We are constantly on a journey of improving ourselves better and our skills as husbands and wives. I said skills because it takes mastering the skills of living successfully with each other.
There’s an art of talking, listening, being tolerant, handling in-laws, handling finances, being romantic, being kind and generous, being submissive to one another, praying together. They are all arts that have to be mastered in marriage.
Always remember that the marriage is made up of individuals with different ideas, opinions, viewpoints, and different ways of reasoning. Give each other space to express their individuality in the context of marriage.
Challenging each other to be better is first of all recognizing each other’s uniqueness. It is not about making your spouse your puppet, where all initiatives are dead, but about recognizing your differences and appreciating them.
You should draw each other closer to God. A closer walk with God will make the couple better, they will make one another better spouse. Encourage each other on their daily study of the word, meditation in the word, obedience to the word which is very important.
Obeying the word you read or doing what God ask you to do is more important than reading the word. Encouraging each other to have quality time alone with God is very essential not just in becoming a better christian but in becoming a better spouse.
‘And we beholding him are being transformed from one level of glory to another as by one spirit’. That is God’s word. The transformation occurs in our spirit and it is evident in our outward lives.
Rom 12:1 (Amp) “I appeal to you therefore, brethren and beg of you in view of (all) the mercies of God, to make a decisive dedication of your bodies (presenting all your members and faculties) as a living sacrifice holy (devoted, consecrated) and well pleasing to God which is your reasonable ( rational intelligent) s ice and spiritual worship.
As you obey God, your marriage will begin to take a new toll. Marriage in the eyes of God cannot and is not meant to be lived by an non-spiritual person. It takes being spiritual and dead to the flesh to have a successful marriage.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will be exalted because God exalts the humble.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, surround me with people that will aid my destiny in Jesus name.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed. (Proverbs 13:20 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Discuss who you will be accountable to.
Good morning everybody, we are continuing our topic of love language in marriage. Couples should go all out to speak the language of their spouse unreservedly since our aim in marriage is to place our spouse.
It will be good to always look for creative ways to speak the love language our spouse understands. Marriage is a place where we serve each other. We don’t think of ourselves first. We allow and trust God through our spouse to take care of us
That is why it becomes imperative for us to learn and understand our spouse love language.
3. Words of Affirmation
Here, words mean a big deal to your spouse. In speaking his/her love language, you want to be careful of what is said, how it is said, when it is said, your body language, your tone, pitch and everything surrounding the words you say.
Here, it means a lot to your spouse when you give words of encouragement. Words that will uplift him/her. You might not be able to provide all the money in this world but your reassuring words makes them feel loved.
Your thoughtful words keeps him/her going. In times of stress, needs, bills to pay, weakness etc, your words are like magic.
Speaking negative, derogative, harsh and hard words or sermonizing or nagging your spouse could be counterproductive.
Please watch for those other than your spouse that speak gently, softly and tenderly to you. Avoid them, it could be a danger spit for the devil to exploit. An emotional affair could develop if you are not
discerning and careful.
Never look forward to anyone’s company or enjoy any ones company other than your spouse.
4. Quality time
If the love language of your spouse is quality time, then love mean time. Not only quantity but quality of time.
Your spouse will appreciate being present with him/her. Your presence and not just present matters to them.
Create memories. Go out for outings together, dinners, vacations, go to seminars together and just spend time together. However, what you spend your time on also matters.
Quality time means time of getting to know your spouse better, listening them talk, being sensitive to them, trying to understand them and knowing how to react and respond.
The lord will help is all. If could be challenging since usually opposite temperament will always attract and some time our love languages are different or we want our love language expressed in a different way from that of our spouse.
Our male female differences, the background we grew up in and other factors are responsible for this.
As a matter of rule, watch out for people of the opposite sex you spend too much time with.
5. Gifts
Your spouse feels love is not complete until it is expressed in buying of gifts. Something must be given to show you care. It has to cost you. More often than not, the thoughtfulness behind the given will mean more to your spouse. So its nor about the gift, but you taking the pains of know the appropriate gift to buy at what time or occasion. Example you wife just deliver a baby, and you got her a a sexy gown. She probably can’t even wear it because of breast feeding.
Find out our favorite color, scent, her size, her preference, her need. What is the point buying your wife high heels when she is pregnant or buying your husband an expensive office suitcase when he needs a belt and doesn’t go to office but works from home.
In all these love language, we all need the help of the holy spirit to lead and guide us. Lest our good works become evil spoken of. We get offended and not appreciated because it didn’t meet our deepest desire.
The holy spirit is our helper, when we call on him he will help us even in performing our duties of speaking our spouse’s love language.
May God grant us understanding.
God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I learn to speak my partners love language.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray for wisdom to speak the love language of your spouse
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:25 ESVHusbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Speak your spouses’ love language
The concept of the five love languages is very popular. I have written about this topic before but it bears repetition. Sometimes, we think we know something until we hear it again and again.
We don’t fully understand a subject matter until we have taken time to think about it.
The topic of love languages in marriage is so important that the understanding of it will literally solve major issues of your marriage.
Every couple should take time out to ask themselves what their love languages are.
Love language by definition is just how you perceive love. It is the language spoken to you that makes you know that you are loved by that person.
