Not every connection or attraction is meant to become a relationship. Many of us rush in, driven by feelings, loneliness, or the pressure of what others expect, without stopping to carefully consider whether the person and the timing align with God’s will.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. – Proverbs 4:23
A relationship is more than companionship; it has the power to shape your life, your character, and your spiritual walk. Before you allow someone to take a place in your heart, here are five important things to look out for
1. Character over Charm
It is easy to be drawn to someone’s charm, but charm alone is never enough to sustain a relationship. Words, gestures, and attention can be impressive at first, yet the true measure of a person lies in their character—how they act when no one is watching, how they treat people who cannot benefit them, and how they handle difficult situations.
Someone with strong character will be honest, reliable, and consistent, even when it is inconvenient or when mistakes are made. Choosing someone with genuine character protects your heart from unnecessary pain and lays a foundation of trust that charm alone cannot provide.
2. Spiritual Alignment
Spiritual alignment goes far beyond attending the same church or believing in the same doctrines. It is about sharing similar convictions, priorities, and a mutual desire to follow God wholeheartedly.
Before you pursue a relationship, consider whether this person will encourage your growth in faith, challenge you to become more Christlike, and honor God in their own life.
A relationship without spiritual alignment may feel comfortable at first, but over time, the differences in values and priorities will create tension and conflict. When both hearts are aligned with God, the relationship has a foundation that is far stronger than attraction alone.
This article on avoiding bitterness is a continuation of yesterday’s discussion.
4. Hand it over to God.
There are wounds human words cannot heal. Sometimes the hurt is too deep, or the other person is unwilling to make peace. This is where bitterness tries to creep in strongest. But instead of letting it take root, this is when you pour it out before God. He has the ability to carry what you cannot. He binds the wounds you cannot touch and gives strength to forgive when your heart feels empty. Without God, bitterness hardens us. With God, bitterness loses its grip.
“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” – 1 Peter 5:7
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” – Psalm 147:3
5. Keep your heart soft.
Bitterness hardens the heart. A hardened heart is quick to snap, slow to love, and blind to grace. But a soft heart is tender, forgiving, and open to healing. In relationships, a soft heart is not naïve — it is wise enough to know that keeping bitterness out is more important than winning an argument. Staying soft means constantly remembering how much God has forgiven you, and letting that mercy shape how you respond to others.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:32
Conclusion
Bitterness is not just about what someone did to you — it is about what you allow to grow inside you afterward. Left unchecked, it can destroy friendships, ruin marriages, and close doors to love. But when you guard your heart, seek reconciliation, practice forgiveness, lean on God, and keep your heart soft, you break free from the prison bitterness builds.
Choosing not to be bitter does not mean you were not hurt — it means you refuse to let hurt define you. That is how you keep your soul free, and that is how you keep love alive.
Avoiding Bitterness in Relationships and Marriages
Avoiding Bitterness in Relationships and Marriages
Bitterness is a slow killer. It does not always start with shouting or anger; sometimes it begins with quiet silence, a hurt tucked away, a memory you replay in your head. But as days pass, that hurt grows roots. And if left alone, those roots become chains.
See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.Hebrews 12:15 (NIV)
Jesus warns us in Luke 12:58 to “try hard to be reconciled on the way.” It is a reminder that if we do not deal with offenses quickly, they become heavier, harder, and more destructive than they were at the beginning. What could have been settled with a conversation ends up becoming a wall between two hearts. That is how many relationships collapse — not because of huge betrayals, but because of small unresolved hurts that were left to fester.
So how do we truly avoid bitterness?
1. Guard your heart early.
Every relationship — whether friendship, courtship, or marriage — will come with offenses. People will say things they should not, or fail to meet your expectations. That is life. The danger is not in the offense itself, but in allowing it to sit in your heart. The longer you hold it in, the more it reshapes the way you see the person. What was once love and trust can quickly turn into suspicion and coldness. Guarding your heart means being intentional about not letting every wound linger there. Protect what flows from it.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” – Proverbs 4:23
2. Choose reconciliation over silence.
Many people think silence solves problems, but in reality, silence often buries them alive. And buried issues never die — they grow. In relationships, especially close ones, bitterness often comes from the words never spoken, the apologies never given, and the conversations avoided. Choosing reconciliation means being willing to face the discomfort of difficult conversations so that peace can be restored. Silence feels easier in the moment, but it only pushes hearts further apart.
