The issue of communication in marriage cannot be over emphasized. Think about it, before that relationship started, you had to communicate your love to her.
In preparing for the wedding, you had to do a lot of communication. The problem is a lot of couples stop communicating after marriage.
Words are powerful. Jesus said words are spirits. Spirits don’t die, therefore words don’t die. Jesus said you will account for everything you say.
You can build your marriage with right words and you can ruin it with wrong words. Whilst doing my Master’s Degree programme in Communication and Language Arts, a professor told us in class something simple but powerful.
In communication, the speaker and the hearer are very important. Until what is said is perceived and understood by the receiver, there is no communication. The question is “are you listening to her?”
Spend time with your spouse. Discuss from time to time. If you don’t give your spouse attention, you will be shocked of the extent he/she can go just to get attention.
In some countries, listeners are hired and paid just to listen to women talk. That is how important communication is.
Whatever happens in your marriage, don’t stop communicating. Learn your spouse’s love language, that is his/her password!
You see, out of the abundance, of the heart, the mouth speaks… If you are on his/her mind, there will be communication! When you are rendered incommunicado in a marriage for whatever excuse, it is not a good place to be.
If your marriage is defective, you can still make amends today!
He stands at the door of your heart and knocks. If you open the door for him he will come in right now and realign your marriage.
May God give you more understanding.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My mouth is full of right words. The opening of my mouth is unto wisdom and grace.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Spirit of God, fill my mouth with right words over my spouse, children and family
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Pro 18:4 The words of a man’s mouth are as deep waters, and the wellspring of wisdom as a flowing brook.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Fix a time for a hearty discussion
“Hullo dear, have you slept?” “No, I have not, I am listening! I heard the last thing you said.” The truth is that you have dozed off.
It has happened to me many times, and I am sure it has happened to you as well. My wife is talking to me on the bed, and I have dozed off. I am trying to listen to her because it is a legitimate need of hers, but the son of man is tired!
Somebody said women speak more words than men. A man speaks an average of ten thousand words in a day, but a woman speaks about twenty-five thousand words! There are exceptions, though.
The man is back from work and he has probably exhausted his 10,000 quota since he derives his self-esteem and fulfillment from work.
By the time he is coming back home, he is done for the day, words have been spoken with friends, colleagues, clients, employers, employees, on the phone and so on. He wants to come back home, eat, listen to news, check a few mails, make love to his wife and sleep!
The wife too has probably exhausted 10,000 words at work, but by the time she is home, she still has 15,000 words bubbling in her! It is even worse if she is a housewife! She has nobody to talk to and so people around her say she nags, making repetitions and all that. The fact is that she needs to talk!
So the wife asks her husband “How was work today?” He answers “Fine!” If he is in a good mood, he adds a few more words like, “oh baby, my day was cool, Thank God!”
She is worried he is not talking, but the guy is in no mood to talk.
The husband asks the wife, “how has your day been? And he regrets afterwards! That was all she needs to unleash the words that have been brewing in her like a molten magma. The volcanic eruption of words is so massive; the guy wants to walk away. So she starts from when she woke up, and goes on and on, and the man is wondering: “What did I ask, what is she narrating!”
You see, that is a woman for you and you must not mute her or shut her up! Let her talk! Don’t make a mistake of shouting her down all the time or quieting her! It is a legitimate need of hers.
When a woman has no fear of God and this legitimate need of hers has not been met, she might succumb to the traps of the devil and get that legitimate need met through illegitimate means, which of course will be detrimental to the marriage and the home!
There are people out there who are waiting to capitalize on your insensitivity to your wife and take advantage of that emotional gully created by lack of communication.
You see, a lady becomes emotionally connected to the person she talks to!
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My mouth is full of right words. The opening of my mouth is unto wisdom and grace.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Spirit of God, fill my mouth with right words over my spouse, children and family
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY (Pro 18:4) The words of a man’s mouth are as deep waters, and the wellspring of wisdom as a flowing brook.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Fix a time for a hearty discussion
You should not only call the disciples (other friends) into your marriage, but you need to call Jesus as well. Both Jesus and his disciples were called. When they needed a miracle, it wasn’t the disciples that turned water into wine, they were busy drinking wine, but it was Jesus. There are times when the wine of the marriage dries up, and it is Jesus you need at such times.
In marriage, you need the person of Jesus and the principles of Jesus to make it. But you know, a marriage full of sexual compromise and lack of self-control is not giving space for Jesus at all. When you start having adultery, you are doing things worthy of self-rustication from the school. You are kicking at your teacher and you are trying to say you want things done your own way.
