Secrets To Keep Love Alive. It’s beautiful seeing newly wedded couples. The love spark is impressive.
There is a love wave, love current, and all the love vibes around them. They set out to profess their eternal love for each other.
They are deeply in love and could never imagine hurting each other not to talk of harming themselves whether emotionally or verbally.
The question is what happened? At what point did they start to deviate from the love zone?
Really, no husband or wife starts out overnight from being loving to being rash, unkind, abusive, and insensitive.
There must have been little actions or in-actions here and there, that crept into their love affair.
The Bible talks about little foxes that destroy the vine, the tender vine.
Our marriages are like these vines that are very tender. Little foxes are like poisons slowly released that will eventually destroy the marriage. We, therefore, need to place close attention so that we don’t allow these foxes.
Here are three things not to do if you want to keep love alive in marriage.
Secrets To Keep Love Alive
1. Don’t blame
‘It’s his fault
‘She is very disrespectful’
‘He’s not kind and loving’
She’s lazy and overly sensitive
‘He’s always hurting’
Stop the blame game. You have a choice, either you keep blaming and remain hurt, bitter, and full of regret, and revengeful.
When you keep on blaming the other person you focus on their negatives.
You become blind to their positive sides and you put him/ her on edge.
Remember, when you were in love, it was because you were blind to their negatives and only focused on how good, handsome & lovely they were.
Do the same now. Blaming your spouse continuously is poisonous.
I am not asking you to keep completely silent on your spouse’s weakness but rather confront each other respectfully and lovingly.
Remember you have your own faults too. Forgiveness and mercy are reciprocal in marriage.
Secrets To Keep Love Alive
2. Don’t Compare
The grass always seems greener on the other side. Never fall for the comparison trap.
Don’t compare other couples or marriages with your own.
Yes, you can learn from them but never compare.
The truth is you never know that other husband or wife.
Every good marriage you admire sacrificed on their path to get to where they are now.
So rather than compare and blame your spouse for not being like husband A, work on your own marriage, pay your own price, and make your own sacrifices.
Secrets To Keep Love Alive
3. Don’t withdraw
The withdrawal syndrome is one thing that destroys a marriage fast.
It’s a temporary shield you build around yourself to avoid confronting and dealing with issues.
Don’t withdraw into work, yourself, your passion, activity, church project, children, porn, friends, outings, or keeping late nights.
When you hide in withdrawal, you have created a vacuum for the devil to fill in your home.
You need to understand each other’s temperament and know how to lovingly respect each other’s differences.
Extroverts and introverts are very different and handle issues differently.
Give each other space. Allow your spouse to grow without nagging them.
Be patient with your demands. Don’t expect your wife to change overnight. Let the fruit of the spirit grow and manifest in your life.
Allow your marriage to grow. Let it blossom.
If you are presently experiencing a not-too-pleasant moment in your marriage, let grace flow towards you now, releasing peace, strength, and courage to you.
I pray for you, may God’s love and a fresh love for your spouse be shed abroad in your heart now in Jesus’ name.
I will continue where I stopped two days ago. Previously, I wrote about the fact that God gave every woman the ability and capacity to be a builder.
Our text in Proverbs 14:1 KJ V says,
“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands’.
We also talked about how we need to build according to the pattern.
Ex 25:40 And look that thou make them after their pattern, which was shewed thee in the mount.
God is the architect, He gives us the blueprint of what we should build, the material to use in building, and how we should build. It is building according to the pattern that makes us wise women who build our homes.
Today, we will be looking at how we should build our homes and families.
1. We should build with prayers
Jud 1:20-But ye, beloved, building up yourselves on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Ghost,
Our homes and families have different aspects just like any building has different sections and areas like the sitting room, the bathroom, the bedroom, the kitchen etc. Each of these different component of the building have different functionalities and you cannot replace them with each other. In the same way, the different aspects of our homes and families need to be built up through prayers.
