Yesterday, we started looking at some pressures singles face, especially in the areas of relationships and marriage.
Let’s continue…
f. Self-imposed Deadlines
Deadlines are good and advisable, especially in goals achievement; however, they could be a source of pressure, especially in relationships.
You need to be patient and understand that God is involved in it too. He is even more interested than you are in your relationship, and He wants you to marry the right person, at the right time. Things become beautiful in His own time, not your own time.
Do not unnecessarily be in a hurry. The decision of a life-long relationship is worth giving all the time you can reasonably afford. Don’t rush into marriage. Courtship is necessary! Get to know him or her!
g. Emergencies
Do not get pressurized into a relationship because of emergencies. He just won a visa lottery, or got transferred to a distant location, or got a political or ministerial appointment, so he decided to make haste and get married for reasons that could range from ensuring he wouldn’t lose her due to distance or some other reasons.
If you are not very sure of him/her as your right life partner, do not make a marital commitment. Don’t yield to pressures when things become so fast you cannot think again.
Be wary of getting married to somebody you met last week online and then you are planning to resign your job and travel somewhere!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am filled with God’s wisdom to rule my house.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, strengthen me in Jesus name.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:23 MSG The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing.
There are pressures everywhere. There are pressures that often attempt to take pleasure out of our relationships.
Let’s take a look at some pressures in the area of relationships and how to handle them.
We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; – 2Co 4:8 KJV
1. Sexual attraction
Physical attraction which often leads to sexual attraction can constitute so much pressure. Her possession of all the right statistics, the lips, tips and hips, or his good-looking appearance, height, muscles and riches should not captivate your mind to the point of getting you love-sick with unnecessary pressure.
The truth is that you can actually be in control (just as you have to be), get to know the person well before entering a relationship.
Don’t put yourself under any pressure over somebody you met a few hours ago. You cannot fall in love with someone you don’t know!
The pressure of sexual attraction also plays out itself in extra-marital and adulterous scenarios. You cannot bow under that pressure for any reason, even if you have to be thrown into furnace of fire like the three Hebrew boys where you are being threatened of losing some job or contract.
You should not sleep with your boss in order to keep your job! When you do that, you might think you have sustained your job or some promotions, but I can assure you that you would also have sustained havocs in your life and family and it will all culminate in regrets.
Why? It is not God’s order of doing things. Your body is not for all and sundry, it is not a tool to get what you want; it is the temple of God!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am filled with God’s wisdom to rule my house.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, strengthen me in Jesus name.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:23 MSG The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing.
An angry person is one to avoid. Two angry people are dangerous people! Simeon and Levi in the scriptures are brothers, but the Bible says their father placed a curse on them because of their unrestrained violent emotions.
Simeon and Levi are brethren; instruments of cruelty are in their habitations. O my soul, come not thou into their secret; unto their assembly, mine honour, be not thou united: for in their anger they slew a man, and in their selfwill they digged down a wall. Cursed be their anger, for it was fierce; and their wrath, for it was cruel: I will divide them in Jacob, and scatter them in Israel. –Genesis 49:5-7 (KJV)
They were of like tempers, dispositions, and manners, bold, wrathful, cruel, revengeful, and deceitful, and joined together in their evil counsels and evil actions which resulted in the cruel and barbarous slaughter of the inhabitants of Shechem.
If only one brother was angry, the other could have calmed his brother. But both were angry at the same time, so their anger fuelled one another!
Message translation of verse 5 says:
Simeon and Levi are two of a kind, ready to fight at the drop of a hat. –Genesis 49:5 (MSG)
As an individual, you must learn to restrain your anger and learn not to react at every provocation so that eventually when you are married, your home will be a habitable place for your children. What happens when my spouse is angry and raises his/her voice at me?
The answer is here;
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. –Proverbs 15:1 (KJV)
Learn to talk softly. You will be amazed! Don’t raise your voice back in anger! Just talking softly will make the anger will be defused. Learn this as singles and you will be saving yourself a lot of headaches.
That is the way Message translation puts it.
A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire. –Proverbs 15:1(MSG)
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My heart will guide my mouth, and my lips will promote instruction. Jesus has been made unto me wisdom, and I will keep myself under control.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Give me the grace to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Make no friendships with a man given to anger, and with a wrathful man do not associate, -Proverb 22:24 (AMP)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Try and identify your anger triggers and to seek help
Today I will like to do a father-to-child conversation with you. There are lots of things missing in this generation’s relationship life. As much as I wouldn’t be able to capture everything, I believe that you can get something from what I am about to tell you.
