When we think of love, it is easy to picture warm feelings, affection, or romance. But the Bible shows us something much deeper: love is not just what you feel—it is what you do. Love is a daily practice, a choice that forms your character. It is meant to shape us to look more like Christ. And when you really start walking in love, it begins to refine you.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4–7 (NIV)
Refining means removing what does not belong, burning away those parts that weaken, and drawing out what is true and strong. That is exactly what love should do in us. It not only highlights our strengths, it also uncovers the envy, pride, grudges, or avoidance we would rather not face. Love does not leave us as we are—it keeps stretching us and growing us into Christlikeness.
How Love Refines You
1. Love reveals what you truly need.
We often chase approval, control, or attention. But love helps us recognize deeper needs like truth, presence, rest, or clarity. This shifts us from performing for acceptance to being honest about who we truly are.
2. Love teaches you boundaries.
True love is not about saying “yes” to everything. It shows you how to guard your heart so that your giving does not come from resentment or exhaustion. A boundary, said kindly and simply, keeps your love steady and real.
3. Love makes apology and repair necessary.
Love will not let you sweep things under the rug. It nudges you to admit when you are wrong and to restore trust without excuses. Repairing a relationship is not about defending yourself—it is about protecting the connection.
4. Love develops patience with process.
We often want instant change—in ourselves and in others. But love trains us to see growth as a journey. Real transformation comes through small, consistent steps: showing kindness again and again, choosing forgiveness again and again, showing up even when it feels ordinary. Love teaches you to stick with the process, even when it is slow.
5. Love exposes what you try to hide.
The compromises, the small lies, the avoidance we use to keep peace—love brings them into the light. Not to shame us, but to free us. Love chooses honesty over pretense because only truth builds lasting relationships.
In conclusion, love that refines is not always easy, but it is always good. It strips away the false things we lean on, strengthens what is real and in the end, it makes you more like Christ—the One who loved you first and is still shaping you through His love.
When we hear the word intimacy, most of us immediately think of physical closeness. But intimacy is much deeper. It’s about trust, vulnerability, respect, and feeling safe enough to let someone fully into your life. For singles, it’s easy to mistake attraction, attention, or chemistry for a real connection. True intimacy isn’t about how much time you spend together or how close you feel in the moment; it’s about honesty, patience, and walking through life together in a way that honors God.
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.1 Peter 4:8
Here’s how intimacy can be built in a healthy, God-centered way:
1. Start with God first.
Understanding who we are in Christ — chosen, loved, and complete — is the foundation for every healthy relationship. When we know our worth comes from Him, we don’t rely on someone else to feel validated or whole. This allows us to give and receive love freely, without fear or dependence.
2. Embrace patience and boundaries.
Intimacy grows over time. Rushing closeness often leads to confusion, heartache, or unhealthy attachment. Boundaries are not walls — they are tools that protect both hearts and allow trust and understanding to develop naturally. Taking time helps build a relationship that can endure challenges.
3. Be honest and vulnerable.
Sharing fears, dreams, and past struggles is how real connection happens. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s the bridge to deeper intimacy. It requires wisdom to know what to share and when, but when done with care, it strengthens the relationship and creates emotional safety.
4. Build mutual respect and emotional safety.
Intimacy thrives when both people feel safe and valued. Listening, honoring feelings, and choosing words and actions that uplift rather than harm creates an environment where love and trust can grow. Emotional safety is what allows both individuals to be fully themselves.
5. Align intimacy with God’s design.
Physical and emotional closeness should reflect God’s values. Being intentional and patient isn’t a limitation — it’s preparation. It ensures both hearts are ready to love well, honor God, and experience true connection without compromise.
6. See intimacy as part of a spiritual journey.
Every relationship offers lessons in patience, forgiveness, humility, and dependence on God. Challenges are opportunities for growth. Viewing intimacy through a spiritual lens shifts the focus from perfection in the other person to building a relationship that is honest, healthy, and God-centered.
Conclusion:
True intimacy is not about chemistry, fleeting emotions, or physical closeness. It’s about connection that is intentional, patient, honest, and rooted in God. When Christ is at the center, boundaries are respected, vulnerability is embraced, and respect is mutual; intimacy becomes a reflection of God’s love and a foundation for relationships that are meaningful, life-giving, and lasting.