You must build every aspect of your home, marriage, and family with prayers. As a woman, you are not permitted to joke with prayers. Pray for each child. In fact, praying for them starts from conception. And the best way to pray for your children is in tongues as the Holy Spirit grants you utterance. You pray for and about your spouse and every detail of his life. It is an assignment. Your husband’s success should be your prayer burden. Pray for yourself because you are also part of that building. It is full-time work. There are so many aspects of your home and marriage that you build up through prayers.
2. We should build with the Word
Luk 6:47 Whosoever cometh to me, and heareth my sayings, and doeth them, I will shew you to whom he is like:
Luk 6:48 He is like a man which built an house, and digged deep, and laid the foundation on a rock: and when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently upon that house, and could not shake it: for it was founded upon a rock.
The word of God is our only guarantee of a strong and solid foundation for our homes, marriage, and families. The infallible word of God is what ensures that what we are building stands the test of time and can weather the storms of life. So that whatever beats against our family and marriage, we will still be standing.
When we take time to build intentionally with fervent and continuous prayers and the Word of God we are wise. Don’t let us be like the foolish builder in Luke 6:49. Let’s learn to build according to the pattern God has shown us.
It is my prayer that we will be wise indeed and that the Lord will give us strength and Grace to carry on His mandate for our lives as women.
The interesting thing about the building is that whatever you are building, you must have your materials on the ground before you start building. Another important fact is that even before the materials, you must have a drawing of what you want to develop. The architect must have interpreted the building on paper. Usually, this contains the measurements, length, breadth, height, and many other things.
This is what God has in mind in the book of Proverbs 14:1, He told us that
Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
Let’s see other translations.
CEV says, A woman’s family is held together by her wisdom, but it can be destroyed by her foolishness. (Pro 14:1)
ERV says, A wise woman makes her home what it should be, but the home of a foolish woman is destroyed by her own actions.
Building Blocks of a Lasting Marriage
Here, we see the wise woman in action building her home. We also see the foolish woman in action pulling her home down or destroying it through her actions, inactions, and decisions.
God is also seen behind the scenes as the architect, who gives the design of what is to be built.
Every woman is doing something. Every woman is either wise or foolish in what they are doing. Whether you are a professor, a banker, an entrepreneur, a doctor, or a lawyer, you are either a wise woman or a foolish woman.
The question is “Are you building or destroying your home with your hands?” It is easier to say No, how can I with my hands destroy my home? But in reality, you could be destroying your home and the lives of family members if you are foolish.
If you’re not building according to pattern, you are not wise.
Ex 25:40 GW translation, ‘Be sure to make them according to the plans you were shown on the mountain.”
MSG translation, ‘Study the design you were given on the mountain and make everything accordingly.
Building Blocks of a Lasting Marriage
There is a pattern God expects us to build with as wise women. The only thing that will make you build wisely is if you build according to the pattern shown to you. Some of us women are building with a different pattern. By the pattern and standard of the world. We are building our homes and family by the pattern of social media, and our schedules, these will not work.
We have to go back to the pattern shown to us by God. That is the only way to guarantee we are building and not tearing down our homes. Women and wives are so powerful that God commits to their hands the building of the home.
Let’s stop here today. We will continue tomorrow by God’s Grace talking about what pattern we should build with.
I pray that we will indeed be wise by building our homes and family according to God’s pattern.
Delving into the Magic of True Love. One of the questions I asked God was, “How do I know which of the millions of guys on the planet truly loves me?” In my seriousness, I asked God to help me discern who the guy is who truly loves me. God did it. The rest is today’s narrative. True love discovered me.
The question is, how do you know whether you’ve found true love? Everyone will tell you that you should never marry someone who does not sincerely love you. This morning, I’ll teach you how to recognize true love. You can use a litmus test to determine true love. Singles can use this as a guide. Couples can use this to develop their love more!
True love can be detected no matter how well it hides itself.
Don’t fall in love with anyone until you’ve put what appears to be love to the test.
Delving into the Magic of True Love
1. There will be commitment, not just feelings if it is true love.
Many people are persuaded, but how dedicated are they to you?
