Back in the early days of our marriage, around 2002, my wife and I got into a quarrel that dragged on for days. Strangely, I can’t recall what sparked it. However, during this dispute, something remarkable happened: I experienced a spiritual awakening. For the first time, I glimpsed into the realm of the supernatural and saw the deep-seated animosity that the devil and his followers harbor toward marriages and families. It was eye-opening to witness the lengths to which the devil would go to sow discord and disrupt relationships. Fortunately, the quarrel between my wife and me was resolved swiftly thereafter.
If God were to grant you a glimpse into the spiritual realm, you’d find yourself softening swiftly. All the anger and aggression would dissipate as you realize you’ve been under demonic sway. Demons are indeed real. While the physical world may seem bustling, the spiritual realm is even more so.
Understand, there exist powerful malevolent forces, opposing courtships and marriages, aiming to sow doubt and discord. These evil spirits seek to manipulate your thoughts, feeding you assumptions that could jeopardize your marriage.
The real question is: will you align your destiny with hell? As a child of God, the devil cannot intrude into your life, family, or home unless you invite him in. Remember, the devil has already been defeated. However, by disregarding God’s principles, you inadvertently open the door for his influence.
A child of God cannot be possessed by a demon but can experience oppression. This oppression can pave the way for yielding to demonic influences. In your relationships, marriage, and home, it’s crucial to steer clear of certain pitfalls. These missteps can swiftly open the door, providing the devil with an opportunity to wreak havoc. One such mistake to avoid is harboring bitterness towards each other.
Don’t get bitter at each other
Bitterness should be shunned like a plague, for it is far more destructive. When bitterness takes root, it becomes a barrier to receiving help, as even prayers go unanswered. It’s not merely a fleeting emotion; it’s a deep-seated root that, if left unchecked, can lead to further devastation. Reflect on the scriptures for guidance in this matter.
Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled; (Hebrews 12:15 KJV)
When bitterness takes hold, it can cause God’s grace to falter, a perilous position to find oneself in. It warns of trouble ahead, as bitterness only begets more trouble. Ultimately, many will be tainted by its influence, leading to impulsive actions. In marriages, it can affect the children, while in single life, it may disrupt academic and career pursuits.
It all begins with getting hurt. You may have an expectation, perhaps awaiting an apology, but none comes. As you grapple with this, another hurt follows, compounded by the absence of an apology. Then, another action adds to the hurt, perpetuating the cycle.
These accumulated hurts can evoke a range of emotions, from feeling unloved to harboring hatred toward the very person you’re meant to love. Before you know it, the devil steps in, planting seeds of suggestions and assumptions. Remember, the devil is a deceitful liar, the originator of falsehoods incapable of speaking the truth.
Embracing and believing these assumptions leads to a hardening of the heart, gradually plunging you into depression and despair. In this state, where scripture and God’s love are pushed aside, the sole focus becomes proving a point, paving the way for bitterness to take hold. In the grip of bitterness, your spouse becomes perceived as the enemy, ensnaring you in a trap.
The wife withdraws emotionally, while the husband’s anger escalates, exacerbating the situation. Bitterness clouds judgment, leading to regrettable decisions.
When trapped in bitterness, there are paths to freedom.
1. Prayer is key
Engage in fervent prayer to clear the mind and open yourself to God’s guidance, which offers a way out.
2. Patience
Patience is paramount when dealing with a bitter spouse. It requires an abundance of patience to guide them out of their bitterness. In cases where both parties harbor bitterness, it’s crucial to set aside hostilities and collaborate towards resolution.
3. Forgiveness
Additionally, swift forgiveness is imperative. Only through quick forgiveness can prayers find their efficacy.
4. Humility
Humility plays a pivotal role as well. Rather than asserting dominance, humility fosters an environment conducive to reconciliation.
For singles, the process remains the same. If bitterness and hurts permeate your relationship or courtship, seeking help and mentorship is essential to uproot the bitterness. It’s imperative not to proceed down the aisle burdened by bitterness.