I have had to ask myself this question at some points in my life: “Who am I, really?” Because if we’re not careful, we start measuring ourselves by the things we’ve achieved — the goals we’ve hit, the image people have of us, the progress we can point to. And when those things are missing or shaky, we feel like we’re missing too. But then God keeps pulling us back to this truth: our life is hidden in Christ. That’s where our identity is, not in the boxes we’ve checked or haven’t checked yet.
Paul understood this. In Philippians 3:7-8 he said, “Whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.” That’s a heavy statement, especially when you remember who Paul was. He wasn’t small. He had status, he had influence. But he looked at all of it and said, “Without Christ, it’s empty.” He wasn’t saying achievements are bad; he was saying they’re not strong enough to define who you are.
And isn’t that the trap for many of us? We’re so quick to wrap our worth around what we do, how much we earn, or how well people clap for us. But the truth is, those things are fragile. Jobs can disappear. Titles can fade. Applause always dies down. Even relationships can shift. But identity in Christ? That’s untouchable. It doesn’t reduce with age. It doesn’t get weaker when you fail. It’s eternal.
For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. Colossians 3:3 (NIV).
That realization has set me free. We can chase goals, pursue dreams, and give our very best, but whether we rise or fall, whether people notice us or overlook us, one thing stays the same: we are still God’s children. That truth doesn’t shift with achievements. Our value isn’t hanging on the next milestone; it’s already secure in Jesus.
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works. Ephesians 2:10.
Did you see that? It doesn’t say your worth comes from the works. It says you are His handiwork. The identity comes first. The works simply flow out of it.
In conclusion, achievements are good. They can open doors, create opportunities, and even bless others. But they were never meant to define us. Christ is. When we make Him our real identity, we stand on a foundation that doesn’t shake. Nothing we gain or lose in this life can change the fact that we are fully known, fully loved, and fully secure in Him.
There is a difference between guarding your heart and hardening it, but truth be told, many of us confuse the two. Especially as singles, after being let down too many times, we slowly start to shut the doors of our hearts. We start to believe the safest version of love is to not love at all. We say we are “protecting our peace,” but really, we are hiding behind emotional walls that God never asked us to build.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” — Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
When God says, “guard your heart,” He is not telling you to lock yourself away. He is inviting you to watch over what shapes you, what you absorb, what you dwell on, and who you allow to influence your soul. Guarding your heart is not about withdrawing from people or burying your feelings. It is about living wisely—with discernment, not with fear. Because everything flows from your heart: your decisions, your relationships, your self-worth, even your prayers. So, if the heart is that central, it makes sense to tend to it with care.
But sometimes, especially when you have loved deeply or been hurt silently, building walls feels safer. Walls protect you from disappointment. From rejection. From hoping again. But walls also block out healing. They keep out the people God may actually be sending. And the thing is, when you shut off one part of your heart to avoid getting hurt, other parts start to go quiet too. You may think you are just blocking out people or pain, but over time, you can start to feel distant from God too. Not because He left, but because your heart is no longer open. Numbness does not come with a filter—it dulls everything, even the voice of the One trying to heal you.
So how do you guard your heart the right way?
It starts with remembering who you are. You are not ordinary, and your heart is not something to be handled casually. You were bought at a high price — the blood of Jesus. That alone speaks of your worth. When you truly see your value, you stop handing out deep access to people who have only shown surface interest. Just because someone is available or attracted to you does not mean they are meant to carry your heart. That is not pride, it is wisdom. Guarding your heart means being careful with what is sacred, not shutting down, but choosing who truly deserves to come close.
Guarding your heart also looks like staying open with God. A guarded heart is not a disconnected one. It is a heart that remains soft in His presence—even if it feels vulnerable. It is crying when you are tired of waiting, journaling when you do not understand what He is doing, and worshipping even when your emotions feel like a mess. It is letting Him touch the places no one else sees. That is guarding with grace.