Be sincere, as singles in courtship, are you really in the relationship for the long haul or you are just looking for temporary pleasure? Are you being sincere with him or her? Are you sure you are not just leading her on?
Are you confident to say your motive is not the money you can get? Do you really love him or her? Are you protecting her or exploiting her emotions? Do you have some self-control? Can you delay gratification?
That is what separates the boys from the men and the sisters from ‘sistos!’ Are you sure you are not double-dating? Do you realize that when you are double-dating, you are already given to lying and deceptive spirits?
As a single brother or sister who is not in any relationship, are you preparing yourself? How many books have you read to prepare you? Who is your mentor? Who are you accountable to? Are you serving God with your time? Have you dealt with negative self-esteem issues? Are you really single and complete?
These things are the foundation of a good relationship, but it seems old fashion in today’s relationships.
To my dear singles, who are courting, who are you accountable to? Are you really open and truthful to your mentor?
While a lot of people might get to know that you are in a relationship; it’s ok for them to know about who you are going out with, you are only obligated to the person that you consider as a spiritual authority who you can confide in. He is the person you must see whenever you have issues beyond you. It is wrong to report your fiancée or fiancé all over the place. Be accountable to only one person, two at the most, that both of you respect.
Imagine reporting your partner to one of your friends who is not yet in any relationship. What kind of advice do you think he/she will give you?
As singles in courtship, it is wrong to stay over the night in your fiancé’s house. There is no dignity in that. You went to greet him in another city and then he comes up with the card that he doesn’t know any other person you can stay within the whole city?
That is the more reason you should be cautious of such a person because that is an obvious relationship dysfunction. Do not shoot yourself in the leg.
Avoid compromise because every compromise is a legal invitation to the devil to come and wreck that relationship. When you give the devil an inch, he will take a mile!
Stay clean. Stay chaste! Stay with God and you will laugh last!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will be a blessing
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, do a miracle in my life today.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. – Heb 13:4 (KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Put the above points to use.
In preparing for a successful marriage, money is not the most important thing.
Receive my instruction, and not silver; and knowledge rather than choice gold. – Pro 8:10 KJV
When you have instruction, money will eventually come.
Take fast hold of instruction; let her not go: keep her; for she is thy life. – Pro 4:13 KJV
Another translation says:
Hold tight to good advice; don’t relax your grip. Guard it well–your life is at stake! – Pro 4:13 MSG
Dear couples to be, hold on tight to wisdom, because your marriage is at stake.
Dear wife to be, beauty is not the only thing you need. Beauty without gumption is ugliness! Sound practical knowledge is essential.
As a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion. – Pro 11:22 KJV
Message translation says
Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful face on an empty head. – Pro 11:22 MSG
Now that you are still single, keep on developing yourself. The Bible says ‘he that findeth a wife…’ Not he that findeth a sister or babe! He that finds a wife!
How do you become a wife without being asked out? By developing yourself and knowing what it takes to be a wife. A wife material is what every man is looking for.
Dear husband to be, you will eventually become the head of the house and give direction to your wife and ultimately your children. Are you ready? Are you currently learning? Are you ready to give the necessary and right leadership not only to your future wife but to your future children as well?
There is no special anointing that comes on you on your wedding day…but you have a whole life on your hands from that day! Keep at self-development.
I pray for you this morning, that the heavens be opened over you and that every door that seem closed, may it open this day of its own accord in Jesus name!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I keep at self development. I search for knowledge daily
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, give me a heart that pants after your word daily.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Pro 13:18 KJV Poverty and shame shall be to him that refuseth instruction: but he that regardeth reproof shall be honoured.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide to build a Marriage library. Get books and materials on marriage and learn as much as you can.
In the things of God, you are expected to grow. Just like physical food makes us grow, develop and have strong bones, the same way, your spirit man or the inner man ought to grow.
You see, when you start out in God, you may be twenty five years old, but you are actually a spiritual baby. That is why the Bible talks about the milk of the word and the meat of the word.
The more you search God’s word, attend Bible studies, learn to pray, the more you will grow and master your situations and circumstances.
Apply thine heart unto instruction, and thine ears to the words of knowledge. – Proverbs 23:12 (KJV)
Relationships or marriages do not work out because you are a Christian! It works out because you know what to do! Being born again ensures you make heaven, but what ensures victory on earth is to know what to do in specific situations and your ability to draw wisdom from God’s word.
If marriage is an institution, learning is inevitable! As a matter of fact, your success in that marriage is predicated on your ability to learn principles and apply them.
