Stress can simply be defined as a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances.
This definition helps us to understand that stress is a tension or strain and it could be mental or emotional. It could also be physical or spiritual.
Jesus talked about those who are weary and heavy laden
Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 NLT
Usually, since we are spirit beings, any strain on our spiritual life will have a way of impacting our whole being. Whatever affects our relationship with God affect the whole of our being.
Chief among the things that causes stress or strain on our relationship with God is sin.
So it’s possible, to have an unconfessed sin in your life and be doing through stress as a result.
Or maybe we fail to put our trust in God, or maybe we are walking in the flesh or not following the leading or guidance of the Holy spirit. All this causes us stress which will eventually cause a strain in our marriage.
A good example of this is when Abram and Sarah decided to get pregnant by Hagar and gave birth to Ishamel. There was so much strain and tension in the marriage.
Anger, strife, malice, not walking in love and all other works of the flesh also causes stress in marriage
There are some other stressors in marriage that are not as a result of sin but are the once we put on ourselves.
I will mention a few of them.
1. Financial pressure 2. Dealing with in-laws 3. Comparison 4. Doing beyond ourselves 5. Not minding our business 6. Not being able to say No 7. Being Unforgiving to our spouse 8. Not being open and transparent. 9. Unrealistic expectations 10. Ungratefulness
Now let’s handle these stressors one by name. To open our eyes to how these simple issues can bring about and cause a lot of stress to our marriage thereby causing a strain in our relationship with our loved one.
1. Financial pressures and not being able to manage our finances.
We know that money answereth all things
A feast is made for laughter, and wine maketh merry: but money answereth all things. Ecclesiastes 10:19 KJV.
Our ability to cut our coat according to our cloth will go a long way to determine whether we will be putting a lot of stress on our marriage or not.
Delaying gratification, being able to save a little portion for the rainy day no matter his small, being prudent, living on a budget and not being sentimental are all very good virtues.
2. Dealing with in-laws.
This requires a lot of wisdom, tact, patience and working together with your spouse to make sure you are always together on the same page. The most important person in this equation is your spouse. The covenant of marriage places your spouse above your parents.
You honor your parents, bible is very clear about that but you also don’t dishonor your spouse for the sake of your parents or in-laws. There is no one answer fits all but whichever way, follow the bible and follow the Holy spirit guidelines.
There may be times you have to sacrifice beyond what you normally would have, if you are sure God is leading you, obey. God usually rewards such acts tremendously.
Let me stop here today. I will continue tomorrow by God grace.
May God grant us more understanding beyond this teaching.
God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am a wise spouse. I know how to relate with people.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, give me wisdom
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
Lift up your voice, appreciate and bless the name of the Lord.
I will extol You, my God, O King; And I will bless Your name forever and ever. Psalm 145:1
Nation/Church
Father, remember our nation and church in your mercy in the name of Jesus.
O LORD, I have heard Your speech and was afraid; O LORD, revive Your work in the midst of the years! In the midst of the years make it known; In wrath remember mercy. Habakkuk 3:2
Pastors/Parents/Mentors
Father, raise up our pastors, parents and mentors in the name of Jesus.
After two days He will revive us; On the third day He will raise us up, That we may live in His sight. Hosea 6:2
Finances
We ask for restoration, revival and refreshing in our finances in the name of Jesus.
Restore our fortunes, LORD, as streams renew the desert. Psalm 126:4
Family
(SINGLES) – Relationship and settling down.
(MARRIED) – Spouse and Children
Will You not revive us again, That Your people may rejoice in You? Psalm 85:6
Warfare
I receive restoration in the name of Jesus.
Restore us, O LORD God of hosts; Cause Your face to shine, And we shall be saved! Psalm 80:19
Desire this Month
Mention your specific request for the month of May to God in prayers.
Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. James 4:8
Psalm 91 Declaration
Recite the whole of Psalm 91 prayerfully and believe every word in your heart.
Psalm 91
Blood Declaration
I am purified by the blood of Jesus.
And according to the law almost all things are purified with blood, and without shedding of blood there is no remission. Hebrews 9:22
I have access and enjoy communion with the Holy Spirit in the name of Jesus.
The grace (favor and spiritual blessing) of the Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the presence and fellowship (the communion and sharing together, and participation) in the Holy Spirit be with you all. Amen (so be it). 2 Corinthians 13:14
Healing
I receive my healing now in the name of Jesus.
For I will restore health to you And heal you of your wounds,’ says the LORD, ‘Because they called you an outcast saying: “This is Zion; No one seeks her.”‘ Jeremiah 30:17
Favour/Mercy Today
Father, cause your goodness and mercy to follow me in the name of Jesus.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the LORD Forever. Psalm 23:6
We are constantly on a journey of improving ourselves better and our skills as husbands and wives. I said skills because it takes mastering the skills of living successfully with each other.
There’s an art of talking, listening, being tolerant, handling in-laws, handling finances, being romantic, being kind and generous, being submissive to one another, praying together. They are all arts that have to be mastered in marriage.
