This three-word sentence is very profound because there is an element of decision and acceptance.
These two elements are very important to the survival of any marriage. The element of the decision will help every couple realize that their choice to marry who they are married to, is a decision that cannot be changed.
I usually tell engaged people, on your wedding day, your guests will enjoy the food and leave afterward but you will have to live with your choice till death do your part. That’s why it is advisable not to fall in love blindly. In marriage, love is not blind at all.
Once you are married to your spouse, your decision is signed and sealed. There is no point in trying to change things. What should be aimed at is working at enjoying your decision.
Elements of a Love Sealed in Vows
The second element is acceptance. When you say, ‘I married You’, you are being specific with no option of comparing your spouse with another. You married your spouse, with their strength, weaknesses, struggles, past, present, and future together.
Marriage is a lifelong covenant journey. Once you are in it, you have to keep at it. Make every effort to make your journey together worthwhile and fun. There is no point in enduring hurts and offenses. Make up your mind to enjoy your marriage all the way. Your enjoying your marriage is not dependent on your situation, it’s dependent on your decision.
Here are five things that will help you in your ‘decision and acceptance’ of the person you married.
Elements of a Love Sealed in Vows
1. Never compare your spouse
Your spouse is unique in his/her own special way. Your spouse can never be like the other person. Your spouse is manufacturer specific. You can not change her, you can only influence them positively.
2. Never secretly prefer another person to your spouse
This is a secret sin. It is dangerous so try it. Whatever happens in mind will happen in time.
3. Never believe the lie that your spouse is nothing to desire or admire
What you appreciate will get better. Shower accolade and appreciation on your wife or husband. Your spouse is your own, why do you leave yours to focus on what is another man’s?
4. Never leave God out of your marriage
Marriage comes with its challenges, it’s only the God factor that makes a great difference. When God is made the center of your marriage, He teaches you how to be merciful to your spouse’s weaknesses and live peaceably with each other in love.
5. Never stop loving your spouse
In marriage, love is both an action word and a noun. The more you love your spouse, the more you see and experience love.
Love is an unending circle, it’s meant to keep going round and round. When you sow love, you reap love and it keeps on.
Infuse Your Marriage with Joyful Laughter. Truth be told, pressure is one of the things that take away joy, gladness, and of course laughter from our marriages.
When we allow the pressures of life, it has a toll on our marriages. Couples become mere house or roommates.
Only important conversation ensues between them and there seems to be no time for extra curricula activities, not to talk of laughter. There is tension and everyone is uptight.
The marriage becomes very boring and reduced to a motion of routines. Remember our minds are vital parts in making our marriages blissful. However, the devil’s aim is to get our minds preoccupied and downcast with different kinds of pressures.
The danger in allowing pressures without finding ways to handle them is that, they lead to other issues.
Un-handled pressures can lead to unnecessary anger, harsh words or reactions, keeping late nights, trying to ease off tension with ungodly friends, risk of emotional attachment with the opposite sex, inconsistent fellowship with God, lukewarmness in things of God e.g., not attending church services, overreacting to kids or house helps, mental and physical tiredness, emotional vulnerability etc, the list goes on and on.
But, in the midst of life’s pressure as a couple, you must learn to hold on to each other for spiritual, emotional, physical, and financial support.
Infuse Your Marriage with Joyful Laughter
This is the best time to be a pillar of support for each other.
Here is when your kindest words of appreciation and encouragement are needed.
At this time, love making becomes needed and not just wanted, as a means of ministering to each other. Music, especially worship becomes also very useful at such times.
This is the best time to be strong for each other. It is time to show your allegiance in very obvious and practical ways.
This is not the time to make unreasonable demands and demand for your right. This is the time to manage with the best of your skills, especially as a wife, and carry the children along to bear with the situation.
This is the time to have regular confessions together as a family.
God’s word is spoken to the atmosphere as a way of calming the storm and releasing angelic activities and assistance.
In being creative with bearing with the situation, you have to know how to spice up your home with laughter.
Laughter becomes both therapeutic and healing. It does not cost money but its value at such times is invaluable.
You try with the help of the Holy Spirit to remain joyful because the joy of the Lord is your strength.
Laugh at yourself, laugh at the situation, because you know it will soon come to pass.
Remember,
Ps 2:4 ‘ He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh, the Lord shall have them in derision.
When you learn to laugh, you bring God’s power into your situation.
You release God’s grace on your behalf.
Your focus shifts from the present situation to the ability of God to change and turn things around.
You begin to trust in God’s Mercy and draw strength from the throne of Grace.
Your fellowship with God is restored as you begin to see Him as your only source of Help and hope.
Then you will begin to truly know Him as your Shepherd, which leads you beside still waters and restores your soul.
May you find such refreshing in your marriage in times of pressure in Jesus’ name.