Commitment necessitates sacrifice. Is he or she prepared to make a sacrifice for you? The more the sacrifice, the greater the sincerity of the love. He doesn’t actually love you if he exhibits no signals of commitment.
It is not difficult to determine commitment; merely look for his/her commitment in small things. How devoted is he to the partnership and to your personal well-being?
NB: Singles and Couples’ Hubs Whatsapp Meeting is Weekly. Use the links below to join and participate
2. There will be tranquility if it is sincere love.
Peace is a solid indicator that God has approved you. There is peace in pure love – nothing is missing or broken. Peace is the umpire who gives you the green light to proceed.
This tranquility is both spiritual and natural. True love is absent in situations where there is constant turbulence, strife, dispute, and abuse. If he or she loves you, he or she will desire peace.
Colossians 3:15 (AMPC) And let the peace (soul harmony which comes) from Christ rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts [deciding and settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds, in that peaceful state] to which as [members of Christ’s] one body you were also called [to live]. And be thankful (appreciative), [giving praise to God always].
Delving into the Magic of True Love
3. True love is quick to forgive.
True love exists where there is forgiveness. True love covers a plethora of sins. If he or she is constantly picking on every small mistake you make, the love is not genuine.
True love finds it easy to forgive and to seek pardon. A real “I am sorry” is an indication of deep affection. If he or she constantly puts you on the spot and is critical or judgmental of you, it’s not true love.
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4. Communication will be effortless if it is pure love.
The love isn’t genuine if he/she claims to love you but hasn’t called you in three weeks. True love appreciates conversing with the person he loves. Silence and boredom are not signs of deep love. True love never regards communication as a chore. When conversing becomes pleasurable, you know you’re in love.
5. Pre-marital sex is never required by true love.
If they truly love you, they will not ask for or demand sex. They will rather want to wait till after the wedding. Whether it is an outright demand, a subtle demand, a polite or deceptive request, sex outside of marriage is a shred of solid evidence that the love is not true according to God’s standard.
Some people mistakenly feel that pre-marital sex is what proves and solidifies true love. Nothing could be further from the truth.
In a marriage, arguments will always arise. When it comes to marriage, contrasting opinions are nothing new. You and your husband have different personalities and have operated in various ways for the previous years. To seek to change your partner to become more like you is akin to trying to chew stones.
If you expect your spouse to be like you, you will simply squash their initiatives. Since it is not likely to happen, you should make the necessary adjustments and appreciate your spouse’s divergent viewpoint.
Your marriage will experience the least amount of conflict if you and your spouse are aware of this reality.
Here are some tips to help you stop fighting in your marriage:
A Marriage With Less Conflict
1. Recognize your spouse’s personality
Knowing your spouse’s temperament makes it simpler to connect with them. You don’t dispute with a choleric, for instance. You must concede defeat to the choleric. Either wait till a suitable time or pray about the circumstance.
2. Determine the significance of the topic you are debating
It is not worthwhile to argue over anything if it is not important. Some issues are better left undebated, in order to avoid conflict.
3. Improve your communication skills
Life is communication. You must master this skill, and master it well. Keep talking in your marriage. Do all it takes to sustain healthy conversations.
A Marriage With Less Conflict
4. Develop a tolerance for offense
Separate the person from the issues. The fact that your spouse is expressing a different viewpoint from yours does not imply that they don’t like you. Differential opinions should not result in hatred and irritation.
5. Your spouse will benefit greatly from hearing your opinions.
Consider your partner’s healthy self-esteem. One day, you’ll need their diverse perspectives on issues. Don’t silence your spouse. Their self-esteem and confidence are destroyed when you shut them up all the time.
6. Speak your mind in a sensible, collected, and encouraging manner.
Give your husband the power to make the final choice. Do not feel that your opinion was ignored and that you should refrain from offering your opinion in the future.
It is crucial for ladies to pray for their husbands’ wisdom, insight, and fear of the Lord because of this.