Always remember that the marriage is made up of individuals with different ideas, opinions, viewpoints, and different ways of reasoning. Give each other space to express their individuality in the context of marriage.
Challenging each other to be better is first of all recognizing each other’s uniqueness. It is not about making your spouse your puppet, where all initiatives are dead, but about recognizing your differences and appreciating them.
You should draw each other closer to God. A closer walk with God will make the couple better, they will make one another better spouse. Encourage each other on their daily study of the word, meditation in the word, obedience to the word which is very important.
Obeying the word you read or doing what God ask you to do is more important than reading the word. Encouraging each other to have quality time alone with God is very essential not just in becoming a better christian but in becoming a better spouse.
‘And we beholding him are being transformed from one level of glory to another as by one spirit’. That is God’s word. The transformation occurs in our spirit and it is evident in our outward lives.
Rom 12:1 (Amp) “I appeal to you therefore, brethren and beg of you in view of (all) the mercies of God, to make a decisive dedication of your bodies (presenting all your members and faculties) as a living sacrifice holy (devoted, consecrated) and well pleasing to God which is your reasonable ( rational intelligent) s ice and spiritual worship.
As you obey God, your marriage will begin to take a new toll. Marriage in the eyes of God cannot and is not meant to be lived by an non-spiritual person. It takes being spiritual and dead to the flesh to have a successful marriage.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will be exalted because God exalts the humble.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, surround me with people that will aid my destiny in Jesus name.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed. (Proverbs 13:20 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Discuss who you will be accountable to.
Sade stood afar watching how the crowd pushed towards the table stand where some girls stood, sharing fliers for a singing audition. She loved to sing but wasn’t so sure she would make an audition. Her toothbrush was her microphone and her younger brother was no help at all. So it was as though her faith was low. She moved towards the crowd, biting her lips and clenching her fists.
“Here goes nothing”, she told herself as she got closer.
There was a lady in the bible who felt just the way Sade did. A woman with a long-standing health issue stood where Jesus was. She had heard of how Jesus had been healing people and wondered if He would heal her. But she had faith!
The woman thought, “If I can even touch his coat, that will be enough to heal me.” Mark 5:28 ICB
After much deliberation, she found her way through the thick crowd around Jesus and touched the hem of His garment. Instantly she was healed and Jesus knew someone had touched Him. He asked who had, the woman came forward, told Him her condition and He further prayed for her (Mark: 5:29-34). Now that’s faith there!
I’m sure the woman too said, ” Here goes nothing”, as she went ahead to touch Jesus’ garment. Just like Sade did too.
You never know what will happen if you don’t take that much-needed step. Are you still unsure of taking that step forward to accept Christ as your Saviour and Lord? You think He will reject you or that you are not good enough for Him? Jesus Christ will never reject anybody that comes to Him. He loves you more than you could ever imagine. Simply have faith.
So, take a bold step today and touch the hem of His garment, let Him help you. May the help of God always find you, Amen.
Prayer: Lord, Jesus, like the woman with the issue of blood, I hold on to the hem of your garment. I have faith, and I receive all that I need right now. In Your mighty name, I pray, amen
Action plan: Reach out to Jesus today and always. Touch His garment daily and as much a stout need to.
If as singles not yet married, you are not cool at all!
You are more like carrying fire in your bosom!
Okay pastor, show me in the scripture where kissing is wrong!
Well, you will never find anywhere in the scripture where the Bible says ‘thou shall not kiss! In fact, if the Bible says anything about it, it is the fact that we can kiss one another with a holy kiss! Why then do we make so much issue and big deal on what the scripture says we are advised or commanded to do?
So, let’s take a look at the scriptures.
Greet one another with an holy kiss. (2 Corinthians 13:12 KJV)
Greet all the brethren with an holy kiss. (1 Thessalonians 5:26 KJV)
Salute one another with an holy kiss. The churches of Christ salute you. (Romans 16:16 KJV)
It is true that the Bible says, we should kiss one another with a holy kiss, but you need to understand the cultural context under which that is said!
The Jews normally kiss one another with a kiss.
If you remember, Jesus was even saying at a time nobody offered him a kiss. That is because a kiss at the side of the mouth is a form of greeting in Jewish culture.
Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to kiss my feet. (Luke 7:45 KJV)
If you also see the scriptures above, they use the word “greet” and “salute” with a kiss. This Jewish cultural practice dates back to the Old Testament days.
And his father Isaac said unto him, Come near now, and kiss me, my son. (Genesis 27:26 KJV)
Having established that this is a Jewish cultural practice, we can understand that this is not our culture in this side of the world. The western world is also a little bit disposed to greeting with a kiss without lust attached. But in a place like Nigeria, we don’t greet with a kiss!
In our culture, (even though this is fast disappearing) when a boy wants to greet his father, in some part of Nigerian culture, he prostrates. A girl kneels down! As the lady grows older, she is taught to genuflect when she wants to give something to an older person.
My point? There are holy kisses and there are unholy kisses! The Jewish kiss is holy because it is a form of greeting! The Nigerian kiss is unholy because it is not a form of greeting! Period!