Living with imperfection in your marriage requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to embrace the reality that both you and your partner are flawed human beings. Here are some strategies to help you navigate imperfections in your marriage and foster a healthy, loving relationship:
1. Accept the Humanity of your spouse
Understand that no one is perfect, including yourself and your spouse. Embrace imperfections as part of being human and learn to accept each other’s flaws without judgment.
2. Be Grateful for little things
You can learn intentionally to focus on the little things your spouse does. Never take them for granted. They will not always do the right things, but for the good things don’t let ‘thank you’ escape your mouth
Turning Marriage Flaws into Fabulous Moments
3. Communicate with Compassion:
Don’t be known for being always harsh with your tongue. Pass your message across loving and in a meek tune. Choose your words carefully, knowing your spouse is your partner and not your maid
4. Share Responsibilities:
Imperfections may sometimes affect certain aspects of your marriage. Be willing to share responsibilities and work as a team to manage challenges together.
5. Set Realistic Expectations:
Part of your realistic expectations is giving allowance for your spouse’s mistake. He/she will not be perfect in timing, thinking, talking etc. Manage your expectations of your spouse well
Turning Marriage Flaws into Fabulous Moments
6. Invest in Emotional Intimacy:
Building emotional intimacy can strengthen your connection and understanding of each other. Share your feelings, dreams, and vulnerabilities with your partner to deepen your bond.
7. Forgive and let go
Holding onto grudges or dwelling on past mistakes can create resentment. Practice forgiveness, not only for your partner but also for yourself, and learn to let go of the past.
Practice these and the Lord will help you and give you more Grace in Jesus mighty name
Love is usually described by burning flames. When we are really in love with that special someone, our love is burning. Like anything burning, if we don’t want the flames to go down we have to keep it rekindled or burning. We have to fan the coals of our love.
Here are some practical and helpful tips to help us achieve this.
Fanning the Embers of Love
1. Express gratitude
As simple as it may appear, failing to express gratitude can quickly undermine affection. Don’t take love for granted; be grateful for everything. Compliment each other frequently.
2. Spending Quality Time
Make time for each other outside of your busy schedules. It’s just the two of you now. Plan date nights and activities that both of you like. It restores and strengthens your bond.
3. Interaction
This is quite crucial. Discuss your feelings and worries openly with one another. Honest communication aids in understanding each other’s wants and requirements.
4. Resolve Problems
Constructively address unresolved issues or areas of contention. Make an effort to make your relationship healthier and happier.
5. Share happy memories
Laughing over and sharing happy recollections with one other is beneficial. Reminding each other of the good times brings back fond memories.
Fanning the Embers of Love
6. Physical Closeness
Physical contact can revive love. Hold hands, kiss, and hug on a frequent basis.
7. Patience and dedication
Be patient and committed to your partner and your marriage. It may take some time to fan the flame of love.
8. Avoid Monotony
Let your relationship be spiced with fun. Break free from the monotony. Avoid boredom by making your relationship more enjoyable.
Rekindling your love for each other is important. When we value our relationship we will want to keep it from going down and becoming obsolete. Commitment to each other’s needs, feelings, mutual respect, and understanding are also crucial
This is an issue faced by young and old couples alike. You and your spouse are different and this will have different perspectives.
Understanding each other is about getting your spouse to see your viewpoint. It requires effective communication and understanding.
Both of you have to be willing and ready to work at your marriage. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or with the marriage.
Help, We Don’t Understand Each other
Here are some tips to help you convey your perspective:
1. Choose the Right Time:
Pick a moment when both of you are calm and receptive to discussion.
2. Stay Calm and Respectful: Approach the conversation with a composed demeanor and avoid becoming defensive or confrontational.
3. Active Listening:
First, listen to your spouse’s viewpoint attentively. Show empathy and understanding towards their thoughts and feelings.
4. Use “I” Statements:
Express your viewpoint using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, “I feel” or “I think” rather than “You always” or “You never.”
5. Provide Specific Examples: Support your viewpoint with concrete examples and evidence to help your spouse better understand your perspective.
Help, We Don’t Understand Each other
6. Find Common Ground:
Identify areas where your viewpoints align and build on those shared interests or beliefs.
7. Avoid Blame Game:
Refrain from blaming or criticizing your spouse during the conversation. Focus on the issue at hand without making it personal.
8. Acknowledge Their Perspective:
Validate your spouse’s viewpoint, even if you don’t fully agree. Show that you respect their thoughts and feelings.
9. Be Patient:
Changing viewpoints takes time, so be patient and allow your spouse to process the information.
10. Give Space:
If the conversation becomes too intense, take breaks if needed, and revisit the discussion when both of you are ready.
Help, We Don’t Understand Each other
11. Collaborate:
Frame the conversation as a collaborative effort to find a solution that works for both of you.
12. Seek Professional Help:
If necessary, consider seeking the assistance of a professional therapist or counselor to facilitate the conversation.
Remember, the goal is not necessarily to make your spouse adopt your viewpoint but to foster understanding and find common ground. Respectful communication and empathy are key to productive discussions in any relationship.
