Men are the aggressors, ladies are the responders. Men are supposed to woo ladies.
The problem is that most men stop wooing their wives immediately after the wedding, and then wonder why the spark, the laughter, and the joy disappear from their wives’ faces. Well, the reason is obvious. You have to keep doing what you did before the wedding to sustain the marriage after the wedding!
In the beginning, Adam was the aggressor. Eve said nothing and just watched while she was being “toasted”
And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. (Genesis 2:23 KJV)
As a single lady, don’t take the lead in asking a man out. It is not scriptural. You will be found, trust God on that. Don’t manipulate and don’t be suggestive so that the guy will not take advantage of you. Men are hunters by nature; don’t tamper with that “hunter” in him! Let him value you by coming after you.
The man who is not ready to “chase” and “woo” is not worth it.
Why is this so important?
Wooing is a lifetime assignment, even for husbands after marriage. If you want to keep the fire of your marriage burning, keep wooing your wife. It is a potent principle! The source of a thing is often time the sustenance of that thing.
Whatever you did to her while you were “toasting” her should not be stopped after marriage. If you wrote letters, keep writing. If you bought flowers, keep buying. If you used to take her out and her eyes would brighten up, you shouldn’t wonder why she has been downcast when you have not taken her out in six months!
Some people are deeply spiritual. So spiritual they probably wanted God to help them propose or answer a proposal. Well, it is not as complicated.
And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. (Genesis 2:22 KJV)
What God will do is that He will present you with opportunities and guidance, but He will always allow you to make up your mind. That is why the scriptures says:
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22 KJV)
Whoso findeth… this is talking to men. Men are the ones that do the finding, not the ladies.
Right now, look around you. Your friends, church folks, classmates, relationships around you, those are all the people God has presented to you. You are to prayerfully choose once you are at a marriageable age. You are to be led by God’s Spirit, because when you ask Him, He will lead you and you won’t have to be proposing to several people. God still leads. You don’t need to have a dream or vision or hear a voice, it could just be inner witness or even circumstantial leading.
I am very certain that God’s design for a good relationship is not to start having boyfriends or girlfriends all over the place and be toying with your emotions in experimental relationships. God certainly wants to lead, if you allow Him.
And do you know one thing? God will not lead you wrong!
Now to the couples. If you are already married, presentation opportunities are over. Stay with your spouse and enjoy the wife of your youth, the scripture advises. Focus on God and then on your spouse. That is the secret to a successful marriage.
You can only admire people after your wedding, you should not desire them. In other to enjoy God’s blessings and favour maximally, you will need to focus on your spouse with all your heart! After God, the next person is your spouse!
Take a cue from Adam, it was when Adam slept that God was able to perfect the presentation of his wife. You have been too noisy and too mobile, go and sit down somewhere and let God do His work! Think about it, upon all your sweet mouth and relationship skills, where is the loved one?
And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; (Genesis 2:21 KJV)
Learn from Adam, and go to sleep.
The responsibility of God is to cause a deep sleep to fall upon Adam; the responsibility of Adam is to sleep. Adam could say, “No way, I am not sleeping!” But the scripture says he slept!
When he slept, God went to work.
No wonder the scriptures say:
Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. (Psalms 46:10 KJV)
Yes, be still. Stop sampling around! How can one brother propose to seven sisters in the same church? Who is leading you? Each time, you keep saying, “God said..” Are you sure God said?
Be still, then you will see God in your relationship or marriage. Ladies, stop being suggestive and stop spending your money to buy things for him. Let God help you by calming down! How I love the Message Translation:
“Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything.” (Psalms 46:10 Message)
Yes, step out of the traffic. Focus on God and you will surely see His salvation in your relationship and marriage!
To married men, you are not only to sleep, you are to die! The Scripture admonishes that you are to love your wife as Christ loves the church. How did Christ love the church? He died for her. In the same way, loving your wife appropriately involves dying to your preferences sometimes, dying to your desires sometimes, and prioritizing her needs! May God give husbands understanding!
Adam named all the animals, from cattle to the fowl of the air and every beast of the field. He became a nomenclature expert.
To succeed in relationship management, you must learn how to give names appropriately to everybody around you.
And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him (Genesis 2:20 KJV)
Your boss is your superior; he is not your lover. Things should not be turned upside down. Especially if he is married. Both singles and couples should know this to avoid stories that touch the heart!
Your lecturer is meant to teach you academics, and not take you to bed for practicals.
Dear Youth Corper, you are meant to teach that young girl Chemistry, not take advantage of her naivety and take her to bed. If you do that, Chemistry will soon become Physics and the law of gravity will take its course. You go down when you trifle with such things!
He is your colleague, not one to discuss your marital challenges lest there be an emotional connection. As couples, you don’t discuss your marital issue with another married fellow of the opposite sex. That will be counterproductive!
Let the cattle remain as cattle and let the fowls remain as fowls.
The scripture above says Adam named every cattle, but there was not found a help met for him.
For Singles, the implication is that not everybody can become your spouse. You cannot be falling in love with everybody that comes your way and keep saying you can’t help it.
There are friends, acquaintances, classmates, and colleagues, yet none qualify as a spouse until the direction issue is settled with God.
Don’t settle with cattle, or fowl, or beast of the field, wait for your Adam or Eve! What would have happened if Adam had looked at the female baboon and said this is the bone of my bones and the flesh of my flesh…you can guess how you will look today!
Finally, for couples, it is important to establish boundaries especially emotionally. Desist from getting emotionally entangled with someone else aside from your spouse. May God help us all.
I started yesterday on this topic. Will continue this morning.
2. For man, work came before marriage And the Lord God took the man and put him into the Garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it. (Genesis 2:15 KJV)
God gave Adam work before ever giving him a wife. God’s order is not coincidental. It is a deliberate order that is meant to communicate wisdom that work is the first thing to get before getting a wife. Speaking in tongues alone will not feed your wife; you’ve got to work. If you are jobless, you can create work for yourself.
To be without work is to resign yourself to fate. While you are busy waiting for that dream job, find work to do. Volunteer somewhere, and that might even get you a job!
Without work, your wife will not likely show-up! Don’t let your life stop because you haven’t gotten that job. There is a creativity packaged inside you that needs to be discovered. Joblessness is an opportunity to discover work; the gifts of God embedded in you that will bring you to your wealthy place. Discover your gifts, develop them, and simply deploy them.
3. There is a difference between aloneness and loneliness And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. (Genesis 2:18 KJV)
Man was alone, but not lonely. When you are lonely, you are not ready for marriage yet. When you are alone, you are ready!
Marriage or courtship will not cure loneliness. If you don’t agree, ask some married people ‘is it possible to be married and be lonely?” They will give you a resounding Yes!
Many wives see their husbands daily and yet very lonely! So, as a single, you need to understand that loneliness cannot be eliminated by marriage or by sex. You increase the emptiness by trying to fill it with sex. Only Jesus can fill that emptiness.
Signs of loneliness in your life are an indication that there is still a void to be filled by your maker. It is an indication that you need to pay attention to your spiritual life and you need to go on a journey of identity discovery in the scriptures! Don’t ignore it, rather go on a spiritual adventure through reading, studying, and meditating on God’s word. You will come up stronger and better and ready to face life!
