How Men Can Earn Authority in Relationships or Marriage
Yesterday, we started looking at how and why men are losing authority. We will continue in that light today.
How to Earn the Authority You’re Demanding.
1) Master Yourself First
“Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.” (Proverbs 25:28)
Get your finances in order
Control your temper
Break free from addictions
Develop emotional intelligence
Take care of your physical health
Grow spiritually through consistent discipline
2) Serve Before You Lead
Find ways to serve your partner or family without being asked
Anticipate needs
Do the unglamorous tasks
Sacrifice your preferences
Put their well-being before your comfort
3) Become a Student
“Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.” (Proverbs 4:7 KJV)
Read books on marriage, leadership, and emotional intelligence
Listen more than you speak
Seek counsel from older, wiser men
Learn from your mistakes instead of repeating them
4) Lead by Example
“In everything set them an example by doing what is good.” (Titus 2:7)
Don’t just tell your family what to do, show them. You want them to pray? They should see you praying. You want them to read Scripture? They should see you reading Scripture. You want respect? Show them what respectability looks like.
5) Own Your Failures
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” (James 5:16)
Real men apologize when they’re wrong. They admit mistakes. They don’t blame others but take responsibility.
6) Seek God First
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:33)
Your relationship with God must be your foundation. Everything else flows from there.
Biblical submission is a woman’s RESPONSE to godly leadership, not her obligation despite ungodly leadership. When you love your wife like Christ loves the church, when you’re serving, sacrificing, protecting, providing, and prioritizing her good, submission becomes natural. It’s not forced or demanded, it just flows from trust and respect.
It’s time to grow up, earn the authority you’re demanding. It’s time to lead like Jesus led through service, sacrifice, and love. The women are scaling up. The question is: Will you?
There’s a growing crisis in relationships today, and it’s making both men and women frustrated, confused, and bitter. Men are asking, Why won’t she submit? while women are asking, Why should I follow someone who acts this way?
The present generation of men wants the authority their grandfathers had. They want to quote “wives submit to your husbands” while conveniently skipping the part about dying for their wives.
Meanwhile, women are waking up, educated, financially independent, spiritually growing, emotionally intelligent, and asking a fair question: “Why should I submit to someone who hasn’t earned the right to lead?”
“Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.” (James 3:1)
If you want authority, understand that God holds leaders to a higher standard. Yes, the Bible speaks about male leadership in marriage and family.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” (Ephesians 5:25-28)
Did you catch that? Biblical authority isn’t about SACRIFICE nor CONTROL. It’s about loving your wife the way Christ loved the church. How did Christ love the church? He died for it. Not occasionally inconvenienced or slightly bothered. He gave everything. He put her needs above His own. He washed feet. He served. He protected. He provided. He led by example.
That’s the biblical standard for male authority. If you’re not willing to meet that standard, you have no business demanding submission.
In today’s digital age, social media has become an integral part of our daily lives, but it has also introduced new challenges into romantic relationships. Establishing healthy boundaries around social media use is about honoring God and your partner in the way you present yourself and your relationship to the world.
Social media boundaries begin with trust and transparency. When couples openly discuss their expectations about online interactions, they create a foundation built on mutual respect. This aligns with Proverbs 27:5, which tells us, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love.” Honest conversations about what feels comfortable regarding likes, comments, direct messages, and connections with ex-partners prevent misunderstandings and build deeper intimacy.
The Bible emphasizes the importance of guarding our hearts and minds. Philippians 4:8 instructs us to focus on “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable.” This principle should guide how we engage with content and people on social platforms. If certain interactions or content consumption create jealousy, temptation, or discord in your relationship, it may be time to establish firmer boundaries.
Social media can become a breeding ground for comparison and dissatisfaction when couples constantly expose themselves to others’ highlight reels. Set limits on sharing intimate details of your relationship online. Some moments are sacred and meant to be private between you, your partner, and God. Matthew 6:6 speaks about the importance of private devotion: “But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen.”
Effective social media boundaries might include agreeing not to air relationship conflicts publicly, being transparent about friendships and interactions with others, limiting time spent on social platforms when together, and regularly evaluating how social media affects your relationship’s health.
Ultimately, healthy social media boundaries reflect a couple’s commitment to prioritizing their relationship and glorifying God in their digital interactions. When both partners willingly establish and respect these boundaries, they create space for deeper connection, greater trust, and a relationship that honors the Creator who designed love itself.
The goal isn’t to eliminate social media entirely but to use it in ways that strengthen rather than strain your relationship.
In a world of DMs, emojis, and constant access, it’s easy for lighthearted banter to morph into emotional entanglement. Flirting can be harmless play, but when it plants expectations you have no intention to nurture, it becomes deception. The Lord detests lying lips, but He delights in people who are trustworthy (Proverbs 12:22). Kingdom relationships require clarity, consistency, and care.
Where’s the line? Ask:
– Does my communication suggest commitment I’m not offering?
– Do my repeated compliments, late-night conversations, and exclusivity signal more than I intend?
Jesus counsels radical clarity: “Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’” (Matthew 5:37). Paul adds, “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt” (Colossians 4:6). Grace communicates kindly while salt preserves the truth.
Guardrails for integrity: 1) Communicate purpose and be upfront about friendship (1 Thessalonians 4:3–6; Philippians 2:3). 2) Watch the rhythm. If chats are frequent, vulnerable, and exclusive, you’re building a bond (Proverbs 4:23). 3) Set healthy boundaries for time, topics, and touch (Song of Songs 2:7; Proverbs 25:17). 4) Invite accountability loop in trusted friends/mentors to keep your motives clean (Proverbs 27:17). 5) If interest grows, honor them with direct pursuit, not hints (Proverbs 24:26).
Perhaps, you feel led on, replace assumptions with questions like: What are your intentions toward me? If answers are unclear, take that as guidance. God’s wisdom is peaceable and sincere (James 3:17). Pray for a clean heart and a clear path.
Hold on to this; love doesn’t play games, it tells the truth, protects hearts, and moves with purpose (1 Corinthians 13:4–7).
Digital dating has introduced new behaviors with old roots. Some of these dating traps are avoidance, manipulation, selfishness, ghosting, disappearing without explanation, and breadcrumbing, dropping just enough attention to keep you around, break trust, distort identity, and waste time. Yet your value is settled: “I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). You were not designed for confusion or crumbs.
When someone’s words promise connection but their actions dodge commitment, you are not “needy” for wanting clarity; you are healthy. Kingdom love tells the truth (1 Corinthians 13:6; Ephesians 4:25). Jesus modeled honest, direct communication, and even hard truths in love (Ephesians 4:15). The goal is not to win attention but to walk in integrity.
Discern the traps early: 1) Inconsistent energy; hot today, cold tomorrow (James 1:8). 2) Private affection, public distance (Song of Songs 2:7; Proverbs 27:6). 3) Perpetually “busy” with no concrete plans (Proverbs 20:4).
Protect yourself wisely: 1) Raise the standard; Request clarity on intentions and timelines (Amos 3:3). 2) Match effort, not fantasy, and respond to reality, not potential (Proverbs 13:12). 3) Bring community in; Seek counsel from mentors/pastors (Proverbs 15:22). 4) Keep your peace; If their presence creates constant anxiety, step back (Philippians 4:7; Colossians 3:15). 5) Don’t audition for love. Jesus already secured it. (Romans 8:32, 38–39).
If you’ve been ghosted, resist bitterness. Release them and bless them (Romans 12:17–21). God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3). Clarity is not too much to ask. It is the path of love.