Knowledge of God’s word will set you free. What you know can push to the top of the ladder. What you don’t know can get you demoted. So, it is in the things of the spirit. No wonder the devil does all things possible to make sure you don’t study God’s word!
Ever wondered why your eyes are so bright when you are watching a film and you are so alert but you start to doze when it comes to God’s word? The one that studied God’s word through the night and the one that made calls talking sweet nonsense would not have same result at the end of the day. One is sowing to the flesh and the other to the spirit and there will be a distinguishing!
Learning from God’s word constantly is a must if you will have victory. There are three processes involved here.
1. Knowledge acquisition.
Knowledge is the accumulation of facts. Read wide. Search for answers. Don’t just assume. Assumption is the lowest form of knowledge. The difference between you and the person you admire is what that person knows.
2. Understanding.
Understanding is the arrangement of facts. Now, you have read, but you must process the facts and sort them. Meditate on them.
3. Wisdom.
It is the application of knowledge. When you apply what you have learnt, that becomes wisdom for you. That is why Pro 23:12 says ‘apply your heart unto instruction…’
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I keep at self-development. I search for knowledge daily
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, give me a heart that pants after your word daily.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Poverty and shame shall be to him that refuseth instruction: but he that regardeth reproof shall be honoured. – Proverbs 13:18 (KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide to build a Marriage library. Get books and materials on marriage and learn as much as you can.
You cannot do it your own way! You belong to God! And you should sound that to the ears of anybody that wants you to compromise, desecrate your body, and jeopardize your destiny.
It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; -Galatians 5:19 (MSG)
“But Pastor, there is nothing I can do again and I cannot stop when he or she has already removed his/her clothes! I mean, when I am already seeing nakedness before me!”
“Who says you cannot stop? You can!”
“Pastor, I mean she is already touching my body and all that”
“Okay, let’s assume his name is Buddy. So you are ready to compromise and she goes like: “Oh Buddy, I really appreciate you. I never thought anybody will still love me and accept me. Thanks for loving me. Ever since I have been confirmed positive, I never…”
You see, at that point, whatever was hard would go flaccid instantly! Will Buddy stop or not? He will quickly escape for his life. You see the point. The scripture says “Sin shall not have dominion over you!”
In a scenario of compromise, what the scripture advises is for you to “flee” Flee means “to run away as in terror” That is how to escape such.
When the Bible says “run”, don’t say “let’s reason together!
Tongues will not help you at that time, only your feet will do. Save yourself from this untoward generation and run to God for help.
Joseph ran away from Potiphar’s wife and he preserved his destiny, He became a Prime Minister. Samson didn’t run and he had his eyes gouged out, he died with his destiny unfulfilled and cut off in the midst of his days.
If you are already compromised, run to God, our father of all mercies and He will surely embrace you and forgive you.
The part that I like so much about God is that He will forgive and forget! Your iniquity will I remember no more! He will simply forget you ever did anything, when you come before him genuinely and sincerely.
Embrace his love and mercy today, it is the best option you have. I pray today for you that God’s mercies will surround you and He will envelope you in His everlasting arms!
CONFESSIONFOR THE DAY I am delivered from the spirit of mammon. I am free from lust. I am freed by God.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY I destroy every yoke in my emotions, body and my mind by the power of the Holy Spirit and in the name of Jesus.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY What the sinful nature does is clear. It enjoys sexual sins, impure acts and wild living. –Galatians 5:19 (NIV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Study on “My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit.”
There is a common lie of the devil. If the bed antics are good, then the woman or the man must be a very good person. The truth is that the character of a person cannot be determined by how good or bad they are in bed.
If that is all the motivation behind getting married to you, the danger here is that if your partner sees anybody better than you in bed, then he/she dumps you. The source of a thing is also the sustainer thereof.
It is a violation of God’s principles to get involved and focus on sexuality when you are not married. There is no other way to see it and there is no other explanation to offer. It is simply out of order.
“But I can’t control myself when I am with a lady!”
“Yes, you can! All you need to do is open the door!”
Sin is perpetuated in the atmosphere of secrecy. The moment you expose it, you have destroyed its power. Pre-marital sex is not something you do in the open, so avoid being alone.
In a bedroom-driven relationship, the only criteria by which you are measured is how good you are in bed, to the exclusion of integrity, vision, diligence, and other critical virtues.
Judgment by that alone reduces you to the level of a prostitute. It is an insult to the dignity of the human being; it is an affront to the creative ingenuity of God.
