Forgiveness and Forbearance in Relationships and Marriage
In any relationship—whether romantic, familial, or platonic—conflicts and offenses are inevitable. Human beings are imperfect, and even the closest bonds can be tested by misunderstandings, hurtful words, or unmet expectations. However, forgiveness and forbearance are two powerful tools that God provides to restore unity, deepen love, and sustain lasting relationships. Let’s explore how these principles play a vital role in nurturing healthy connections.
1. Forgiveness: Releasing the Debt of Offense
Forgiveness is the act of letting go of resentment or vengeance when someone wrongs you. It doesn’t mean excusing their behavior or pretending the offense didn’t happen; rather, it’s choosing to release them from the “debt” they owe you. Ephesians 4:32 instructs us, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
In marriage and relationships, forgiveness is essential because no one is immune to mistakes. Holding onto grudges creates bitterness and erodes trust over time. When we forgive, we model Christ’s grace toward us (Colossians 3:13) and open the door for healing and reconciliation. Forgiveness isn’t always easy—it requires humility and strength—but it’s necessary for true intimacy.
2. Forbearance: Bearing with One Another’s Imperfections
While forgiveness addresses specific wrongs, forbearance involves enduring ongoing challenges or irritations without becoming resentful. Colossians 3:13 says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.” Forbearance means having patience and tolerance for your partner’s quirks, weaknesses, or differences—even when they frustrate you.
Marriage especially requires forbearance because living closely with another person inevitably highlights areas where you clash. Perhaps your spouse leaves things messy, forgets important dates, or struggles with emotional expression. Instead of reacting harshly, choose to extend grace, remembering that you, too, have flaws that require patience from others.
3. The Role of Communication in Forgiveness and Forbearance
Effective communication is key to practicing both forgiveness and forbearance. Misunderstandings often escalate conflicts, so addressing issues calmly and honestly is crucial. James 1:19 advises, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”
When an offense occurs, take time to process your emotions before responding. Approach the conversation with a desire to understand rather than accuse. Use phrases like “I felt hurt when…” instead of “You always…” This helps foster constructive dialogue and prevents defensiveness.
Likewise, when practicing forbearance, communicate your needs kindly. If something bothers you consistently, share it gently rather than bottling it up until resentment builds. Healthy communication strengthens both forgiveness and long-suffering in relationships.
4. Modeling Christlike Love
Forgiveness and forbearance reflect Christ’s unconditional love for us. He bore our sins on the cross, offering full forgiveness despite our unworthiness (Romans 5:8). As believers, we’re called to imitate His example in our marriages and relationships.
In moments of conflict, ask yourself: How would Jesus respond? Would He withhold grace or offer mercy? By keeping Christ at the center of your interactions, you’ll find it easier to forgive quickly and bear burdens patiently. Love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8), and when love leads, forgiveness and forbearance naturally follow.
5. Building a Culture of Grace
Forgiveness and forbearance shouldn’t be rare occurrences—they should become part of the fabric of your relationship. Create a culture of grace where apologies are freely given and received, and imperfections are met with understanding. Proverbs 17:9 says, “Whoever would foster love covers over an offense.”
Celebrate small victories, like apologizing promptly or choosing not to react angrily during a disagreement. Over time, these habits build resilience and deepen your bond. A marriage rooted in grace becomes a safe haven where both partners feel valued and accepted.
Forgiveness and forbearance aren’t optional in relationships—they’re foundational. Without them, wounds fester, walls go up, and hearts grow distant. But when practiced faithfully, they create space for restoration, growth, and deeper connection.
Remember, none of us deserves God’s forgiveness, yet He lavishes it upon us freely. In the same way, extend that same measure of grace to those you love. As you commit to forgiving fully and bearing patiently, you’ll experience the beauty of a relationship anchored in God’s love. After all, “Love keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5)—and neither should we.
Are you a minister, pastor, church worker, or leader who lives in Ibadan? You are cordially invited to “Equip” a Minister’s Conference with Rev Femi Oduwole and Rev Gbeminiyi Eboda as part of our 9th anniversary convention.
Rev Dunamis and Sophia Okunowo will also be hosting us. Attendance is free, but registration is required. Kindly register HERE
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Love is more than just words—it’s expressed through consistent actions, attitudes, and sacrifices. While every individual expresses love differently, certain signs reveal genuine affection that aligns with God’s design for relationships. Whether you’re navigating friendship, dating, or marriage, here are key indicators that someone truly loves you.
