We started this series last week. If you missed it, you can read it HERE
Part 2 – Leaving and Cleaving
Genesis 2:24 begins with a key phrase — “A man shall leave his father and mother…” Before the union comes the leaving. This leaving isn’t just about moving out of your parents’ home; it’s about a shift of loyalty, priority, and identity.
When a man or woman marries, their primary allegiance changes. The emotional center that once belonged to parents, siblings, or even friends must now be given to their spouse. Many marriages struggle, not because of external enemies, but because the couple never truly left. They are married physically, but still attached emotionally or financially in unhealthy ways.
To “cleave” means to cling tightly — like glue that bonds two surfaces so firmly that separating them would cause damage. That’s the level of commitment God desires in marriage — one that is permanent, exclusive, and deeply loyal.
For singles, understanding this helps you prepare your heart for true partnership. Learn to build healthy boundaries with family and friends. Learn to stand on your own spiritually and emotionally. When you know how to “leave” rightly, you will “cleave” rightly when the time comes.
For the married, leaving and cleaving is a continuous practice. It means protecting your spouse from unnecessary external interference — whether from family, work, or ministry. It means honoring your spouse as your first human priority after God.
One flesh cannot exist where there’s divided loyalty. A man or woman who hasn’t learned to leave cannot cleave. True intimacy is born when both hearts are fully present and free from competing ties.
For the next 4 weeks, we will be looking at what it means to be one flesh. To make it easier, I have made this article into a series, and today, we will start with the first part.
Part 1 – The Mystery of Oneness
When God said in Genesis 2:24, “A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh,” He wasn’t just talking about physical union or romance. He was revealing a divine mystery — one that reflects His own nature of unity, love, and purpose.
Marriage was God’s idea, not man’s. When He created Eve out of Adam’s rib, it wasn’t because Adam was lonely and needed company. It was because God saw that His creation was incomplete without a counterpart who would complete, not compete. Eve was not another version of Adam — she was the missing piece of his wholeness. Together, they reflected the image of God more fully.
To be one flesh, therefore, is not simply to live together or share responsibilities. It means to be joined in spirit, in purpose, and in destiny. It means that what affects one affects the other. It means there’s no “his” and “hers” — it’s “ours.” Our dreams, our struggles, our wins, our calling.
For singles, this truth invites deep preparation. It’s not enough to desire marriage; it’s important to become the kind of whole person who can merge with another whole person under God’s authority. Emotional maturity, spiritual grounding, and purpose clarity are vital. You cannot merge into one flesh if you are still fragmented within yourself.
For the married, this oneness is a lifelong journey. It doesn’t happen automatically after the wedding; it’s cultivated daily through understanding, forgiveness, communication, and prayer. It’s about consistently choosing unity even when differences arise. One flesh means we win together, we grow together, and we heal together.
As wives, understanding and responding to a man’s insecurity with love, not judgment, can strengthen your relationship and bring peace to your home.
Perfect love casts out fear. — 1 John 4:18 (KJV)
Let’s look at six practical, godly ways to handle insecurity in your husband.
1. Don’t Attack His Ego — Affirm Him Instead
Men thrive on respect. When he feels inadequate or unsure, your affirmation can calm his fears.
Say things like, “I believe in you,” or “You’re doing your best, and I appreciate it.”
Even small words can go a long way.
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver. — Proverbs 25:11
2. Avoid Comparison
Nothing wounds a man’s confidence faster than being compared to another man — a friend, boss, or even your pastor.
Celebrate his uniqueness. See him through God’s eyes, not through someone else’s success.
Each one should test their own actions… without comparing themselves to someone else. — Galatians 6:4 (NIV)
3. Pray for Him and With Him
Insecurity often comes from fear and doubt. Prayer invites God’s peace and assurance into his heart.
When you pray with your husband, you’re reminding him that he’s not alone — you’re a team.
Be anxious for nothing… but in everything by prayer and supplication… — Philippians 4:6-7
4. Be Patient — Don’t Push or Preach
Healing insecurity takes time. If he’s withdrawn or defensive, don’t fight back with frustration.
Patience shows maturity and love. You can gently encourage him while letting God do the deeper work.
Love is patient, love is kind… — 1 Corinthians 13:4
5. Respect His Efforts, Not Just His Results
Sometimes, men feel insecure when their efforts don’t produce quick success.
Instead of focusing on what’s lacking, acknowledge his hard work and heart.
Your respect will build his confidence faster than criticism ever could.
Nevertheless let every one of you… love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. — Ephesians 5:33
6. Build His Faith, Not His Fear
Speak faith-filled words over him. When you remind him who he is in Christ — loved, chosen, capable — it helps him rise above insecurity.
Your faith can become the mirror that shows him God’s truth about himself.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. — Philippians 4:13
Prayer: Lord, teach me to love with understanding and patience. Help me to affirm, not attack… to pray, not pressure…and to be a safe place where my husband feels secure, valued, and deeply loved, in Jesus’ Name, Amen.