A marriage where the husband, wife or both of them are cheating are disenfranchising themselves from the very help and wisdom they need in their marriage! The scripture advises that you drink water from your own cistern!
Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well. Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets. Let them be only thine own, and not strangers’ with thee. Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger? – Proverbs 5:15 – 20
When you drink water from your own cistern (talking about making love with your wife), it is like water turned into wine. How sweet it is!
But, when you drink water from strange women and cisterns, you are taking poison! It tastes sweet in your mouth but it will hurt you!
Bread of deceit is sweet to a man; but afterwards his mouth shall be filled with gravel. – Proverbs 20:17
The teacher is compassionate! He stands at the door of the class, in your heart, and simply wants you to extend an invitation to him to enter the class! In your marriage, the wine will always be insufficient.
Your own wisdom will fail you. But he is there to help you out, if you invite him!
Will you invite him today? It is the best thing to do. He will save you from shame and keep the wine of your marriage, life and destiny flowing beautifully. He will teach you how to make your marriage a bliss and not full of blisters, how to make it a haven and not an oven!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY In my marriage, I will not be cut off in the midst of my days. I will last in the marriage institution.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, open the eyes of my understanding as regards my marriage
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Mal 2:15 MSG GOD, not you, made marriage. His Spirit inhabits even the smallest details of marriage. And what does he want from marriage? Children of God, that’s what. So guard the spirit of marriage within you. Don’t cheat on your spouse.
Believe me, all these contribute to the total well-being of a good marriage. But they can’t do all these when there are people living with them observing every move they make with critical eyes and breathing down their necks. They need that free space before the children start coming.
In those foundational years, the couple needs to become friends. What do friends do? They talk. They communicate. Study yourselves, Discuss temperamental differences. Watch Television together. Play games on your laptops together in your free time.
Dear wife, study your husband’s likes. Make up your mind to fall in love with what he loves. If he is a football lover, start watching football. This is the only way he won’t leave you at home to go and watch football with his friends outside.
Study his passion. Be passionate with his passion! Don’t feel left out when he buries his head in his laptop, iPad, etc. Join him and pad the iPad together! That’s the secret!
Dear husband, your immediate family which is made up of you and your wife is more important than any other in this world. You have the responsibility to protect it.
Don’t turn your newly wedded wife into a cook, because she has to cook for cousins, brothers, etc! The wife is not a professional cook or dry-cleaner who cooks from morning till night catering for the husband’s three brothers and mother from the village!
That is not healthy for any marriage! Sometimes, this is in addition to her career! And then, you wonder why she is always tired when you get to bed.
Give her quality time. Study her love language. Give her listening time. When she is talking, maintain eye to eye contact, and be involved even when she is discussing illogical things. Just listen and you won’t lose her to moods and depression.
Tomorrow, we will continue the series on Relationship and Marriage Killers.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am full of wisdom to fulfill my role in my marriage. My marriage is kept by God’s power. My marriage will not turn into hardship. I am helped of God. I am directed by the Spirit of God.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, open the eyes of my understanding as regards my relationships and marriage and fill me with the Spirit id wisdom.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Bless your fresh-flowing fountain! Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! –Proverbs 5:18 (MSG)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Follow the suggestions above
There are several factors that could literally put an end to a marriage.
The first in the series of marriage killers we will be looking at is Home Invaders. I always counsel newly married couples – Don’t allow anybody to come and live with you when you are newly married, be it cousins, brothers, sisters, mother or father.
If you want to help your folk, and you should help them, you can make provision for them without necessarily their coming to stay with you. How I wish newly married couples can lend their ears to this wisdom.
This is because the newly wedded couple needs as much privacy as possible to be alone and to discover themselves. They don’t need any distractions in those foundational years, especially the first five years.
They need to focus on God and themselves. If a young couple can focus on God and themselves in the first few years, they would have established a solid foundation that will withstand any marital storm or wind that may come.
Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. – Proverbs 5:18 (KJV)
They don’t need anything that might trigger inhibitions in their sexual life. They don’t need anybody to complain about the wife’s inability to cook well or the husband’s uncaring attitude.
Two is a good company, three is a crowd. They don’t need somebody to critique the stew and how the meat didn’t collide well with the catfish.
The young wife needs to focus her love and respect on her husband and she does not need all the additional emotional upheavals and pressures that are often engendered when she has a lot of people to attend to.
They should be left alone to discover themselves. They should be free to walk around their house naked, play together, jump on themselves and have a lot of fun together.
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am full of wisdom to fulfill my role in my marriage.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, open the eyes of my understanding as regards my marriage and fill me with the Spirit of wisdom.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Bless your fresh-flowing fountain! Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! –Proverbs 5:18 (MSG)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Follow the suggestions above