1. They Prioritize Spending Time with You
Time is one of the most valuable gifts we can give someone. A person who loves you will make intentional efforts to spend quality time with you, even amidst their busy schedule.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “There is a time for everything.”
When they prioritize you, it shows they value your presence and cherish the moments you share.
This doesn’t mean they’ll always be available, but when they do spend time with you, they’re fully present—listening, engaging, and investing in your connection. Their actions demonstrate that you matter deeply to them.
2. They Speak Words of Encouragement and Affirmation
Proverbs 18:21 reminds us, “The tongue has the power of life and death.” Someone who genuinely loves you uses their words to uplift and affirm you. They notice your strengths, celebrate your successes, and offer encouragement during tough times. Instead of criticizing or tearing you down, they speak life into your heart.
Whether it’s a simple compliment, heartfelt praise, or reassurance of your worth, their words reflect kindness and respect. These verbal expressions build trust and remind you of how much you mean to them.
3. They Sacrifice for Your Well-Being
True love involves sacrifice—a willingness to put your needs above their own desires. Ephesians 5:25 calls husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church—by giving Himself up for her. While this principle applies to marriage, sacrificial love is also evident in other relationships.
A person who loves you will go out of their way to support you, whether it’s helping with practical tasks, offering emotional comfort, or making personal adjustments to accommodate your needs. Their sacrifices aren’t motivated by obligation but by a sincere desire to see you thrive.
4. They Respect Your Boundaries
Respect is a cornerstone of healthy love. A person who truly cares about you honors your boundaries—whether physical, emotional, or relational. They don’t pressure you to compromise your values or disregard your limits. Instead, they seek to understand what makes you feel safe and valued.
1 Peter 3:7 instructs husbands to treat their wives with respect, emphasizing that honor is an essential part of love. Similarly, anyone who loves you will treat you with dignity and consideration, ensuring that you feel respected and cherished.
5. They Support Your Spiritual Growth
A godly person who loves you will encourage your relationship with God rather than hinder it. They understand that your spiritual well-being is foundational to your identity and purpose. Together, you’ll pray, study Scripture, and pursue holiness—not out of obligation, but because they want to grow closer to God alongside you.
Hebrews 10:24-25 highlights this principle: “Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.” A loving partner will challenge you to live faithfully, cheer you on in your walk with Christ, and create space for God to work in both of your lives.
Love isn’t defined by grand gestures or fleeting emotions—it’s revealed through steadfast commitment, thoughtful actions, and selfless care. If someone consistently demonstrates these signs, chances are they genuinely love you. However, it’s important to ensure that their behavior aligns with biblical principles and reflects God’s unconditional love.
As you evaluate relationships, remember 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, which describes love as patient, kind, humble, forgiving, and enduring. True love seeks the best for others and points them toward Christ. May you recognize and appreciate those who love you deeply—and strive to love others in the same way. After all, love is not just something we receive; it’s something we give, reflecting the heart of our Creator.
5 Things to Do When You Know Your Future Spouse (Who Is Oblivious)
Are you a minister, pastor, church worker, or leader who lives in Ibadan? You are cordially invited to “Equip” a Minister’s Conference with Rev Femi Oduwole and Rev Gbeminiyi Eboda as part of our 9th anniversary convention.
Rev Dunamis and Sophia Okunowo will also be hosting us. Attendance is free, but registration is required. Kindly register HERE
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It’s an exciting, yet challenging situation: you believe you’ve met the person God has for you, but they seem completely unaware of your feelings or intentions. While it’s natural to feel eager or even anxious, remember that relationships built on mutual understanding and shared faith are worth waiting for. Here are five godly steps to take when you know your future spouse is oblivious to your perspective.
1. Pray for Clarity and Wisdom
Before taking any action, bring the situation before God in prayer. Ask Him to confirm whether this person truly is your future spouse and to grant both of you clarity about His will. Pray also for wisdom on how to approach the relationship without pressuring or overwhelming them.
James 1:5 reminds us, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault.”
Your prayers can cover areas such as their spiritual growth, openness to a potential relationship, and protection from misunderstandings. Trust that God is at work, even if the other person isn’t yet aware of His plans.
2. Focus on Building Genuine Friendship
Instead of rushing into romance, focus on cultivating a strong, authentic friendship. Friendships provide a foundation for deeper connection and allow you to demonstrate Christlike character over time.
Proverbs 18:24 says, “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Show them loyalty, kindness, and support without ulterior motives.
