Top 56 Valuable Lessons from the 56-Year Marriage of Joyce and Dave Meyer
Joyce and Dave Meyer have been married for over 56 years. In their Video, Talk It Out, they share candidly about the highs and lows of their journey together. Joyce notes early on in their 5-date courtship, they didn’t truly know each other. Yet through divine intervention, they found themselves bonded for life.
Based on this conversation with celebrated life coach and bestselling author Joyce Meyer and her husband Dave, here are some invaluable insights on how to build a strong, God-honoring marriage.
1. Joyce and Dave Meyer discuss the ups and downs of their early marriage and how their thinking has changed over the years.
2. Dave knew marriage was forever so he never thought about changing Joyce or leaving if things didn’t improve.
3. They had to learn about each other through experiences and God helped Dave deal with difficult situations. Over decades, Joyce and Dave Meyer learned to accept each other fully as God designed.
4. Dave applies relevant scriptures like Ephesians 5:28 to situations rather than dwelling on problems.
5. Joyce explains she came from a difficult childhood which manifested in erratic, emotionally volatile behaviors in their first years of marriage. She recalls giving Dave the silent treatment for weeks at a time when upset.
6. Dave remained steadfast, understanding where Joyce’s hurt originated while navigating ups and downs to learn about her. He displayed remarkable strength and commitment to their vows.
Common Mistakes in Marriage.
7. Trying to change your spouse instead of letting them be who they are. Realizing their unique qualities complement one another affirms God’s plan for oneness in marriage.
8. Joyce acknowledges trying to change Dave was misguided since transformation must come from within.
9. From the start, Dave viewed marriage as permanent, avoiding the “threat” mindset some have of changing or divorcing a spouse.
10. Focusing on what’s wrong with your spouse instead of what’s right is a common mistake.
11. Thinking you have to be happy for your spouse to be happy instead of each being responsible for their own happiness.
Handling Differences of Opinion.
12. It’s normal to have different opinions and likes in a marriage.
13. Compromise by allowing each person to decorate their own space.
14. It’s okay to disagree as long as you don’t think your spouse is wrong for having a different view.
15. Joyce recommends couples make a side-by-side list of each other’s positive and negative traits. For her and Dave, the good vastly outweighed the bad. By shifting mental focus to a spouse’s virtues, small flaws seem insignificant.
Dealing with Financial Disagreements.
16. Joyce and Dave Meyer advised that you talk through finances and goals before marriage to avoid surprises.
17. Needs can change over time so revisit financial agreements.
18. Understand each other’s perspectives and fears around money.
Dave’s Experience with Saving Money as a Youth.
19. Dave shares how he learned the value of saving money from a young age. He explains how at 16 years old, he saved one thousand dollars cutting grass and selling items to buy his first car.
20. Dave emphasizes the importance of prioritizing spending money on important goals.
Accepting Each Other as God Made Us.
21. Joyce and Dave Meyer are different. Dave is more logical while Joyce processes things verbally.
22. One frequent source of disagreement between spouses is having differing communication styles.
23. Joyce mentioned how she likes to verbally process situations by talking through all the angles, while Dave prefers a more direct, logical approach. It’s not that either way is wrong, but recognizing these distinctions is important. They’ve realized God made them this way and focusing on each other’s strengths has helped.
24. When Joyce was unhappy, Dave modeled finding joy regardless through stable faith.
25. As Christians, we are not to let others dictate our moods but lead by example. Joyce was inspired to mirror Dave’s contentment.
26. Misunderstandings often arise when partners don’t understand each other’s methods of thinking and reasoning through problems.
27. Surrender fully to God’s design for oneness. Appreciate differences as completing each other.
28. Apply biblical solutions in tough times, not human reasoning. Prioritize your spouse’s well-being through humility, patience, and consistent prayer.
We will continue with Part 2 of Top 56 Valuable Lessons from the 56-Year Marriage of Joyce and Dave Meyer tomorrow.
Alright, so let’s dive into this whole respect thing, especially when it comes to your guy and not stepping on God’s toes in the process.
You know how crucial respect is, right? It’s like the glue holding relationships together, making sure everything runs smoothly. But here’s the deal – ladies, we’re good at giving props, showing love, and giving credit where it’s due. But, oh boy, when the guys mess up, it’s like a respect withdrawal party.
Get it. Respect isn’t something you just throw around randomly. It’s earned and deserved. You respect your dad, your boss, your pastor – they’ve got their roles, and you acknowledge that.
Now, relationships, that’s a whole different ball game. Your boo isn’t just a boss or a dad; he’s someone you know inside out – the good, the bad, and the ugly. And let’s be real, he’s probably messed up once or twice, and it stings.
But here’s the kicker – don’t let that mess with your view of him. Respect is like following God’s playbook. When you respect your guy, you’re not just playing by relationship rules; you’re respecting the bigger picture, the whole God-and-marriage thing.
So, how do you do it? How do you respect him without making God frown?