For example, if the language you understand is English and someone is trying to communicate with you something important in Spanish, you will not understand nor respond as you ought because they are not speaking your language and you have not learnt that language.
The same thing happens in marriage. Love needs to be expressed for it to be appreciated. So if your wife or husband is speaking or communicating love to you in a language that is not what you speak or understand, you don’t feel their love.
There are basically 5 love languages. Studies have shown that you can have a combination of more than one love language. For further study, you can read Gary Chapman.
They are
1. Physical touch 2. Acts of service 3. Words of affirmation 4. Quality time 5. Gifts
Let’s begin with:
1. Physical touch
This love language is spoken not only in words, thoughts but more so by touching. For a person whose love language is physical touch, there must always be contact. Your spouse feels special when you touch them. You put your hands around their shoulders when talking to them and they feel loved. A kiss early in the morning, or a hug each time you see them, makes them feel fulfilled. My husband loves it when I stroke the back of his head whenever he is driving and I constantly touch him when we are together.
When your spouse’s love language is physical touch, even when he/she is angry and you speak this language, they calm down. Such spouse respond to touch and body contact a lot.
This is also a pointer to what is to be avoided by anybody that is not your spouse. It is easy to fall in love with anybody speaking your love language to you.
So with this knowledge also comes the responsibility of avoiding persons who want to speak your love language to you other than your spouse.
2. Acts of service
This is your love language when you love things to be done for you. You love it when your spouse helps you do your personal stuffs and also do for you what you are supposed to do.
For example, when your spouse helps you do your chores, helps with the kids, wash the car, do laundry or pay to help someone else do it for you.
It shows that your spouse is thoughtful and concerned. He/ she has not left you all alone to sweat it out, slave away or figure how to get your work done.
Some spouse enjoy work. In fact they have extra energy for work. That is the reason some people who are not disciplined and have this love language often fall on love with the house helps, messengers and the likes.
If your spouse is not speaking this language, you have to let them know it makes you feel loved. Let them make arrangements to someone to help out at a fee.
Let me stop here today.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I learn to speak my partners love language.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray for wisdom to speak the love language of your spouse
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:25 ESVHusbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Speak your spouses’ love language
So here is the concluding part of our series on Handling affairs in marriage. Let me just delve into today’s teaching and get it over with.
Like I said earlier, the Grace of God needs to be embraced in an abundant measure to effectively help with handling affairs in marriage.
4. A lot of teachings
It is good for the spouse of the erring couple to surround the spouse involved in an affair with a lot of good teaching materials. It is the truth from inside those books that God will use to set him/her free. It is the truth that set free
Joh 8:32 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
No matter your good words it will not be as effective as God’s word. Let good lead you to specific materials and tapes of anointed men and women of God. There is virtually every book on every topic you are looking for on telegram, books on handling affairs in marriage inclusive. Download them and let the spouse involved in an affair, read them.
Transformation only comes by renewing the mind.
Rom 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
It will also be helpful if the erring spouse can have some time of sober reflection, this has a good part to play in handling affairs in marriage.
This becomes very important. Intercession must be going on for the spouse involved in affair as much as the erring spouse should also be doing a lot of prayer for himself or herself.
Prayers for the help of God, Mercy, forgiveness, Grace to crucify the flesh and not yield to its dictates must be said as often as possible by the erring spouse. Faith and hope must also be kept alive because if the devil succeeds in getting the erring spouse to a point of defeat, this will help in handling affairs in marriage. A point where he/she feels despondent or a feeling of ‘there is no point’, ‘ let give up’, the battle has been lost.
But keep hope alive and encourage the erring spouse that with God all things are possible. The grace of God can make strong. The flesh cannot have dominion over you because Christ has already died for you. Prayer is a game-changer when it comes to handling affairs in marriage
We are not of them that give up. Christ never gave up even though the pain and the price he paid was so much. He won the victory. He won the battle. So we have the victory. We are only enforcing our victory because the devil is a liar.
The devil seeks to kill, steal and destroy. The erring spouse must just be encouraging to stand his ground.
Psa 30:5 For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
There will be great joy, if you endure the discipline of enforcing your victory and you’re finally able to handle and put a stop to affairs in marriage.
Jas 4:7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
When you learn to submit to God and his principles and ways of doing things, you will resist the devil and he has no choice but to flee, and this will help a great deal in handling affairs in marriage.
Resist him no matter how strong the temptation is or long the addiction has been. You resist him in the name of Jesus. Use every weapon to resist him. The blood of Jesus, communion, the word, prayers and he will flee.
God bless you.
May God grant us more understanding and give us grace to do. God surround our marriage in Jesus name.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will be faithful to my partner.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Father, help me to keep my marriage vows.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY James 4:7 (ESV): Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Open up to your spouse, if need be.
We started on the topic of Handling affairs in marriage difficult. We started on this topic yesterday and I established the fact that it is a difficult situation to handle for the spouse.
It is better prevented than experienced.
Handling affairs in marriage is difficult. The pain and hurt of the betrayal of an affair is in different categories. There are more painful experiences than others.
Imagine the pain of someone having a full-blown sexual affair with your house help or having an affair with your sister or brother or with your best friend or even with someone who needed your help and offered to help.
