’t want to do.
For example, the deliverance of Saul was complete and total. Never did he go back again to persecuting the church. So the determination of the erring spouse is more important than what the spouse does or does not do.
Despite the reaction of the spouse, total victory is still a reality.
However, for the sake of support and those who are not so strong, here are things the spouse of an erring spouse is not to do.
Never allow a feeling of revenge overtake you.
The devil is a bad devil and would love to exploit any situation, but the bible says we should resist him.
So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7 NLT
You may be tempted to also pay your spouse back in the same coin, to also cheat and have an affair. The temptation will be strong but please do not yield to it.
Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord. Romans 12:19 NLT
Keep yourself in the love of God.
2. Never try to blow your own trumpet.
The devil is full of different strategies that he never seeks to give up. Even when it is obvious he has lost the battle, he still wants to try, peradventure he could still win some grounds.
God should still remain the center of focus and not man. So it is better to continually give all the glory to God. Don’t think it is because you are smart or gifted that you discovered. It is God that made it happen. He gave you the wisdom.
Don’t also think you are standing because you are righteous, it is of the Lord’s mercy.
So rather than blow your trumpet of being the good cop over all the years, thank God for the grace to be faithful. We are all a product of God’s help.
Thank God you made yourself available for God to use you in being so forthright, disciplined, and focused.
We all are a product of God’s Mercy.
I will stop here today, and continue tomorrow by the grace of God.
It is my prayer that God will give us more understanding in Jesus’ name.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will be faithful to my partner.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY My Father, help me to keep my marriage vows.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY James 4:7 (ESV): Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Open up to your spouse, if there be any issues
Yesterday, we looked at how to handle an affair from the erring spouse part. This is so important because the bulk of the work lies on the spouse that had an affair.
The responsibility is on him/her. The spouse is just to be support and to forgive.
The erring spouse has the responsibility of being brutally truthful, sincere and repentant.
There are some scenarios that the spouse is under demonic influence and finds it difficult to be sincere or truthful. Prayers of God healing by giving him/her a new and clean heart will be necessary. This is because to successfully handle an affair squarely requires sincerity and truthfulness.
Let’s continue today with the other steps. You can read yesterday’s devotionals HERE
4.Attach pain to the experience of having an affair.
Until an affair is associated with pain in the mind and the brain, thorough work is not done. The erring couple must have several quiet moments of self-talk and deep ruminating of the issue. That’s why depending on the situation, the erring spouse must be left alone to have some sober reflections.
This sober reflection is necessary for a certain positive conclusion to be made. Although a lot of prayers are needed in this period. The support of the other spouse is also needed by not criticizing, nagging, and not showing rage or irritability.
A lot of love, emotional support, care, and reassuring words should be given to the erring spouse at such times as this. A spouse should come out of this ordeal stronger, better, and bigger ready to help those in the same predicament.
That’s the way God organized things in the kingdom. What you have overcome, you have the Grace to help set others free.
6.Change the environment.
It might be necessary to that environment where the affair happened. However, this may not always be possible. If you can’t change your environment, you can at least change what YOU do within that compromising environment.
Whether you have lunch breaks together alone with a particular lady, you have to change this. It is to be noted that the affair could be an emotional affair. Don’t be deceived, an emotional affair is as serious as a sexual affair. In God, they are the same.
But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5:28 NLT
7.Make sure you don’t play the blame game.
What has happened has happened. Don’t cry over split milk. Don’t wallow in self-pity. That is the devil domain. You don’t want to cooperate with the devil to make your freedom difficult.
You must embrace Gods free gift of forgiveness and obey all His principles.
Don’t go to the extreme concerning yourself. David committed adultery and murder yet God called him a man after my heart. God restored him and he was one of the most famous kings on earth.
Don’t doubt God’s love. When He says He has forgiven you He means exactly that. Embrace His love and His forgiveness.
I believe you have found these steps helpful. May God enlighten our darkness in Jesus name.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am committed to my marriage vows.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to love my spouse appropriately.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY If you are having an affair, make amends today
An affair is an illegalrelationship with anyone other than your spouse. It could be sexual and non-sexual in nature. Each spouse should set boundaries of how far they can go with the relationship with the opposite sex. I feel we should all work on our relationship with our spouse in such a way that we will not need other persons to fulfill our desires, cravings, attention, and longings. If we are satisfied emotionally and sexually there will be no reasons for an affair. We don’t live in a perfect world or perfect situation neither are our spouses perfect.
A born-again child of God is not expected to have an affair. However, when an affair does happen, these are practical steps to go about handling it. No matter what happens, our spouse remains our covenant partner. We should seek their restoration by handling the situation well. On the part of the spouse having an affair, things should also be handled with all sincerity so that it never happens again.
1. Confrontation
The first step to handling an affair is confronting it. What you don’t confront you can never change. The erring spouse should come to a place where he/ she knows that having an affair is an attempt of the devil to steal, kill and destroy from you. You should call it a sin and not just a mistake. You are not confronting when you still make excuses or when you explain.
2. Ask for forgiveness.
There is no forgiveness until there is a willingness to turn around from your sins. The erring spouse should acknowledge that he/she needs to be forgiven.
3. Seek help and support.
That an affair has taken place shows that there are principles you don’t know or are taking for granted. You need to be educated and informed. This is the time to search for books that talk about how to handling lust, how to handle affairs, how to set healthy boundaries, how to love and satisfy your spouse. The resources are so much. What reading along this line does is that you get enlightened. When the light comes, ignorance vanishes. It is also good to learn how you fell, because recognizing the pitfall will help you avoid such next time.
It is my prayer that God will grant us more understanding.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am committed to my marriage vows.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to love my spouse appropriately.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY If you are having an affair, make amends today