Singles, stop compromising because of the money or pleasure you will get there. Your body is not a business commodity. You are not a commercial article to be prized and bargained on. Your destiny is not for sale!
Don’t allow anybody to price you! Value yourself! You’ve been bought and redeemed by the costliest and most precious thing in this world and all of eternity, and that is the blood of Jesus!
That is the reason the Holy Spirit will dwell in you if you are a child of God. It is also the same reason your body is now the temple of the Holy Ghost! How dare anybody try to fondle and defile the temple of the Holy Ghost!
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am delivered from the spirit of mammon. I am free from lust. I am freed by God.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY I destroy every yoke in my emotions, body, and mind by the power of the Holy Spirit and in the name of Jesus.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY what the sinful nature does is clear. It enjoys sexual sins, impure acts, and wild living. – Galatians 5:19 (NIV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Study on “My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit.”
Here is the stage a lot of relationships break up. Here, the differences between the lady and the man become glaring and very obvious. Differences in attitudes, characters, and mannerisms may result in misunderstanding. Immaturity and selfishness may result in break-ups.
It would take two people with the love and peace of God guarding their hearts to go through this stage successfully. If your love is based on ephemeral conviction, it cannot stand this stage. If your conviction is not really founded in God, the foundation collapses at this stage.
4. Endurance
Only relationships built on the solid foundation of God’s Word can endure this phase. Here, it seems that all you have in common apart from God are just differences, differences, and differences! At this stage, quarrels seem to be the order of the day.
The knowledge of the basic differences between a man and a woman, constant prayers offered for the relationship, and the presence of a good mentor over the relationship are very helpful to avoid break-up here. This is the stage you often reach the conclusion that the marriage cannot work.
When I got to this stage, I wanted to break up, and she wanted to break up. But every time we decided to go our separate ways, we lost our peace! We always came back. It is at this stage you decide to embrace God’s plan instead of being selfish and egotistical.
This is the most critical stage; any relationship that goes through this stage successfully will be established.
5. Enjoyment
After endurance comes enjoyment. Here you realize the rewards and blessings of relationship. The Biblical truth of two being better than one, and two being able to chase ten thousand while one could only chase a thousand, becomes a physical reality. Here, the differences are seen as a blessing, not as a challenge. The two enjoy their relationship. They align their visions; they now understand each other. They forgive easily. They stop getting hurt at everything and they decide to forge ahead in God!
Let me note here, that presence of good mentors and exposure to knowledge often helps to minimize issues in these stages.
I pray for you this day, that at whichever stage you find yourself, the wisdom of God will be available for you in Jesus name!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am patient. I am not hasty. I am led of God
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY I receive the grace to be patient in Jesus name. I receive help from God’s Spirit to stay with God’s plan for my life and relationship
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Jas 1:2-3 MSG Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Locate which stage you may be in right now and discuss with your fiancée or spouse on how to pull through
Break-ups eventually occur if relationships are not built on strong biblical principles and foundation.
There are five processes or stages a relationship has to pass through progressively to avoid possible break-ups.
1. Attraction
There must be physical attraction between both parties. Never start a relationship with someone you are not physically attracted to. God will not force anybody on you. Moreover you will be doing yourself a lot of good when you marry somebody you are attracted to, so that your eyes can be on your spouse only!
However, the relationship cannot thrive on attraction alone. It must move on to the next stage. This is the stage you are all over each other.
God help you if you are writing an examination at this time, when you open your books to read, you see his/her face! It happened to me, I got engaged to my wife at examination time! Thank God I didn’t fail.
This is the time you feel your partner is right and every other person is wrong. You need to be careful at this time, making sure your relationship with God is intact so that you can still hear Him speak to you. What is the next stage?
2. Disturbance
This is the stage when the parties begin to realize their differences, and see in other people qualities they admire.
If their love is not genuine, the relationship is certain to collapse here. They start picking on themselves here. The guy begins to reason properly and the lady begins to get hurt easily.
He starts complaining that she has changed and vice-versa, but in reality, none has changed, they just suddenly start seeing what they refused to see before.
Love blinded them initially, but the eyes begin to open!
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am patient. I am not hasty. I am led of God
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY I receive the grace to be patient in Jesus name. I receive help from God’s Spirit to stay with God’s plan for my life and relationship
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. – James 1:2-3 (MSG)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Locate which stage you may be right now and discuss with your fiancée on how to pull through
What other signs are there to show that you are ready for marriage? Read on to find out.
If you missed yesterday’s devotional, you can read it HERE
3. You are responsible and committed.
Signs of perpetual irresponsibility show that you are not ready for marriage.