The pain of being cheated and taken for a fool is best described as a dagger piercing ones soul.
That is why, the spouse of the erring spouse must allow the Lord heal his/her soul completely.
The first response is that of frustration and revenge.
It is to be noted that our response to handling this issue (i.e handling affairs in marriage) can never be in the flesh. If we must handle things well, we should never allow our flesh to gain ascendancy over our spirit.
There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. Romans 8:1 KJV
The only way to avoid condemnation is to walk in the spirit.
The devil seeks to accuse us to God even in the midst of that very difficult situation. He wants to accuse us so that the unity and agreement needed as a couple to break the backbone of lust is broken.
When the spouse that is supposed to stand in the gap to the erring spouse is bitter and offended against the spouse that needs help, how will there be total victory and complete deliverance?
Hear me, I am not saying or pushing the responsibility to be free in the hands of the other spouse, I’m only saying it puts the enemy to shame faster.
Imagine if someone comes to accuse your son to you for stealing your money expecting you to flog him, it will be the son’s privilege and he will forever be grateful if you don’t join the outsider to condemn him but show him mercy.
For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: Matthew 6:14 KJV
The outsider cannot do anything except the father agrees with the outsider to punish his son.
I am not undermining disciplining a child when wrong. It is just an analogy to tell us you don’t have to join the enemy in disciplining or correcting your son. You will punish your son but not in the presence of the outsider. It is a family issue and should be handled as such.
Likewise handle the erring spouse infidelity as such. Once again, this is done by being in the spirit.
Let’s continue on the issue of handling affairs in marriage
3. Walk in the spirit
This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. Galatians 5:16 KJV
If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Galatians 5:25 KJV
Our flesh is what seeks expression when we feel we have been violated. The flesh wants to respond in retaliation. The flesh wants to fight back but we must go by the way of the cross when it comes to the issue of handling affairs in marriage.
It takes unconditional love to forgive and keep forgiving even when the erring spouse is in the wrong.
Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. Matthew 18:21 – 22 KJV
It takes a conscious walk in the spirit to do this. If it were not possible, Jesus would have not said it. But that he said it means it is possible.
Jesus will definitely give us grace. This Grace is available for us if we will embrace it. If we are willing and obedient, he will give us this grace to forgive.
But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. James 4:6 KJV
Let’s trust God to help us. No matter how far stretched we are, God still has more Grace to give to us.
I will stop here today and continue tomorrow on handling affairs in marriage
God bless our marriage and protect us from the powers of darkness.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will be faithful to my partner.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY My Father, help me to keep my marriage vows.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY James 4:7 (ESV): Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Open up to your spouse, if there be any issues
It is difficult and hard when your spouse has been involved in an affair or affairs. It takes a lot of maturity and God’s love shed abroad in our hearts to properly handle the situation.
It will take God and the willingness of the erring spouse to denounce this habit, turn a new leave and become an instrument against affairs in the hands of God.
Such change is very possible when the erring spouse knows how to appropriate the grace, mercy, and blood of Jesus. No devil has the power to make any of us do what we don’t want to do.
For example, the deliverance of Saul was complete and total. Never did he go back again to persecuting the church. So the determination of the erring spouse is more important than what the spouse does or does not do.
Despite the reaction of the spouse, total victory is still a reality.
However, for the sake of support and those who are not so strong, here are things the spouse of an erring spouse is not to do.
Never allow a feeling of revenge overtake you.
The devil is a bad devil and would love to exploit any situation, but the bible says we should resist him.
So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7 NLT
You may be tempted to also pay your spouse back in the same coin, to also cheat and have an affair. The temptation will be strong but please do not yield to it.
Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord. Romans 12:19 NLT
Keep yourself in the love of God.
2. Never try to blow your own trumpet.
The devil is full of different strategies that he never seeks to give up. Even when it is obvious he has lost the battle, he still wants to try, peradventure he could still win some grounds.
God should still remain the center of focus and not man. So it is better to continually give all the glory to God. Don’t think it is because you are smart or gifted that you discovered. It is God that made it happen. He gave you the wisdom.
Don’t also think you are standing because you are righteous, it is of the Lord’s mercy.
So rather than blow your trumpet of being the good cop over all the years, thank God for the grace to be faithful. We are all a product of God’s help.
Thank God you made yourself available for God to use you in being so forthright, disciplined, and focused.
We all are a product of God’s Mercy.
I will stop here today, and continue tomorrow by the grace of God.
It is my prayer that God will give us more understanding in Jesus’ name.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will be faithful to my partner.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY My Father, help me to keep my marriage vows.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY James 4:7 (ESV): Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Open up to your spouse, if there be any issues
Yesterday, we looked at how to handle an affair from the erring spouse part. This is so important because the bulk of the work lies on the spouse that had an affair.
The responsibility is on him/her. The spouse is just to be support and to forgive.
The erring spouse has the responsibility of being brutally truthful, sincere and repentant.
There are some scenarios that the spouse is under demonic influence and finds it difficult to be sincere or truthful. Prayers of God healing by giving him/her a new and clean heart will be necessary. This is because to successfully handle an affair squarely requires sincerity and truthfulness.
