The bible makes us understand that life is filled with seasons, and each season demands a different response. There’s a time to tear and a time to mend. This is a simple statement but yet it carries deep meaning, especially when one is navigating through times of change, heartbreaks, loss, or a transition phase.
“A time to tear and a time to mend.” — Ecclesiastes 3:7 (NIV)
The tearing season can be uncomfortable, but it is often necessary. In Scripture, tearing one’s clothes was a symbolic gesture of grief, repentance, or mourning. It was a way of saying, “This part of me is no longer whole. Something is wrong, and I can no longer ignore it.”
In our lives, there are seasons when we need to tear away parts of ourselves that are no longer beneficial. Sometimes, we need to let go of things like old wounds, unhealthy habits, relationships, or even dreams that no longer align with God’s will. Tearing isn’t about destruction; it’s more like a release. It’s acknowledging that something has to go so that something new can grow.
The process of tearing is not easy. It takes courage. It can be painful, and it might even feel like you’re losing something valuable. Yet, God uses these times of tearing to prepare us for healing and growth. The key is knowing that this act is part of His greater plan—removing what doesn’t serve His purpose in our lives.
But you see, tearing is not the end of the process. The verse also reminds us that there is a time to mend. This part is where God’s grace truly shines. Once something has been torn—whether it’s a part of our heart, mind, or life—God doesn’t leave us in that broken state; rather, He begins the process of mending.
The act of mending is restorative. It’s the slow and steady work of God stitching us back together, restoring the broken pieces. It might take time, and the healing process might not happen overnight, but God’s mending is always thorough and intentional. His restoration goes deep, healing not just the surface but the roots of our wounds.
This mending process often requires us to be patient. God doesn’t rush healing, and neither should we. Sometimes, we want to hurry up and move on, but God uses the time of mending to teach us dependence on Him, refine our character, and prepare us for the next season. It’s also in this mending that we learn the depth of God’s love and faithfulness. He doesn’t just heal our wounds; He makes us whole again, often in ways we didn’t expect.
When we are in a season of tearing, it can be easy to feel hopeless. But remember, tearing is a temporary part of God’s greater plan. In Romans 8:28, we are assured that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” And when God is ready to restore, He will mend. He will repair the things that are broken, whether it’s our hearts, relationships, or dreams.
So all you have to do is trust the process by obeying Him, leaning on His word, and believing. In time, He will make all things new.
Sometimes, when someone does something we don’t like or aren’t used to, we start labeling it a “red flag.” For instance, we’re like, They’re too quiet, too deep, too serious, too ‘into God.” Or they’re not texting fast enough. They don’t talk the way we expect. They have boundaries we’re not used to. And boom, immediately we tag it a red flag.
But here’s the truth: not everything that feels uncomfortable is a red flag. Sometimes it’s just unfamiliar. Sometimes it’s challenging your unhealed parts. Sometimes it’s healthy, but unhealed wounds, maybe from past relationships, just make it feel “off.”
On the other side, we can also miss the real red flags because they come in a nice package. Good vibes. Easy conversations. Physical attraction. Maybe even church attendance. But beneath all that, there’s inconsistency, lack of growth, poor character, and zero spiritual leadership. We ignore it simply because they “get us,” or because we’re already emotionally invested.
And this is how people end up in relationships/marriages where they thought they picked a green flag, only to realize it was painted red the whole time.
Here are real red flags that should not be ignored:
1. They say they love God, but their life says otherwise. If someone consistently minimizes faith, mocks spiritual things, or lives in unrepentant sin, that’s not just a “difference”—that’s direction. Love is hard to grow when you’re walking in opposite directions.
2. They charm in public, but control in private. Emotional manipulation often wears a smile. If they make you feel small, confused, guilty, or constantly responsible for their emotions, you’re not building love, you’re managing dysfunction.
3. There’s no accountability, no mentorship, no godly voice they submit to. If no one can speak into their life, correct them, or call them out, you eventually won’t be able to either. Humility is essential in a God-honoring relationship.
4. They’re always hiding something. Secrets, double lives, half-truths, or silence when transparency is needed—this will slowly erode trust. Trust is hard to build, and easy to break.
So before you write someone off, ask: Is this truly a red flag or just something unfamiliar or different from what I imagined? And before you commit, ask: Is this genuinely right, or does it just feel good right now?
Sometimes, what feels “off” at first is just new and worth giving space to grow. And sometimes what feels “right” in the moment is just familiar but not necessarily healthy.
Proverbs 4:23 (NIV) Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
It’s not just about guarding your heart out of fear. It’s about inviting God to shape your lens so you see and not overlook something good… or settle for something that simply looks good.
Solomon had everything: wisdom, wealth, power, and influence. He had experienced life to the fullest, yet he came to a conclusion that none of it could truly satisfy. Despite having everything most people dream of, he realized they were all ultimately “meaningless,” like chasing the wind.
Ecclesiastes 1:14 (NIV): “I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.”
It’s easy to get caught up in the pursuit of what we think will bring us fulfillment. It could be a relationship, a promotion, a certain way of life—believing that once we get it, we will feel complete. But even when we do reach those goals, we’re often left asking, “Is this it?” That’s what Solomon is pointing out.
Ecclesiastes 2:11 says, “When I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.”
These things can never fully satisfy us because they aren’t meant to. They’re fleeting, temporary, and ultimately hollow when placed at the center of our hearts.