Are people always referring to you as irresponsible?
Are people always “concerned” about your habits and dispositions?
Yes, while men may be wrong at most times in their judgments, you should not ignore multiple corrections of the same thing by different people.
By the time your parents, siblings, school teacher, lecturer, Pastor, and lover complain about the same thing, then you need to pay some attention to that thing.
You see, your weaknesses can be oblivious to you and yet obnoxious in the least.
God will often use people around you while single, to expose some of the weaknesses you cannot even notice.
You can be so anointed and yet blind to the dangerous dispositions which are counter-productive for marriage. This is why the scripture says:
Who is blind, but my servant? or deaf, as my messenger that I sent? who is blind as he that is perfect, and blind as the LORD’S servant? – Isaiah 42:19 (KJV)
You can be a good praying Christian with good intentions and yet marriage becomes a mess.
This is because your good intentions are not enough, your commitment, resolution, and responsibility are required.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am improving and getting better
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, show me areas of my life I need to work on in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Isaiah 42:19 (AMPC) Who is blind but My servant [Israel]? Or deaf like My messenger whom I send? Who is blind like the one who is at peace with Me [who has been admitted to covenant relationship with Me]? Yes, who is blind like the Lord’s servant?
Below are signs to know whether you are ready for marriage or not.
1. You are not lonely.
If you are lonely, you are not ready for marriage. Adam was alone, not lonely. Loneliness and alone-ness are miles apart.
Marriage is never intended to cure loneliness, rather it is to complement you and provide companionship.
If you study the word, “helper’ you will understand what I am saying here.
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. – Genesis 2:18 (KJV)
The Amplified Bible calls it helper and then goes further to expatiate that word.
Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him. – Genesis 2:18 (AMPC)
2. You are not looking for a house-help.
A lady is to be a helper and not a house-help. The roles are defined. They are not the same.
She can help out do laundry depending on your arrangement, but she is not a dry-cleaner or a washing machine.
She is not coming to work her hands off while the husband sits back and watch news and football.
This even becomes important these days when there are a lot of career women.
If the young couple don’t have house-helps or any body helping out, then they need to both face the work and not leave it for one party.
This does not undermine the hard work and industriousness of the wife as this is exemplified in the virtuous woman, but it also doesn’t make the husband redundant in house as well.
There should be “division of labour” in love!
And this is why ladies should not go and spend weekends with a boyfriend all in the bid of securing a wedding. It doesn’t work that way.
You will end up having plenty of jeru trip and less of meaningful discussions to advance your marital plans.
Time that should be spent in knowing each other and probing character defects are spent locked up in each other’s embrace, in passionate sex, and this is why there are problems after wedding.
You never got to know that person with you on the bed.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY God will help me.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me in every you can in the name of Jesus
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Isaiah 42:19 (MSG) You’re my servant, and you’re not looking! You’re my messenger, and you’re not listening! The very people I depended upon, servants of GOD, blind as a bat—willfully blind!
Now, let’s take a look at the physical symptoms of a guy that will not marry you.
1. He will not introduce you to any authority figures in his life.
He will not introduce you to his Pastor, (you don’t have any business with a man that doesn’t have a Pastor in the first place) nor will he introduce you to his parents. He will refrain from any action that could validate or stamp that marriage commitment. When you see this sign, it is an indication he is not really ready for marriage.
2. He keeps postponing the wedding date several times and keeps on procrastinating.
The date never comes and yet he keeps on telling you he loves you. Well, the date may never come!
3. He will tell you that you are number one on the list of his girlfriends and that you are very lucky.
He will tell you that even though he still sees his other girlfriends; you are the first on his list. You see, you don’t have any business being in this kind of relationship as the trend will continue after marriage and can threaten the marriage itself.
4. He is very jealous and he is very suspicious of you.
He does not trust you because he has a feeling you are doing the same thing he does. To the pure, all things are pure, to the impure all things are impure!
5. He does not want you fiddling with his phones so that you won’t discover the love tantrums going on via SMS and chats.
He sometimes keeps his phones “passworded” or tells you out rightly he doesn’t want you with his phone.
Don’t get into sinful adventure because of frustration, don’t try to satisfy the cravings and the emptiness of your heart with drinking or partying or sleeping around, run to your maker, the re-writer of history, the one that shows mercy to whom he will, the one that can reconfigure your life, and when you do that in faith, He will surely answer you.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY
I have God’s direction in my everyday life
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY
Lord, guide my steps and help me to make the right decisions in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name’s sake lead me, and guide me. – Psalm 31:3 (KJV)
There are signs to know if he will eventually marry you or not. If only you decide not to ignore the signs. God is not an author of confusion, He is our father! He will not leave you alone. He would always make his will known if you allow him.