Let’s continue today with the other steps. You can read yesterday’s devotionals HERE
4.Attach pain to the experience of having an affair.
Until an affair is associated with pain in the mind and the brain, thorough work is not done. The erring couple must have several quiet moments of self-talk and deep ruminating of the issue. That’s why depending on the situation, the erring spouse must be left alone to have some sober reflections.
This sober reflection is necessary for a certain positive conclusion to be made. Although a lot of prayers are needed in this period. The support of the other spouse is also needed by not criticizing, nagging, and not showing rage or irritability.
A lot of love, emotional support, care, and reassuring words should be given to the erring spouse at such times as this. A spouse should come out of this ordeal stronger, better, and bigger ready to help those in the same predicament.
That’s the way God organized things in the kingdom. What you have overcome, you have the Grace to help set others free.
6.Change the environment.
It might be necessary to that environment where the affair happened. However, this may not always be possible. If you can’t change your environment, you can at least change what YOU do within that compromising environment.
Whether you have lunch breaks together alone with a particular lady, you have to change this. It is to be noted that the affair could be an emotional affair. Don’t be deceived, an emotional affair is as serious as a sexual affair. In God, they are the same.
But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5:28 NLT
7.Make sure you don’t play the blame game.
What has happened has happened. Don’t cry over split milk. Don’t wallow in self-pity. That is the devil domain. You don’t want to cooperate with the devil to make your freedom difficult.
You must embrace Gods free gift of forgiveness and obey all His principles.
Don’t go to the extreme concerning yourself. David committed adultery and murder yet God called him a man after my heart. God restored him and he was one of the most famous kings on earth.
Don’t doubt God’s love. When He says He has forgiven you He means exactly that. Embrace His love and His forgiveness.
I believe you have found these steps helpful. May God enlighten our darkness in Jesus name.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am committed to my marriage vows.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to love my spouse appropriately.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY If you are having an affair, make amends today
An affair is an illegalrelationship with anyone other than your spouse. It could be sexual and non-sexual in nature. Each spouse should set boundaries of how far they can go with the relationship with the opposite sex. I feel we should all work on our relationship with our spouse in such a way that we will not need other persons to fulfill our desires, cravings, attention, and longings. If we are satisfied emotionally and sexually there will be no reasons for an affair. We don’t live in a perfect world or perfect situation neither are our spouses perfect.
A born-again child of God is not expected to have an affair. However, when an affair does happen, these are practical steps to go about handling it. No matter what happens, our spouse remains our covenant partner. We should seek their restoration by handling the situation well. On the part of the spouse having an affair, things should also be handled with all sincerity so that it never happens again.
1. Confrontation
The first step to handling an affair is confronting it. What you don’t confront you can never change. The erring spouse should come to a place where he/ she knows that having an affair is an attempt of the devil to steal, kill and destroy from you. You should call it a sin and not just a mistake. You are not confronting when you still make excuses or when you explain.
2. Ask for forgiveness.
There is no forgiveness until there is a willingness to turn around from your sins. The erring spouse should acknowledge that he/she needs to be forgiven.
3. Seek help and support.
That an affair has taken place shows that there are principles you don’t know or are taking for granted. You need to be educated and informed. This is the time to search for books that talk about how to handling lust, how to handle affairs, how to set healthy boundaries, how to love and satisfy your spouse. The resources are so much. What reading along this line does is that you get enlightened. When the light comes, ignorance vanishes. It is also good to learn how you fell, because recognizing the pitfall will help you avoid such next time.
It is my prayer that God will grant us more understanding.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am committed to my marriage vows.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to love my spouse appropriately.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY If you are having an affair, make amends today
I startedthis topic yesterday and I will be concluding on it today. Other signs that shows that your marriage needs attention on time before it becomes too late are:
5. Your spouse cannot be trusted.
In this case trust has been ruptured in time past by some events and the spouse in question has done nothing to build back the ruptured trust. The spouse is also still doing things that makes his spouse suspicious like keeping secrets, passwording phone, not been able to receive calls when your spouse is around, deleting messages, keeping late nights and the list goes on. Your marriage needs a lot of help and both of the spouses will need to be counselled. Forgiveness on the faithful spouse and repentance on the erring spouse will be necessary for healing.
6. When there is extramarital affairs.
Nothing breaks marriage like extra marital affairs. Whatever the reasons for this, scriptures enjoins us that no matter what, we should never drink water from another Cistern unjustifiably. For no reason should any of the spouses go onto an extra marital affair. The book of Proverbs especially chapter 6, talks about transparency. Couples should be sincere, open and truthful to each other.
7. When both husband and wife are not on the same page.
The very essence of marriage is that the couples be naked and are not ashamed, and that the union produces oneness that no man can put asunder. When both couples are not on the same page, the power of agreement is broken. Couples can no longer pray the prayer of agreement and see results. There are several reasons for this, that’s not what we are looking at today. The couple should not just wait, hoping some day things will turn out better. Time doesn’t make things better only intervention help sort out issues.
8. Unresolved conflicts.
Nearly all marriages have had several conflicts in their marriage. In fact, conflicts show that you married a human being with feelings and different opinion to yours. What makes the difference and marks the boys from the men, is the ability to resolved issues and get better and stronger together. It takes a whole lot of maturity to resolve conflicts. Unresolved conflict, no matter how small or little the conflict was, has the ability to break a marriage. Always resolve every issue and ensure no party is in unforgiveness, bitterness, anger.