This doesn’t mean that relationships, careers, or achievements are bad. They can be wonderful gifts when we view them through the lens of God’s will. But when we place our identity and sense of worth in them, they become idols.
This is why having a relationship with God is so important. It’s not about going through the motions or only turning to Him in times of need—it’s about having a daily encounter with Him that will shape every aspect of our lives.
Matthew 6:33 says, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” When we make God the center of our lives, everything else falls into place. We stop looking to temporary things to fulfill us and begin to find our peace, worth, and joy in Him alone.
Jesus made it clear in John 15:5: “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me, you can do nothing.” Just as a branch cannot survive without being connected to the vine, we can’t truly live without being rooted in God. Our sense of purpose and fulfillment flows directly from our relationship with Him. Without that connection, we are like a branch that just withers and dies.
Conclusion: The truth is, no matter how hard we chase after things—relationships, success, or approval—if they’re not rooted in God, they will leave us feeling empty. True satisfaction comes not from what we achieve or accumulate but from knowing God deeply and making Him the center of our lives. So let’s stop chasing what will never satisfy and start pursuing the One who gives our lives true meaning, purpose, and peace.
Oftentimes, people walk away from toxic relationships, unhealthy attachments, or bad habits, thinking that the battle is over. But leaving is only the first step. The real challenge is filling that empty space with something better. It’s easy to think that once you’ve cut ties with the wrong person or situation, everything will automatically be fine. But if you don’t intentionally fill your heart with positive, God-centered things, you might find yourself slipping back into old patterns even after you might have vowed that it would never happen again.
“When an unclean spirit goes out of a man, it passes through dry places seeking rest, and does not find it. Then it says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came.’ And when it comes, it finds it empty, swept, and put in order. Then it goes and brings with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they enter and dwell there; and the last state of that man is worse than the first.” — Matthew 12:43-45 (NKJV)
This is the very point Jesus was making in Matthew 12. A man was freed from an unclean spirit, but when the spirit returned, it found the house empty. Without something better taking its place, the man’s situation worsened. It’s a pattern we see in relationships, too. If you leave one behind but don’t fill your life with healing, purpose, and spiritual growth, you open yourself up to emptiness and vulnerability. This emptiness can lead you to crave the wrong things: unhealthy attention, distractions, or even another toxic relationship.
Instead of just walking away from bad relationships, it’s crucial to intentionally build a life that’s full of what truly matters—God’s wisdom, His love, and a deeper sense of purpose. Focus on nurturing your relationship with God, growing emotionally, and investing time with people who help you grow in faith. Stay busy with purpose, serve God like never before, and pursue personal growth. When you fill your life with the right things, you create a strong foundation, leaving no room for the wrong things to creep back in.
Leaving behind what’s wrong is an important step, but the real work begins after that. If you don’t fill the empty space with God’s truth, His presence, and a sense of purpose, you are at risk of falling into that same cycle. Today, make the decision to fill your life with His presence so that when love comes, you are not settling out of emptiness but embracing something beautiful because you are whole, ready, and aligned with God’s perfect plan for you.
Love is a beautiful thing. It teaches patience, sacrifice, and the art of meeting in the middle. Any healthy relationship requires compromise here and there because two people will never agree on everything all the time. Sometimes, you have to choose peace over being right. You make adjustments, small sacrifices, and little shifts to create harmony, and that’s actually a good thing.
But here’s where it gets dangerous. You see, compromise is healthy until it starts making you lose YOU..
“Love your neighbor as yourself.” — Mark 12:31
You’ve probably been there, saying “yes” when your heart was screaming “no.”Compromising your standards because you were scared of being alone. Pouring into someone who only left you drained and empty. Changing who you are just to be “enough” for them.
The thing is, it happens so slowly that you don’t even notice at first. You adjust your schedule, your preferences, and your way of expressing yourself, all in the name of love. You tell yourself it’s normal, that this is just what relationships require. And to some extent, that’s true. But compromise should never feel like erasure.
It should never mean suppressing your voice, constantly dismissing your own needs, or walking on eggshells to keep someone else happy or just to fit into someone else’s idea of who you should be.
What does the Scriptures say?
The Bible teaches us that love is selfless but not self-destructive.
Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
Notice that Christ loved sacrificially, but He never lost His identity in the process. His love uplifted, purified, and made the Church better and bigger, not smaller.
Mark 12:31 says, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
This verse is often quoted, but notice the balance: You are to love others as yourself, not instead of yourself.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23
Guarding your heart doesn’t mean closing yourself off, but it does mean setting healthy boundaries. If a relationship is draining your spirit and pulling you away from who God made you to be, it’s time to evaluate if it is truly love or control.
Here are some of the signs you are losing yourself in love:
You constantly suppress your own feelings to keep the peace.
You adjust your personality to fit what your partner wants.
You feel exhausted, as if you’re always giving but rarely receiving.
Your dreams and goals have taken a backseat to the relationship.
You stay even when you’re no longer happy, out of fear of being alone.
Conclusion:
Love should never cost you your peace, joy, or identity. If a relationship is slowly stripping you of who you are, then it is not love; it’s bondage, and you need to get out of it quickly.
God’s kind of love always builds you up, it never tears you down. If you have to lose yourself to keep someone, then maybe they were never meant to stay.
