One of the ways God has planned that Couples get closer to each other is through the act of sex. It is God’s design. However, God wanted it to be an act within the matrimonial sanctity.
It is so powerful that God said when either couple wants to abstain from it for a while, to fast, for example, permission must be taken from the other spouse.
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. -1Corinthians 7:5 (KJV)
The Bible strongly advises that couples must seek each other’s desires. This is an area where wives must be extremely careful. Never deprive your husband sexually. If you do that, you can get him into troubles with secretaries, house-helps, and any other thing in a skirt. You may not understand this fully until you discover how his body is wired.
This is not a justification for marital infidelity, however. The Bible acknowledges that sexual desires are strong, but that marriage is powerful enough to contain it.
The Holy Spirit advised through Paul that you must not deprive your spouse sexually. In fact, the Bible calls it fraud when you do so.
Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Certainly, but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality–the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting–but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. -1Corinthians 7:1-5 (MSG)
Why is God particular about sex? The reason is obvious. It creates bonding between spouses. It is God’s way of rekindling the fire in marriage.
During an act of sex, what takes place is more than physical. While non-religious writers may debunk the reality of its spiritual consequences, they are apt to accept the fact that something more than physical takes place during the act.
Within marriage, it affirms the dignity and uniqueness of the couple, strengthens the marital bond, and brings a healthy pleasure.
You will make it. You will not fall by the wayside. You will not be cut off in the midst of your days. You will not become a victim of a sexualized society. God will keep you from falling. I see God sending that help you need right now to you as you call on Him! It is a new day for you!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not deprive my spouse of my duty and his or her right. I am not angry or bitter toward my spouse. My spirit is not closed towards my spouse. I love _________(mention name of spouse) dearly. He/She is the love of my life. I am not self-seeking, I honour my spouse.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to make necessary changes in this area of my life. Grant me Lord, a quick forgiving spirit.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex. -Hebrews 13:4 (MSG)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Sex can be spontaneous or strategic, be available for both.
There are pressures everywhere. There are pressures that often attempt to take pleasure out of our relationships.
Let’s take a look at some pressures in the area of relationships and how to handle them.
We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; – 2Co 4:8 KJV
1. Sexual attraction
Physical attraction which often leads to sexual attraction can constitute so much pressure. Her possession of all the right statistics, the lips, tips and hips, or his good-looking appearance, height, muscles and riches should not captivate your mind to the point of getting you love-sick with unnecessary pressure.
The truth is that you can actually be in control (just as you have to be), get to know the person well before entering a relationship.
Don’t put yourself under any pressure over somebody you met a few hours ago. You cannot fall in love with someone you don’t know!
The pressure of sexual attraction also plays out itself in extra-marital and adulterous scenarios. You cannot bow under that pressure for any reason, even if you have to be thrown into furnace of fire like the three Hebrew boys where you are being threatened of losing some job or contract.
You should not sleep with your boss in order to keep your job! When you do that, you might think you have sustained your job or some promotions, but I can assure you that you would also have sustained havocs in your life and family and it will all culminate in regrets.
Why? It is not God’s order of doing things. Your body is not for all and sundry, it is not a tool to get what you want; it is the temple of God!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am filled with God’s wisdom to rule my house.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, strengthen me in Jesus name.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:23 MSG The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing.
Sade has been abused since she was young. Almost everybody who met her wanted to abuse her. From her cousins to her Uncles, and then to the gateman. From fellow schoolmates to friends and neighbors, it has been the same story. It is as though she has a magnetic entity in her body that draws people filled with lust.
She got born again and the story did not change. She is completely frustrated and did not what to do. At the root of it all, she discovered she has grown to a point where she actually entertained herself with abusive thoughts. She looked forward to being abused unconsciously and she would often position herself in such scenarios by following guys she barely know to their homes for sex romps
Well, the main issue about Sade’s problem is that she has an addiction; and it is called sex addiction. She thought she was just being an emotional person. But she is wrong.
It is even possible she has not yet slept with anybody, aside from all the touch and kisses, and yet be sex addicted. This is because not all sex addicts need to have sex to feed their addiction, they only need to fantasize.
Such people can have sexual pleasure by just viewing pornography, by thinking about a certain person that has been tattooed into their brain, by a certain object or image they have photographed into their brain.
The brain has then attached sexual pleasure to these persons, objects, or fantasies such that all they need is a thought away. And of course, because this is dominant in the brain, anytime an opportunity presents itself to express these carnal thoughts, they simply give in. This is why such people often say they cannot say No.
Such people will certainly need a form of therapy in addition to the renewal of mind exercises that is persistent to become free. I will write more on this in the ensuing days.
If you find yourself in such a scenario and you believe you need help, you can send me a mail at firstname.lastname@example.org or send a WhatsApp message via +234 802 350 7395 for private premium therapy that can be of help.
Have a great day.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am free from all forms of emotional addictions.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, deliver me from all forms of emotional addictions.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Rom 12:1-2 (NKJV)I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. 2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
Yes, we need to take foreplay to another level. It is very possible to enjoy the other room in marriage
Foreplay is so relaxing, soothing, and rejuvenating. After such a tiring day, there is nothing as good as good love-making preceded by good foreplay.
I like the fact that it is therapeutic in nature. The release of hormones makes it a good medicine and it is also a good exercise.
I know some marriedcouples don’t have it as good. So I would like to address both husband and wife.
First, to those who are not really enjoying or having it regularly.
Whatever issue is causing you not to have regular love-making is demonic and an attack from the pit of hell. You cannot be married and be sleeping in different rooms. It’s simply unacceptable.