9. Criticism
Couples should have constructive criticism which is healthy for the union. When criticism become frequent, destructive and done outside of love, then it is a sign the marriage needs help and the erring partner should be educated.
10. Finances
When couples are not transparent and open about their financial dealings, the marriage needs attention. When you hide your money, your investments, your debt, your financial givings, things you buy, and the language “my money” is often used rather than “our money”, something is terribly wrong. Your marriage needs help. You need to seek wisdom. I never want to know who is responsible, but couples should pull their resources together and jointly forge ahead. Any issue in marriage that attempts to pull you away from each other makes you need help. You can sort for help in several means, you can pray about your marriage, you can read books to enlighten you, you can take up the matter with your mentors, or change your character for the better. Whichever method is chosen, don’t just gloss over issues on your marriage.
May God grant us more understanding. God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I pay attention to my marriage.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to pay attention to my marriage.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Signs or symptoms make us pay attention to certain areas of our lives.
There are certain signs or symptoms that our marriage shows that make us know that it is time to pay attention to our marriage. When you have a headache, it is a sign that you need to pay attention to your body. Something is wrong somewhere. It could be as a result of body weakness or something.
Finding out what went wrong is a whole lot of effort on its own. After you find out what is wrong, you then take the right medicine to cure or get rid of the symptoms.
In the same way, our marriage show certain signs that makes is aware of the fact that our marriage need help.
Here are some of those signs:
Observation from friends and family. When friends and family begin to ask questions and are worried about the way your marriage is going. When things are obviously wrong and it is visible to your friends. Then you need to retrace your steps and begin paying attention to your marriage.
When your children’s attitude begins to change. There are several ways when things are not cordial between husband and wife, that affect the children. They may become withdrawn, stubborn, sickly, prone to domestic accidents, lower performance in school. Once you begin to see these signs, then your marriage needs attention.
Physical abuse If there is any kind of abuse in your marriage then that marriage needs attention. Either you visit a marriage counselor, read books, pray, listen to messages, or change your attitude or behaviour. When either of the spouses becomes violet or threatens the marriage, then your marriage needs attention. Note that in all these, it is not about who is right or wrong, it’s about quick intervention in the marriage, and proffering solution to wherever the problem is.
Withdrawal When either of the spouse is withdrawn and no longer enjoy the company of the other spouse, that marriage needs quick intervention. When the couples are nothing but mere bed mate or housemate When silence becomes the order of the day and you find it difficult to share your thoughts, feelings, et cetera. That marriage needs help. When the new normal is monosyllable questions followed by monosyllable answers, your marriage needs help.
I will stop here today and continue tomorrow by God grace.
May God send us needed help at the right time.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I pay attention to my marriage.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to pay attention to my marriage.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
You can’t afford to fail God or your spouse in your marriage. Apartfrom the fact that marriage is a wonderful relationship with the one you love, there is also the responsibility part. There is something always there to remind us of his truth. Yet for some of us our flesh, stubborn self, ego, revenge, the taste of tit for tat, strife, unforgiveness keeps us constantly with our spouse, like a mosquito always thirsty for blood.
When you view your marriage from another perspective, from the perspective of Covenant, it will change the way we view your marriage.
My husband, during our midweek service, taught along this line. It was such a blessing and it changed my perspective about my marriage forever. God is cutting a new covenant with His people. To God, our marriage is about the covenant and not just about our spouse.
And I will give them one heart and one purpose: to worship me forever, for their own good and for the good of all their descendants. And I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good for them. I will put a desire in their hearts to worship me, and they will never leave me. I will find joy doing good for them and will faithfully and wholeheartedly replant them in this land. Jeremiah 32:39 – 41 NLT
More so, God was in Christ when He cut a new covenant with us by His blood. Jesus became both the offering and the offerer. When He had to fulfill the demands of the law to set us free from death and its consequences. Jesus took the cross, suffered great agony, endured such shame and pain that He might see us free.
When you begin to see your marriage as a vital art of you, that Jesus paid the price for you will sit up.
Just like the Israelites, Pharaoh wanted to negotiate them out of taking their children, livestock and all that belong to them. They were wise enough to know that God was giving them a total and complete deliverance that includes all they have.
Your marriage to God is all about the covenant. There is a higher purpose, there is a more important agenda in the father’s heart. Which is total deliverance.
Jesus didn’t just die for our spirit not to be lost in hell. He died for everything about our lives. Our health, children, marriage, finances, mental health, emotional life, everything.
We owe God to respond back in gratitude, faithfulness and obedience to our part of the covenant. Our part is to obey every instruction in the word.
For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. Ephesians 5:22 – 26 NLT
My marriage before God is obeying Ephesians chapter 5 verses 22 to 26, whether I feel like obeying or not, is not the issue.
That Jesus also despise the shame. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Hebrews 12:2 NLT
Necessity is laid on is to carry our cross of fulfilling our marriage covenant.