If I walk into a meeting to preach with my wife beside me, and one of the ushers grabs my wife and plants a kiss saying “welcome ma,” I am going to remove my suit and fight real good!
Somebody will say, “but you are a pastor,” and I will say “Yes, and that is why I am fighting!” Why is that example funny? Because we don’t greet with kissing in this part of the world!
That is why we often do it behind doors!
If I am kissing my wife behind the church and you bump into us, you will have to apologize. If I bump into you kissing a girl you are not married to, you are still the one that will apologize!
The problem with kissing as we see it in this part of the world and why we say you should avoid it as much as possible, is that it will lead you into some other sexual sins! Before you know it, you are involved in Jericho trap!
Whatever you did the last time you met, will not satisfy you the next time you meet because intimacy will increase when two people are in love, which will keep calling for more physical expression. That is what the law of progression says. Sincerely, there is nothing wrong with a peck, but the question is will you stay on that alone? Your body will call for more!
I usually tell ladies, you cannot submit your lips to a guy for kissing like you are submitting a paper in the exam hall. If the guy is hungry, let him go to the market and buy Kpomo (a type of meat from cowhide). Must it be your mouth he turns into food?
As Married Couples, don’t stop kissing one another in marriage. Do it regularly and at all times!
Singles, wait for your time, okay? Don’t fan the embers, stay off every form of iniquity!
A lady came into my office years ago with her mouth doubled up like she’s been hit. I said, “what’s wrong with you, who hit you?” She hesitated and she knew she couldn’t lie. So she said, “it is one rough kisser!” Can you imagine?
That one is not a Jewish kiss, nor Nigerian kiss, that is a German kiss! Just kidding!
When you are married, if you like, you can decide to kiss from morning till evening. God will say, “Well done!” But not before marriage!
The power of life and death lies in your mouth, keep it well. Your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost! Respect it!
Married Couples, don’t stop kissing one another in marriage. Do it regularly and at all times! Singles, wait for your time, okay? Don’t fan the embers, stay off every form of iniquity and God will help you.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I discipline myself. I put my body under.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask for grace to stay chaste in thoughts, words, and deeds.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1 Corinthians 9:27 (KJV) But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.
Good morning everybody, we are continuing our topic of love language in marriage. Couples should go all out to speak the language of their spouse unreservedly since our aim in marriage is to place our spouse.
It will be good to always look for creative ways to speak the love language our spouse understands. Marriage is a place where we serve each other. We don’t think of ourselves first. We allow and trust God through our spouse to take care of us
That is why it becomes imperative for us to learn and understand our spouse love language.
3. Words of Affirmation
Here, words mean a big deal to your spouse. In speaking his/her love language, you want to be careful of what is said, how it is said, when it is said, your body language, your tone, pitch and everything surrounding the words you say.
Here, it means a lot to your spouse when you give words of encouragement. Words that will uplift him/her. You might not be able to provide all the money in this world but your reassuring words makes them feel loved.
Your thoughtful words keeps him/her going. In times of stress, needs, bills to pay, weakness etc, your words are like magic.
Speaking negative, derogative, harsh and hard words or sermonizing or nagging your spouse could be counterproductive.
Please watch for those other than your spouse that speak gently, softly and tenderly to you. Avoid them, it could be a danger spit for the devil to exploit. An emotional affair could develop if you are not
discerning and careful.
Never look forward to anyone’s company or enjoy any ones company other than your spouse.
4. Quality time
If the love language of your spouse is quality time, then love mean time. Not only quantity but quality of time.
Your spouse will appreciate being present with him/her. Your presence and not just present matters to them.
Create memories. Go out for outings together, dinners, vacations, go to seminars together and just spend time together. However, what you spend your time on also matters.
Quality time means time of getting to know your spouse better, listening them talk, being sensitive to them, trying to understand them and knowing how to react and respond.
The lord will help is all. If could be challenging since usually opposite temperament will always attract and some time our love languages are different or we want our love language expressed in a different way from that of our spouse.
Our male female differences, the background we grew up in and other factors are responsible for this.
As a matter of rule, watch out for people of the opposite sex you spend too much time with.
5. Gifts
Your spouse feels love is not complete until it is expressed in buying of gifts. Something must be given to show you care. It has to cost you. More often than not, the thoughtfulness behind the given will mean more to your spouse. So its nor about the gift, but you taking the pains of know the appropriate gift to buy at what time or occasion. Example you wife just deliver a baby, and you got her a a sexy gown. She probably can’t even wear it because of breast feeding.
Find out our favorite color, scent, her size, her preference, her need. What is the point buying your wife high heels when she is pregnant or buying your husband an expensive office suitcase when he needs a belt and doesn’t go to office but works from home.
In all these love language, we all need the help of the holy spirit to lead and guide us. Lest our good works become evil spoken of. We get offended and not appreciated because it didn’t meet our deepest desire.
The holy spirit is our helper, when we call on him he will help us even in performing our duties of speaking our spouse’s love language.
May God grant us understanding.
