Love or Just Mere Attention? Be on Guard!

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I hate to be the “killjoy” right now, but I’m just helping you. Listen. Sometimes, what we call “love” isn’t really love. It’s just a craving for attention that is being met. You’re screaming “You’re in love with so, so, and so” but it may just be you enjoying the calls, the sweet messages, and the compliments. The attention creates a mirage that makes you believe you’re in love. But my question to you is: if the attention disappears, would the love still remain? Is the love hanging on any other thing aside from the attention?

My dear singles, it’s easy to mistake affection for true connection. Someone gives you attention, and suddenly, you feel special and in love. (And the bad guys know this; so if they want to get you, they give you attention.)

But be careful, my dear—are you really in love with the person or just the way they make you feel? Attention is temporary; true love is built on character, shared values, and commitment. If you strip away the sweet words, is something real between you two? Do your values align? Do you like his/her character? Are they godly? Today, I dare you to strip off the feelings and sweet words, and see if you will find something deeper in that relationship. This is one way to know if you truly love this person or if you are just falling because of the attention you’re receiving.

And for my married couples, attention from outside your marriage can be dangerous. Very very dangerous! Extremely dangerous! A simple compliment from someone else might feel exciting, especially if things at home feel a bit dry. But don’t allow a simple moment of attention to make you forget the love and home you’ve already built. Remember your covenant. A stranger’s admiration is never worth the destruction of a covenant. Oh, I hear you say there’s nothing physical between you two. Well, it’s called an emotional affair. Even Jesus warned that you don’t need to get physical to get physical—once your emotions are entangled and lust is birthed, you’re already in it.

It’s time to flee! Instead of seeking attention elsewhere, invest that energy into your spouse—flirt with them, appreciate them, and rekindle the excitement within your own marriage.  

This is a call for us all to guard our hearts, just as the bible instructs:

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”  Proverbs 4:23

Not every form of attention is good for you. Don’t ever mistake temporary excitement for lasting love.

Singles, don’t marry just because of attention. Couples, don’t dishonor your marital covenant simply because of attention. Real love isn’t about who makes you feel special for a moment—it’s about who stays and chooses you, every single day. Look inward and work out your marriage with fear and trembling.

Shalom.