As you spend time together, let your actions speak louder than words. Be intentional about learning their interests, values, and dreams. This builds trust and creates space for them to see you as someone they admire and respect—not just someone pursuing them romantically.
3. Discern Their Readiness for Commitment
Sometimes, the reason someone seems oblivious is that they’re not ready for a serious relationship. Take time to observe where they are in life spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. Are they actively seeking God? Do they prioritize personal growth and maturity? If they aren’t in a place to commit, forcing the issue could lead to frustration or harm.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 teaches, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”
Respect their journey and timing while continuing to grow yourself. A healthy relationship requires two people who are equally prepared to move forward.
4. Communicate with Grace and Humility
When the moment feels right—and after much prayer—consider sharing your heart with them. Approach the conversation humbly, focusing on your feelings rather than pressuring them to respond immediately. For example, you might say, “I value our friendship deeply, and I feel led to share that I see potential for something more between us. I understand if this is unexpected, and I want to honor whatever your thoughts are.”
Communicating openly doesn’t mean demanding an answer; it means giving them space to process and respond in their own time.
Ephesians 4:29 encourages us to use words that build up and give grace to those who hear.
5. Trust God to Work in Their Heart
Ultimately, only God can change hearts and reveal His plan to others. If the person remains oblivious or uncertain, trust that He is working behind the scenes.
Psalm 37:5 assures us, “Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will do this.”
Avoid manipulating situations or trying to force intimacy. Instead, surrender the outcome to God and continue living faithfully in the meantime.
Use this season to deepen your walk with Christ, serve others, and prepare yourself for marriage. Whether this person becomes your spouse or not, staying obedient to God ensures that you’ll be ready for whatever He has planned.
Knowing your future spouse who is oblivious to your feelings can test your patience and faith, but it’s also an opportunity to trust God’s timing and provision. By praying, building friendship, discerning readiness, communicating gracefully, and trusting His sovereignty, you position yourself to honor both the other person and the Lord.
Remember, marriage is a covenant designed by God, and both parties must be willing participants in His plan. Keep your focus on being the best version of yourself and walking in alignment with His purposes. Even if the path seems unclear now, be assured that God is faithful to guide you step by step toward the future He has prepared for you.
Are you a minister, pastor, church worker, or leader, and you live in Ibadan? You are cordially invited to “Equip” a Minister’s Conference with Rev Femi Oduwole and Rev Gbeminiyi Eboda as part of our 9th anniversary convention.
Rev Dunamis and Sophia Okunowo will also be hosting us. Attendance is free, but registration is required. Kindly register on this link – https://kissesandhuggs.com/conv2025
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Choosing a life partner is one of the most significant decisions you’ll ever make. This person will walk beside you through joys and trials, share your dreams, and help shape the legacy you leave behind. But this decision shouldn’t rest solely on human wisdom or fleeting emotions—it must be guided by God’s direction and design. Here’s how to discern who your life partner is with God at the center of the process.
1. Surrender Your Desires to God
Before seeking a spouse, surrender your desires and expectations to the Lord. Often, our vision for “the perfect partner” is shaped by societal standards, past experiences, or unmet needs. However, Psalm 37:4 reminds us, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” When you delight in God above all else, He aligns your heart with His plan, replacing selfish ambitions with godly priorities.
Pray and ask God to reveal His will for your future spouse. Trust that His timing and choice are far better than anything you could orchestrate on your own.
2. Seek Wisdom and Discernment
God promises wisdom to those who ask (James 1:5), so seek His guidance as you navigate relationships. Look beyond surface-level attractions and evaluate character, values, and spiritual maturity. Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” Notice the emphasis on finding someone who reflects goodness—a reflection of God’s nature.
Ask yourself: Does this person exhibit fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23)? Are they committed to growing closer to God? Do they honor others and demonstrate integrity? These qualities matter far more than external appearances or temporary chemistry.
3. Set Boundaries and Standards Based on Scripture
As you wait for God’s leading, establish clear boundaries and non-negotiable standards rooted in Scripture. For example:
A shared faith in Christ (2 Corinthians 6:14)
A commitment to purity and holiness (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)
Alignment in core values like family, finances, and ministry
Boundaries protect your heart and ensure you don’t settle for less than God’s best. Remember, compromise on foundational principles can lead to long-term struggles in marriage.
4. Involve Godly Counsel
Proverbs 11:14 states, “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors, there is safety.” Surround yourself with trusted mentors, pastors, or spiritually mature friends who can provide objective insight into potential partners. They can help identify red flags you might overlook due to emotions or infatuation.