1. Spiritual signs
If you are a child of God and you are filled with the Spirit of God, the first thing that will happen to you if you are involved with a wrong person (notice I did not write a bad person) is that you will lose your peace.
How will you know if you have lost your peace or God is not with you on that decision? How does God speak?
Now, God speak in several ways, but I will talk about how He speaks to us through the revelation of the Holy Spirit.
There are three ways.
a. In inward peace; it is like God is saying, “Yes, my son, go ahead, I trust you. The other side of inward peace is “A Check”
b. In inward witness; it is like God saying, Yes, my son, this is exactly what I want you to do. An inward witness is a little bit stronger than inward peace. The other side of Inner witness is a “A Bad Feeling.”
c. In inward voice; God grabs your attention and says “Yes, do this!’ It is the most specific because God specifically speaks to your heart through the Holy Spirit. The other side of inward voice is “Don’t Do It”
And let the peace (soul harmony which comes) from Christ rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts [deciding and settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds, in that peaceful state] to which as [members of Christ’s] one body you were also called [to live]. And be thankful (appreciative), [giving praise to God always]. (Col 3:15 AMP)
Here is another translation
The peace that Christ gives is to guide you in the decisions you make; for it is to this peace that God has called you together in the one body. And be thankful. (Col 3:15 GNB)
When you read Acts 16:6-9, you will see examples of these leading.
What if you don’t ever bear God? Do a little bit of fasting and prayer. It will help you. Fasting puts down the outward man while prayer builds up the inward man. The result is that you hear God clearly.
Also, you need to get filled with the Holy Spirit with evidence of speaking in tongues! God is ever willing to baptize you with the Holy Spirit.
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have God’s direction in my every day life
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, guide my steps and help me to make the right decisions in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Psa 31:3 (KJV) For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name’s sake lead me, and guide me.
Rather than weep, lift your voice and cry unto the Lord! He will come through for you! You’ve been jobless for a while? And you are beginning to give up? No, don’t round up your life and make a permanent conclusion because of a temporary situation. The job will still come! Your relationships have not all worked? When you meet the right person, it will work. Rather than feel forsaken and abandoned, use that time to develop yourself! Age is no longer on your side? Agreed, but God is still on your side. When God is on your side, you will laugh last. That very depression is not the way out, in fact, it drives potential suitors away upon seeing your countenance, so cheer up!
What you need to do is to cast down those thoughts. Refuse to agree with what he says. Rather, choose to accept what God says about you. The devil says you are finished. God says He is just starting. Whose report will you believe? If you believe the devil, you will slide into depression, but if you believe in God, you will rise in the joy of the Holy Ghost. That is why the scriptures advise that you should count it all joy. Why? Because there will be victory in the end.
Resort to praise and the heaviness will lift. Start meditating on God’s word and God’s word will come through for you! Despite contradictory and obvious happenstances, switch into praise, praise God to a point till you get the devil confused. Praise God to a point till God has no choice till He deploys every available divine resource in your favour including angelic interventions. Joy is not a function of a situation or circumstance, it is the fruit of the recreated human spirit. It is there all the time. I only need to stir it up! You stir it up with a shout, a dance, or laughter! So, go ahead! It is the dawning of a new day for you. Shout ‘No more depression! No more, not me!’ Did you feel strength from within? That is what joy does! You get it now.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the joy of the Lord always
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY I break the hold of depression over my life in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Pro 12:25 KJV Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Take a promise of God’s word and meditate on it.
We all know what depression is. We have all experienced it at one point or the other. So, I am not about to give you a definition from a dictionary. You can easily get that and thousands of more definitions from online dictionary tools. But beyond several justifiable reasons for depression and all the psychological jargon and explanations, I want to write on its spiritual implications.
I am going to tell you one thing. Depression is a tool in the hands of the devil to wreck your life! That sounds very hard, but it is the truth. I know you have very good and sane reasons to be depressed like the loss of a dear one, the pain of being jilted, the agony of being used and abandoned, the deep wounds from past sexual abuses, the regrettable waves of sadness from a failed marriage, the trauma of physical abuse and so on and so forth.
And those are exactly the reasons that the devil presents to you which makes depression and despondency justified. Interestingly, the flesh enjoys the feelings of depression, but really depression offers no solution. Rather, it complicates the issue on ground and makes your eyes blurred the more from finding a way out.
