Breaking the Pattern in Relationships

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Breaking the Pattern in Relationships

Are you a minister, pastor, church worker, or leader, and do you live in Ibadan? You are cordially invited to “Equip” a Minister’s Conference with Rev Femi Oduwole and Rev Gbeminiyi Eboda as part of our 9th anniversary convention.

Rev Dunamis and Sophia Okunowo will also be hosting us. Attendance is free, but registration is required. Kindly register HERE

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You know how it feels to think, “This time is different,” only to have it turn out exactly like the last time? Different person, same cycle. You begin with optimism. They look promising. They make the appropriate statements. However, the warning signs appear later on. You feel drained and confused. You begin to wonder once more, asking yourself why you keep ending up here.

Now let’s be honest. It is not that you do not know better. It is not that you are desperate. But if you look closely, you will probably notice a pattern. You keep falling for people who do not choose you the way you deserve to be chosen. People who take from you more than they give. People who feel good in the moment but never bring you peace. And when it keeps happening, you wonder if the problem is you.

Sometimes, it is not that you want the wrong thing. Something deep inside you still responds to what is familiar, not what is healthy. For example, if you grew up never feeling emotionally safe, chaos might feel normal to you. If you never felt seen or affirmed, attention from anyone—even the wrong one—feels like love. And without knowing it, your wounds start picking for you. You are not choosing from a place of wholeness; you are choosing from a place of lack.

Breaking the Pattern in Relationships

There are also spiritual parts to this. Sometimes, the reason the same kind of hurt keeps coming back is because there are still doors open. It might be a soul tie, even if the relationship was not sexual. You gave someone access to your heart, and they still have influence over how you see love. Or maybe you made a quiet vow in your heart after being hurt—something like, “I will never need anybody” or “Love never stays”—and now you unknowingly live from that place. Those things do not just go away on their own. You have to bring them to God and let Him break them off your life.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” – Proverbs 4:23

Now, here is what to do. First, slow down and ask the hard question: “What in me keeps being drawn to what keeps breaking me?” That question is not about shame—it is about self-awareness. Until you understand the root of your patterns, you will keep blaming the people, but never actually heal. Second, you need to take back your heart from past connections. You do not need a special service or anointing for this. Just sit with God and say it clearly: “God, I give back to you every part of my heart that I gave away. I break every emotional and spiritual tie in Jesus’ name.” Say it even if you do not feel different yet. Freedom starts with obedience, not feelings.

Also, maybe it is time to quit relationships or stop dating while you are still starving for love. A starving heart cannot choose well. Everything looks like a meal when you are hungry. Take time to be with God. Let Him retrain your heart. Learn to recognize what peace feels like. Learn to recognize what healthy love looks like. Just because someone gives you butterflies does not mean they are from God. Peace is not boring. Peace is safe.

Lastly, be honest about your “type.” If your type keeps breaking you, maybe it is time to let God change your taste. You do not need someone who keeps you on edge. You need someone who keeps you grounded. But until you believe that you deserve more, you will keep accepting less.

This is not about getting it perfect. It is about getting honest. God is not mad at you for how many times this has happened. But He is inviting you to pause, reflect, and let Him heal the reason you keep ending up here. You do not have to keep repeating this cycle. You are not too far gone. You are not too damaged. You can learn a new rhythm. And when your heart is healed, your choices will start to look different, too.

Breaking the Pattern in Relationships