Marriage is a journey, and for Buddy and Sade, the road has been filled with unexpected twists. What seemed like an unbreakable love during courtship hit the harsh realities of married life, leaving them questioning if their love could endure.
Unmasking the Real You: The Impact of Marriage
Contrary to popular belief, marriage doesn’t change individuals; it reveals their true selves. Buddy and Sade, like many others, discovered that understanding each other’s needs is pivotal for a thriving relationship.
The Maturity of Meeting Needs
A key aspect often overlooked is recognizing and addressing the distinct needs of each partner. Maturity in a relationship comes from prioritizing your spouse’s needs over your own. This is true in both courtship and marriage.
Decoding the Greatest Needs
Understanding the unique needs of your partner is the cornerstone of a successful relationship. For women, time and attention top the list. Spending quality time and giving undivided attention convey genuine care and love.
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. (1 Peter 3:7 KJV)
Men, on the other hand, crave sex and respect. Delving into these fundamental needs can lead to a fulfilling relationship.
Navigating Needs in Courtship
Meeting Her Needs
For singles in courtship, proximity makes meeting a woman’s needs simpler. Regularly scheduling time together fosters a deeper connection. Long-distance relationships require consistent communication to bridge the gap.
The purpose of seeing each other is to understand and align your souls, fostering communication and future planning. Physical intimacy is reserved for marriage, and crossing that boundary during courtship can jeopardize the foundation of trust.
His Needs Matter Too
Single men, regardless of their beliefs, may feel the urge for physical intimacy. It’s a legitimate need, but one that should be reserved for marriage. Controlling desires and waiting ensures a foundation built on respect and obedience to one’s beliefs.
Sustaining Love in Marriage – Prioritizing Time and Attention
Married couples often face the challenge of balancing busy schedules. Neglecting the fundamental needs of time and attention can lead to emotional strain and financial consequences.
Understanding His Need for Intimacy
Sex is a valid need within marriage. Neglecting this aspect can lead to feelings of disrespect from the husband. Balancing the priorities of God, family, and career is crucial to maintaining a healthy marriage.
“Defraud ye not one another…when you deny each other, the Bible calls it fraud!” (1 Corinthians 7:5 KJV)
Sex should never be a tool for punishment or reward but rather a shared duty in the union.
In conclusion, understanding and fulfilling the needs of your partner are vital for a lasting and fulfilling relationship. May God’s peace prevail in every challenge or storm that may arise in your journey together.
Every wife should get to a point where no matter how loving and romantic and cordial they are with their spouses, they still give God His place.
God deserves the first place in our lives and He wants to have all of our hearts, minds, energy, and best of our beings. God is a jealous God and He will not share His glory with any other man, not even our husbands.
Our husbands no matter how much they love us, they cannot love us like Jesus. They cannot die for us. That’s why Jesus is the lover of our souls. He alone can love deeply and extravagantly.
If our husbands are godly, God will reveal to them how to love and treat us. But that also depends on how well they can receive from the Lord.
Our spouses at the very best are still ‘human’. They are not given to meet all our needs. They can only try. God wants our attention, focus, love and worship.
You cannot beg to be loved. Rather, look to God to meet your deepest emotional needs.
Most spouses’ don’t even understand their wives. We are so wired differently. So sometimes, they are not being wicked, they don’t just have a clue on how to love us the right way and that is when God steps in. He wants to meet all our emotional, spiritual, social, and physical needs. He knows us because He created us.
There are some of our needs that we don’t even understand or can articulate in the right way or with the right words, making it difficult for even our husbands to try to meet.
So take the frustration off your husband and off your marriage. Let your spouse do what he can do and allow God do what He can and wants to do.
Don’t let your esteem or self worth come solely from your spouse. Your self worth should come from God.
You are very special to God. You worth so much to Him. You are royalty. You are the apple of His eyes. God will go all the way to protect you.
For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. For the Lord hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy God. – Isaiah 54:5 – 6 KJV
The scripture is telling us that thy Maker is thy husband. God is not just trying to be our husband or writing an application to be our husbands.
We have to receive this words, believe it and walk in the light of it. We have to mediate on it so much until it becomes real to our hearts. God is saying we are Mrs God. What a privilege! We are not just His princesses, we are married to Him.
He is our maker. He understands us. He knows our wiring because He put them there. He knows what words to speak to us per time.
We are married to the Almighty, all powerful, the wealthiest being on the earth and in heaven. Hallelujah! Its so comforting and refreshing to know God finds you so lovely, flawless and gorgeous.
Some other women are being treated harshly by their husbands. They are oppressed, bullied and abused. God wants you to shift your focus from the hurt you are experiencing. Give that hurt to God your husband. He knows how to fix it. God is introducing Himself as the Lord of hosts. You are Royalty, her Royal Majesty.