Top 8 Ways To Find Certainty in Choosing Your Life Partner Part 2.
5. The Role of Physical Attraction
The third realm, the body, plays a crucial role, particularly in the realm of physical attraction, in choosing your life partner. It’s imperative to acknowledge the significance of physical attraction, which is meant to complement the spiritual guidance received through the inner being.
Was I physically attracted to my wife? Absolutely, unequivocally yes! Her presence had a magnetic pull on my heart, causing it to skip a beat whenever she was near.
Yet, it’s essential to exercise caution in this realm. In choosing your life partner, physical attraction is important.
6. Exercising Caution in Physical Desires
While physical attraction is natural and important, it’s vital not to allow the desires of the body to dictate one’s actions. The body may yearn for intimate gestures like kissing, petting, or engaging in premarital sex, but succumbing to these desires is a mistake.
7. Upholding the Sanctity of Love
Premarital sex, in particular, is not a testament to love; rather, it undermines the sanctity of the union. True love is demonstrated through patience and restraint. A man or woman unwilling to wait during courtship is unlikely to exhibit self-control after marriage.
Therefore, it’s imperative to resist the urges of the body and uphold the sanctity of the relationship, for true love is patient, respectful, and enduring.
8. Discipline of the Body
Absolutely, it’s crucial not to yield to the desires of the body. Doing so disrupts the beautiful narrative that God is weaving in your life. Engaging in sexual sins introduces confusion into the equation, as you shift your focus from listening to your inner being, attuned to God’s guidance, to heeding the impulses of the flesh.
The problem lies in allowing the flesh, driven by physical desires, to dictate your decisions. Unlike the spirit or inner man, which aligns with God’s will, the flesh cannot provide godly direction.
9. Pleasing God Through Decision-making
As Paul admonishes in 1 Corinthians 9:27 (KJV), “But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.” This underscores the importance of disciplining the body, ensuring that it remains subservient to the inner being.
Indeed, as Romans 8:8 (KJV) emphasizes, “So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.” In matters of decision-making, it’s imperative for the inner being to take precedence over the desires of the body.
10. Conclusion: Harmonizing Spirit, Mind, and Body
In summary, it’s crucial to listen to God through your inner being, continually renew your mind with God’s Word to align with His will, and disregard the cravings of the body. These bodily feelings are ordained by God to be enjoyed within the sanctity of marriage.
As married couples, it’s essential never to deny each other intimacy. Using sex as a reward or punishment undermines the sacredness of the marital bond and can lead to adultery, with dire consequences. Even during times of disagreement, denying each other intimacy goes against God’s plan. Conjugal rights are meant to be honored and enjoyed as a gift from God.
May God grant you a deeper understanding and deliver you from confusion and disorientation. I pray for peace, calmness, and divine direction to permeate your life in Jesus’ name as you embark on choosing your life partner.
Top 8 Ways To Find Certainty in Choosing Your Life Partner
Introduction: Proposal Experience.
In advising others on proposing to a lady, I often suggest not emulating my approach. My proposal occurred early one morning, precisely at 6:30 a.m., right after our morning devotions. The setting was the Campus Hall of Popoola Hospital, within the premises of Ogun State University, during the third week of February 1996. Unconventionally, I had not yet bathed, dressed simply in a black trouser, a short-sleeved shirt, and bathroom slippers. The decision to propose at that moment was impulsive, spurred by a vivid vision I had experienced the previous night. The urgency of the vision propelled me to act without delay.
1. Being Certain About Whom to Marry.
Today, I want to delve into the topic of how to be certain about choosing your life partner.
As a tripartite being—composed of spirit, soul, and body—you operate within these three realms, each playing a distinct role in heart matters.
First and foremost, it’s essential to recognize that God communicates with you through your spirit. If you seek guidance from the divine, listen closely to the promptings of your inner being, your spirit, or your inner man. This underscores the significance of prayer, particularly praying in the Spirit or speaking in tongues. Engaging in such practices enhances the sensitivity of your inner being, enabling you to discern God’s voice on any matter, including matters of love and marriage thereby enabling you to choose your life partner.