It also means slowing down. In a culture that rushes relationships and pressures people to define everything quickly, guarding your heart means giving things time to unfold. You are not in a hurry. When something is from God, it will not require you to lose your peace to keep it. You do not need to overshare, overthink, or overextend to keep someone interested. You are allowed to take your time.
Finally, guarding your heart means trusting God more than your fears. Let’s be real: sometimes, we build walls because we do not fully trust that God will protect us if we try again. But His love is not only for eternity. It is for now, too, and if He asks you to guard your heart, it is because He plans to fill it with purpose, joy, and, yes, even love. But He needs you to be whole enough to receive it.
So in conclusion, do not go cold. Just grow guarded in the right way. Not closed off, just careful. Not anxious, just wise. Stay soft, but with boundaries. Let discernment, not fear, lead you. Because fear shuts you in, but discernment keeps you open to the life and love God still has for you.
Are you a minister, pastor, church worker, or leader, and you live in Ibadan? You are cordially invited to “Equip” a Minister’s Conference with Rev Femi Oduwole and Rev Gbeminiyi Eboda as part of our 9th anniversary convention.
Rev Dunamis and Sophia Okunowo will also be hosting us. Attendance is free, but registration is required. Kindly register HERE
Don’t miss it. spread the word!
There is that space between “I’m working on myself” and “I think I’m ready to love someone,” but you’re also dealing with memories, soul ties, silent temptations, past mistakes, and the fear that you might not get it right.
I used to think I just needed to wait, pray, and stay busy. But healing and wholeness go beyond that. There are layers to it, things you won’t post about. Areas where it’s not about doing devotions or attending programs—it’s more about dealing with the stuff you’ve been ignoring:
That situationship you never fully healed from.
The attention you still crave from people who aren’t serious.
The guilt from compromising, even when you knew better.
That fake confidence you put on to act like this season isn’t hard sometimes.
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.” — Matthew 5:8
So yes, wholeness before romance. No pretense whatsoever. Rather, you are you, just growing to become the best version of what God has ordained you to be.
Areas of wholeness
Wholeness here means you’re no longer depending on people for validation. It means your heart has been checked, your boundaries are clear, and your peace isn’t easily shaken just because someone left or didn’t choose you. It’s learning how to guard your heart without hardening it, and that takes real growth, not just time.
Spiritually, it’s about more than reading your Bible or showing up to church. This is about whether your life is actually built around God, or if He’s just someone you run to when your plans don’t work out. If your connection with God rises and falls based on your emotions or your relationship status, something’s off. Being spiritually whole means your identity is rooted in what God says about you—not how lonely you feel, who left, or how long you’ve been waiting. You’re not searching for someone to complete you spiritually; you’re learning to walk with God daily, not just when it’s convenient or when life gets hard. That kind of stability matters, especially when emotions get involved.
Sexually, it’s not just about whether you’re sleeping with someone or not. You can be physically abstinent and still be struggling. Sexual wholeness has more to do with mindset, discipline, and how you respond to pressure, temptation, and loneliness. Are you having conversations you shouldn’t? Are you feeding thoughts and fantasies that slowly wear you down? Are you excusing small compromises because “it’s not that deep”? This is where honesty matters. Sexual purity isn’t just about rules—it’s about not giving yourself away in pieces because you’re tired of waiting. It’s about choosing discipline even when nobody’s clapping for it, because you know your body is not a bargaining chip—it’s sacred. And even if you’ve messed up before, sexual wholeness is still possible when you let God deal with the root, not just the symptoms.
Before bringing someone else into your life, there are certain areas you have to be honest about. Not because you have to be perfect, but because if you’re not whole in these parts of your life, you may end up carrying confusion, frustration, or even damage into the relationship.
Emotionally, it’s easy to think you’ve moved on, until something small exposes the fact that you haven’t. You may not be dating anyone, but your emotions are still tied to someone you stopped talking to months ago. Or you find yourself getting anxious, overly attached, or shutting down quickly because of unresolved issues from your past.
In conclusion
Wholeness isn’t about getting ready for someone—it’s about finally showing up for yourself. The emptiness you feel isn’t fixed by being chosen; it’s healed by letting God into the parts you’ve avoided. Love won’t save you. But God will. And that’s where real healing begins.
