Be committed to the things of God. Don’t be so busy with your career or family life that you abandon your purpose and the assignment for which God created you. Make sure you pursue your purpose because that is where true riches and fulfillment lie.
5. Love or lust?
Be selfless! That is how your marriage will last. Let the love of God propel you in all you do. Let the love of God be shed abroad in your heart. Love her truly. Respect him indeed. That is the blueprint that keeps divorce away!
Respect means a lot to a man while love means a lot to a woman. Rather than go back and forth on who is right or wrong, go ahead with agape love, unconditional love and you will keep your home together.
6. Space and Forgiveness
Forgive easily. It is the way to go if you want your marriage to last. Practice advance forgiveness. Never hold your spouse in bitterness. Men, be patient with your spouse and make sure you love her genuinely.
Women, do not close up your spirit against your husband to a point you now live like strangers in your matrimonial home. Those are dangerous precursors to divorce!
7. Mentors
Adulterous relationships and extra-marital relationships are rooted in secrecy. The moment you can hide something from your spouse, you have planted a seed for chaos. Be open with each other. It kills the power of infidelity.
Learn to have a joint mentor who you trust, whom you can report yourselves to that will help you sort out issues that are beyond you. Take issues as they come and don’t store up hurts.
God will help you and give you grace in Jesus name!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not be in haste concerning my relationships. I will be led by God’s Spirit.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, guide my steps so that I will not start wrong relationships in Jesus name.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Pro 2:10-12 KJV When wisdom entereth into thine heart, and knowledge is pleasant unto thy soul; Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee: To deliver thee from the way of the evil man, from the man that speaketh froward things;
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Make a list of the qualities you want in a man and use it to pray.
Spend time together. Never allow jobs, people, or any other thing to take this away from you. Learn to pray together every morning. This morning, I held my spouse in my arms, and we prayed together before I got up from the bed. You are able to maximize your time when you put God first place in your marriage.
2. Transition
Transition is defined in three ways:
a. the act of passing from one state or place to the next
b. an event that results in transformation
c. a change from one place or state or subject or stage to another
There will be transition times in your lives, when either spouse travels away for some time or when you get to a new place. Be careful with developing emotional affairs simply because your spouse is not around.
This can easily lead to adulterous relationships and this can further lead to separation and divorce since God’s injunctions that protect you have been violated. If you are already in one, it is not too late to stop it and ask God to help you!
3. Unequal yoke
Be wary of developing associations with friends who don’t know God or colleagues who don’t value the things of God. They can sow the wrong seed of words into your marriage and before you know it, you are already following their advice which is contrary to the ways of God.
Never discuss your spouse or family issues with colleagues. It can trap you and push you to the edge of confusion. I pray for you this morning that God will frustrate every counsel of Ahitofel in Jesus name!
To be continued…
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will not be in haste concerning my relationships. I will be led by God’s Spirit.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, guide my steps so that I will not start wrong relationships in Jesus name.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY When wisdom entereth into thine heart, and knowledge is pleasant unto thy soul; Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee: To deliver thee from the way of the evil man, from the man that speaketh froward things; -Proverbs 2:10-12 (KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Make a list of the qualities you want in a man and use it to pray.
We have been looking at this topic building to last in marriage for some time now and I will be taking the concluding part of the same topic.
I pray and sincerely hope this message will bring couples to ways they can discuss this together to find their own way of implementing the points. There may be ways based on their peculiar situation, they could adapt the points discussed here.
8. Never talk bad about your spouse to anybody
Respect the covenant between you. Let no one be able to come between you. Don’t betray trust. Defend each other. Don’t fight with each other but fight for each other. Don’t fight your spouse because of any other person. Don’t give any other person the privilege of being more special than your spouse. It will backfire. What is between the two of you cannot be compared with any other relationship.
Did you miss out on yesterday’s devotional, we’ve got you covered kindly go HERE. For KHC video Devotionals kindly go HERE
9. Love jeru trip
Enjoy Jerusalem trips. It is pleasure to both of you. Never get tired of each other. Give yourself to one another unhindered
10. Keep the word ‘divorce’ out of your dictionary
Remember your marriage vows. It is till death do us part. There are no problems without solutions. There are issues, challenges but there are ways of handling them. We may not be patient enough or seek God’s face enough to find a lasting solution. God has promised us a way of escape.