Such things as he snores, she snores, he has body odour or she has body odour are not enough reasons to abandon your spouse. What matters is that you are married, you two have become one flesh and nothing should separate you.
It is abnormal for a guy not to have it with his wife when he is not sick. For a man, it is more of releasing tension. Without regularity, he can’t really function as he should.
So see whatever is preventing you from having it in marriage as an attack. Address it ruthlessly. Don’t say you can handle it or you don’t care. Divorce and adultery are the consequences of such neglect.
If you have to plan it and do like a timetable, do it. The fire must never go down in the bedroom. When the fire goes down in the bedroom, the whole home catches fire.
It should be regular. For a very busy couple at least once or twice a week is okay.
To those of us who are enjoying it, we should try to improve. There is always room for improvement. Find creative ways to satisfy each other.
Take your foreplay to another level. Spend time with each other. Explore each other’s bodies. A healthy love life makes you more productive, more relaxed, and more focused. You will be more coordinated.
Create the right atmosphere that will make you enjoy yourself. If you can get away, plan it out. Go to a hotel or a resort center just by yourself. Just like we do sometimes. Leave the children with someone reliable and take time out to enjoy yourselves. When you come back, you will be refreshed and more relaxed than before you went.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I give myself to my spouse
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help us in this area of life
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1Co 6:16 (MSG) (paraphrased)There’s more to it than mere skin on skin. It is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.”
The marriage bed – There are things that are popular and prevalent but not necessarily of God. That something is nearly ubiquitous does not validate it.
The voice of the people is sometimes reverberations and echoes of the devil! The voice of God is what stands any day, any time. The voice of man and the principles of man are often fraught with errors and casualties.
There are things that have been defined by the media and societal inclination; but as long as they are not founded on the word, they are as fickle as a flower that blossoms today and withers tomorrow.
You cannot build your life on such, or else when the storm rages; the wind blows and the rain falls, great will be the ruin of such a building.
For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ. (1 Corinthians 3:11 KJV)
So, what are some of those popular things?
1. She has to get pregnant before marriage
Some families will insist on this before they agree on any marriage. They want to be sure that the daughter they are bringing into the family is fertile or the guy that wants to marry their daughter is not impotent.
No matter how logical this looks, it contradicts the principle of God in terms of making the marriage bed undefiled.
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. (Hebrews 13:4 KJV)
However you want to see it, even though it is popular, what is wrong is wrong. When your marriage is therefore founded on disobedience, it cut short the blessings of God.
It is not the ‘fertility’ of the lady or the potency of the man that will guarantee the next pregnancy after marriage. The same way it sounds logical to say one has to be sure with pregnancy also contradicts itself.
The same logic says what if he gets pregnant and one gets married and then loses the pregnancy, what happens? Then one will know how to cry unto God.
2. He has to be ‘mobile’ (He‘s got to have a car!)
Well, this is good! Who doesn’t want the best of things and who wants to ‘suffer’ first? If your fiancée has a good car before marriage, great!
You are blessed! But to make this a criterion will be a great error. The important thing is to find out God’s plan for your life. His thoughts towards you are thoughts of peace and not of evil!
Are you marrying the car or the guy? What if something happens to the car? There are seemingly rich guys today who are on their way to being massively broke. But there are also guys who are seemingly broke today but are on their way to being unrepentantly rich! As a lady, you need to follow your heart and you have to be able to “perceive!”
3. We have to be compatible in bed
You just want to satisfy your lust, simple! How do you measure this compatibility in bed? What would he or she do that will give a pass mark? And if he or she is not compatible according to your judgment, what happens?
Look for the next available person and jump in bed to measure compatibility? Compatibility in bed is a figment of the imagination, and that is why you keep measuring after the first “measurement” It is high time we stop that deception.
It is high times ladies woke up and stop being easily deceived. wait for the marriage bed!
If the lady was good in bed, you’ll say she is too exposed; she has slept with too many people. If she is naïve in bed, you’ll say she is Mummy’s girl! So, exactly what are you up to?
4. We have to seek Prophet’s consent
This is another nonsensical pursuit. It is a waste of time. What you need to know is that there are prophets for profit. They are hungry and they need to eat, so they will always see something. Even when you give them three non-existent names, they will still see something! That spirit in them will not be able to identify that those are non-existent names.
In the Old Testament, the people will consult the prophet for direction because the Holy Spirit is only upon these prophets. But in the New Testament, the primary function of the prophet has moved from foretelling to forth-telling.
The Holy Spirit is now upon all believers, and you are supposed to be led by the Spirit of God individually. If your prophet or pastor confirms what is already in your heart; that is okay. I have done that for a lot of people, but pastors or prophets are not to be sought for direction on who to marry! You are to decide, they can confirm! If a pastor insists you must marry somebody you dislike and you are not in love with, that is nothing more than emotionalism and manipulation!
5. I don’t really love him or her, but I need the citizenship
This is another wrong reason to get married. Getting married to an older person to get some papers? Don’t be that desperate; allow God to do what He wants to do in your life.
What if you are not supposed to be in that place, according to God’s direction for your life? You would have sentenced yourself to a life of non-fulfillment and dissatisfaction.
You might end up having some dollars, but you will never have the peace of mind that way, and there is all likelihood that such marriages will not last! You don’t have God’s support when you venture into such deals.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I do not go by what’s popular. I will follow God’s plan for my life. Popular opinion does not move me, only the word of God does.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, lead me to the right person for me.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding (Proverbs 4:7 NKJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Don’t look for what is popular. Pray in the spirit instead.