Yesterday, we saw the dangers of letting your emotions lead you.
What other reasons are there to show you cannot fall in love anyhow?
2. You need to protect your heart The second reason why you cannot just fall in love anyhow or with just anybody is because of your heart. You have a responsibility to protect your heart. Your heart is a like a garden. Your heart is like a vineyard of precious fruits. It should be a secured place with the word of God mounting guard over it!
Philippians 4:7 (AMP) – And God’s peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
There is a peace that comes from following God’s word that becomes a guard to your heart.
There are generally two kinds of people trying to access your heart, which is like a garden. There are gardeners who will take care of you and there are scavengers who want to take care of themselves at your expense. It is an error to fall in love carelessly with a scavenger. A gardener wants to nurture you. A scavenger wants to puncture your heart. A gardener will pray for you. A scavenger will prey on you. It is your responsibility, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to protect your heart.
If you are already in courtship, make up your mind to protect each other. When both of you are selfless and consider the other first, you will release an unprecedented dimension of favour over your relationship. Avoid strife like a plague because it is a tool in the hands of the devil to wreak havoc. Forgive each other quickly; be committed to peace. Don’t allow hurt and bitterness to chart a course for your intended family. There is no way you won’t hurt each other sometimes but practice advance forgiveness. You need to go to your partner now and apologize even if you feel he or she is in the wrong.
It is not about winning an argument, it is about not losing your partner, so bury your ego and be matured. Let peace reign. As you obey this specific instruction of reconciling with your potential spouse, watch out for a fresh deluge of His blessings especially in your finances.
I pray for you today, may you be blessed! The heavens open over you in Jesus name! God will honour you and fill your mouth with laughter.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not fall in love helplessly
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God teaches you how to fall in love
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Proverbs 18:22 (NKJV) He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.
1. After emotional involvement, reasoning faculty becomes biased After you fall in love with a person, the truth is that your reasoning faculty becomes biased in favour of that person, because of the deep feelings and emotional connection that often accompany the process of falling in love. If this is the case, it is wise then to be cautious about the person you fall in love with. For example, you want to be careful about developing a close friendship with an unbeliever, to avoid the possibility of falling in love with such a person. When you fall in love with such a person, you are going to close your eyes to the fact that such a person is not a child of God. You are going to turn a deaf ear to people around you who are warning you because you have fallen in love. So you see, you have to define your relationships.
One of the greatest humiliations one can be subjected to is in the hands of a wrong person you have fallen in love with but who is not in love with you! You will practically become a puppet, as it were, in the hands of a puppet master, wielding enormous power over your emotions, abusing you, and yet unable to disconnect…may you never be in that spot! It even gets worse when you become sexually involved with such a person and there are emotional ties. Have you ever being in a relationship with a person and everybody is warning you?
Your pastor calls you and says you are making a mistake. Your parents call you and warn you sternly about the person. Your closest friends call you and tell you something must be wrong with you. Deep down in your heart, even your conscience tells you that you are making a huge mistake. But you are in love…at such times, you really need to hit the pause button! Go and pray and ask God to help you. One of the ways you can pray is to first disconnect or distance yourself from that person so that your mind can be clear to pray.
I will conclude tomorrow.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not fall in love helplessly
I haveoften heard that those we love hurt us deeper than anyone else. Especially our spouse. I had felt it can’t be that bad.
This world is full of hurtful people. I think the hurt is deeper when in marriage you hurt yourselves and keep on hunting yourselves unless you made up your mind not to hurt.
Hurt is a decision. It is not based on your feeling. You have to make a conscious effort and decision against hurt. Some people have been hurt most years of their life.
That is what the devil wants. He is busy having a nice time stealing joy, peace, life, compassion, unity and love from families.
The point is, people, your spouse, and those you hold dear to you will not stop hurting you but you have to make up your mind you won’t allow the hurt get at you.
Hurtful words spoken are like the cutting of the sword especially if your spouse is a choleric. You cannot prevent people from misunderstanding you, people judging you falsely, lying about you etc.
There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health. Proverbs 12:18 KJV
From this scripture, you can pray for your spouse or of its a God ordained relationship or a relationship you can’t avoid. Pray that their tongues become the tongue of the wise that brings healing.
Hurt is like drinking poison and hoping your neighbour dies. That’s not going to happen. Hurts make you bitter. You can be bitter all your life if care is not taken. You will just see that 60 years of your life is gone without achieving much because of hurt and bitterness.
Let receive Grace from the Lord. Jesus was hated, misunderstood, lied against, misjudged, criticised, yet none of this affected him.
He choose to be immune against hurt. He kept His vision before His eyes. He choose between being powerful or being pitiful. He couldn’t possibly have died for humanity if He hated humanity. If he didn’t forgive on time, He couldn’t go to the cross.
Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you. Luke 10:19 KJV
Jesus knew we will be faced with hurt and made provision for it. We have to walk in our authority over hurts.
