Let’s talk about something we all think about at some point: the journey from dating to saying “I do.” Whether you’re swiping right, already in a relationship, married, or just curious, you will learn something new today!
Dating Days
So, you’re dating. It’s like being on an adventure where you’re getting to know your partner. What makes them laugh, what dreams they’re chasing, and yeah, even what annoys them? Let me warn you, however, that you will never truly be able to know everything about them until you are MARRIED!
Exploration Time: Think of dating as your exploration mission. You’re learning about each other’s past, what you believe in, and what you both want down the road.
Talking It Out: Communication is key. It’s all about being real and honest with each other and building a strong foundation for whatever comes next. Talk about everything!
You Do You: It’s crucial to keep being yourself while you’re part of a duo. Balancing “me” and “we” is the real deal. Do not lose your identity because you are in love.
Dealing with Disagreements: Too many disagreements? Normal. How you tackle these moments can make or break your future together.
Taking the Leap
Getting married isn’t just about food and parties. It’s like leveling up in a game where you commit to tackle all of life’s levels together.
1. Deep Connections: Once you’re married, you share more, support more, and get each other on a deeper level. Your destinies become wedged together!
2. Money Talks: From who’s paying for dinner to saving for a dream vacation money matters start to shift once you’re married. Most quarrels emanate from money issues. It is good to settle in this area.
3. New Daily Life: It will no longer be just you, but now the two of you. You move from being selfish to selfless in other to be a good spouse!
After the “I Do”
Marriage is about growing on what you’ve already built, diving deeper into knowing and supporting each other.
Be Committed: Marriage means you’re in it together, come what may, with a stronger sense of commitment.
Deeper Chit-Chats: As life changes, the way you talk and connect evolves too. You must learn to be open, naked and not ashamed.
More Than Lovey-Dovey: Intimacy goes beyond the physical; it’s about connecting on all levels, being each other’s rock. Be there for yourselves, in the bedroom and out of the bedroom
Be on the same Page: You’ll face challenges, sure, but you’ll do it together, which only makes your bond stronger. One will chase a thousand, two will chase ten thousand!
Keep Dating!
Don’t let the flames of romance die out. Keeping the love alive is key to a happy marriage.
Date Nights: Keep dating each other, even after you’re married. It keeps things fun and fresh.
Talk the Talk: Keep the conversation going. Talk about your dreams, fears, and everything in between. The moment you stonewall, the wall is broken down and the devil will come in!
Support Squad: Support each other’s goals and dreams. It’s you two and Jesus against the world and the devil, remember?
Shake Things Up: Try new things together. It keeps the excitement alive. Be creative. Fight boredom. Do something new.
From dating to marriage, it’s about enjoying the journey together, through the ups and downs, and maintaining your joy all along the way!
We have established that a good number of children of God cope with one form of abuse in their relationships or marriages. This is not meant to be so. Jesus Christ paid the price on the cross for me and you to enjoy a blissful marriage. It is the devil that is the thief that comes to steal, kill, and destroy.
However, if we can labour in the word of God, attend to God’s word, give it the needed attention, meditate on it, and confess it just like Psalm 1 instruct, we will be like a well-watered garden in our relationships and marriage.
Psalm 1:2-3 ESV but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. [3] He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers.
God’s word promises us we will prosper in all that we do including in our relationships and marriages.
Whatever we see in the world, we can see it in our world.
So let’s delve into God’s word to see what He promises us. I have carefully written out confessions for every married person and for singles not enjoying bliss in their marriage and relationships.
These confessions are based on Ephesians 5:18-30
Father, I thank you because I am continually being filled with the Holy Spirit. I walk not according to the dictates of my flesh but according to the dictates and desires of the spirit. My thoughts are filled with godly thoughts. I have a merry heart, I am always singing and making melody in my heart onto God. I am always full of thanksgiving. I thank God for my spouse/ partner. I am grateful.
We are submissive to one another out of reverence for Christ.
As singles, take this confession, I thank you Lord for this relationship. As a lady, I give myself to learning how to eventually submit. I am gracious and I grow in my relationship with the Lord.
As a guy, I practice unconditional love. I learn from the Lord how He loved not in a selfish way but in a godly way. I don’t desecrate her body but respect her as a child of the most high God. We put God first in our relationship.
Father, I thank you because I am continually being filled with the Holy Spirit. I walk not according to the dictates of my flesh but according to the dictates and desires of the spirit. My thoughts are filled with Godly thoughts. I have a merry heart, I am always singing and making melody in my heart onto God. I am always full of thanksgiving. I thank God for my spouse/ partner. I am grateful.
As a wife, I submit myself to my husband just as I submit to the Lord. Having this understanding that just as Christ is the head of the church, my husband is my head. I submit to my husband in all things irrespective of how I feel. My submission is in obedience to God and He will defend me. I graciously make my opinion known to him but allow him to have the last say. I recognize that anything that has two heads is a monster. I am not afraid to submit to my husband but I trust God to work in him. I am a God-fearing wife. I take everything to God in prayer.
As a husband, I love my wife just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her. Just as Jesus was humble and died for the church so I am willing to die for my wife. I give up my rights as the head and become a servant leader. This I do to make my wife holy, better, smarter, blossom, and thrive, this I do by following the scriptures. I present her to myself radiant. Labouring in prayers for her to be a helpful meet indeed for me. I help to bring her to maturity by investing in her spiritually, mentally, and emotionally and exchanging her weakness for the strength that is in Christ.
As a husband, I love my wife as my own body because I recognize that when I love my wife, I am loving myself. I nourish and cherish my wife with love, attention, and affection. Jesus has shown me by example how to love my wife unconditionally. I leave my ideologies or the ways and methods I learned from my background and embrace the new ways Christ shows me.