God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I learn to speak my partners love language.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray for wisdom to speak the love language of your spouse
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:25 ESVHusbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Speak your spouses’ love language
Dear God Well, you start writing a letter with the word “Dear” and God much likes it when you call Him that.
Have you ever wondered how writing a letter to God would be like? It’s pretty much simple. Just pick a writing pad, notebook, or something to write on and start to write.
After starting with a “Dear God”, you tell Him why He is so great and powerful, why you love Him, and why people praise and worship Him.
Then begin to thank Him for what He has done for you, your parents, siblings, friends and people around you. It’s good to thank Him for not only what He has done for you but for others too.
Move on to laying your requests before Him. Tell Him what you need and it’s not like He doesn’t know but He wants you to still say it. He says you should ask Him of anything and He will answer, that it’s what He hears you say that He will do.
Ask in faith and not in fear, knowing that your heavenly Father is able to do far more than you can ever imagine. Ask knowing that He hears your prayers.
“Behold, I am the Lord , the God of all flesh; is there anything too difficult for Me?” (Jeremiah 32:27) AMP
Then bring in some more praise and worship as you thank Him for a time in His presence. Thank Him for answered prayers. Give Him the glory and honor due to His name. Don’t forget to close with a faith-filled “In Jesus’ name.”
Of course, you should put your name at the end because all letters end with the name of the writer. How about you write a letter to God write now, starting with ‘Dear God.”
A lot of people are at a loss when it comes to this issue of knowing who to marry. A large number are bothered that God has not ‘shown’ them anybody particularly or ‘spoken’ to them in clear terms, yet they have fallen in love with someone and they feel the peace of God about it. Can that be God? No dream, vision, voice, or any spectacular direction, yet it looks like it is God. Is that possible?
A lot more have believed the lie of the devil that God is not really with them in their relationship because they did not hear God tell them who to marry or see anything.
Well, God did not promise to show all of us a dream or vision. He did not promise that He would speak to all of us in an audible voice or in some spectacular way.
However God did promise that He would LEAD all of us!
My dear, that is all you need. Stop bothering yourself. You don’t need to hear a voice. You don’t need to see a dream. You don’t need to fall into a trance before knowing who to marry. The person that sees five dreams in a day is not more spiritual than you that sees nothing. In fact, for all I care, you that don’t dream at all may be more alert to hear God, because the one that hears God through dreams only will be knocked to sleep each time he needs to hear God. Imagine a brother that needs to make a decision, and then he tells you, give me some time, let me go and sleep!
Deliver yourself; stop being intimidated by some overly excited dreamer, allow God to lead you to who to marry the way He wants to. If you are given to dreams, that is great, but don’t feel superior to others around you.
So how do I know I am a child of God when I don’t dream, and I don’t have any spectacular encounter?
Here is the answer.
For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. (Romans 8:14 KJV)
There can be leading without some audible voice. All you need to do is to follow. The Lord is my shepherd!
Thank God for who He is that can abandon ninety-nine other sheep to look for me!
The real deal then is to be led.
God can lead you into a relationship without hearing a single voice or seeing any vision!
But you know you are led.
So, how do I know if I am being led?
How do you know you are really born again? How do you know Jesus really exists? Have you see him before? How do you know there is a God in heaven? Did you hear His audible voice or did you see Him in your vision seated on His throne with Cherubims and all that? Why then do you believe in Him?
Because you simply know within yourself that God is. You may not be able to prove it, but you just know in your ‘knower’ that God exists. You know in your ‘knower’ that Jesus died for your sin. You were not there in Golgotha with him physically, but you just know it happened deep within you.
That is what is referred to as ‘Inner witness.’
Inner witness! That is the primary way God speaks to His children. No voice, no vision, no trance, nothing, but just this knowing that comes with an unexplainable peace, too deep and assuring that you cannot put it into words!
Don’t let the devil come to you and tell you that the reason you have a troubled marriage is because you didn’t have any dreams or hear a voice about who to marry!
Do you know that when you have had twenty-five dreams about a particular lady and yet this inner witness is not there, you are not supposed to proceed? This inner witness, the peace of God, is most important!
See it described in the scripture
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7 KJV)
I like it particularly in Amplified version
And God’s peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Did you see that? That peace of God, that transcends every understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds. Garrison! Mount guard! Those are military terms. That is exactly what happens when you allow the peace of God and you are led by Him. His leading is a like a soldier protecting you. You know why? God will never lead you wrong! Glory to God! He will not lead you into misery! Thank God for His leading.
God is the one that can re-order our steps when we have made mistakes; He is the one that will lead us into our wealthy place. Stay with God and you will never regret. Don’t be led by your feelings which can be fickle, be led by the Holy Spirit, and you will be protected!
This morning, as God’s servant, I speak God’s leading into your life. I speak His peace into your life! May you experience His leading in Jesus name!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am a child of God. I am led of God
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God lead you by His peace
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY God’s Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go! (Romans 8:14 Message)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Read Kenneth Hagin’s book – ‘Following God’s plan for you life’
The concept of the five love languages is very popular. I have written about this topic before but it bears repetition. Sometimes, we think we know something until we hear it again and again.