If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine. Matthew 10:38 NLT
We become worthy of the sacrifice of Jesus when we carry our cross daily and follow Jesus. We carry our cross by obeying Him despite how or what we feel like doing.
To our spouse, our marriage is a responsibility that we must not fail to fulfill. It is spelt out in Ephesians 5: 22-26. What husbands should focus on doing as well as what wives should focus on doing. Here each party must focus on his/her part of the deal.
We owe our spouse to appropriately respond to our part in our covenant with them. To make sure we provide a conducive environment that will not leave our spouse vulnerable to the attacks and lies of the devil.
We owe our spouses to conduct ourselves in such a way that makes them comfortable in our presence. In being submissive, loving, caring, forgiving, available et cetera. We owe our spouses to be covenant partners in all ways and all aspects of our lives and existence. Whether spiritual, in the soulish realm, and physically.
But the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys himself. He will be wounded and disgraced. His shame will never be erased. Proverbs 6:32 – 33 NLT
We owe our spouses to surround them so that we shut the door against the senseless and foolish sin of adultery and every form of emotional affairs.
May God grant us understanding.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not fail God in my marriage
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me no to fail you.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY then I will give them one heart and one way, that they may fear Me forever, for the good of them and their children after them. (Jer 32:39 NKJV)
A happy marriage does nothappen by accident, there are deliberate steps both spouse have to take, we’ll continue on this topic today.
9. Delight in your days together.
That is consciously being a happy person. Celebrate what you have now. Yes, things will be better, but don’t postpone your happiness till when things become better.
At whatever stage you are in right now, be happy. Celebrate and be proud of your spouse. Don’t be quick to want to fix things about your spouse. Stop being overly sensitive to the faults of your spouse. Don’t use a magnifying lens to see and look at your spouse’s faults.
Don’t exaggerate your spouse’s faults. Know that we are all humans. We are giving to mistakes, errors, and shortcomings. Teach by example, give information, don’t sermonize, don’t criticize. Never allow your spouse to feel they are no good. Stop drawing attention negatively to your spouse.
Delight in your selves together. Enjoy your selves. Have a good sexual life and do a lot of talking. Don’t let work, business or the children steal your time spent together.
10. Aim at love every time. Let your guide post be to walk in love.
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
1 Corinthians 13:4 – 7 NLT Let the words of this scriptures be before your face. Meditate on it. Keep not in your heart, put it on your lips. Confession brings possession. As part of your daily routine and daily prayers. Ask God to make you a love being. A dispenser of love and confess the whole attribute of love over yourself and your spouse. Speak to your spirit that you are patient and kind.
The more you talk about these virtues to yourself the more you become them. That is walking in the spirit and not gratifying the deeds of the flesh.
Try and follow all these tips and improve on them. You will see your marriage take a new turn for the better.
May God grant us more understanding.
God bless your marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will work.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, give me an understanding for my marriage in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:28 ESV In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Have a hearty discussion with your partner today.
In today’s devotional, we’ll be looking at five kinds of women a man may end up with. Let’s delve into it right away
1. The Choleric wife
She is known to be energetic, sharp-mouthed, unemotional with words and actions, and can survive on her own.
She needs no external motivation or encouragement. She can be very independent and this can lead to friction between couples.
Usually, a choleric wife will have a husband of the opposite temperament. Hence, they should learn to maximize their strengths and minimize their weaknesses.
2. The Career wife
This is a woman at the top echelon of her career, so she can often become prideful if care is not taken.
The husband should be secure enough to let his wife go for the best and ultimate in her career.
There are husbands who can be so threatened with the progress of their wives. This is a wrong heart. Let her be, and let her go for the best.
The keyword here is honor. As long as the wife does not get proud.
3. The stubborn wife
Some wives can be stubborn o! From counseling experiences, I have seen wives that would stand on their opinion even when you show them the scriptures. There are stubborn men as well o!
How do you know a stubborn wife?
Stubborn wives don’t talk much, they just won’t budge. They will just be looking at you like Lucozade, but what they will do is what they will do.
This is not good as well. It is not beneficial for the prayer life of the couple.
4. The manipulative wife
The manipulative wife has several weapons in her arsenal including crying, throwing tantrums, withdrawing, talking endlessly, refusing jeru trip, nagging, until she gets what she wants.
She always wants the man at her beck and call.
This may go on for a while especially if the husband is on the calm side, but one day, he would definitely react.
5. The insistent wife
The insistent wife is hard, difficult and doesn’t listen to anything apart from what she knows or wants.
Her major weapon is anger.
She always wants to be told what she wants to hear and she picks up a quarrel with anybody that dares go against what she feels.
Her husband lives in perpetual fear of what could happen next.
This is a wrong attitude that could be detrimental to the marriage.
The problem is that what she knows is limited and what she wants can often be a wrong desire.
We are all work in progress and nobody knows it all. Meekness or being teachable is a great virtue in marriage.
Husband and wife should strive to live considerably with one another.
Put yourselves in one another’s shoes.
This is where maturity is.