Depression comes from the pit of hell and it is a potent weapon in the hands of the devil to stagnate you. However, one good thing is that depression cannot be forced on you as you can either yield to it or resist it.
Depression is first of all oppression, then it graduates into obsession and finally, it could get to a point of possession if you don’t have Jesus Christ in your life. It comes stealthily, almost looking healthy and natural, but before you know it, it will overwhelm you and attempt to control and give direction to your life.
The devil will attempt to attack everybody with depression, but you don’t have to cooperate with his antics. If as a single, you have had some failed relationships, it is not uncommon for the devil to try and attack your mind with depressive swings, telling you something is wrong with you! If you embrace those thoughts, you are simply giving him a foothold to operate in your thought realm.
Why is depression so dangerous? It steals your joy. And that is supposed to be your strength. It stops your prayer life. And that is supposed to be where you get help. It stifles you by making it impossible to read and study God’s word. And that is where life is supposed to flow from. It isolates you from good people. And that is one way wisdom is supposed to come.
What is the way out?
Join me tomorrow as I conclude on this topic.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the joy of the Lord always
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY I break the hold of depression over my life in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Pro 12:25 KJV Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Take a promise of God’s word and meditate on it.
That is respect for individuals. People are like ladders. Does he treat people well? How about his mum, sisters, father, colleagues, etc. Is she courteous? Is she respectful? Does she disdain folks with a passion?
6. The Test of Excellence
That is wisdom. Is he hungry for wisdom or does he thinks he knows it all? A friend who isolates himself will crash. He or she cannot be corrected. There are no authority figures that can speak to him or her.
Let me tell you something here. The moment you look at a person and there is nobody you can report him to, there are no regards for parents or pastors, he is just an island by himself, you need to reconsider such friendships.
It is a trap of the devil and such tendencies are symptomatic of an unhealthy outlook to life.
7. The Test of God’s Fear
He must love God. She must be a God lover. Does he value God and His word? Does she revere God? This is the ultimate acid test. If he doesn’t love God, he cannot love you!
If he treats the things of God shabbily, he will end up treating you the same way. Let him or her be a person that fears God!
It is not enough to say one is born again these days, because the term has been grossly misapplied. It is not even enough to say one is a pastor or a choir leader or administrator in church; the question is does he or she fear God?
It was the fear of God that made Joseph run away from adultery. It was lack of God’s fear that made Samson with all his anointing to get into sexual sins repeatedly until he brought himself down. God gave him a long rope because the scripture says he judged Israel for twenty years.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the Spirit of wisdom to discern and choose that which is good for my destiny.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Holy Spirit, fill me afresh with your wisdom in the affairs of my relationship.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Pro 21:5 MSG Careful planning puts you ahead in the long run; hurry and scurry puts you further behind.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Commit your ways unto the Lord
Is he or she focused? Where is his passion? A visionless man is so easy to identify. His speech will betray him because the mouth speaks out of the abundance of the heart. Once you know a particular friendship is getting deepened, ask a lot of questions when you can still reason well before emotions take over.
The world is full of people who will readily compromise and who lack focus. You haven’t been together for long and he or she is already asking for sex? That is gross irresponsibility. Run from such people, they are not your friends!
Jesus said; “What a generation! No sense of God! No focus to your lives!” -Luke 9:41a (MSG)
You ask him what his job is, and he says “He is planning to travel out of the country.”
“Since when?”
“Well, for like three years now.”
Is that a job? Why must a young person stop his or her life because of plans to travel?
4. The Test of Sincerity.
That is openness. Is he sincere about his faults, weaknesses, feelings? Is she willing to talk about them or does she pretend?
It is dangerous to walk with someone who lives in a delusion of grandeur. Some of the most dangerous sets of people are those who are self-deceptive. They can abort twenty times and simply use some scriptures to cover up. If it was done in ignorance, that is another thing, because God cleanses you and you can start your life all over again when you genuinely repent.
But I am talking of those who have successfully combined this sinful lifestyle with serving God alongside. I don’t care if he is a pastor or she is a minstrel, if he or she uses scriptures to justify a habitual sin that even an unbeliever will often refrain from, you should run from such people and not be joined in their unrepentant sinful adventures.
An insincere guy will lure you into sexual sin and then turn around to say you seduced him. What are you doing with such people? An insincere lady will offer her body to get some money and then turn back to say you forced her. That is nothing short of wickedness. Those are not friends! He says he is a pastor and he slides his hands into your blouse each time you visit his office.
