There aremany reasons why your wife loses interest in bed with you.
This attitude is not to be ignored because it can potentially bring harm to marriage.
It can push a man without self control into the zone of adulterous escapades, and of course, that comes with its unpleasant and attendant consequences that are detrimental to the family and home.
When this happens over and over again, that marriage is in serious danger of being exploited by the devil.
What seems like occasional refusals can quickly degenerate to a point where the wife closes up her spirit and the husband starts looking elsewhere.
When you look at the scriptures, it advocates that you should not deny each other sexually.
As a counselor, I have to counsel not too few a couple on this area.
What are those reasons why a wife can suddenly lose interest, especially if she has been cooperative before?
1. When she is repeatedly hurt and disappointed
Yes, the man is the head of the house and he is supposed to have the final say.
But when the man refuses to let his wife talk all the time, shuts her up and mute her voice, it can make her withdraw emotionally. When she is withdrawn emotionally, she cannot enjoy jeru trip like she should.
She is not a prostitute. And because she is not, a sexual experience for her is a total experience that affects every part of her.
If she is unhappy while at it, she can have the feeling of being raped.
And when this happens continuously, she would associate pain to an experience that you are supposed to enjoy and which is supposed to transport you to a land of delight like never before.
I believe this is one of the reasons Apostle Peter said:
1Pe 3:7 (CEV) If you are a husband, you should be thoughtful of your wife. Treat her with honor…
Being thoughtful about her off bed will make her cooperate more on the bed. Invest in her emotionally. Stop hurting her over and over again. The moment you lose her emotionally, you will not enjoy yourself as well.
I am not justifying this attitude on the part of the wife, because this attitude is not the appropriate response to an insensitive husband.
Maybe he just does not understand how to treat a woman or how you want to be treated specifically.
That is not a sin in itself, he only needs to learn. So, talk to him. Explain, rather than withdraw, go quiet and sulk. Communicate. Express your frustrations without nagging and work together to build your home.
May God grant more understanding!
Be blessed!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will cooperate with my spouse
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, let your love be shed abroad in our home
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1Pe 3:7 (GW) Husbands, in a similar way, live with your wives with understanding since they are weaker than you are. Honor your wives as those who share God’s life-giving kindness so that nothing will interfere with your prayers.
How we communicate is very vital. What is being said is important, but how it’s been said is equally important. A brother once had a dream, in the dream, he saw that each time we speak to our spouse harshly, it is like using a stick with many thorns to beat them.
How true this is. Harsh words will only breed hatred, bitterness, suspicion, rejection and more bitterness.
In the beginning, God gave man His presence, work, His Word, to cultivate (the woman), and to provide for her.
A man not in the presence of God, cannot have His word, and of course, cannot nurture his wife with the words God gave him.
You have to be able to pass across divine instructions in such a way that it is followed and obeyed by the wife. I think with each instruction, the man should also consciously ask for the wisdom and Holy Spirit’s help in passing it across and communicate it with his wife
There is always a way or method or wisdom given by the Holy spirit that will best suit your wife of husband as the case maybe.
In 1 Sam 16:1-3, we saw Samuel asked by God to go and anoint a king in the house of Jesse. He said, how can I go? If Saul hears it, he will kill me. He didn’t jump off with the word of the Lord. He waited and asked God for a way to present it.
Husbands, wives, let us not always run off with the word of the Lord or a word from God. Ask how to communicate it to your wife or husband.
1Sam 16:2 KJV And the Lord said, Take an heifer with thee, and say, I am come to sacrifice to the Lord.’
God taught him how to present the matter.
We will continue on this same topic tomorrow. We will look at saying it in love.
God bless your marriage. CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not be distracted in the race of life
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to stay focused and consistent
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed. “God’s Decree. “I’ll turn things around for you. I’ll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you “–– God’ s Decree––” bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile. You can count on it. (Jeremiah 29:14 Message)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Thank God for where you are now in the race of life
BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY 1 Samuel 28-31; Psalm 18
We will be looking at communication during love making. By communication, I mean both verbal and non-verbal communication. During love making, should there be talking? Or it should be as silent as a graveyard?
Another question is, should the room or any where you choose be dark, poorly lighted or fully lighted? That another question we will be looking at today.
All these questions are what you may be asking or is on your mind and we will together throw more light on them.
Well, your comments will be highly appreciated and welcome. Let’s know what happens in the ‘other room’. This can help another couple out there.
In my opinion what happens in ‘the other room’ is as the couples want it. However, being rigid to a particular mould is what may not be too good for the marriage. In my own marriage, we do more of non verbal communication to verbal.
Because our foreplay is usually very long (I strongly recommend this for couples except for quickies). We delight ourselves in each other during foreplay, where we get to explore our bodies. This time, we are free to talk, play and tease ourselves. But during intercourse, we don’t talk much, but a lot of moans! And then we also talk after.
My husband feels (and I agree with him because it works for us,) that talking breaks his flow and concentration. We like to savour every moment. It helps us enjoy each other more. That may be entirely different with you! Talking may just be your trigger!
Some people believe all kinds of dirty talks are allowed and that it is those dirty talks that make them reach orgasm. Let’s have your view.
For the second question, do you like it pitch dark, partially or fully lighted?
I remember when we were newly married, I used to like it when the lights are off. That was when I was shy. But I am no longer particular after I have been married for twenty-two years.
My husband has always liked it when the light are on. And his explanation was simple, “Don’t you know that men are moved by sight?”
As I said earlier, variety is the spice of marriage. We have the lights on now and sometimes, partially lighted.