“If your brother or sister sins against you, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you.” – Matthew 18:15
3. Forgive again and again.
Forgiveness is not a one-time event; it is a discipline. There will be times in relationships when you forgive for small things — a careless word, a forgotten detail. And there will be bigger things too. Forgiveness does not erase the wrong, but it stops the wrong from poisoning your heart. Refusing to forgive makes you a prisoner of your own pain, but forgiving sets you free to love without bitterness. Real love cannot survive without constant forgiveness.
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” – Colossians 3:13
Regret in relationships usually does not come because God was silent. Most times, it comes because we went ahead without any plan. We rushed decisions in the heat of attraction, excitement, or even pressure from friends and culture.
Emotions can be very loud; they have a way of drowning out values if those values are not firmly in place. And the truth is, when you are “in the moment,” it is almost impossible to think clearly if you have not already decided where you stand.
That is why you need to set some things in place before you get swept up. Call them your non-negotiables, your personal rules, your anchors — whatever name you give them.
You need anchors already planted.
Examples? Let them be simple, clear, and gospel-centered. Something like:
• “I will not date someone who consistently disregards God, no matter how attractive they seem.” That rule saves you from long explanations and compromises later.
• “I will seek counsel before committing to a relationship that feels rushed.” That keeps you from being swept away by the charm of a moment.
• “I will never stay in a relationship that feeds secrecy, shame, or sin.” That one principle can save you from years of heartbreak.
Notice something? These decisions are not about fear, and they are not about ticking boxes. They are anchors — steady points that hold you in place when everything inside you wants to drift. They remind you that God’s wisdom is not about limiting joy, but about protecting it.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault.” — James 1:5(NIV)
The good part of making these decisions and commitments is that it saves you from yourself. It is like having a trusted version of you — your clear-minded, prayerful, Spirit-led self — speak into the moments when your emotional self is too clouded to think. It is you saying ahead of time, “I know what I believe. I know where my boundaries are. I know what honors God.” And that brings freedom. You no longer have to panic in the face of pressure or compromise, because the decision has already been made.
Think back on your biggest regrets — chances are, most of them came when you did not stop to ask: What principle should guide me here? Imagine how different your story could have been if you had a pre-decided anchor to hold onto.
In conclusion:
You need at least one clear line you can fall back on when your emotions get loud. Write it down. Save it on your phone. You can even tell a friend to call you out, to check you…. Do that and you will save yourself from a lot of “if only” later.
When you hear “spiritual growth,” your mind may probably want to go to big moments—worship nights where you feel goosebumps, or those deep prayer meetings where you walk out on fire. But here is the truth: those moments are powerful, yet they are not what sustains you long-term. What keeps you steady is having a rhythm. Jesus showed us this.
“But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” — Luke 5:16 (NIV)
The Bible says He often slipped away to quiet places to pray. Note the word “often.” It was not once in a blue moon—it was a steady rhythm that carried Him.
Now, to be clear: spiritual rhythm is not a routine. God is not looking for lifeless repetition where you tick a box and say, “done.” What He wants is consistency that builds a relationship. Reading Scripture daily, even if it is just one chapter, is not about finishing a task—it is about slowly shaping the way you think. Spending time in prayer regularly is not about repeating the same lines—it is about building trust and intimacy. Serving consistently is not about just doing tasks in Church; it is about letting your heart grow in humility and love.
And here is the beauty of rhythm: it grows with you. You might start with five minutes of honest prayer. Over time, that five minutes stretches, you now do 30 minutes, and suddenly you are lingering more because you actually want to. You may begin with reading a psalm before bed, and months later, you find yourself hungry to go deeper into God’s Word. Rhythm anchors you, but it does not freeze you—it grows as you grow.
Think of it like breathing. You breathe in and out every day. It is repetitive, but never meaningless. It keeps you alive. In the same way, these small, steady spiritual practices may look ordinary, but they keep your soul alive and steady when life tries to knock you off course.
Also, Consistency with God is not something we can force on our own. We need His grace to stay steady.
You can pray this prayer: Lord, help me not to chase You only in big moments and neglect You in the small ones. Teach me to show up every day, even when I do not feel it. Let these simple rhythms grow my heart, steady my faith, and keep me close to You. Amen.
Conclusion: At the end of the day, your faith will not be defined by one or two “mountaintop” moments. It will be shaped by what you return to, day after day. The small, consistent steps are what build long-term fruit. So pick a rhythm today, stay with it, and let God grow it with you. Years from now, you will look back and see that those “small rhythms” were actually the biggest turning points.