Our marriages and relationships are blissful. Our lives are full of the Lord’s blessings because we give no place to strife. We deeply love ourselves and God is revealing to us new ways to submit and love ourselves so help us, God.
Be diligent in taking this confession and see the blessings thereof.
Imagine if you take this confession every day for the rest of this year.
Abuse in relationships and marriage is the most common cause of separation and divorce in marriage.
As Singles, you should watch out for signs of abuse and be courageous enough to take the necessary steps.
First, let’s look at the meaning of abuse.
Abuse means treating a loved one or partner with violence, disrespect, cruelty, harm, or force. When someone treats their partner in any of these ways, it’s called an abusive relationship. Abuse in a relationship can be physical, sexual, verbal, financial, or emotional. Or it could be all of these.
In an abusive relationship or marriage, it takes a positive mindset and courage to confront the abuser. Having healthy self-esteem will also help to know that you are not to be abused but loved and cherished. No one should be a victim, whether male or female.
When a partner is showing signs of abuse it is not alright to ignore it. An abuser in relationships will be an abuser in marriage.
There are many reasons for being an abusive partner, a major cause is a dysfunctional background. Most people who abuse their partner have been abused and they usually have a deep-seated emotional issue or immaturity.
In an abusive marriage, the husband or wife has a power imbalance and uses manipulation, intimidation, threats, and physical or emotional violence to control the other.
Abuse in relationships and marriage is often characterized by extreme jealousy, possessiveness, and a lack of respect for the other partner’s boundaries.
A lot of marriages go through abuse of various kinds and different degrees. When violence and physical abuse are involved, a professional therapist must be sought.
The use of scriptures to pray and make daily declarations and confessions is also known to get amazing results.
Declaring the word and speaking the Word over the abuser helps in rewiring the brain.
Genesis 1:1-2 (KJV) In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
God spoke His Word to a situation that was without form and void. You too can speak to that situation.
Singles should not go on to marry a partner who is already showing serious signs of abuse.
One of the hardest things to do as a Single or married is to be still. Especially in this fast-paced life.
It seems we just got to do ‘something’. Unfortunately, this ‘ something’ is not always the right, good, or best option. We always think and take issues into our own hands. Unfortunately, we don’t get too far.
I think every single and married person should take time to read the whole of Psalm 46. It is such a beautiful portion of the scripture that offers comfort in whatever situation we find ourselves in.
The Psalm opens by telling us in verse I
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble Ps 46:1KJV
Psalms 46:1 NLT God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.
Psalms 46:1 HCSB God is our refuge and strength, a helper who is always found in times of trouble.
God is described as a refuge and strength.
God is both a hiding place of refuge from the storms of life and the strength to carry us through whatever the situation is.
As singles, what is the situation you are in or facing? Is it a delay beyond your understanding? Is it a heartbreak? Is it confusion about making a decision? Is the future so bleak you feel so unsure? Is it a failed engagement with no explanations?
Whatever the situation is, God through the writer of this Psalm is introducing Himself as refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
He is your refuge and strength. That strength could be in the form of wisdom
Remember the Psalm says in another translation, that He is always ready to help in times of trouble.
The question is are you ready to receive His help? His help is not automatic.
The police services are ready to help, but until you call or dial 911, you can’t enjoy their help.
As married couples, what is that trouble? Health, financial, Emotional, a cheating spouse, a spouse you just don’t understand?
You have to receive Him as strength and refuge. You can’t enjoy peace amid crisis until you learn to trust and call upon Him for help.
I learned something once a situation is in court, you rest about it. You allow the court to decide, if not you could be charged with contempt of court
Once you have called upon Jesus, leave it with Him. Let Him handle it.
What most of us do is, we think we are trusting and making Him our refuge and strength, and then we start worrying and trying to handle things in our wisdom and strength.
God’s strength, method, and ways will be different from ours.
Trust Him and leave the matter with Him.
God bless. We will continue tomorrow by God’s Grace
Let me open you up to today’s devotional by quoting this scripture.
Philippians 4:8 AMPC For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them].
When we learn to obey the word of God, things happen for us in the positive.
Whether married or single, we are to intentionally find good things about our spouses to fill our minds with. Filling our minds with the good quality of our spouses keeps us kind, tender-hearted, and forgiving towards them.
As Singles, when your fiancee or fiance is trying hard to please you or your spouse is doing their best to make the marriage work, you don’t ignore their efforts.
Don’t say, that if I appreciate their efforts now, they will relax and not continue making efforts. Don’t say, that until I see 100% improvement, I will not acknowledge the efforts made.
This mindset is very wrong.
Celebrate and acknowledge the little efforts. What we appreciate, appreciates and what we don’t appreciate depreciates.
Appreciation also begets respect and willingness to do more. If all you see in your spouse are the errors, their faults, their shortcomings, and their weaknesses, then something is wrong.
If you are looking for faults, you will find them. Whatever you are looking for is what you find.
Even with the little errors, you can overlook and ignore, you use a magnifying lens to focus on them.
Remember, you are not perfect either. Neither are you easy to also live with. Fill your mind with the good in your spouse.
As singles, you can write out those good qualities in your partner and keep them before you so that you can appreciate them. Appreciation should be verbal, don’t internalize your appreciation.
When you start practicing these as a single, it becomes a habit that will help you in your marriage
As a couple, I don’t believe your spouse won’t have any good qualities. I am sure you will be able to find at least one good quality in them.
Focus on that. Begin to praise, appreciate, and celebrate that good quality and before long there will be more qualities to appreciate.
Practice these and your marriage will enjoy bliss, joy, peace, understanding, patience, and love.
You may want to ask, so what about the weaknesses? We don’t get better all at once. We get better gradually. It is one step after the other.
