This type of conversation is not just limited to a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ answer. The wife’s or husband’s opinion is needed and necessary.
For example, ‘Are the children eating rice this afternoon?’ ‘I don’t think it will be the best option for them. They need more vegetables in their diet’.
It is important to note that, the question, what do you think about….is so important in husband-wife conversations.
Your husband or wife’s opinion matters and don’t want them feeling like they are not smart. If the wife is just accepting every decision made and is not really a part of the decision-making process and involved in the intellectual aspect of thinking through, there will eventually be problems later on in the marriage.
4. Emotional Talk.
‘Let me tell you how I feel’.
In this fourth level of Communication, we share our feelings. When our feelings are shared, we share ourselves because we are what and how we feel.
We are simply making ourselves vulnerable. When we share with our mate how we feel, the intention is not whether we are right or wrong. We mostly don’t want to be judged because of how we feel. We just need our spouse to listen, understand and accept that that’s the way we feel.
We kill intimacy when we are quick to judge the feeling. I am not saying we should not correct but first acknowledge your spouse’s feelings.
It is more difficult for most people to share their feelings than their thoughts. These are two very different things
‘I feel that guy is a thief’.
‘I feel the car will break down’
‘I am thinking the issue with the woman is not natural’.
When you share your feelings, you are expressive. When you don’t share your deepest feelings, a path of you is left hidden or covered.
When you share your feelings, you are vulnerable, open, unashamed, no inhibitions.
Couples should aim at growing together into this fourth level of communication, to enjoy a higher level of intimacy.
In our concluding part, I will be talking about how your marriage can move up on the level of Communication and you both can become intimate couples. The goal in every marriage should be to know each other and be as intimate with your spouse as much as possible.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will be a blessing to many
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Oh Lord, teach me how to communicate effectively
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. –Jeremiah 33:3 (KJV)
We started on the topic “How Couples Can Keep Emotions in Check” Yesterday, we started on this anger issue. I told us anger can be used positively, like the case of Jabez, who changed his story when he got angry.
In the context of marriage, however, you can start handling your anger in a positive way by using these 2 methods.
1. Trace back the source of your anger.
Most people’s anger could be traced to something that happened way back in their past. A parent abandoned them, the death of a loved one, something negative that happened, and so on.
We are angry because of pain. Think back and get the source of what makes you angry. Don’t just ignore it, thinking it will pass away.
Did you miss out on yesterday’s devotional, we’ve got you covered kindly go HERE. For KHC video Devotionals kindly go HERE
2. Admit your anger
What you don’t admit, you cannot take responsibility over. It is until you admit and agree that you have anger problem that is hurting you and your loved ones, it holds its grip over you.
Become vulnerable, admit it as a sin, then and only then can you be free to handle these negative emotions.
Also know that we all express anger for different reasons and in different ways. Don’t judge your spouse. Focus on dealing with your own anger problems before trying to help your spouse.
God bless our marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not be an angry spouse.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord help me recognize the source of my anger and deal with it.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Proverbs 22:24 Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go:
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Register for couples camp meeting
We all have emotions and there’s nothing wrong with having them. What could be wrong is not handling them well.
Whatever God has given us, whether money, relationships, jobs, career, gifts, talents etc, we need to take responsibility over them. Maturity is learning to handle them well, so that they are used to our advantage and not to our disadvantage.
For Example, God gave us all mouths, but do you know that some people have destroyed their marriages by the wrong use of their mouth?
Anger could be used in a positive way if we understand its great potentials. Anger is what makes us desire for things and ourselves to get better. When we get angry over the status quo we find change.
When we get angry at how we are treated by life, we seek something better, a better life for us and our families.
Did you miss out on yesterday’s devotional, we’ve got you covered kindly go HERE. For KHC video Devotionals kindly go HERE
In 1 Chron 4:9-10 it was because Jabez was angry at why a name meaning sorrow was imposed upon him that he could pray and have a change of name and destiny.
If we didn’t have the ability to get angry, we will remain as we are. Anger shows there is a problem to be dealt with. Even God get angry.
The evil of unmanaged anger like any other unmanaged emotions far outweighs the benefits.
In marriage, we must keep our emotions managed. Some couple react to situations in an explosive way while others react angrily in a quiet way. Whether it is an explosive anger or a silent anger both are destructive.
The silent anger is dangerous because it works like hot magma. It silently gathers strength and then in a moment without warning it explodes causing a lot of havoc.
Tomorrow, I will show you practical ways to handle anger in marriage.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not be an angry spouse.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord help me recognize the source of my anger and deal with it.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY I have to deal with any source of angry but it destroys me
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Register for KHC couple’s camp meeting
Having to start your day with asking God for forgiveness daily can be very frustrating, especially when you know you are going to commit the sin again. Self condemnation comes once we violate God’s principles.
This self-condemnation will surface at much unexpected times. Most times, young folks get involved in jeru trip before marriage in order to express their freedom or liberty. In the end, the purpose is defeated, because the very freedom they seek to express will be lost to emotional captivity and slavery. Freedom from a guilty conscience will be gone.
Years ago, a lady sat before me. She was genuinely troubled. She felt God would never forgive her, because she was involved in jeru trip. She wept bitterly. She said she has asked God to forgive her severally and she was not sure God heard her.