I don’t care how much ‘anointing’ you think he has, he is a charlatan! What counseling are you looking for with such people, run for your life because there are counsels that can cancel destinies.
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the Spirit of wisdom to discern and choose that which is good for my destiny.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Holy Spirit, fill me afresh with your wisdom in the affairs of my relationship.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Careful planning puts you ahead in the long run; hurry and scurry puts you further behind. – Proverbs 21:5 (MSG)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Commit your ways unto the Lord
I know that there are no perfect persons and we are all projects in the hands of God, however, there are basic traits to watch out for generally. While you may not be able to find a person that successfully combines all these, the qualities should guide you in your decision. If a person does not have character defects and does not live in habitual sin, some of these qualities can be improved upon by asking God for His grace.
1. The Test Of Integrity.
Test him for faithfulness and integrity in little and big things. Make sure she has integrity and her words and actions line up. Integrity is very important because that is what will eventually preserve you.
The integrity of the upright shall guide them: but the perverseness of transgressors shall destroy them. -Proverbs 11:3 (KJV)
God loves integrity. In Job 2:3, God boasted about Job and he mentioned his integrity. Integrity in that verse means ‘innocence.’
The potential guy or the lady must have integrity as well. It is a great legacy to pass to the children. Integrity is from the word ‘Integral” meaning one. You are supposed to be the same person within and without.
Don’t marry a gentle saint on Sundays but a vicious man on Mondays. Be careful of dual personalities who seem to give their lives to Jesus one moment and then take the life back the next moment. How will you know all these? These are the things you will find out when you are friends.
That is why pre-marital sex should be avoided because it will get you confused and distracted. You see, the moment you are illegally bonded together in pre-marital sex, the obvious character defects that others can see will mean nothing to you.
They will ask you questions like, “What are you doing with that kind of person?” And you will be like; ‘leave me alone, I love him, he will change!’
You see, you have not even changed yourself! You are not the Holy Spirit who changes people! What the scripture says is that you should not be unequally yoked!
Don’t become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That’s not partnership; that’s war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands? -2Corintians 6:14-15 (MSG)
2. The Test Of Diligence.
You cannot afford to marry a lazy man or an indolent woman. It will slow your journey down. Diligence is measured with so many indices like tenacity, business acumen, career pursuit, doggedness, and so on. You may not have so much today, but with diligence in a potential spouse, you can be sure you will be great in life.
Do you see a man diligent and skillful in his business? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before obscure men. -Proverbs 22:29 (AMP)
You cannot afford to commit your life to the hands of a lazy person. That is subjecting your life to unnecessary afflictions that could have been avoided.
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the Spirit of wisdom to discern and choose that which is good for my destiny.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Holy Spirit, fill me afresh with your wisdom in the affairs of my relationship.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Careful planning puts you ahead in the long run; hurry and scurry put you further behind. – Proverbs 21:5 (MSG)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Commit your ways unto the Lord
Continued from yesterday. You can read part 1 HERE
Some ladies fall in love before trying to find out about his character and flaws. So many young ladies with great destinies have jeopardized their future by getting involved with the wrong person.
Stop falling in love with a stranger on Facebook! It is not ideal. There are so many marital casualties today as a result of unguarded and careless relationships. Profiles, timelines, and Twitter pages cannot be used as a conclusive decision on marriage!
Ladies, don’t wait till you are head over heels in love, with flying butterflies in your tummy before probing who he is. You should find out a lot when you are first of all friends before becoming lovers. That is why friendship is very important. You would have seen enough traits that will help you make up your mind about who you want.
Sisters, have friends. That is where relationship will develop from. If you don’t have platonic friends, then you are left with strangers to approach you, and most of the time when strangers come, they are looking for sex.
That is why most sisters would say things like “it is always unserious people that approach me.” The question is do you have friends?
For guys, become friends first before you make your intention known. Do you know there would not be issues of ‘nails’ or rejection because you are already friends? She would simply tell you ‘No’ politely because she would not want to offend her friend!
When you are already in love without friendship, the likelihood is that your feelings for him will block every form of reasoning and sense of judgment.
You know he drinks, but you don’t care. You know she smokes, but you close your eyes. There are some character traits you can watch out for while just friends.
It is a simple principle of “make the tree good and the fruits will be good.” A guy can’t make a good husband if he doesn’t have a good character.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I declare that my steps and relationships are ordered.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, help to get the right friends in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Job 19:19 KJV All my inward friends abhorred me: and they whom I loved are turned against me.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY List the names of your friends.