Never forget that. Find a way to always remind yourself that. I always wear a tiny chain around my neck to remind me that I am royalty. I am loved by God.
I will get into what it means to have God as your husband tomorrow by God’s grace.
God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I enjoy the love of God in my marriage.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Father I receive help to be all you desire me to be.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Isaiah 54:5 For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Say to yourself: God is my husband
Do you know that the Lord meets your needs? There are several verses one can recite offhand. One of it is the shepherds psalm.
Every child is taught right from Sunday school days. It is so easy to memorize.
The LORD [is] my shepherd; I shall not want – Psa 23:1
The Lord is…it didn’t say the Lord was…
This assures us that God is very ready to meet out immediate needs.
God is a God of the now, one that can relate with you based on what you are going through at every point in time.
Here is another verse to confirm that;
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. – Psalms 46:1
There you have it again. God is… Isn’t it wonderful to know this God?
Children, it is not enough to be able to recite this verse or several others verses offhand, you must allow the revelation of these verses to hit you and stick with you.
That way, when faced with any form of trial, you have what it takes to stand tall, even in the midst of contradictions.
Her needs are specialized and peculiar. They are different from your own needs. From spiritual needs to physical needs and emotional needs, you have to find out!
You will immediately discover her preferences, that what excites you on Television doesn’t not tickle her fancy! Find out and seek to meet those needs!
3. Understand her Language
Her language is like her password. It could be gifts, words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch or acts of service.
You don’t communicate to her on your own terms but on her own terms.
Find out her definition of “romantic” and go after that. The definition of the word “romantic” is not what you find in a dictionary, but there is a dictionary in her mind with its own definition like no other, authored by her, and you have to find a way to retrieve that dictionary and check the definition which would often be different from what you think.
4. Understand her pressures
She usually has pressures. Most times, she is not even seeking for those pressures to be taken away, because they are often necessities of life.
She just wants to know that there is somebody who understands what she is going through.
Many years ago, my wife explained this to me. She was pouring her hearts to me, and expounding her pressures and at a point I bursted out;
“Hey! I am not the Holy Spirit. I cannot take these things away!”
“And then she looked at me and said,
“I know you are not the Holy Spirit. I am not asking you to solve these issues, I only want to have a feeling somebody understands what I am going through!
Wow! That is what that lady in your life wants! An understanding heart and that takes the pressures off.
She just wants an understanding, loving and caring man!
Unfortunately, most times, single ladies look for this in wrong places and often fall into the hands of men who are only looking for sexual gratification.
If you are a single lady, make your needs known to God and never offer your body in exchange for some care that will vaporise the next minute!
Wait for the process of meeting that right man who will love you appropriately and will take care of you!
May God grant you strength in your inner man to cooperate with God.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I choose to understand my partner.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY I receive wisdom to understand my partner.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 3:17-19 (KJV) That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love.
1. Take Care Of Her Needs A lady has many needs; material, emotional and spiritual
Love to a lady is spelled being there for her at such times of need. As a guy who loves her genuinely, you should show empathy for her needs.
Definitely, you will not be expected to meet all her needs especially since you are not her Jehovah Jireh.
However, the husband is expected to show concern and encourage her in those times of need. Don’t just ignore her needs and pretend as if those needs are not important.
Let her know that her needs are important. Let her feel well taken care of. One of the distractions and deception the devil uses for ladies is to make them feel that some other guy can take care of them better.
As a man, don’t let the devil have the opportunity of deceiving her, take care of her well.
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2. Speak Into Her Life Words for a woman are very important. More so, words from her head, her priest, and her crown. Speak kind words to her.
Never lash at her with your words. Never hurt or wound her with your words. Such words go deep into her heart, causing deep emotional pains.
A lady can never be all she has the potential to become if all she hears from her husband are downgrading words. Take up the role of a high priest in her life.
Keep speaking God’s word over her life. The lady is like a vine, which initially looks weak and has to coil around a wall or stake but later develops deep roots and branches and becomes very strong.
3. Listen To Her There is no real love until you pay attention to her when she speaks.
The only way you can truly know a person is to listen when they speak. It’s from their words you understand how they reason, their opinions, and their viewpoints on issues
When your wife talks and you give her undivided attention, you are telling her she is important enough to listen to, that you value what she has to say so much, you want to listen, that she is intelligent enough in her conversation, you want to listen.
What you don’t understand is that when you treat your wife as though she is not intelligent, she notices, it affects her esteem and she begins to believe she is not intelligent and begins to act out what she believes.
May God bless our marriages.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I love my fiance/fiancee with God’s love
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me and teach me how to love and understand my loved one
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Pro 5:18 (MSG) Bless your fresh-flowing fountain! Enjoy the wife you married as a young man!