6 Ways Husbands Can Handle Insecurity in Their Wives
Even the strongest and most confident woman can struggle with insecurity — about her looks, her role, her worth, or whether she’s truly loved.
Sometimes, insecurity shows up as moodiness, withdrawal, or even unnecessary arguments.
As a husband (or a man preparing to be one), learning to lovingly handle your wife’s insecurity can build trust, deepen intimacy, and bring peace to your home.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it. — Ephesians 5:25 (KJV)
Let’s look at six practical and godly ways to help her feel safe and secure in your love.
1. Reassure Her of Your Love — Often
Women never get tired of hearing, “I love you.”
Say it. Show it. Prove it.
Little gestures — a text, a compliment, a gentle hug — go a long way.
Your consistent reassurance reminds her she’s loved, chosen, and valued.
By love serve one another.— Galatians 5:13
2. Don’t Compare Her to Other Women
Comparison is poison to a woman’s confidence.
Never mention another woman’s looks, cooking, or success in a way that makes her feel “less.” Celebrate her uniqueness and speak proudly of her.
Her husband praises her: Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. — Proverbs 31:28–29
3. Listen Without Judging or Interrupting
Sometimes she doesn’t want advice — she just wants to be heard.
When you listen with empathy instead of correction, she feels seen and safe.
Listening builds connection; silence can be more healing than speeches.
Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.— James 1:19
4. Compliment Her Sincerely
Your wife may look beautiful to others, but she needs to hear it from you.
Notice her new dress, her effort, her character.
Sincere compliments water her heart like rain on dry soil.
Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones. — Proverbs 16:24
5. Lead Her with Kindness, Not Control
When insecurity shows up, don’t respond with dominance or harshness.
Lead with gentleness and compassion. A kind tone can melt fear faster than authority ever could.
Husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife.— 1 Peter 3:7
6. Pray With and For Her
Prayer is the most powerful way to bring peace to an anxious or insecure heart.
When you hold her hand and pray, you’re reminding her that she’s not alone — she’s loved by you and God.
Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. — Galatians 6:2
Reflection for Singles:
If you’re not married yet, learn to treat women with gentleness, honor, and care.
The way you relate with women now will shape the kind of husband you’ll become later.
Prayer:
Lord, help me to love my wife the way You love the church — with patience, gentleness, and understanding.
Teach me to speak words that build her up, calm her fears, and remind her of her worth in You, in Jesus’ Name, Amen.
6 Smart Ways to Support an Insecure Fiancé Before Saying ‘I Do’
Insecurity in a relationship can show up in many ways — jealousy, control, fear of losing you, constant suspicion, or a need for reassurance. If you notice your fiancé struggles with insecurity, don’t ignore it. It’s better to face it now than to fight it later in marriage.
Here are six practical ways to handle it wisely:
1. Don’t Take It Personal — Understand the Root
Insecurity often has a root — past hurt, rejection, family issues, or low self-worth. Instead of getting defensive, take time to understand where it’s coming from. Ask gentle questions, listen, and show empathy.
A soft answer turns away wrath. – Proverbs 15:1
Instead of saying, “You’re too jealous!”, you can say, “I notice you get worried when I talk to others; is there something I can do to help you feel more secure?”
2. Reassure Him — But Don’t Feed the Fear
Everyone needs reassurance, but constant validation can create dependency. Be affirming without encouraging insecurity.
Encourage one another and build each other up. – 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Occasionally remind him that you love and value him, but also encourage him to find his confidence in God, not in your attention alone.
3. Set Clear Boundaries Early
If insecurity leads to controlling behavior (checking your phone, monitoring your moves, isolating you), set healthy boundaries now. It’s a red flag if it goes unchecked.
Let your ‘Yes’ be yes and your ‘No,’ no. – Matthew 5:37
Explain that trust is the foundation of love, and boundaries are not rejection — they’re protection for both hearts.
4. Pray Together About It
Bring the issue before God in prayer. The Holy Spirit can do what words cannot. Insecurity is often a heart issue that only God can fully heal.
Casting all your care upon Him; for He careth for you.– 1 Peter 5:7
Make prayer a regular part of your relationship. It keeps hearts open and teaches both of you to depend on God, not each other.
5. Encourage Personal Growth and Healing
Don’t try to fix him — encourage him to grow. Suggest counseling, mentorship, or personal reflection.
The truth shall make you free. – John 8:32
If he’s open, suggest premarital counseling or reading books on emotional maturity together. Growth before marriage brings peace after marriage.
6. Know When to Pause or Walk Away
If insecurity turns toxic — constant suspicion, verbal abuse, or control — don’t ignore it. Marriage doesn’t cure insecurity; it magnifies it.
Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. – Proverbs 4:23
Seek godly counsel. It’s better to delay a wedding than to live in lifelong emotional bondage.
Final Thought:
True love is not built on fear but on trust. You can support your fiancé, but he must also take responsibility for his healing. Build your relationship on God’s truth, not insecurity.
6 Smart Ways to Support an Insecure Fiancé Before Saying ‘I Do’