2. Listening to the Inner Being
Indeed, hearing God’s guidance through my inner being was precisely how I discerned that Sophia was destined to be my wife. From the moment I first laid eyes on her, an unmistakable certainty washed over me. It’s akin to tuning in to frequencies on a radio set; as a child of God, you become attuned to divine direction and wisdom.
As the scripture affirms in Romans 8:14 (KJV), “For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.” This inner knowing, this spiritual leading, is a hallmark of being in tune with God’s will.
However, despite this deep conviction, I took no immediate action for nearly a year. Patience is essential in choosing your life partner.
3. Renewal of the Mind
Within the second realm of existence lies the mind. What God communicates through our inner being, we process through our minds. The extent to which our minds can align with God’s guidance depends on their renewal. This renewal occurs gradually as we immerse ourselves in God’s Word and study diligently. Regular attendance at church and daily devotionals contribute to this process of mind renewal, for the Word of God holds transformative power. This process is essential in choosing your life partner
4. Dealing with Doubts and Fears
In my mind, doubts and fears crept in. Despite my love for Sophia and the conviction in my spirit, I grappled with uncertainties. Questions nagged at me: Was she truly meant to be my wife? Would our union be blessed with children? What if I had misinterpreted the signs?
In such moments of doubt, the remedy lies in returning to the source of the original guidance: the Spirit within. Through prayer in the Spirit, seeking clarity and confirmation, I sought reassurance. Was I on the right path? Was this truly God’s plan for me?
As I prayed, a sense of assurance welled up from within, like a river flowing from my innermost being, washing away the doubts and fears. Yet, if despite my prayers, the fears persisted, and peace remained elusive, it signaled a need for further discernment. It was crucial to ascertain whether God’s leading was indeed guiding me in this direction.
Despite the initial fears and uncertainties, prayer in the Spirit consistently brought clarity and certainty. Each time I prayed, the doubts dissolved, reaffirming my conviction that Sophia was meant to be my wife.
Communication issues are one of the leading causes of conflicts in marriage. This article will show you how understanding each other’s languages holds the key to unity. We’ll agree that poor communication strains relationships, identify the main problem as a lack of a shared language, and teach you how to speak your spouse’s love language.
1. The Tower of Babel Incident.
The Bible recounts in Genesis 11 how humanity attempted to build a tower that would reach the heavens. Their shared language and unity enabled this ambitious plan. However, God saw that “nothing will be restrained from them” if left unchecked. So he confounded their language, dividing them through their inability to understand one another. This shows that Languages In Marriage is key.
2. Unity and shared language were factors in their success.
God himself affirmed that the people’s oneness and common tongue were critical to their success. Once their language was tampered with, they could no longer work as one. They had to abandon their vision and scatter as understanding broke down. This shows how vital shared communication is for togetherness.
3. Learn your spouse’s love language through commitment.
There are five primary love languages in marriage: physical touch, gifts, words of affirmation, quality time, and acts of service. However, if you only speak your language to your partner, conflicts will persist. You must commit to understanding what makes them feel loved. This requires investment, as learning new languages takes effort.
4. Address issues instead of sweeping them under the carpet.
Rather than postponing problems, couples should face challenges together through open communication. Unresolved tensions will pile up over time like magma under the earth’s crust, ready to erupt in a meltdown. Discussing difficulties daily prevents major volcanic disruptions down the line.
5. Ability to build together and achieve dreams as a team.
When a couple understands each other, they can work as one unit towards common goals. Just as the people at Babel succeeded due to unity, so marriage partners who speak the same languages in marriage in terms of vision can accomplish great things hand in hand.
6. Effective communication and intimacy.
A shared tongue provides the basis for real intimacy where spouses feel heard and known. It allows for resolving conflicts instead of just arguing at cross-purposes. Partners can truly be one flesh through the closeness that results from comprehending each other fully. Effective communication will enhance languages in marriage.
