One of the sure ways to understand that special lady in your life is to seek to understand her maker.
Nobody understands a product like the manufacturer of that product.
Nobody, no human being will ever understand her like God would.
So, the beginning of the journey is when the man develops a conscious relationship with God.
When you are rooted in God’s love, God will now cause His love to be shed abroad in your hearts.
As you begin to understand the breadth, the length and the depth and height of this love, this will give you a wisdom that surpasses every effort in trying to understand her, and you will know how to do the right things that will unlock her creativity and make her feel loved.
Eph 3:17-19 (KJV) That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, [18] May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; [19] And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.
2. Understand the Needs she has
Her needs are specialized and peculiar.
They are different from your own needs.
From spiritual needs to physically needs and emotional needs, you have to find out!
You will immediately discover her preferences that what excites you on Television doesn’t not tickle her fancy! Find out and seek to meet those needs!
3. Understand the Language she speaks
Her language is like her password. It could be gifts, words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch or acts of service.
You don’t communicate to her on your own terms but on her own terms.
Find out her definition of “romantic” and go after that.
The definition of the word “romantic” is not what you find in a dictionary, but there is a dictionary in her mind with its own definition like no other, authored by her, and you have to find a way to retrieve that dictionary and check the definition which would often be different from what you think.
4. Understand the pressures she faces
She usually has pressures. Most times, she is not even seeking for those pressures to be taken away, because they are often necessities of life.
She just wants to know that there is somebody who understands what she is going though.
Many years ago, my wife explained this to me.
She was pouring her hearts to me, and expounding her pressures and at a point I burst out;
“Hey! I am not the Holy Spirit. I cannot take these things away!”
“And then she looked at me with that her angelic face that often makes my heart to race, and said,
“I know you are not the Holy Spirit. I am not asking you to solve these issues, I only want to have a feeling somebody understands what I am going through!
Wow! That is what that lady in your life wants! An understanding heart.
And that takes the pressures off the pressures!
She just wants an understanding, loving and caring man!
Unfortunately, most times, single ladies look for this in wrong places and often fall into the hands of men who are only looking for sexual gratification.
If you are a single lady, make your needs known to God and never offer your body in exchange for some care that will vaporise the next minute!
Wait for the process of meeting that right man who will love you appropriately and will take care of you!
May God grant you strength in your inner man to cooperate with God. So, I will stop here this morning.
Ultimately, pray for wisdom from God to help you be a good lover to your fiancée or spouse in very specific ways.
The Holy Spirit teaches us all things, so he would offer you some ideas.
I pray that God will give you wisdom in Jesus name!
Sandy’s face contorted in pain as she strolled alone, her face an exact picture of the rush of confused emotions that gripped her soul.
How could this ever happen to me? She queried a non-existent companion.
Her pain had been triggered by a huge financial loss in her business and had been exacerbated by the sudden break up of a promising relationship. The guy simply eloped with another babe, no explanation!
Sure, this is not supposed to happen to me. She queried again, loudly as if her invisible companion caused it all.
She looked up and screamed, God, why?
Many of us are in Sandy’s shoes, probably even going through something worse, where it feels as though “God has lost it over one’s life!”
Some are going through intense times in their marriages and homes. From dealing with an irresponsible spouse to health issues and financial pressures. The list is endless.
Are you at that place where it feels as though you are abandoned and God isn’t looking at your side?
I have been there several times. My wife ahs been there several times.
At such time, the first thing you need is an assurance in your heart from God.
I want to share with you the assurance God gave me in one of such times.
Jer 29:11 (MSG) I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.
Wow!
That is huge. God says He knows what He is doing!
He is not confused about your life!
He has it all planned out! He will take care of you and He will not abandon you!
Stay on this word, study it, meditate on it, pray on it and you will see light begin to shine in that darkness!
I pray for you, to receive God’s intervention today in Jesus’ name!
It is good when we view our marriage and relationship like a garden. When you hear “garden,” what comes to your mind? A beautiful picture of a well-tended piece of land, beautiful and colorful flowers, with fragrance and no weeds. Apart from the fact that when you see a garden, you know that someone or some people have been responsible, consistently working. There are three elements I want us to look at in considering the marriage and relationship as a garden.
Pulling out weeds
Planting Seeds
Killing the snakes
Let me explain in detail what I mean.
1. Pulling weeds
Every garden has a tendency for weeds to grow in them if left untended. Weeds are bad habits, human bad habits such as poor communication, lack of commitment, threatening with divorce or breaking up, lack of respect, use of negative words like ‘never’, ‘always’, not actively listening to our spouse or partner, lack of understanding each other and the list goes on.
Whatever will cause our relationship and marriage not to blossom and thrive are weeds. They need to be pulled out. This takes consistent, conscious, and deliberate efforts on our part to pull the weeds out. As the saying goes, the grass is always greener on the other side but someone is tilling the ground and wetting the grass.