We don’t fully understand a subject matter until we have taken time to think about it.
The topic of love languages in marriage is so important that the understanding of it will literally solve major issues of your marriage.
Every couple should take time out to ask themselves what their love languages are.
Love language by definition is just how you perceive love. It is the language spoken to you that makes you know that you are loved by that person.
For example, if the language you understand is English and someone is trying to communicate with you something important in Spanish, you will not understand nor respond as you ought because they are not speaking your language and you have not learnt that language.
The same thing happens in marriage. Love needs to be expressed for it to be appreciated. So if your wife or husband is speaking or communicating love to you in a language that is not what you speak or understand, you don’t feel their love.
There are basically 5 love languages. Studies have shown that you can have a combination of more than one love language. For further study, you can read Gary Chapman.
They are
1. Physical touch 2. Acts of service 3. Words of affirmation 4. Quality time 5. Gifts
Let’s begin with:
1. Physical touch
This love language is spoken not only in words, thoughts but more so by touching. For a person whose love language is physical touch, there must always be contact. Your spouse feels special when you touch them. You put your hands around their shoulders when talking to them and they feel loved. A kiss early in the morning, or a hug each time you see them, makes them feel fulfilled. My husband loves it when I stroke the back of his head whenever he is driving and I constantly touch him when we are together.
When your spouse’s love language is physical touch, even when he/she is angry and you speak this language, they calm down. Such spouse respond to touch and body contact a lot.
This is also a pointer to what is to be avoided by anybody that is not your spouse. It is easy to fall in love with anybody speaking your love language to you.
So with this knowledge also comes the responsibility of avoiding persons who want to speak your love language to you other than your spouse.
2. Acts of service
This is your love language when you love things to be done for you. You love it when your spouse helps you do your personal stuffs and also do for you what you are supposed to do.
For example, when your spouse helps you do your chores, helps with the kids, wash the car, do laundry or pay to help someone else do it for you.
It shows that your spouse is thoughtful and concerned. He/ she has not left you all alone to sweat it out, slave away or figure how to get your work done.
Some spouse enjoy work. In fact they have extra energy for work. That is the reason some people who are not disciplined and have this love language often fall on love with the house helps, messengers and the likes.
If your spouse is not speaking this language, you have to let them know it makes you feel loved. Let them make arrangements to someone to help out at a fee.
Let me stop here today.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I learn to speak my partners love language.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray for wisdom to speak the love language of your spouse
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:25 ESVHusbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Speak your spouses’ love language
Words are powerful. Words are eternal. They don’t die.
Jesus said words are spirits.
Joh 6:63 KJV It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.
Nations have gone to war because of words spoken and battles have been known to come to an end because of words.
Jesus also said that words reveal what is in a man’s heart.
Luk 6:45 AMP The upright (honorable, intrinsically good) man out of the good treasure [stored] in his heart produces what is upright (honorable and intrinsically good), and the evil man out of the evil storehouse brings forth that which is depraved (wicked and intrinsically evil); for out of the abundance (overflow) of the heart his mouth speaks.
You can decode a man’s attitude from his words. His words, when analysed will show you where he is going.
This morning, I want to show you a few words that men who claim to be your lover often say that show something is defective somewhere. They let you know that your relationship or marriage needs some attention and counsel. Here are a few of those statements that your lover may not be saying.
1. I am not a religious freak. I don’t like church stuffs. I can’t be a fanatic.
What he is really saying: I don’t want to be spiritual. I will not always go to church. I don’t believe in God that much. Once we are married, you will have to stop going to church as you do now.
The implication: Your spiritual life will be depleted. You will not be on the same page. Without a good foundation of spiritual life and relationship with God, you will be limited, you will do a lot of things with struggles and you will never be able to enter the fullness of God’s blessings for your life.
2. There is nothing wrong with sex as long as we love ourselves, although I am not insisting. Even pastors are messing up.
What he is really saying: I will soon get you. It is a matter of time. I will wait for you to get emotionally connected with me and fall in love hopelessly and then you won’t be able to say No. How will I be in a relationship without having sex? ‘You never know anything!’
The implication: His word already reveals his heart. If you stay in a relationship with such a person, you will soon compromise. It is just a matter of time. If you value your relationship with God, you will disconnect from any tiny appearance of compromise before you become entangled and fall in love.
3. Let’s keep our relationship to ourselves for now. I don’t want any pastor or parents to know. Don’t even tell too many of your friends for now. I am a private person and I don’t like being discussed all over the place. Let it just be between the two of us. When the time comes to go public, I will let you know.
What he is really saying: I don’t want to go all the way with you. I don’t want any commitments; all I want is sex! Let’s make the casualty to be only you and not involve any authority figure that will tie me down.
The implication: He will not walk the aisle with you. He is not interested in marriage and there is no point wasting a few of your years with him. A good courtship is not supposed to operate as a secret cult!
