I Thought I Knew What Love Was

by Ogbonnaya Akpoke | Apr 25, 2025 | Singles and Married

I thought love was constant communication: texting every hour, long late-night calls, never giving a breathing space.

But then I learned—love is not obsession. It breathes. It gives space. It respects boundaries.

Communication is vital in love, but love doesn’t choke each other.

I thought love was fireworks. You know, butterflies. That head-over-heels, can’t-eat, can’t-sleep feeling. Uhhhhh, my God! That kind that elicits “God, when o?” “Am I a spoon?” from friends.

But then I realised—feelings can fade. Real love shows up when the butterflies are gone; commitment is the only thing standing.

Yes, love elicits butterflies, but if love is not founded on commitment, it’s never gonna last. Never!

I thought love was someone finally choosing me, so I’d feel valuable. Ehm, don’t blame me. The blame is on low self-esteem. I was immersed in it from the experiences I had in childhood. Well… I sought love to feel valuable.

But then I understood—love doesn’t prove your worth. It recognises it. You don’t need love to feel valuable. You need value to love well.  

I thought love meant never arguing, always agreeing, always smiling.  

But I discovered—love isn’t the absence of conflict, it’s the presence of grace. It’s knowing how to “disagree to agree,” how to apologise sincerely, and how to grow together. It’s learning that I am on the same team as the one I love.

I thought I knew what love was.  

Now I’m unlearning and relearning with God as my teacher.

I’m chasing wholeness. Wisdom. Purpose.  

Because I want a love that looks like Christ—selfless, kind, consistent, and strong.

Not necessarily perfect, but real.

Not loud, but lasting.

Not rushed, but rooted.

How about you?