Let’s hear your opinion. What is going on in your own marriage?
I am waiting for your responses.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage is blessed.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to love my spouse unconditionally
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Prov 5:19 (ESV) As a loving hind and a pleasant doe, let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Discuss with your spouse based on the topic of today
Somebody was once asked what are the three most important ingredients of a relationship or marriage that would be successful. He simply gave them:
Communication
Communication
Communication I believe he was right!
Communication is powerful and is so essential. Right from the very first few seconds of a baby’s entrance into this world, there must be communication or the baby will be given some baby smacks to give out a sound! As a matter of fact, communication, in an unexplainable way begins right from the embryonic stage of the baby in its mother’s womb. When communication in a relationship or marriage nosedives, the consequences show up immediately. In every relationship and marriage, there are levels of communication that must be explored to create a balance.
1. Communication with your maker No matter how good you are with communication or how adept you are in relating with others, if you have not first communicated with your maker, all the efforts will be futile. You see, you need to understand this, as it is fundamental. Your success in a relationship or marriage is predicated on your relationship with God as a foundation. Do you know God? If you don’t know God first, you won’t be able to know him or her. For you to understand what love is and how to love appropriately, you have to know God first because God is love! When you say something like, “I don’t want to be spiritual,” you are not being true to yourself, because you are essentially a spirit! You are a spirit who thinks with a soul and lives in a body! The body is not the real you! That is why the body is here on earth and decays after the man dies. When a man dies, the real him escapes from the body and reports to God!
Marriage itself is spiritual, from the very day that God instituted it. To succeed therefore in such, you need to first retrace your steps and establish a deliberate relationship with God. This is why we often say that it is risky to marry a man or woman that doesn’t know God! Do you know that knowing God, reading His word regularly will help you from falling into the hands of the wrong spouse? You see that in the book of Proverbs where it says specifically that He will deliver you from the evil man and from the strange woman!
To deliver thee from the way of the EVIL MAN, from the man that speaketh froward things; (Proverbs 2:12 KJV) To deliver thee from the STRANGE WOMAN, even from the stranger which flattereth with her words; (Proverbs 2:16 KJV)
2. Communication with yourself The next stage is communication with yourself. Who are you? This answers the question of identity. Why are you here? This answers the question of purpose. This stage is important because if you don’t answer these questions before venturing into a relationship or marriage, you will end up frustrating him or her.
The questions of identity and purpose, if left unanswered would weary you and bring confusion as you begin to deal with another person. True love with yourself is a personal discovery of who you are and why you are here. If you don’t have true love for yourself, you cannot love another person. A person for example, who has answered the questions of identity and purpose, would not sleep around irresponsibly. The reality of who he or she is in God and the weight of his assignment would not allow him or her to misbehave. The gloriousness of his assignment would debar him from traveling down the road of compromise. When you know who you are, you will not try to get affirmations from the opposite sex who is looking for some lustful flings. When you know God’s plan for your life, the awesomeness of your future will prevent you from opening your legs to everybody that knocks! When a sense of purpose drives you, the fear of God will keep you from deceiving that guy or girl because of some paltry sums of money. When you know who you are, you won’t end up with a gut or girl in bed who you just met a few hours ago.
I challenge you this morning to seek the face of God in fasting and prayer to answer these questions. Who are you? Why are you here? Where is your location? There is a geographical milieu where you will thrive and flourish. Where is that place? You are a seed of God and every seed doesn’t grow everywhere. Before you travel or relocate to that country, have you been led by God? These are simple questions that will solve complex equations in your lives! May God grant more understanding! Wherever you are now, you can begin by talking to God and asking him these questions!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will communicate right with my maker
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to do it right.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Prov 2:11-12 (NIV) Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you. Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men, from men whose words are perverse,
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Study the word “communication”
This morning, by the Holy Spirit, I want to show us something that will help eliminate quarrels that might lead to strife, malice, hurts, and offenses in our marriages. That something is a soft answer.
It looks very simple because I have observed that the things that make for great success in life are simple yet profound. Their simplicity, however does not make them easy to do. If they were that easy, we shouldn’t be having issues in our marriages.
However, because of our pride, ego, human tendencies, selfishness, lack of patience and understanding, we cannot bring ourselves to do it.
What I am talking about is our responses. How we communicate with our spouse. Our response is very important at every point in time. In fact, our response is so important it gives direction to what happens next. The initial words spoken are not as important as our responses.
Pro 15:1 KJV A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
As couples, we ought to pay extra attention on how we respond. As a wife, never allow your response to be out of anger. Learn what a soft answer means.
As a husband, learn what a soft answer is. It is better to turn away wrath in your marriage than to prove a point that ‘you are the son of your father’ or that you are the ‘man in the house.’
Does that mean that even when my wife or husband talks harshly to me I should not give it back to him? Well, that is exactly what that scripture is saying.
It is very difficult. That was why I earlier said that something is simple doesn’t make it easy to do. It takes our learning and decision plus determination.
You need to choose whether you want to hold on to your ego and respond to your wife or husband harshly or you want to master the art of a ‘soft answer’.
No matter how much you are tempted to answer harshly, don’t bulge, choose rather to give a soft answer. If God can have one person in the marriage give a soft answer, God will step in and turn away the wrath, strife, quarrel, offense, malice that will lead to hurt and unforgiving spirit.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will go for wisdom
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, guard and guide my mouth
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Pro 18:15 (KJV) The heart of the prudent getteth knowledge; and the ear of the wise seeketh knowledge.