Jesus said in John 14:6, ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life
Have a bulldog approach to your marriage. Whatever happens, God can restore and make all things new. That doesn’t mean staying in an abusive relationship and environment. Seek all the help you can get for your marriage to be better.
11. Understand each other’s love language
Your love language is like your native mother language, you are most comfortable speaking it and have a free flow with it. Just like you speak the language your spouse understands, you must be willing to learn and understand your spouse’s love language. Don’t insist on your own way of expressing love.
Try to please your spouse. Do whatever he/ she likes and best expresses that you love and care for him/her.
It is either it is gifts, words, touch, actions, or quality time. If it is words, learn to speak tender and kind words to your spouse. Don’t be harsh with your words. Don’t correctly sharply.
If gifts, surprise each other with gifts, do this frequently.
If actions, help to do the dishes, throw the garbage out, wash the car, etc, just offer to do something.
12. Spice up your marriage with little gestures.
Surprise each other with gifts, kisses, and sex. That shows you are thinking of your spouse. Let your spouse know that you are still in love with them.
Kiss passionately, hold hands, cuddle and show public display of affection. Look into each other’s eyes when talking. Be deeply concerned about each other. Look out for yourselves and ask whatever may be happening to your spouse emotionally, physically, or otherwise.
May God bless our marriage as we put these things into practice.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I love my spouse wholeheartedly.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, teach me how to trust my spouse in Jesus name.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY I exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men; 1Ti 2:1
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide to show genuine love to your spouse.
God hates divorce. It is not always God’s best option.
Here is the scripture:
“I hate divorce,” says the God of Israel. God-of-the-Angel-Armies says, “I hate the violent dismembering of the ‘one flesh’ of marriage.” So watch yourselves. Don’t let your guard down. Don’t cheat. Mal.2:16 MSG
I must however be quick to say that there are genuine instances where divorce is recommended. God intends that a man and woman should be in marriage as long as they are alive, but He has also made exceptions and this is what we want to look at from the scriptures.
When people remarry under the circumstances that we will be looking at, they should not entertain any condemnation again from the devil.
1. The Question of Marital unfaithfulness The first exception for divorce that God made has to do with unfaithfulness. This has to do with adulterous sin or any other sexual sin.
But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery:and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. (Matthew 5:32 KJV)
When there is marital unfaithfulness and sexual sin is involved, the marriage covenant is broken. As a result of this, the other spouse is freed. There have been cases where the spouse is willing to forgive and move on especially in instances where he or she has indirectly contributed to the spouses’ infidelity. But in cases where the spouse is unrepentant from the unfaithfulness, divorce becomes valid.
The reasons are obvious. A man or woman who is sexually and unrepentantly promiscuous can bring home a sexually transmitted disease. This cannot be God’s will. I once watched a documentary of seven women who all tested positive to HIV and the disease was already at an advanced stage. In each of the instances, the woman had been faithful, but had been unfortunately married to an unfaithful man who transmitted the disease! They faced their deaths because they were married to sexually irresponsible men!
2. The Question of Abandonment or Desertion The next scenario is when the spouse is unsaved and really wants to end the marriage. This often plays out by the uninterested spouse walking away from the marriage and abandoning his or her spouse. In such cases, the spouse is not obligated to stay.
But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. (1 Corinthians 7:15 KJV)
When the person abandoned gets remarried, it is not considered adultery. I have had to handle cases where some women’s husbands have abandoned them for upward of ten years! The emotional trauma and sense of isolation is tremendous and some of such women have gone on to become women of easy virtue because of the obvious vulnerability. When a spouse walks away for some five to seven years, something is definitely wrong somewhere. He keeps promising he is going to come back, but he might never! You need to answer the questions above.
3. The Question of Intense brutality which can be physical, mental, and or sexual abuse This is another valid reason for divorce. It is not easy to live with a man who you are not sure of his love for you. Having to live in the same house with a man who can strangle you and end your life before daylight can be very crushing. When either spouse has been brutalized, this is often seen as equivalent to ‘desertion.’ It is often called constructive desertion.
When your life is no longer safe, when you have been battered over and over again, it is not worth it in such marriages. Not a few women have lost their lives in the hands of abusive spouses. If your spouse attacks you physically and then apologizes and stops, please kindly embrace him back. It is not appropriate to jump to a conclusion and head for divorce because of a mistake he makes after you aggravated him.
