1. Don’t ignore her needs When you ignore the most importantneeds of your wife over and over again, she is going to get hurt and eventually feel that you never loved her.
This feeling can degenerate to a point where she comes up with an emotional defense, and the peak of that is closing her spirit.
You see, in loving your wife, you have to do so in God’s term and her own terms and not in your own terms. This is basically because the needs of a man are miles apart from that of a woman.
So, in meeting her needs, it is often easy to interpret her needs based on your own, but it is not often so. Priorities are at variance, especially at emotional levels.
Let her communicate her needs to you, you will be amazed that what is important to her is non-issue to you!
And so, the challenge is to focus on what is insignificant to you but is a big issue for her. That is selflessness!
Her greatest needs are always towards attention and quality time!
2. Don’t make her feel stupid and dumb When you are always insinuating that your wife is dumb and stupid, she will get hurt.
Sometimes you don’t say it, but it shows in your body language and the way you dismiss whatever she tries to suggest.
Sometimes, a husband doesn’t even want to hear her opinion. She is to be seen and not heard. That is never the plan of God for marriage. The reality is that she is your helper. Her “dumb” or “stupid” suggestions would have saved you a lot only if you had listen.
You see, she may not be logical, but she is intuitive.
You know the man you want to go into business partnership with because he has all it takes, but she will tell you by reason of intuition that the man will mess things up. She has no evidence, not precedence, but she has intuition!
Don’t ignore that intuition!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I love my spouse on God’s terms and theirs.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will teach you how to love your spouse.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1 Cor 13:7 [CEV] Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Carry out the above tests on your potential partner
It’s a sad reality today that adultery is right in the church. Professing believers, deacons and even pastors are flagrantly indulging in adulterous escapades, resulting in unnecessary and unprecedented headaches and agony in families.
An affair is more or less a sexual relationship, romantic friendship, or passionate attachment between two people without the knowledge of the other spouse.
Nobody is totally exempt from adultery. This morning, I am going to attempt to identify a few causes why couples often resort to cheating and unfaithfulness. This is not an attempt to justify this obviously sinful act, but to help us identify areas we might need to pay attention to.
1. The Needs of the Couple The couple usually will have different needs. Emotional and sexual needs particularly. When these are not met, the person would indirectly seek to meet those needs outside of matrimony. You see, those needs are valid and every couple should strive to meet their emotional and sexual needs. Meeting sexual needs reduces vulnerability to a large extent.
2. Retaliatory Adultery Some people dabble into adultery simply because they wanted to retaliate or show their spouse that they can sort themselves out. This usually happens as a result of deep-seated offense or bitterness.
The sad part is that the reason for adultery does not extricate the consequences of it. As the scripture noted;
Adultery is a brainless act, soul-destroying, self-destructive; [33] Expect a bloody nose, a black eye, and a reputation ruined for good. Pro 6:32-33 (MSG)
3. Wounded and Injured Ego The reality is that some men go into adultery just to simply repair or mend an injured or wounded ego!Wives, massage your husband’s ego! This is very important!
This is not to say that wives are responsible for unfaithfulness in men. A man who has a bad heart will cheat, injured ego or not. However, we should not be careless in some of these areas.
God bless you. Have a fantastic day!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I love my spouse the God kind of way
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, teach me how to love
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1 Cor 13:4 (AMP)Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Go through the devotional again and make adjustments
Every wife should get to a point where no matter how loving and romantic and cordial they are with their spouse, they still give God his place. God deserves the first place in our lives and He wants to have all of our heart, mind, energy, and best of our beings. God is a jealous God and He will not share His glory with any other man, not even our husbands.
Our husbands, no matter how they love, if they cannot love us like Jesus, they cannot die for us. That’s why Jesus is the lover of our souls. He alone can love deeply and extravagantly.
If our husbands are godly, God will reveal to them how to love and treat us. But that also depends on how well they can receive from the Lord. Our spouses at the very best are still ‘human’. They are not given to meet all our needs. They can only try. God wants our attention, focus, love and worship.
You cannot beg to be loved. Rather look to God to meet your deepest emotional needs.