7. Determining Your Love Languages.
If you are unsure of your top love languages or your spouse’s, there are tests available online that can help identify them. Answering simple questions about what makes you feel most loved and appreciated gives highly accurate results. Once you understand each other’s love languages, you have insight into how to better express love in a way that is meaningful to your spouse.
8. Speaking Each Other’s Languages.
Making an effort to regularly speak your spouse’s top love languages, even if it is not your natural way of expressing love, goes a long way. It shows you are making them and their needs a priority. For example, if your spouse’s language is acts of service, help out more with household chores without being asked. If it is words of affirmation, give more compliments and express appreciation for who they are. Consistently speaking love languages fosters emotional intimacy.
9. Aspects of Communication.
The way we communicate with our spouse, both verbally and nonverbally, greatly impacts the relationship. Being aware of tone, body language, listening skills, and word choices helps foster understanding and resolve conflicts.
10. Tone and Body Language.
It is easy to overlook, but our tone of voice and body language convey a strong message. Speaking to our spouse in a respectful tone and maintaining open body posture, like facing them directly instead of crossed arms, signals we are engaged and care about what they have to say. It is just as important as the words themselves.
11. Listening to Understand.
When our spouse shares how they feel, the goal should be to understand their perspective rather than just thinking of our reply. Make eye contact, nod occasionally, and ask clarifying questions to show you are actively listening. Refrain from interrupting and give them your full attention. This validates their emotions and makes them feel heard.
12. Choosing Words Wisely.
We must consider how our words impact our spouse’s self-esteem and the relationship. Saying hurtful criticisms or insults does long-lasting damage and breeds resentment. Instead, use encouraging words that build them up. Compliment their good qualities and efforts. When addressing problems, focus on behaviors and not their character.
13. Handling Frustrations in a Godly Way.
Even with understanding and good communication skills, frustrations will inevitably arise at some point in any marriage. It is how we respond that determines the outcome. The proper languages in marriage can be learned.
14. Taking Time to Cool Off.
If tensions are high, the best thing is to take a break from the discussion until emotions have settled. Harsh words or accusations said in anger often do damage that is difficult to repair. We must remember not to make life-changing decisions, like divorce, during a temporary emotional state.
15. Praying Together for Wisdom.
In challenging times, seeking God’s wisdom and relying on His peace is key. Pray together, read scripture, and ask the Holy Spirit to guide your thoughts, words, and actions. His supernatural help enables spouses to respond to each other in a Christ-like manner of patience, kindness, and self-control, even when they don’t feel like it. Resolving conflicts in a godly way through understanding, communication, and prayer strengthens the marriage foundation and builds an atmosphere of trust and respect.
Conclusion.
Maintaining unity is vital for a marriage to thrive. When spouses make the effort to understand one another on deep levels, it ensures they can weather challenges as a team with their goals aligned. Languages in marriage is crucial. Speaking the same language spiritually through prayer and emotionally by learning love languages lays the groundwork for a lasting bond. The rewards of prioritizing communication far outweigh any short-term convenience of sweeping problems aside. Make understanding your spouse a daily commitment to enjoy a rich, fulfilling relationship.
30 Shocking Realities Before Marriage by Eno Jerry Part 2
We started on this yesterday and we will conclude today.
19. Manage Expectations
It’s normal to fantasize about marriage and picture the ideal relationship. However, unrealistic expectations can damage a union if not addressed. When two individuals commit their lives together, compromise is necessary.
No one is perfect, so don’t expect your partner to meet all of your emotional or physical needs without also meeting theirs. Appreciate your significant other for who they are, not who you imagine them to be. Small irritations that seemed minor before may bother you more as a married couple.
20. Find Purpose
Also, your partner should not have to fulfill your purpose or identity. While support is important, relying on them solely for happiness places unfair pressure on their shoulders. Maintain interests and friendships outside the marriage for balance.
Similarly, allow your partner space to follow their dreams too. Whether it’s furthering education, changing careers, or pursuing hobbies, encourage each other’s goals. Make time for activities you each enjoy separately as well as together.