Mind Matters: Respect starts in your head. Accept that your man is the head – it’s not a mistake; it’s by God’s design. Your job? Support that. Remind yourself it’s your duty, and do it with joy.
Learn the Ropes: Some of us didn’t grow up seeing respect in action. You can learn it. Humble yourself, pick up the skill, and show some respect – for God’s sake.
For some ladies, it may not come naturally to them to respect maybe because of their choleric temperament or background. Whichever way, you have to humble yourself and learn to respect him out of respect for God.
Define and Refine: Respect isn’t just a word; it’s an action. Ask yourself, how can I admire this guy more? When you slip up, correct it. Ask, “Is this respect or disrespect?” Treat disrespect like a no-go zone, because, hey, you don’t want to disappoint God, right?
Remember Joseph and his stand against temptation? Well, your ultimate motivation here is not disrespecting God.
Keep that in mind, and respecting your man will be a breeze.
Respect Can Turn Your Marriage Around. Relationships and marriages thrive because those involved are deliberate. Nothing just happens, as Bishop T.D. Jakes would always say. There is always cause and effect A dating and courtship situation doesn’t just morph into marriage like in a painting with strokes of the brush. A good marriage is not automatic.
We started looking at ten qualities that should be in every relationship
1. Trust 2. Communication 3. Respect 4. Love 5. Affection 6. Honesty 7. Understanding 8. Cooperation 9. Commitment 10. Fun
Yesterday we looked at the first two. Today, we continue with the next!
3. Respect
Respect Can Turn Your Marriage Around. Mutual respect is key in every marriage! I usually tell singles, that man that they can’t respect is the man they should never marry!
Respect should be both ways in marriage, but respect is more of an issue for the man!
Do you know when you respect your spouse, you won’t dabble in emotional affairs, not to talk of full-blown affairs?
It is disrespect to your spouse and the marriage covenant, and ultimately to God when you harbour, nurse, and pursue feelings, leading to affairs with anybody aside from your spouse!
Heb 13:4 (CEV) Have respect for marriage. Always be faithful to your partner, because God will punish anyone who is immoral or unfaithful in marriage.
Some ladies have perennial issues in marriage because they simply don’t understand what respect is in marriage.
They were never taught growing up. All they watched growing up is parents fighting and mum talking down at dad every time.
The modeling they saw growing up becomes tattooed in their brain and they unwittingly treat their husband even worse. They come into the marriage with attitudes, always defensive and unable to cooperate in marriage. Within, they struggle and feel that cooperating, adapting, and submitting to one’s is servitude or stupidity.
Conversely, some husbands are also unable to respect their wives. All they observed growing up is dad ordering mum around like a slave. All they saw was dad barking out instructions and sometimes “decking” mum with fatherly blows!
They come into marriage, with that notion. God help them if they marry a wife who is equally stubborn and recalcitrant! That marriage will not last!
The only hope then is a renewal of mind from the scriptures! Respect Can Turn Your Marriage Around
Both parties have to follow the word. They have to die to themselves! They have to be “stupid” for things to work sometimes.
It is not every statement that must be replied to. It is not every angry word you match fire for fire. That is why the Scripture says
Pro 15:1 (MSG) A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire.
It is not every utterance you must meditate on and expand till it explodes your relationship and marriage!
Let me stop here this morning! I will continue tomorrow. Use REVIVE video below to pray on what you’ve just read! Good morning!
There is a way to love him without unloving God. There is a way to love him and yet be godly. There is a way to make God happy while making him glad. How do you achieve that?
You see the moment you love him to the detriment of your relationship with God, things can really go awry.
Your goal is never to offend God in your bid to make him happy. Let’s take a look at a few things.
How To Respect Your Man
Respect
Col 3:18-19 (AMP) Wives, be subject to your husbands [ subordinate and adapt yourselves to them ], as is right and fitting and your proper duty in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives [ be affectionate and sympathetic with them ] and do not be harsh or bitter or resentful toward them.
Singles:
How To Respect Your Man
Respect is a major issue for men. An average man out there is egocentric. Your ego is always there even after giving your life to Jesus. There is nothing wrong with ego, but being overly egocentric is not too wise; especially when you take it out on her all the time. It is this issue of ego that men have that makes respect a big issue for them. It is not uncommon to hear from men, even when you are not yet married, “You don’t respect me!”
As singles, there should be a limit to which you can be subservient because you are not yet married. You see, until you are married properly, and legally, there are some things that should not be dabbled into. You cannot say in your bid to respect a husband-to-be, you now allow yourself to be trampled over. You cannot lose your virtue in your bid to respect your fiance. Let me explain further with an example. He wants sex. You know it is a sin and God frowns at it.
You are not being respectful when you cooperate with him to disobey God. That is not being respectful, that is being disobedient! You see, you cannot satisfy your fiance at the expense of God. If you try that, you are sowing the seeds that will truncate that very relationship. It is God that will keep your relationship up until your marriage, not your cooperation with sin.