4. I really love you and that is why you are number one out of all my girlfriends. You are the one I want to get married to.
What he is really saying: I have other girlfriends that I sleep around with. Be careful so I won’t change my mind about you because I have so many of them in my hands.
The implication: He is manipulating you with that statement and he may not get married to you eventually. Even if he does, there would not be an automatic disconnection with his girlfriends especially if they are sexually involved. You will have to contend with that after marriage and practically fight battles that could have been avoided. As a child of God, you are to be loved and adored by your husband. The moment you are being threatened this way, something is not quite right. Don’t stay under a manipulative man; that is not God’s plan for you.
5. Even though, I am married, I don’t love my wife. I don’t know why I have not met you before I got married. You are my true wife. I will find a way to leave that woman and marry you. You are so caring, loving and I can do anything for you. Just stay with me, I will give you anything you want and I will marry you eventually.
What he is really saying: You think it is so easy to leave the mother of my children? You are just a baby, and I will keep on giving you paltry sums of money to get what I want. I will rent a house for you and buy you a car and I will visit you there for sex. The day you say you are no longer interested, I will collect my car and my house.
The implication:Adultery is not worth it. You will simply waste your youth and practically stop your life. It will look sweet initially but soon turns into gravel in your mouth. Disconnect from such relationships because God doesn’t want you there.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am wise. I have a better understanding of my lover. I know what my lover is saying and not saying.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will show you what your lover is not saying.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life. (John 6:63 ESV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Review all your relationships and follow God’s instructions to find out what your lover is not saying.
Remember we said that prayer is like a one-on-one session with God? It’s time alone with God and not open to anyone or anything to cause any distraction. Distracting someone in prayer is not cool at all.
So, when you see someone praying maybe during church service or not, it’s not the time to start distracting them. It’s not cool to make a joke then or nudge them to look at someone or something irrelevant or trivial.
Don’t tap someone who is praying and say “Hey, look at Tom’s torn jeans” or “See how messed up Susan’s hair is.” It’s really not cool to make jokes about people’s looks, clothes, or social status. And not even during prayers. And God doesn’t want you to do so.
When you do so, you are distracting them from God – you break their connection to God at that time. This prevents them from hearing or receiving a message from God at that time.
Just like you shouldn’t allow anyone or anything to break your focus during prayer, you shouldn’t do so to others too. Let them enjoy the same blessing you receive from praying to God. Don’t be a stumbling block in their path; stop distracting them.
Prayer is an important ingredient to any Christian’s life. It’s important in your life. May the Lord give you a heart of understanding. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Prayer: Lord, I don’t want to be a stumbling block in the paths of people during their praying time; help me not to be distracting people. Help me to remain focused on You during prayer. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.
Action plan: When next you feel the urge to talk to someone and make a joke during prayers, ask the Holy Spirit for help. And don’t do it.
Confession: My children are true worshippers. They worship God in spirit and in truth. They will not be distracting others in their worship.
“Now therefore, our God, We thank You And praise Your glorious name. 1 Chronicles 29:13
Nation/Church
Father, let your glory be seen in our nation and church in the name of Jesus.
For the earth will be filled With the knowledge of the glory of the LORD, As the waters cover the sea. Habakkuk 2:14
Pastors/Parents/Mentors
Father, let your glory be seen on our pastors, parents and mentors in the name of Jesus.
And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth. John 1:14
Finances
Father, multiply my finances for the purpose of your kingdom in the name of Jesus.
and I will shake all nations, and they shall come to the Desire of All Nations, and I will fill this temple with glory,’ says the LORD of hosts. Haggai 2:7
Family
(SINGLES) – Relationship and settling down.
(MARRIED) – Spouse and Children
But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. 1 Peter 5:10
Warfare
Intercede for yourself; pray in the Spirit; light in every darkness.
For it is the God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. 2 Corinthians 4:6
Desire this Month
Mention your specific request for the month of May to God in prayers.
Help us, O God of our salvation, For the glory of Your name; And deliver us, and provide atonement for our sins, For Your name’s sake! Psalm 79:9
Psalm 91 Declaration
Recite the whole of Psalm 91 prayerfully and believe every word in your heart.
Psalm 91
Blood Declaration
By the blood of Jesus, I have peace with God.
and by Him to reconcile all things to Himself, by Him, whether things on earth or things in heaven, having made peace through the blood of His cross. Colossians 1:20
Speaking in tongues isn’t just for praying alone as most people would think. As much as the Holy Spirit blessed you with this gift to pray to God, He also gave you the ability to worship God by singing and speaking with the same tongues.
You can be speaking in tongues and be worshipping God with it. Have you ever heard adults in church saying people should worship God in another language, our heavenly language? You see, it is something that the Spirit of God empowers believers to do – not just adults, but children also.
While worshipping God in tongues, the Holy Spirit can magnify it for you and lead you to start singing in tongues as well, as worship to God. You may not know what you are singing, but you shouldn’t be bothered by this because God knows what you are singing. You are not singing rubbish; no you are not! You are only worshipping God in the language of heaven and all heaven is dancing along with you. How amazing is that? Angels dancing as you sing; very amazing.