Additionally, observe how the person interacts with their family, friends, and community. Their behavior outside of your relationship reveals much about their true character.
5. Trust God’s Timing
Patience is key when deciding who your life partner is. It’s easy to feel pressured by cultural timelines or comparisons with others, but Ecclesiastes 3:1 assures us, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” Rushing into a relationship without divine confirmation can lead to heartache, while waiting on God ensures alignment with His purpose.
While you wait, focus on becoming the kind of person you hope to marry. Use this season to deepen your relationship with God, serve others, and grow in wisdom and maturity.
Deciding who your life partner is isn’t just about choosing someone—it’s about allowing God to guide you to the right person at the right time. Keep Him at the forefront of your search, trusting that He knows what’s best for you. As you pray, seek wise counsel, and set godly standards, rest assured that He will lead you to a partner who complements your journey and shares your commitment to glorify Him.
Remember, marriage is not only a union between two people—it’s a covenant involving God Himself. Let your decision reflect reverence for His design and dependence on His direction. With faith and obedience, you’ll find the joy and fulfillment that come from partnering with both God and the person He has chosen for you.
Proverbs 19:14 concludes, “Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.” Trust that your life partner is a gift from Him—and trust in His perfect timing to bring it to pass.
Are you a minister, pastor, church worker, or leader who lives in Ibadan? You are cordially invited to “Equip” a Minister’s Conference with Rev Femi Oduwole and Rev Gbeminiyi Eboda as part of our 9th anniversary convention.
Rev Dunamis and Sophia Okunowo will also be hosting us. Attendance is free, but registration is required. Kindly register HERE
Don’t miss it. Spread the word!
To my future wife, whoever and wherever you are—this letter is for you. Though we may not yet know each other, I want to speak honestly about the journey ahead of us. Marriage is a sacred covenant, not just between two people but also with God (Malachi 2:14). It requires preparation, humility, and intentionality from both sides. So before our paths cross or our vows unite us, let me ask: Are you really ready for me?
1. Are You Ready to Partner in Purpose?
Marriage isn’t just about romance—it’s about partnership. Amos 3:3 asks, “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” Before we can walk side by side, we must first agree on the direction we’re heading. Are you pursuing God’s purpose for your life? Do you understand that marriage amplifies ministry, calling us to serve Him together as one? If we’re both aligned with His will, our union won’t just be a relationship—it’ll be a mission field.
2. Are You Ready to Embrace Imperfection?
Let’s get real—I’m far from perfect. Neither of us will enter this marriage without flaws, struggles, or areas where growth is needed. Ephesians 4:2 calls us to bear with one another in love, “being completely humble and gentle.” Can you embrace my imperfections while challenging me to become better? Likewise, am I willing to do the same for you? Love isn’t blind; it sees clearly yet chooses to stay committed through grace and forgiveness.
3. Are You Ready to Communicate Openly?
Healthy communication is the backbone of any strong marriage. James 1:19 reminds us to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Are you ready to share your heart vulnerably, even when it feels uncomfortable? Will you extend patience when misunderstandings arise? Honest dialogue fosters trust, intimacy, and unity—the pillars of a thriving relationship.
4. Are You Ready to Prioritize God Above All Else?
Our marriage won’t succeed if it’s built solely on feelings or convenience—it must be rooted in God. Matthew 6:33 tells us to seek first His kingdom, and everything else will fall into place. As much as I long to love and cherish you, nothing should come before my relationship with Christ—and the same must be true for you. When God is at the center, our love becomes unshakeable because it’s anchored in eternity.
5. Are You Ready to Fight Together?
Marriage isn’t always easy; there will be seasons of joy and seasons of struggle. But here’s the truth: We won’t fight against each other—we’ll fight for each other. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” With God binding us together, we’ll face challenges as a team. Are you prepared to stand firm, pray fervently, and never give up—even when the road gets tough?
Final Thought:
My dearest future wife, I write these words not to intimidate but to inspire. Marriage is a beautiful journey, but it demands readiness—from both of us. As you prepare your heart for this lifelong commitment, remember that love is more than a feeling; it’s a choice, a sacrifice, and a reflection of God’s unwavering devotion to us.
If you’re reading this, take courage. Whether we meet tomorrow or years from now, I trust that God is preparing you just as He’s preparing me. Let’s commit to seeking Him above all else, knowing that He will guide our steps toward each other in His perfect timing. Until then, keep growing, keep praying, and keep believing—for the best is yet to come.