No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord , and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord . Isaiah 54:17 KJV
You have to take charge of your emotions. Not even your feelings should be strong enough to stop you from fulfilling your purpose. You are only answerable to one. The one who died on the cross for you. When you face to face before Him on the judgement day, you will have no excuse to offer. Jesus passed through the same and was victorious. He overcame and gave you the victory. He gave the blood of Jesus, the Word, the shield of faith, communion etc.
You have to take the shield of faith which is the Word of God. Anytime words are spoken to you that are hurtful, lies, etc remind yourself and confession out loud and use it against the wile of the enemy.
Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. Ephesians 6:16 KJV
Remember protect yourself against hurt and every negative emotions.
Protect yourself Gods way. There are negative ways of dealing with hurts. I will talk about that later.
In our concluding part, I will be talking about how your marriage can move up on the level of communication and become an intimate couple. The goal in every marriage should be to know each other and be as intimate with your spouse as much as possible.
We stopped at level 3 communication. Today, we will be looking at levels 4 and 5.
Level 4: Emotional Talk.
‘Let me tell you, How I feel’.
In this fourth level of Communication, we share our feelings. When our feelings are shared, we share ourselves. Because we are what and how we feel.
We are simply making ourselves vulnerable. When we share with our mate how we feel, the intention is not whether we are right or wrong. We mostly don’t want to be judged because of how we feel. We just need our spouse to listen, understand and accept that, thats the way we feel.
We kill intimacy when we are quick to judge the feeling. Am not saying we should not correct but first acknowledge your spouse feelings.
It is difficult for most people to share their feelings than their thoughts. These are 2 very different things
‘I feel that guy is a thief’. ‘I feel, the car will break down’ ‘I am thinking the issue with the woman is not natural’.
When you share your feelings you are expressive. When you don’t share your deepest feelings, a path of you is left hidden or covered. When you share your feelings, you are vulnerable, open, unashamed, no inhibitions.
Couple should aim at growing together into this fourth level of Communication, to enjoy a higher level of intimacy.
There is still the fifth level which is highest level of Communication.
Level 5 of Communication.
Loving, Genuine Truth Talk
‘Let’s Be Honest’.
This level allows us to speak the truth in love. It is a place of honesty without condemnation.
Most couples are finding out that such open, honest and loving communication enhances a much deeper level of intimacy. Where couples can share their feelings and thoughts without feeling unsafe. Both have a sense of safety and security. This requires an attitude of acceptance.
You know your spouse understands you even if they don’t agree with you.
We can always agree to disagree without shaming ourselves or making us look like less smart.
We can have differing opinions and still be friends. No hurts, no guilt, no condemnation and we are still good to go.
We can’t be the same. Remember, acceptance is the key.
We may start out on the first level of Communication, bit please don’t let us remain there.
As a couple we should aim at moving higher in the way we relate, understand and communicate with each other.
This will require certain level of work and being intentional about getting to understand your spouse.
The higher we grow in our Kevel of communicating with ourselves the more intimate we grow with our spouse.
I pray God will grant us wisdom and grace and help is all to communicate better in Jesus name.
God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I know how to communicate with my wife
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, give me wisdom
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:22 KJV Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
An affair is an illegalrelationship with anyone other than your spouse. It could be sexual and non-sexual in nature. Each spouse should set boundaries of how far they can go with the relationship with the opposite sex. I feel we should all work on our relationship with our spouse in such a way that we will not need other persons to fulfill our desires, cravings, attention, and longings. If we are satisfied emotionally and sexually there will be no reasons for an affair. We don’t live in a perfect world or perfect situation neither are our spouses perfect.
A born-again child of God is not expected to have an affair. However, when an affair does happen, these are practical steps to go about handling it. No matter what happens, our spouse remains our covenant partner. We should seek their restoration by handling the situation well. On the part of the spouse having an affair, things should also be handled with all sincerity so that it never happens again.
The first step to handling an affair is confronting it. What you don’t confront you can never change. The erring spouse should come to a place where he/ she knows that having an affair is an attempt of the devil to steal, kill and destroy from you. You should call it a sin and not just a mistake. You are not confronting when you still make excuses or when you explain.
2. Ask for forgiveness.
There is no forgiveness until there is a willingness to turn around from your sins. The erring spouse should acknowledge that he/she needs to be forgiven.
3. Seek help and support.
That an affair has taken place shows that there are principles you don’t know or are taking for granted. You need to be educated and informed. This is the time to search for books that talk about how to handling lust, how to handle affairs, how to set healthy boundaries, how to love and satisfy your spouse. The resources are so much. What reading along this line does is that you get enlightened. When the light comes, ignorance vanishes. It is also good to learn how you fell, because recognizing the pitfall will help you avoid such next time.
It is my prayer that God will grant us more understanding.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am committed to my marriage vows.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to love my spouse appropriately.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY If you are having an affair, make amends today