2. Plant the Seeds
Seeds are what I call the good habits. Those things we want to see in our relationship and marriage. It is not just good enough to pull out the weeds; we should be proactive and intentional about planting good seeds. Seeds of what we do to our partner in a relationship and spouse in marriage.
We should not just do bad stuff to our partner and spouse but we should do good stuff to our partner. Being kind, being tender and gentle, showing each other respect, being thoughtful, loving our partner, forgiveness, not counting scores, treating each other with thoughtfulness, taking time to understand your spouse or partner. We can always add to this list.
3. Kill the snakes
Sometimes we do all the right things in a relationship and in marriage but things still go wrong. The relationship still breaks and the marriage still ends up in divorce. The snakes are ‘spiritual problems or issues’. There are not just weeds and seeds but there are also snakes. These are the dangerous intruders from the enemy of our relationship and marriage. They seek to steal, kill, and destroy.
We don’t pull out the snakes; we kill them. Some of us are not aware of the existence of snakes in our relationship and marriage. We need to be aware of them and arm ourselves with the right weapons of God’s word, prayer, and an understanding of our authority in Christ Jesus and the finished work of the cross.
I spoke along this line in church yesterday and I will just admonish us with this, I hope it blesses someone!
The scripture makes it clear as believers, we will face God one day and give an account of our lives, and how we lived on this side of the world.
We are not to live irresponsibly!
We are to conduct our lives and live as though we will give account because we will SURELY give account!
In what areas are we going to give account? Find it below in a simple presentation I used in church yesterday.
These seven areas are what you should pay attention to. It seems to cover every part of our lives. What this means is that we will give an account of all areas of our lives!
Words Spoken
Actions and Deeds
Thoughts and Intentions
How We Use Our Resources
How We Treat Others
Response to God’s Revelation
Our Spiritual Influence on Others
Not just our words, but also our actions and deeds, and even our intentions are going to be examined!
Bringing that to our relationships and marriages, how we relate with our spouses, and our thoughts towards them are all going to be examined, and we will give account.
We all know how emotional affairs begin from the thought realm. Well, we will give an account of our thoughts and intentions!
Heb 4:13 (KJV) Neither is there any creature that is not manifest in his sight: but all things are naked and opened unto the eyes of him with whom we have to do.
With this realization, it is important we love fully and with a focus on our spouses because a day of reckoning is coming.
Who wants to stand before the Lord of Lords and be stammering and be found wanting? Certainly not me. What about you?
Treat your husband well. Treat your wife well. Be nice. Stay faithful. Love with focus. May God help us all.
Connection Between Individual Progress and Marital Success
Growth signifies life. Stagnant water stinks. If you are not growing, you are dying. It is high time we prioritize our individual growth journey if we desire to see growth in our relationships and marriages. Everyone is born a clean slate, naive. As we begin to take our personal growth seriously, we start to develop skills and mature in who we are.
A lot of crises in relationships and marriages are due to knowledge gaps between couples. We don’t have to make any effort to grow chronologically. All we need for such growth is food, all other things being equal. However, the growth that leads to transformational change is not automatic. It requires effort, consistency, and sacrifices.
I told a friend the other day that I wondered what I had been doing all my younger years when I had time. There is so much to learn in every aspect of our lives that it seems 24 hours is not enough. If you are not growing, you cannot be excused. You have to make efforts and plan to grow.
The Bible says in Genesis 2:24:
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
There is a leaving, a cleaving, and becoming one flesh. All these processes require learning, unlearning, and relearning. It takes personal growth to know what you are “leaving” to “cleave” to, and you have to know the part you have to play in the process of becoming one flesh.
Your relationship or marriage cannot grow beyond the level of personal growth of the individuals in the relationship or marriage. Ask yourself this question: how many books have I read on relationships? As married couples, what books have you read about the different aspects of marriage?
To succeed in your relationship or marriage, you must take the issue of developing yourself seriously. There are different ways you can learn. You can learn through mentors, through experience, by asking questions, but the most effective and cheapest way to learn is by reading books. Books contain the experiences of others encapsulated in the pages, so you don’t repeat the mistakes they have made in the past.
There are so many aspects of your relationship and marriage that you need to personally grow in for the health of your union to emerge. If you prioritize personal growth, there will be some fights that will be eliminated from your relationship and marriage.
Genesis 1:27 states:
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”
God created us distinctly different by purpose, on purpose, and for a purpose. If the purpose of something is not known, abuse is inevitable. Our purpose in relationships and marriages has to be discovered through a personal growth journey. Nobody can do that for us. The growth has to be personal; the man has to grow as much as the woman.
Make a quality decision today to prioritize personal growth for the well-being of your relationship and marriage. The more you know, the better for your relationship and marriage. For example, knowing the differences between men and women is fundamental to how you relate to one another. It affects almost every aspect of our relationships and marriages, including communication, decision-making, and understanding yourselves as partners.
I urge you this morning, keep learning and never stop growing.
