When it comes to choosing the right partner, I hear people say a lot. I want a God fearing man. He or she must be a Christian [I wonder if you want to consider an unbeliever before]. I want someone who can demonstrate the gifts of the spirit, and so on.
While you may be entitled to your choice, there is an important factor I would love you to consider in your prospective fiance or fiancee.
Marriage is a whole lot. It would be wise for you, if you can, to reduce the issues you would face in marriage.
When the bible says you should not be yoked with unbelievers, it is to your advantage. Apostle Paul says marriage comes with additional stress in an already stressful life. How do you want to add that to a partner who doesn’t share your spiritual values?
Back to my discourse, the very first thing I feel you should consider before saying yes is integrity. Does this person have integrity? Is he or she a person of his/her words? Do they mean yes when they say yes?
When the disciples were to choose the seven deacons, the first criteria was honesty.
Acts 6:3 [KJV] Wherefore, brethren, look ye out among you seven men of honest report, full of the Holy Ghost and wisdom, whom we may appoint over this business.
They chose integrity before they mentioned being full of the spirit.
Acts 6:3 [AMP] Therefore, brothers, choose from among you seven men with good reputations [men of godly character and moral integrity], full of the Spirit and of wisdom, whom we may put in charge of this task.
What does that tell you?
Don’t be swayed by the gifts of the spirit you see manifesting in that person’s life. Check for integrity. Check for honesty. You can’t afford to get married to someone who doesn’t value truthfulness.
Even God honors His words above His name. That is integrity!
Ps 138:2 [NKJV] I will worship toward Your holy temple, And praise Your name For Your lovingkindness and Your truth; For You have magnified Your word above all Your name.
The state of the heart is very important because that’s what God will see. When God looks down from heaven, he looks straight into your heart.
Unlike man, God doesn’t see the pulchritude or outward appearance, he looks inward.
Only God can see how desperately wicked a man’s heart is.
Only God knows the lady winking at you this moment but is plotting your downfall.
Only God sees beyond the nose.
Only God that sees the heart that loves you now and will love you some twenty-three years from now.
1 Sam 16:7 But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.
When God looks into your heart, what does he see? Will he see pride, arrogance, bitterness, rebellion, and all sorts?
Will he see perversion, scheming, devilish plots and what have you?
If God gives you the go-ahead to do what you have in mind, what will it be?
2 Sam 7:1-3 KJV And it came to pass, when the king sat in his house, and the LORD had given him rest round about from all his enemies; 2 That the king said unto Nathan the prophet, See now, I dwell in an house of cedar, but the ark of God dwelleth within curtains. 3 And Nathan said to the king, Go, do all that is in thine heart; for the LORD is with thee.
See another person;
John 13:27, 30 (TPT) And when Judas ate the piece of bread, Satan entered him. Then Jesus looked at Judas and said, “What you are planning to do, go do it now. 30 So Judas left quickly and went out into the dark night to betray Jesus.
If God gives you the go-ahead to start that relationship, will it be a disaster? Think about it.
God did not have respect for Cain’s offering because he saw his heart. God knew he had the capacity to give more, but he decided to withhold it….and God said it would have been better for you not to have given at all.
So God is saying if all you want to be doing is taking selfies at cinema halls, I think you should still remain single… hehe…
If all you want to be doing has no kingdom relevance, God will just be shaking his head from heaven.
Ps 24:3-4 KJV Who shall ascend into the hill of the LORD? or who shall stand in his holy place? 4 He that hath clean hands, and a pure heart; who hath not lifted up his soul unto vanity, nor sworn deceitfully.
Can you see how God lays premium on the heart?
Watch what enters your heart this season. Be deliberate and intentional. Guard your heart with all diligence. Don’t train your heart to accommodate heartache…it can make the heart sick. Your heart is sacred. Don’t make it a dumping ground.
I want to write to those who are experiencing any form of delay regarding settling down.
Ex 32:1 And when the people saw that Moses delayed to come down out of the mount, the people gathered themselves together unto Aaron, and said unto him, Up, make us gods, which shall go before us; for as for this Moses, the man that brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we wot not what is become of him.
