We have been considering several levels of communication in the last few days. We have looked at
1. The Hallway talker
2. Reporter’s Talk
3. Intellectual Talk
4. Emotional Talk.
This morning, we will be considering the last and highest level of Communication.
5. Loving, Genuine Truth Talk
‘Let’s Be Honest’.
This level allows us to speak the truth in love. It is a place of honesty without condemnation.
Most couples are finding out that such open, honest and loving communication enhances a much deeper level of intimacy, where couples can share their feelings and thoughts without feeling unsafe. Both have a sense of safety and security. This requires an attitude of acceptance.
You know your spouse understands you even if they don’t agree with you.
We can always agree to disagree without shaming ourselves or making us look less smart. We can have differing opinions and still be friends. No hurts, no guilt, no condemnation and we are still good to go.
We can’t be the same. Remember, acceptance is the key.
We may start out on the first level of communication, but please, don’t let us remain there.
As a couple, we should aim at moving higher in the way we relate, understand, and communicate with each other. This will require a certain level of work and being intentional about getting to understand your spouse.
The higher we grow in our level of communicating with ourselves, the more intimate we grow with our spouse.
I pray God will grant us wisdom and grace and help us all to communicate better in Jesus name.
God bless our marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will be a blessing to many
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, teach me how to communicate effectively
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. –Jeremiah 33:3 (KJV)
This type of conversation is not just limited to a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ answer. The wife’s or husband’s opinion is needed and necessary.
For example, ‘Are the children eating rice this afternoon?’ ‘I don’t think it will be the best option for them. They need more vegetables in their diet’.
It is important to note that, the question, what do you think about….is so important in husband-wife conversations.
Your husband or wife’s opinion matters and don’t want them feeling like they are not smart. If the wife is just accepting every decision made and is not really a part of the decision-making process and involved in the intellectual aspect of thinking through, there will eventually be problems later on in the marriage.
4. Emotional Talk.
‘Let me tell you how I feel’.
In this fourth level of Communication, we share our feelings. When our feelings are shared, we share ourselves because we are what and how we feel.
We are simply making ourselves vulnerable. When we share with our mate how we feel, the intention is not whether we are right or wrong. We mostly don’t want to be judged because of how we feel. We just need our spouse to listen, understand and accept that that’s the way we feel.
We kill intimacy when we are quick to judge the feeling. I am not saying we should not correct but first acknowledge your spouse’s feelings.
It is more difficult for most people to share their feelings than their thoughts. These are two very different things
‘I feel that guy is a thief’.
‘I feel the car will break down’
‘I am thinking the issue with the woman is not natural’.
When you share your feelings, you are expressive. When you don’t share your deepest feelings, a path of you is left hidden or covered.
When you share your feelings, you are vulnerable, open, unashamed, no inhibitions.
Couples should aim at growing together into this fourth level of communication, to enjoy a higher level of intimacy.
In our concluding part, I will be talking about how your marriage can move up on the level of Communication and you both can become intimate couples. The goal in every marriage should be to know each other and be as intimate with your spouse as much as possible.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will be a blessing to many
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, teach me how to communicate effectively
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. –Jeremiah 33:3 (KJV)
So we learned how important communication is in marriage. Not just anyhow communication but husbands and wives should dedicate time and attention to proper and effective ways to communicate with each other.
It can’t be over-emphasized, that Intimacy in marriage can only be brought as we grow from one level of Communication to the other levels.
There are five levels of Communication. I started with the first level yesterday, which is Hallway talker. Today, I am continuing:
2. Reporter’s Talk
This level is a step further than the first. Here, the conversation moves from general talks to talking or giving facts or information about events. It is a reported kind of talk.
Here more information is given, but still, this kind of conversation does not promote intimacy. In level two communication, we do not express our opinions, thoughts, or how we feel about the subject matter.
If you are at this level two communication, your aim should be to move up and climb the steps of effective communication so that intimacy could be engendered.
Remember, level two communication is summarized; Just give me the facts.
3. Intellectual Talk
In this conversation level, your spouse is given the freedom to think differently. This is an amazing gift to give each other in marriage.
It is recognizing the fact that each one of you is a unique individual with a different perspective, viewpoint, and way of reasoning.
Marriage is trying to bring our way of thinking into alignment without suffocating the uniqueness of each other’s thinking. Two becoming one is choosing the best of our different thinking patterns and or merging our different opinions till we arrive at the best alternative.
When we recognize our weaknesses and strength and know that each one of us has a role and part to play and that neither of us is superior to another. We will honor each other and give each other the opportunity to air their opinions.
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will be a blessing to many
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, teach me how to communicate effectively
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. –Jeremiah 33:3 (KJV)
There are five levels of Communication. A further read is encouraged on the subject of communication especially by the best selling author Gary Chapman. I am sure you will find it rewarding and worth your while.
1. The Hallway talker
In this type of conversation no intimacy is developed or worked at. This conversation doesn’t involve wanting to know the feeling or thought process or pattern of the other person. The conversation is on autodrive.
You have a particular way of response to what is said or asked. Example,
‘How are you doing?’.
‘Fine’.
‘How are the kids?’
They have gone to school.’
The essence of communicating with each other is develop intimacy. No deep communication, no intimacy. And intimacy is the essence of marriage.
Why am I married if I can’t enjoy love, acceptance, understanding, oneness, sincerity and transparency?
Every married couple, should aim at climbing the steps of communication to further develop the intimacy between them.
You can’t be involved in monosyllable answers and expect intimacy to be developed.
If couples are not careful or well discerning, twenty years of their marred life will pass so quickly and they will discover they have not improved on their communication and that they are still in the ‘hall way’ method of communicating.
They were distracted by work, a busy schedule, distracted with the children and yet each spouse were just coping and not really pleased with each other.
The children are grown and they are now left with each other to deal with the hurts piled up for so many years and not talked about.
May God in His mercy send help to us out of Zion in Jesus name.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the wisdom of God
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, help me to communicate well with my spouse
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Jer 33:3 (KJV)Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.
SINGLES – How To Detect A Problem in Your Relationship
When you hear statements like these, then be rest assured the relationship is defective and there is a problem.
1. I don’t know how to communicate, that is how I am
How do you know a man or woman who is not right for you? You will find out in his or her words.
His words will reveal his heart. His words are like a searchlight, highlighting the intents and the intentions of the hearts.
Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.
There is nobody who doesn’t know how to communicate. People only choose whether they want to do so or not. There is something about somebody you love genuinely. The vocal chords will resonate!
The voice of my beloved! behold, he cometh leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills. – Son 2:8 (KJV)
You are at an interview. You are about to be hired and they have one last question for you. “Tell us about yourself.”
Will you say you don’t know how to communicate? You will suddenly have inspiration.
When you stay incommunicado with a supposed lover for weeks, something is not quite right.
2. I serve God my own way, I am not like a fanatic
When a person says things like that, it shows deeper resentments for God and His ways.
His definition of serving God is his own invention. It is as defined by him and at his convenience. This type of heart that is not ready to sacrifice cannot go far in God.
To follow after God, you must be prepared to carry your own cross.
Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. Mat 16:24 (KJV)
To be continued.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the wisdom of God to solve the problem
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, show me what may not be obvious
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Jer 33:3 (KJV) Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.