The benefits of doing this are, worshipping God in tongues takes the burden of constructing words for worship. You also, won’t need new words to worship God with because you are speaking or singing in a language that is divinely renewing itself. Unlike using an earthly language that everyone knows what a word means. A heavenly language can mean so many things at different times. The third thing about it is that it helps you keep your focus on God.
Hallelujah! May the Spirit bless you with a massive gift of tongues to worship the King of kings. Amen.
Prayer: Lord, give me a stream of tongues that I may release my worship through them to you. I want to sing songs and worship in tongues to you. In Jesus’ name, I ask. Amen.
Action Plan: If you have the gift of tongues, use them to sing to God. If you don’t, find someone to minister it to you. or ask the Holy Spirit for it.
So here is the concluding part of our series on Handling affairs in marriage. Let me just delve into today’s teaching and get it over with.
Like I said earlier, the Grace of God needs to be embraced in an abundant measure to effectively help with handling affairs in marriage.
4. A lot of teachings
It is good for the spouse of the erring couple to surround the spouse involved in an affair with a lot of good teaching materials. It is the truth from inside those books that God will use to set him/her free. It is the truth that set free
Joh 8:32 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
No matter your good words it will not be as effective as God’s word. Let good lead you to specific materials and tapes of anointed men and women of God. There is virtually every book on every topic you are looking for on telegram, books on handling affairs in marriage inclusive. Download them and let the spouse involved in an affair, read them.
Transformation only comes by renewing the mind.
Rom 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
It will also be helpful if the erring spouse can have some time of sober reflection, this has a good part to play in handling affairs in marriage.
This becomes very important. Intercession must be going on for the spouse involved in affair as much as the erring spouse should also be doing a lot of prayer for himself or herself.
Prayers for the help of God, Mercy, forgiveness, Grace to crucify the flesh and not yield to its dictates must be said as often as possible by the erring spouse. Faith and hope must also be kept alive because if the devil succeeds in getting the erring spouse to a point of defeat, this will help in handling affairs in marriage. A point where he/she feels despondent or a feeling of ‘there is no point’, ‘ let give up’, the battle has been lost.
But keep hope alive and encourage the erring spouse that with God all things are possible. The grace of God can make strong. The flesh cannot have dominion over you because Christ has already died for you. Prayer is a game-changer when it comes to handling affairs in marriage
We are not of them that give up. Christ never gave up even though the pain and the price he paid was so much. He won the victory. He won the battle. So we have the victory. We are only enforcing our victory because the devil is a liar.
The devil seeks to kill, steal and destroy. The erring spouse must just be encouraging to stand his ground.
Psa 30:5 For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
There will be great joy, if you endure the discipline of enforcing your victory and you’re finally able to handle and put a stop to affairs in marriage.
Jas 4:7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
When you learn to submit to God and his principles and ways of doing things, you will resist the devil and he has no choice but to flee, and this will help a great deal in handling affairs in marriage.
Resist him no matter how strong the temptation is or long the addiction has been. You resist him in the name of Jesus. Use every weapon to resist him. The blood of Jesus, communion, the word, prayers and he will flee.
God bless you.
May God grant us more understanding and give us grace to do. God surround our marriage in Jesus name.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will be faithful to my partner.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Father, help me to keep my marriage vows.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY James 4:7 (ESV): Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Open up to your spouse, if need be.
I remember many years ago, as a young Christian, I was praying and trusting God for some things. God answered me very clearly and told me to forgive so and so. Now, these people really hurt me, and I felt justified walking in an unforgiving spirit. But then God gave me two scriptures and said if I want to move forward in life, I have to forgive.
Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19 ESV)
The second scripture God gave me was:
To whom ye forgive any thing, I forgive also: for if I forgave any thing, to whom I forgave it, for your sakes forgave I it in the person of Christ; Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices (2 Corinthians 2:10-11 KJV)
I had to listen to God and it was only then I was able to move forward.
2. From the above scriptures, a few things are clear.
3. People will hurt you, as long as you are human and you are in the days of your flesh.
4. You will like to get even, born again or not.
5. Don’t get even; don’t avenge yourself.
6. God will avenge you, He will fight for you and that is when it is sweetest.
7. If you stay in unforgiving mode, Satan will use it as loophole to cause havoc.
You are not to be ignorant of how the devil operates.
A third scripture I will like you to see is here:
For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses (Matthew 6:14-15 KJV)
Now, you don’t want to find yourself here. You don’t want to find yourself in a place where God will not forgive you. And yet, the only way not to get there is to forgive people easily! Now as you read this, I really want you to check yourself out. Are you holding a few people in your heart without forgiving them? Well, it could slow you down, literarily!
It could cause delays in marriages, it could cause relationships not to work out, and other havocs can be wrecked. That’s why I tell people; don’t start another relationship immediately after one has just ended. Give yourself a break, at least, six months. Why? When you rush into another relationship with hurts, wounds, bitterness, and an unforgiving spirit, you will end up frustrating that other person, and the relationship will still not work out. You cannot establish a relationship on a foundation of hurts, wounds, and bitterness!