But talking candidly to men, never raise your hand against your wife. It is not manly and it is not godly. That woman was given to you so that you can protect her, not end her life. I know some ladies can be very sharp-mouthed and extremely rude, but when you see her as one with you, you will patiently resolve all issues rather than resort to violence.
When your spouse forces you into sexual sins and into perversions, don’t keep quiet. Seek help and seek counsel. Ask him questions.
In conclusion, I will still tell you that divorce is never the best! Do all you can to fight for your marriage until it becomes absolutely impossible to continue in that marriage! This also means that such flimsy excuses as irreconcilable differences, lack of love, incompatibility, different career goals, and so on are not valid grounds for divorce.
For singles, you can prevent divorce by not rushing into a marriage with a man you don’t know. You don’t go into marriage haphazardly; you go into it deliberately, intentionally, and consciously following God’s plan and injunctions.
Happy new month!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I ask the right questions.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to ask the right questions
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Mal 2:15 (GW)Didn’t God make you one? Your flesh and spirit belong to him. And what does the same God look for but godly descendants? So be careful not to be unfaithful to the wife of your youth.
Yesterday, we began this discussion, pointing out tell-tale signs to look out for, so that your lover who is on fire today, may not backslide after marriage. If you missed it, see it here.
Our anchor scripture remains:
2Pe 2:20-22 (MSG) If they’ve escaped from the slum of sin by experiencing our Master and Savior, Jesus Christ, and then slid back into that same old life again, they’re worse than if they had never left. [21] Better not to have started out on the straight road to God than to start out and then turn back, repudiating the experience and the holy command. [22] They prove the point of the proverbs, “A dog goes back to its own vomit,” and, “A scrubbed-up pig heads for the mud.”
What are other things to note in the area of relationships?
7. When you meet a new person in a church setting, beyond falling in love with some height or some hot legs, find out how involved he is in church. Is he or she a worker in that church? How long has he or she been in the church? Does the pastor know him or her personally?
Is he filled with the Holy Spirit? All these do not guarantee a successful or stress-free marriage, however, they go a long way to establish some credibility and spirituality of the person involved.
This is a better approach than meeting someone in church and on the same day, you are in his house! You must learn how to protect yourself!
8. You need to know that being born again can be genuine and yet the guy or lady is still involved in some sharp practices. When you are born again, your spirit is regenerated, but your mind is in the process of being renewed as you listen to God’s word.
This often takes time and is determined by how studious you are in the word and how much time you give to the study of God’s word. In the process of the mind being renewed, a lot of ‘sinful’ mistakes can happen.
As long as they are not habitual, God will forgive and you will be okay. But when you do something habitually and unrepentantly, the conscience becomes seared and a religious spirit takes over.
9. When you see obvious character defects, don’t close your eyes to them especially when he or she says he will change later. Marriage changes nobody.
Anybody that tells you he or she will change later is deceiving you. What do you do when you see character defects? Seek help! Don’t keep quiet.
10. If during courtship or after marriage, you suddenly discover you never knew who you were in the same boat with, here is what to do. In courtship, take a pause on everything until you find a solution. For example, if the issues has to do with physical violence or physical abuse, don’t just keep quiet thinking that marriage will soften him.
Don’t walk down the aisle into that kind of marriage, or you might need to soon run up the aisle and out! If you are getting slaps in courtship, guess what will happen in marriage? In marriage, divorce is not the first option. Look for a Christian marriage counselor or marriage therapist for help.
11. If you are in a distant relationship or some online dating, you need to know that you will not have a distant marriage and you will not live online.
The reality must dawn on you never to make life-involving decisions without knowing the person very well. It is wrong for you to fall in love with a stranger. Something is not quite right with falling in love with an online profile or some voice over the phone! Marriage is not a game! It is a covenant!
12. Finally, we are all projects in the making in the hands of God. Nobody is perfect, but there are things that are unbecoming for a child of God. When you see some of these things, it is time to seek help, or if intense, run for your life!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have divine wisdom from God to make decisions.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray and ask God to show you what you don’t know about your life
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. (Jeremiah 33:3 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Take an inventory of all the relationships in your life