1Pe 3:1 (AMPC) IN LIKE manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [ subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them ], so that even if any do not obey the Word [ of God ], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [ godly ] lives of their wives,
1Pe 3:7 (AMPC) In the same way you married men should live considerately with [ your wives ], with an intelligent recognition [ of the marriage relation ], honoring the woman as [ physically ] the weaker, but [ realizing that you ] are joint heirs of the grace (God’s unmerited favor) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. [ Otherwise you cannot pray effectively. ]
May God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will be submissive
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, teach me to love my husband
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1Pe 3:1 (MSG) The same goes for you wives: Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated
Dear wives, you have to learn to freely ask for it. Ask him for jeru trip when you feel like.
In marriage, wives should learn to ask for jeru trip when they want it from their husbands. And dear husband, when your wife asks for it, don’t deny her, just go ahead and enjoy the wife of your youth!
Pro 5:18-19 (AMPC+) Let your fountain [of human life] be blessed [with the rewards of fidelity], and rejoice in the wife of your youth. [19] Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant doe [tender, gentle, attractive]–let her bosom satisfy you at all times, and always be transported with delight in her love.
Pro 5:18-19 (MSG) Bless your fresh-flowing fountain! Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! [19] Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose— don’t ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted!
There is nothing wrong with a wife asking her husband for jeru trip and there are several fun ways to do that!
Don’t be so spiritual to the extent that you cannot ask him when you feel like it!
His body belongs to you and your body belongs to him, so feel free in your matrimonial home!
You see, when the strange woman outside corners your husband, the first thing she asks for is jeru trap and that could get him excited if he doesn’t have the fear of God! God forbid!
So keep your husband very well, and feel free to discuss your sexuality and ask him when you feel like it.
It is not a sin!
May God bless our homes.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have God’s wisdom in dealing with my husband
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, give me the grace to run my race in righteousness and integrity
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God–given and God–modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. (1 Corinthians 6:18 Message)
I said yesterdaythat it is important we believe that we can have a happy marriage. The mind has a very important role to play. If you don’t believe that you can have a happy marriage, you will not be willing to take the steps necessary. We’ll continue from where we stopped yesterday
5. Never use God’s word as a hammer.
God’s word is never meant to be a tool of destruction. It’s never meant to condemn anybody, especially your spouse.
You are to lovingly correct with God’s word. Teaching and showing by examples the right way to live or master our thoughts or the flesh.
Some spouses could find it easy to be disciplined without much stress maybe because of their upbringing or their background. Some of us have very strict parents who brought us up under very strict rules.
Some religions, jobs, or even skills require so much discipline whereas others don’t.
If you are a spouse that is privileged to have gone through such strict background and your spouse didn’t go through such, don’t be hard on him/her.
Some spouses have perfected the act of sermonizing their spouse. No one can change another. You can only pray for a person to change or influence them to change
6. Always welcome each other with an affectionate welcome.
It is important to do something special to your spouse that will make them hold you dear to their hearts.
For example, call each other special names, have coded language or phrase in communicating.
Whatever the case, just have fun. I believe it is the fun in the marriage that adds spice to our marriage.
Life itself is full of stress. We only have each other to enjoy and it’s not about the money we have or don’t have.
May God grant us more understanding.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will work.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, give me an understanding for my marriage in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:28 ESV In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Have a hearty discussion with your partner today.
Can yousee the possibility of a happy marriage. You have to believe that it’s possible, and tell yourself “I will have a happy marriage”, and then do the things necessary to have a happy marriage. We’ll continue from where we stopped yesterday
3. Never go to sleep with an argument.
An argument can occur between the couples at any time, on whatever issue, and in any particular place. However, it is maturity on the part of the couple not to spread the dirty linen outside for all to see.
It is maturity on the part of the husband to lovingly correct any mistake his wife does. She is not your daughter neither is she your maid or servant. She is your wife and covenant partner.
The wife is meant to respectfully suggest her opinion and ideas in such a way that it will not lead to an argument. That is maturity on her part.
Both husband and wife should be discerning enough to know when an argument is ensuring. They should also take note of their responses and how they react.
A soft answer is what the Bible recommends.
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. Proverbs 15:1 KJV
All couples should learn and practice how to answer softly.
Each couple must deal with anger. You cannot do marriage with anger
That is why it is important to deal with every unresolved issue. Every hurt, pain, unforgiveness will only lead to more unhealthy issues in marriage.
Every couple should be willing to fight for their marriage and be ready to walk in and by the Spirit. Only then can we be sure of not being carnal, judging issues rightly, having the right perspective, and being loving in our approach.
Finally, the bible says we should not let the sun go down on our anger. The life span of your anger shouldn’t be more than 24 hours
Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil. Ephesians 4:26 – 27 KJV
4. At least once a day, say something complimentary to your spouse.
If your spouse’s love language is words of affirmation, you will have to be very deliberate about complimenting him/her often. Your words mean a lot to your spouse and will often look to you for this need to be met.
You must be quick to look for virtues to celebrate, little baby steps to notice, efforts to acknowledge, and things to appreciate in your spouse.
Some temperaments don’t really need as many compliments and will do well even without a single compliment. You will do well not to judge or criticize your spouse if they need a lot of compliments.
However, as we mature, God should be our source of compliment and we should be secure in His word and promises to us and about us.
I will stop here for today. See you tomorrow by God’s Grace.
God grant us more understanding.