Another example. He has a family function. He asks you to come over and be part of the function. Being your future husband, you obeyed. You went there, and it’s getting late and you ask where you will pass the night. He says you are sleeping over with him. You say, No, you are not yet married and he gets angry. At that point, you are either going to “respect” him or “respect” God!
To wrap this up, respect for him that translates to disrespect for God should never be entertained. Let your respect for him be guided by God’s word. Respect does not mean being stupid or foolish! Anything you try to do to respect him which translates to disrespecting God will backfire. It just won’t work out, and at the end of the day, all your bid to respect him will end in disrespect of your person.
Married Couples:
How To Respect Your Man
For married couples, it is also a major issue. The Bible advises that as a wife, you should submit to your own husband. Respect for your husband is not just a physical issue; it is a deeply spiritual issue. The devil knows this and capitalizes on it. As a wife, if your husband keeps saying you don’t respect him, don’t ignore it. You need to get to the root of it.
Usually, you will not agree with him when he says that and it even hurts you to hear that, but if he keeps saying that, you need to calm down and not flare up. Usually, men are thinkers, and before they say something, they have thought about it and concluded. Of course, their conclusions can be very selfish and wrong most times, but for peace to reign in your home, don’t ignore him when he says that.
What do you do if he keeps saying that and yet you can’t see what he is saying? As I said, men and women seem to be from different planets because they think and process differently. So, what you need to do is to seek to understand what he sees and wants in terms of respect.
What is the specific definition of respect for your husband?
Is it in terms of greeting and genuflecting when you greet? Is it in terms of cooking certain delicacies? Is it in terms of food is ready by the time he gets home? Is it in terms of your cooperation with him in spiritual things? Is it in terms of your willingness and excitement in bed? Is it in terms of your career and business? Is it in terms of the way you answer him back when he talks? Is it in terms of how you treat him in the presence of his friends or your own friends? Is it in terms of finances? Is it in terms of your spending habits? Is it in terms of how you treat the children? Is it in terms of the kinds of friends you keep? And the list goes on!
So you see, why the statement, “You don’t respect me!” should not be ignored? As couples, go out eating or when you are very relaxed, say something like this:
“Dear, You know I love you? I want you to know that. I know you often say that I don’t respect you, but I really want to make you happy. Do you know sometimes, I don’t really understand what you meant by that? Can you explain this to me further? How do you want me to respect you? Tell me in practical terms and give me examples if possible so that I can understand better. I don’t want anything coming in between us, you know you are my crown.”
When you say something like that, watch your tone and your countenance! Don’t raise your voice, maintain eye contact, smile all the while, and touch him while saying that. When he starts trying to explain, don’t get angry. That is not the time to get hurt over one use of a word; it is time to try to get what he is really trying to say. Even if he gets back to raising his voice while trying to explain, allow it, because that shows it is really a big issue for him, so absorb it because your goal is not to argue or defend yourself, it is your goal to let him explain so that you understand what he really wants.
After he is done, and you get what he is really saying, hold his hands and tell him, you are going to work at it. Tell him you will need his help by being patient and gentle with you. When you are done, ask him to pray for you! He might be shy or say he doesn’t know how to pray if that is the first time, but tell him you just want him to bless you because he is anointed as the head of the house.
As you do this, you will see some improvements. That statement, “You don’t respect me!” will gradually reduce with time.
Why I have gone to this extent to break it down? I am committed to the success of your relationship and marriage. It is my passion and assignment and God has given me tremendous grace to do that. I pray God will grant you grace to follow His principles which will ensure the success of your relationship/marriage.
COUPLES – How To Show Respect To Your Spouse – Part 2
What are the practical ways to show respect to yourselves in marriage?
1. Know that your spouse is so very special before God. Your spouse is bought with the precious blood of Jesus. Jesus would have come to die for your spouse alone.
2. Do not yell at your spouse. You may be angry but never yell.
3. Allow freedom of expression. It is okay to be different. That’s why you married in the first place. Men and women are meant to be different.
4. Let your spouse feel safe, secure, and trusted by building mutual respect.
5. When you have opposing opinions which will happen most times, you listen. Your listening shows respect.
6. Respect that your spouse is worth listening to. He/ she has something vital to bring to the table.
7. Allow healthy space when it is needed, it shows respect. Let your spouse be by him/herself, have her own friends, her own things etc
8. Do not control one another. Your relationship is unhealthy when there is the slightest control. God asks us to love, not control. Jesus never controlled the church.
9. Both spouses should admit once they are wrong and sincerely seek forgiveness. Swallow your pride and admit you are wrong and apologize.
10. Never treat one another shabbily, in private or public. Show appreciation for every little thing your spouse does. Don’t take each other for granted.
God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY my marriage is blessed in all ramifications.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will enable you to pay the price for the fullness of His blessings in your home.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Heb 13:4 [AMP]Let marriage be held in honor (esteemed worthy, precious, of great price, and especially dear) in all things. And thus let the marriage bed be undefiled (kept undishonored); for God will judge and punish the unchaste [all guilty of sexual vice] and adulterous.