Most spouses don’t even understand their wives. We are so wired differently. So sometimes, they are not being wicked, they don’t just have a clue on how to love us the right way. That’s when God steps in. He wants to meet all our emotional, spiritual, social, physical needs. He knows us because He created us.
There some of our needs that we don’t even understand or can articulate in the right way or with the right words, making it difficult for even our husbands to try and meet. So take the frustration off your husband and off your marriage. Let your spouse do what he can do and allow God do what He can and wants to do.
Don’t let your esteem or self-worth come solely from your spouse. Your self-worth should come from God. You are very special to God. You worth so much to Him. You are Royalty. You are the apple of His eyes. God will bat an eye lid to protect you.
For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. For the Lord hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou was refused, saith thy God. Isaiah 54:5 – 6 KJV
The scripture in Isa 54:5 is telling us that thy Maker is thy Husband. God is speaking to us what it is. God is not just trying to be our husband or writing an application to be our husbands. We have to receive these words, believe it and walk in the light of it. We have to mediate on it so much until it becomes real to our hearts.
God is saying we are Mrs God! What a privilege! We are not just His princesses, we are married to Him. He is our maker. He understands us. He knows our wiring because He put them there. He knows what words to speak to us par time.
We are married to the Almighty, all powerful, the wealthiest on the earth and in heaven. Hallelujah! It’s so comforting and refreshing to know. God finds you so lovely, flawless and gorgeous.
So other women are being treated harshly by their husbands. They are oppressed, bullied and abused. God wants you to shift your focus from the hurt you are experiencing. Give that hurt to God your husband. He knows how to fix it. God is introducing Himself as the Lord of hosts. He has hosts to deploy to rescue you. You are Royalty, her Royal Majesty.
Never forget that. Find a way to always remind yourself that. I wear a tiny chain around my neck to remind me I am royalty. I am loved by God.
I will get into what it means to have God as your husband tomorrow by God’s grace.
God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR TODAY My God is my husband
PRAYER FOR TODAY Pray that you will experience the love of God
THOUGHT FOR TODAY Isa 54:5 (TLB)for your Creator will be your “husband.” The Lord Almighty is his name; he is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, the God of all the earth.
ACTION PLAN FOR TODAY Study the bible reading for the day
Part of beingsincere and being open and transparent in marriage is being able to express yourself without feeling ashamed. This is why we are considering the topic Don’t Be Afraid of Being Needy In Marriage”
I know this could be difficult to do. I have been there before. My husband is a full-blown-blooded choleric. And clerics are very expressive and opinionated. They could be very blunt and believe why should they be diplomatic? In fact, the blunter the better. They are not apologetic at all.
In my own thinking as a phlegmatic, everything has to be with diplomacy. You have to think of not hurting the other person even if it means you get hurt instead. You have to be apologetic and so on.
My husband is of the opinion that if he needs anything he will ask. Jokingly or straightforward, he will ask. He believes there is nothing he should not be able to ask his wife especially Jeru trip(*winks). He is never ashamed.
I had to learn to ask and not be ashamed that I am needy.
Recently, I saw our Caucasian dog do this and the Holy Spirit ministered to me that it’s so easy to ask for what you want.
Shame is a sign you are not naked and transparent with your spouse yet.
Our huge dog, whenever you are outside will come to you, make sure you notice him and then lie down very close to you expecting that you use your leg to rub him. He shows pleasure and if you remove your leg he will use his own legs to touch you. A non-verbal way of saying “don’t stop”.
We as couples should always learn to ask politely and courteously from our spouse. Don’t let the unfavorable answer of our spouses discourage us. Just ask. It is either he/she says Yes, No, or some other time.
We all are needy, in one way or another. Where I am strong my husband is weak and he is strong where I am weak. God created it so. We need one another, but we have the responsibility of making our needs known.
Don’t be too egoistic and don’t be ashamed of your needs. God already knows you are needy. Don’t also try to be humble unnecessarily by sacrificing your needs. Talk about your needs as a woman. Talk about your needs as a man, which includes jeru trip, intimacy, affection, time out even the need to be pampered.
Let’s be expressive even if we have to learn it.
God bless your marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I put God first place in my life
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, empower me to do thy will, at all times
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. (1 Peter 3:7 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide to sow a good seed into her today!