When you stay in unforgiving mode, it’s like moving away from God’s protective arm into the terrain of the devil. A lot of us fast and pray fervently, but hear me and hear me well, if you don’t forgive, you will never be able to enjoy the fullness of God’s blessings. I come to you this morning, by the Spirit of God and by His grace which He has endowed me with and I speak into your life and destiny, ‘Forgive!’
Yes, I know you are hurt! Yes, I know you were jilted. Yes, I know you were raped. Yes, I know you were defrauded. Yes, I know you were abandoned when it is just a few days before the wedding. Yes, I know there has been a divorce. Yes, I know you were cheated. Yes, I know you were wrongfully accused. Yes, I know your spouse cheated on you and manipulated you…and the list goes on.
But you cannot afford some bitterness. It is too expensive for you! You need God now, don’t you? You yourself are not perfect, are you? The only way God can overlook, forgive and forget your own imperfections and cause His mercy to avail for you is when you forgive that person.
There are some of us that hold our parents in derision. You are wrong to do that. But my parents are not born-again! You see the scripture never says you should honour your born-again parents! He said you should honour your parents! That is how to last on the planet earth! So that your days will be long! In fact, a particular translation says, honour your parents so that God can say well done to you!
Some of you are having delays in marriage because you are walking in disobedience. If your parents have ever said wrong words to you because you were at loggerheads with them, go back to them and apologize. Humble yourself, so that you won’t slow yourself down. Dishonoring your parents and refusing to forgive them can cost you your life! Read your Bible very well.
Go back to them, buy a gift, prostrate or kneel down and ask them to bless you! That act alone will be better off than ninety days of fasting and prayers, which might not yield results because of an unforgiving spirit.
Forgive your spouse. You will do yourself a lot of good if you do that. If you don’t forgive him or her, your prayers will be hindered. Don’t block God’s blessings over you at this time. Why waste your time praying? Isn’t that a religious spirit at work? Married couples, be quick to forgive each other! Don’t allow strife in your family. If you have been in prolonged hurt and strife, it is dangerous. End it today and allow God’s blessing to flow in your family. Leave your ego behind and obey God. Take your wife out, buy her a gift and apologize! Go to your husband and kneel down and ask for forgiveness. It is not old-fashioned; it is scripture!
Let go and let God! Let it be a beginning of a new day for you and yours! Let go of everybody you are holding in your mind. Burn your little black book of offenses and stop recording hurts. Delete them not only from your memory but from recycle bin as well. Guard your heart with all diligence for out of them are the issues of life.
May God help you and give you strength to forgive all you need to forgive in Jesus name!
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CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have a forgiving attitude. I am quick to forgive.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, give me the grace to let go of all who have hurt me
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: (Matthew 6:14 KJV)
Remember the good things God has done for you and begin to thank Him.
I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, Philippians 1:3
Nation/Church
Father, remember our nation and church in the name of Jesus.
Who remembered us in our lowly state, For His mercy endures forever; Psalm 136:23
Pastors/Parents/Mentors
Father, remember my pastors, parents and mentors and think kindly of them.
Then God remembered Noah, and every living thing, and all the animals that were with him in the ark. And God made a wind to pass over the earth, and the waters subsided. Genesis 8:1
Finances
Father, remember my good works and bless me in the name of Jesus.
Remember me, O my God, concerning this, and do not wipe out my good deeds that I have done for the house of my God, and for its services! Nehemiah 13:14
Family
(SINGLES) – Relationship and settling down.
(MARRIED) – Spouse and Children
And it came to pass, when God destroyed the cities of the plain, that God remembered Abraham, and sent Lot out of the midst of the overthrow, when He overthrew the cities in which Lot had dwelt. Genesis 19:29
Warfare
Father, remember me and break away every oppression of the evil one.
“When you go to war in your land against the enemy who oppresses you, then you shall sound an alarm with the trumpets, and you will be remembered before the LORD your God, and you will be saved from your enemies. Numbers 10:9
Desire this Month
Mention your specific request for the month of May to God in prayers.
Put Me in remembrance; Let us contend together; State your case, that you may be acquitted. Isaiah 43:26
Psalm 91 Declaration
Recite the whole of Psalm 91 prayerfully and believe every word in your heart.
Psalm 91
Blood Declaration
By the blood of Jesus, I am free and delivered in the name of Jesus.
In the same manner He also took the cup after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in My blood. This do, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of Me.” 1 Corinthians 11:25
I receive the spirit of wisdom in the name of Jesus.
that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him, Ephesians 1:17
Healing
I receive my healing now in the name of Jesus.
But to you who fear My name The Sun of Righteousness shall arise With healing in His wings; And you shall go out And grow fat like stall-fed calves. Malachi 4:2
Favour/Mercy Today
Remember me with your favour today in the name of Jesus.
Remember me, O LORD, with the favor You have toward Your people. Oh, visit me with Your salvation, Psalm 106:4