Have you been here before? All your mates are married and it seems your spouse is delaying. Hasn’t he received you yet? What is she still doing on the mountain?
I heard a story sometime back when a guy was given a resounding slap after proposing to a lady. The lady was said to have wondered what took him so long.
In the passage above, the Israelites were frustrated that Moses delayed, so they sought other options. You too might be frustrated that your biological clock is ticking and no one is in view. My admonition to you is that you should not settle for other options. Don’t settle for a married fellow, a pervert, or an abusive person just in a bid to change your status.
In the New Testament, some people also experienced delays as the bridegroom decided to take his time.
Matt 25:5 KJV While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept.
Some people have actually given up on the possibility of getting married to their God-ordained spouse. Some people have slumbered and slept off in the process of waiting.
In some cases, the delay is caused by the people involved. In other cases, the delay is from the bridegroom. Whichever case you fall into, there is something you can do rather than resign to fate.
Matt 9:15 KJV And Jesus said unto them, Can the children of the bridechamber mourn, as long as the bridegroom is with them? but the days will come, when the bridegroom shall be taken from them, and then shall they fast.
Yes, fast and pray. When it looks like you’ve done all you know how to do, yet your spouse is not forthcoming, you go into fasting. Why fast?
God will not just create your spouse the moment you begin fasting. Fasting will not change God either. It will humble your soul. It will discipline your flesh. If you are sincere with it, God begins to show you areas you need to work on. God begins to open your eyes. Your spirit man comes alive. You get downloads straight from above. You suddenly realize your partner has been hanging around ever since.
Valentine’s day has come and gone. Some people are smiling, some others are still wailing. Some people received multiple gifts, while others waited till midnight, yet got no gift. Now, you know exactly where you stand.
Some people had their innocence taken away, while some gave it out cheaply. Now that the adrenaline rush is over, and you are back to reality, let us talk.
Now is the time to take an inventory of whatever happened to you on Valentine’s Day, and make some decsisions.
If you feel you messed up, don’t stay there. Don’t sit down, sulk, and cry over what has happened.
Hos 6:1 [NIV] Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds.
Rise up from your pain and regret. It is not the end of the world. Mistakes have been made, but they do not define you. What defines you is what you choose to do next. Rather than sit in self-pity, rise, learn, and move forward.
For those who feel used, unappreciated, or broken, take a step back and reflect. What led you to this point? Were you too trusting? Did you ignore the red flags, I am sure they were there. You must answer these questions to prevent a repetition of what just happened.
For those who had a wonderful Valentine’s Day, filled with love, gifts, and attention -be grateful. However, do not let one day of affection blind you to the reality of your relationship. Is your relationship built on a firm foundation? Will the love last beyond the chocolates and roses? Feelings are fickle, they do not last, so ensure your love is rooted in something deeper and more meaningful – in Christ.
No matter what your Valentine’s Day looked like, today is a new day. Pick yourself up. Make wiser choices. Seek healing, and most importantly, like the prodigal son, return to the One who loves you unconditionally. His love is not seasonal, it does not waver, and it will never leave you empty.
The Bible warns us not to conform for a reason—it’s because conforming is easier. The pressure to fit in is constant. There’s pressure to get married, have kids, build a career, start a business, travel the world, and so on.
But God has given us a way out: the renewal of our minds.
Romans 12:2 (AMP) And do not be conformed to this world [any longer with its superficial values and customs], but be transformed and progressively changed [as you mature spiritually] by the renewing of your mind [focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His plan and purpose for you].
One of the key ways to experience transformation is by growing spiritually. If you’re still struggling with the basics—fasting, tithing, praying, meditating—how will you stand firm when the pressure comes?
Spiritual maturity doesn’t happen overnight, but it’s a journey worth taking. The more you grow in your walk with God, the less pressure the world will have over you. Instead of being swayed by expectations, you’ll stand firm in God’s will for your life.