21. Be Flexible
Compromise means considering your spouse’s perspective and finding solutions that work for you both. Be willing to bend when possible and don’t just think of yourself. With patience and teamwork, you can overcome challenges as a united front. Going into marriage with realistic views sets the stage for a fulfilling partnership built on mutual understanding and support. Unmet fantasies often stem the root of dissatisfaction.
22. Work on Communication
Strong communication serves as the foundation for any healthy relationship. However, speaking and listening with understanding do not always come naturally and require effort. As a couple, make developing this skill a priority.
Start by listening without judgment or assumptions when your partner speaks.
Focus fully on what they say rather than thinking of your response. Ask clarifying questions if needed so you can see things from their perspective. All these are important before marriage.
When sharing your feelings or needs, do so respectfully using “I statements” instead of accusations. Say something like “I feel upset when you forget our plans because I was looking forward to our time together.” This avoids placing blame.
Discussing disagreements kindly helps resolve issues rather than letting them fester. Come prepared to compromise rather than demand your way. Take breaks if tensions rise so you can return to difficult topics with clearer heads.
23. Don’t Sweep Issues Under The Carpet.
Small problems become big ones if not addressed. So talk through everyday annoyances before they accumulate. Catching issues early gives the best chance of a resolution that satisfies you both. With practice, you’ll strengthen your ability to communicate supportively as a team.
Healthy communication habits take work but are well worth establishing as the foundation for a strong marriage. Facing challenges together through respectful discussion helps deepen understanding and intimacy between partners
24. Seek Counseling if Needed
Even couples excited about marriage may have areas to improve before tying the knot. Pre-marital counseling provides an objective third party to help identify issues and give you tools to build a healthy relationship.
A counselor can guide meaningful discussions that you and your partner find difficult alone. They’ll prompt reflection on your backgrounds, values, expectations, and communication styles. This helps ensure you see eye to eye on important topics and are ready to support each other.
Working through any existing problems with a professional also gives the best chance of overcoming them. Bottled-up resentment or unresolved conflicts from your past are less likely to negatively impact your marriage.
Pre-marital sessions teach relationship skills like active listening, “I statements,” compromising, and managing conflict. Practicing these with guidance strengthens your bond and ability to face challenges together down the road.
Don’t be afraid to seek counseling if you notice areas of concern. It takes courage to address problems head-on with your partner and a counselor. But it provides so much benefit to working through difficulties before marriage rather than hoping they’ll disappear after “I dos.”
With counseling, you’ll feel confident that you and your significant other are fully prepared for the commitment of marriage. Your union will be built on a strong foundation of understanding, trust, and communication from the very beginning.
25. Signs It May Not Last
While every couple faces obstacles, some partnerships show red flags indicating deeper issues. If several of these signs apply to your relationship, seriously consider whether you and your partner are ready for marriage. It’s better to acknowledge problems now rather than later.
26. Lack of Commitment
One or both individuals are not fully bought into the marriage. They are not willing to put in the effort it requires through good and bad. One or both feet may still be out the door. Before marriage, this area should be sorted.
27. Inability to Solve Problems
Major conflicts over important issues like finances, intimacy, or in-laws are left unresolved. Partners lack effective communication skills and are unable or unwilling to find compromises. This is a crucial area that needs to be addressed before marriage.
28. Unrealistic Expectations
One or both have an idealized, fantasy view of marriage and relationships rather than a realistic one. They expect their partner to meet all their needs and resolve all their issues. Before marriage, unrealistic expectations should be discarded.
29. Lack of Trust or Respect
There are underlying trust issues due to past hurts, different values, or personality clashes. Partners disrespect one another through insensitive words, dismissal of feelings, or private criticism. If this happened before marriage without check, it will still happen afterward.
30. Frequent or Escalating Arguments
Disagreements happen, but true red flags include arguments that end in personal attacks, name-calling, or one partner trying to control the other through anger or tears.
Take time to reflect on whether any of these signs ring true for your relationship. Addressing concerns with counseling before marriage gives the best chance at a healthy union built to stand the test of time.