May God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will work.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, give me an understanding for my marriage in Jesus name.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY EPH 5:28 ESV In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Have a hearty discussion with your spouse today
A Happy marriage happensby consistent deliberate efforts from both spouses. Marriage is an important part of our lives which is meant to last all of our adult years. That is we are meant to be in a marriage with our partner till death do us part. And for most of us, that’s a long time.
One thing we don’t want to do is to be unhappy throughout our married life. We want to be sure we are happy with our spouse and happy with ourselves.
Here are 10 tips that will help us achieve this.
1. Never bring up the mistake of the past.
In marriage, there will be issues. We are all still a work in progress and still in the days of our flesh. There are bound to be resolved issues (issues in the past), present issues and, some issues to deal with in the past.
Bringing up past issues is like digging a grave and exposing things that should have been buried. It shows you have not fully forgiven your spouse.
Forgiveness is so important in marriage, you cannot afford to joke with it.
You cannot be digging at the past and expect to move forward or be happy.
Get rid of the past as much as possible. Make sure you resist the temptation of shaming your spouse by referring to things of the past, no matter how difficult it seems.
It takes a lot of maturity to keep your mouth shut and not refer to past mistakes.
What goes around comes around. You might be the one that needs to be forgiven next. There might be a mistake you will do in the future that also requires forgiveness. Remember, to err is human. To forgive is divine.
Let’s include some divinity in our marriage.
2. Never neglect each other. Focus on each other.
The issue of focus has now become so obvious in marriages that it needs to be addressed squarely. You see couples that prefer others to their spouse.
When they go out with their spouse, they are not used to themselves. There is no connection. They are just like any other person to them, apart from the fact that they are living together, bearing each other’s name and probably wearing the same clothes.
There should be a heart-to-heart connection. A connection that is beyond words that keep drawing you close to one another.
We have to consciously work on focussing on each other. That focus is essential to our marriage.
Avoid all forms of distractions, emotional affairs, wandering thoughts, that prevent us from focussing on our own.
Let our spouse ever catch our attention spirit, soul, and body. Let us work on focussing our minds on our spouse. No matter what anyone wears or their physical attributes, our spouse is our spouse, period.
It is about our heart. Let work on having the integrity of heart.
I will stop here this morning.
May God grant us more understanding in Jesus mighty name.
God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will work.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, give me an understanding for my marriage in Jesus name.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY EPH 5:28 ESV In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Have a hearty discussion with your spouse today
This morning, by the Holy Spirit, I want to show us something that will help eliminate quarrels that might lead to strife, malice, hurts, and offenses in our marriages. That something is a soft answer.
It looks very simple because I have observed that the things that make for great success in life are simple yet profound. Their simplicity, however does not make them easy to do. If they were that easy, we shouldn’t be having issues in our marriages.
However, because of our pride, ego, human tendencies, selfishness, lack of patience and understanding, we cannot bring ourselves to do it.
What I am talking about is our responses. How we communicate with our spouse. Our response is very important at every point in time. In fact, our response is so important it gives direction to what happens next. The initial words spoken are not as important as our responses.
Pro 15:1 KJV A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
As couples, we ought to pay extra attention on how we respond. As a wife, never allow your response to be out of anger. Learn what a soft answer means.
As a husband, learn what a soft answer is. It is better to turn away wrath in your marriage than to prove a point that ‘you are the son of your father’ or that you are the ‘man in the house.’
Does that mean that even when my wife or husband talks harshly to me I should not give it back to him? Well, that is exactly what that scripture is saying.
It is very difficult. That was why I earlier said that something is simple doesn’t make it easy to do. It takes our learning and decision plus determination.
You need to choose whether you want to hold on to your ego and respond to your wife or husband harshly or you want to master the art of a ‘soft answer’.
No matter how much you are tempted to answer harshly, don’t bulge, choose rather to give a soft answer. If God can have one person in the marriage give a soft answer, God will step in and turn away the wrath, strife, quarrel, offense, malice that will lead to hurt and unforgiving spirit.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will go for wisdom
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, guard and guide my mouth
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Pro 18:15 (KJV) The heart of the prudent getteth knowledge; and the ear of the wise seeketh knowledge.
To showyou how powerful women are, the Bible never says a man builds a home. It says a woman builds. As a woman, you have the capacity to build your home
Pro 14:1 (KJV) Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
Every other time, you will hear about the prayers of mothers. Hardly will you hear people talk about the prayers of their fathers. That tells you there is something about women.
Dear wife, there is a lot of power and accompanying responsibilities that lie with you.
Your decisions, prayers, and actions will eventually build your home or tear it down, therefore, you cannot afford to be foolish.
Be wise and cooperate with what God is trying to do in your life.
How do you do this?
Avoid all the strife, bickering, quarrels, and the like for that is how a foolish woman tears down her home. Avoid emotional affairs. They are distractions.
Now, since it is the woman building the house, what then is the responsibility of the man?
Build the woman!
That is what the man should do. Build the woman.
Dear men, build your wife so that your wife can build the house.
Invest in your wife. Support her endeavors and career.
Be interested in her passion and you know what, she will give it all it takes to pray for the family.
May your marriage be blessed.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am a wise builder.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, give me the wisdom to build.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Jas 1:5 (KJV) If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