Another lady actually lost her mind after indulging in jeru trip because she believed she had committed an unpardonable sin. She couldn’t recognize anybody again. She embraced the devil’s lie that she has committed the unpardonable sin because of the jeru trip. She was talking gibberish and making faces. When we were called (alongside another pastor) upon to pray for her, all our attempts failed until we started to address the issue of guilt by the Spirit of God. As we began to speak to her about God’s love and kindness, that demon left her, she calmed down, sobered up and tears began to flow. It was only then she was restored. It was then she told us what really happened. The negative emotion of guilt is a terrible experience. Guilt can be so real to the point of being suicidal.
When troubles ganged up on me, a mob of sins past counting, I was so swamped by guilt I couldn’t see my way clear. More guilt in my heart than hair on my head, so heavy the guilt that my heart gave out. (Psa 40:12 MSG)
I’m swamped by my bad behavior, collapsed under gunnysacks of guilt. (Psa 38:4 MSG)
You wouldn’t want to live with guilt all your life for violating God’s law. However, no matter how guilty you feel right now; God can always send help if you call upon Him and trust in His Word. That’s the way out. It could be a sin of fornication or adultery or any form of sexual perversion, the blood of Jesus took care of all!
Then I let it all out; I said, “I’ll make a clean breast of my failures to GOD.” Suddenly the pressure was gone– my guilt dissolved, my sin disappeared. (Psa 32:5 MSG)
I want you to know that there is a lover of your soul that is different from any lover who might have disappointed you. You might have been disappointed by men, abandoned by men, used and dumped by men, treated shabbily by men…but when you meet the man, He will restore your soul! The Samaritan woman had met so many men…but then when she met the man, the lover of her soul, she couldn’t but express the difference that turned her life around!
Joh 4:28-29 KJV The woman then left her waterpot, and went her way into the city, and saith to the men, Come, see a man…
Respond to God’s love today. Refuse the emotion of guilt! You see the moment you have asked your father to forgive you, He forgives and forgets. The devil tries to bring guilt so that you can feel unworthy and thereby prevent you from coming into God’s presence boldly.
But you see, this issue is a family affair! If your earthly father has forgiven you of an offence, what else can the servant in the house say? You simply tell him to shut up!
That is the way you handle the devil. It’s none of his business. God forgave you, period. Tell the devil to shut up, it’s between you and your father, it’s a family affair and it is settled! He should stop poke nosing. The blood of Jesus handled it already!
If he tries to remind you of your past, remind him of his future, it’s the bottomless pit! Make sure you stop sinning. That is what God does not want, especially continuous and habitual sins. Grace cannot abound when sin continues!
Only hearken to what Jesus said to that adulterous woman caught in the act.
Joh 8:11 KJV… And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.
The fact is that you did something wrong. The lie is that you will never be forgiven. The Truth is that you are already forgiven and it is forgotten! Embrace the truth today and let it set you free! Truth is superior to fact!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I refuse the lie from the devil. I embrace the truth of God’s word.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask that God helps you to see the truth in his word.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Psalm 32:5 (KJV)I acknowledge my sin unto thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the Lord; and thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin. Selah.
Thismorning, I will like to share with you how to recognize if you are going too far in a marriage. There is no child of God that outrightly proceeds into an adulterous relationship. It is usually a subtle happenstance, an innocent friendship, albeit, the subtlety and innocence would never be an excuse for compromise.
There is a difference between a platonic friendship and a romantic relationship. When you have a platonic relationship with another married person, there would be no qualms. But the moment the relationship crosses the line from platonic to romantic, there would be issues and one can be easily trapped. An emotional affair is just a step before a full-blown affair and it is as sinful as adultery.
The question then is at what point does a friendship cross from platonic to romantic?
1. When that which ought to be kept secret between you and your spouse is divulged to the other person. This is the first sign that you are playing with fire. When a married person begins to share with you what ought to be secrets between him and his spouse, it is a good place to run away.
Or when as a married person, you begin to share with that young single lady what ought to be the exclusive reserve for you and your spouse, you are crossing the line and trying to hug some fire.
Also, when a married woman begins to look forward to seeing a single male friend, adultery is knocking.
2. When you catch yourself fantasising or daydreaming about somebody else apart from your spouse. You are travelling beyond the platonic into the romantic, and definitely, something will soon happen that might culminate into regrets later.
3. When you start discussing your marital problems with somebody else. When a married person of the opposite sex starts discussing his marital issues or starts reporting his spouse, the conversation is probably going too far. You might be feeling cool that the person trusts you to divulge such prized information, but if you are not careful, emotions would soon be involved.
You might even have the righteousness complex where you become a counsellor, trying to encourage him or her. The problem is that compassion can turn into confusion very quickly. It is all a ploy when a married person stands before you like or she needs help from you.
What wisdom does a thirty-five-year-old married man need from a single beautiful twenty-three-year-old girl? Where are the pastors and counsellors? It is a trap. At what point did you become a counsellor? Did you read Guidance and counselling in school? Many people have attempted to counsel others like that and ended up cancelling their destinies.
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am not careless with my destiny
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, guide me from stepping into wrong paths
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. [ Pro 6:23 ]” (Psa 119:105, AMP)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Run away from every friendship that has crossed the line
