How do you even recognize a good man? It’s a million dollar question!
The Holy Writ even asks the question;
but a faithful man who can find?
Pro 20:6b (KJV)
The scripture seems to portend the idea that it’s difficult to find a good man.
This morning, we will attempt to identify a good man through just one quality. This quality is something you should not trade anything for.
Let’s take a look at another verse.
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
1Pe 3:7 (KJV)
This guy who is interested in you and you are considering for marriage, Can you say he honors you?
‘Oh well, the way he is now, he is not perfect, but I know he will honor me eventually.”
Hey! If he doesn’t honor you now, chances are that same treatment will continue or even get worse. Marriage hardly changes anybody.
His behavior and attitudes now are trailers of the actual movie waiting for you and that movie is long, with several seasons in it! The only way to ensure it’s not a horror filled movie is to be led by God and to open your eyes very well.
How do you know if a man honors you?
It means to have high respect or great esteem for someone.
If he is sleeping with you through coercion or any form of manipulation, there is no honour there.
If he tells you that you are just one of his numerous girlfriends, there is no honour there.
If he lifts his hand against you, over and over again, only to apologise later, there is no honour there.
Does he delight in you in a genuine way and not because he is going to get some sexual gratification?
Another translation says:
Husbands, in a similar way, live with your wives with understanding.
Is he understanding? Does he have you in mind? Does he allow you to talk or he shuts you down till your default mode is mute?
Lastly, another translation says:
If you are a husband, you should be thoughtful of your wife.
Is he thoughtful? Is he sensitive to your needs or he feels you are too demanding?
These are pertinent questions to consider carefully.
I pray that God will guide you indeed as you make this all important decision.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY The Lord is leading me to a good man
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, open my eyes
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 1 Pet 3:7 (NLT)In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Look out for the word ‘honor’ in your relationship
After God created man, God spoke to him in the very first words ever recorded from God to him. Interestingly and amazingly, God referred to man as “them”
Gen 1:27 (MKJV) And God created man in His image; in the image of God He created him. He created THEM male and female.
God created man. He created them! What is going on here? The reason is that God wasn’t only talking to Adam, He was talking to Adam and all of humanity in his loins. Male and female were both within the loins of Adam and God addressed all of humanity at that moment.
If you are like me, you will want to be interested in the very first words God spoke to Adam and all of humanity. As Adam stood before the Lord, along side with you and me, in huge frame and in the very image of God, here is what happened.
Gen 1:28 (MKJV) And God blessed them. And God said to them, Be fruitful, and multiply and fill the earth, and subdue it. And have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the heavens, and all animals that move upon the earth.
So we see what God did. And He spoke the very first words!
Be Fruitful!
Herein lies the mandate of God over your relationship and eventually marriage.
Fruitfulness does not include broken relationships. Fruitfulness does not include jilting experiences and broken hearts. Fruitfulness does not include abandoned marital promises. Fruitfulness does not include irresponsible brothers or unavailable sisters, who are just out to scam your emotions and make a mincemeat of your emotional health.
Never accept or believe anything less of the mandate of God over your life and relationships. It’s fruitfulness all the way and nothing more! This is what you should embrace. This is what you should believe. And that is what will be your experience. So I declare over you in Jesus name!
Don’t forget to join us daily for a daily Encounter in prayer on “Oil For Today” by 5.30am on Mixlr (khcglobal) and on Instagram (pastordunamis). If you miss that time, we are still live daily on YouTube by 6.00am (Dunamis Tunde Okunowo)
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I will fulfill the mandate of God over my life.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to fulfill the mandate
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Gen 1:27 (MKJV) And God created man in His image; in the image of God He created him. He created THEM male and female.
In today’s devotional, I’d be speaking mainly to our women, but men can still learn a thing or two from this. We’re looking at how you can influence your husband as a wife. A woman isso influential- that her role or her absence in a man’s life can be easily felt. Have you ever thought of why most men will eventually remarry after their wife dies? No matter how much he claims to love his wife. Even if he stays without remarrying for a long time or mourns her for a long period of time. He will still eventually get married.
For the women, it is not so. Usually, a woman will stay unmarried after her husband dies. The men will always have one excuse or the other, who will help take care of the kids? But even if the kids are all grown up they still remarry. They would say, who will they talk with? The truth is that a man cannot do without Jeru trip for long. He needs that release for him to be okay and complete.
So if a wife is that important to a man’s life, let wives use their influence well. Don’t let us just reduce it to the other room, taking care of the children and the kitchen. As a wife, you can use that power to positively challenge your husband to move the family forward.
Here are some areas that a woman can influence her husband positively;
1. A wife can encourage her husband to be more spiritual. It is known that women are more spiritual than men, at least they have a heart for God. A woman can encourage him for bible reading, daily devotions, and prayer time.
2. A wife can encourage her husband to go to church.
3. A wife can influence her husband to be committed in God’s house and serve God.
4. A wife can encourage her husband to make financial investments.
5. A wife can influence her husband to build a house and start a business.
6. A wife can encourage her husband to be a nice person.
7. A wife can influence her husband to live healthily and have a healthy lifestyle.
8. A wife can encourage her husband to treat in-laws and family members rightly.
9. A wife can influence her husband to get better at what she knows he can do. e.g get a better education, study a course, pass his exams.
10. A wife can encourage her husband to start something innovative and develop his dreams, talents, aspirations, achieve his goals and start something altogether new.
There is no end to the influence of a woman. Women have been known to influence kings, defeat nations and do near-impossible feats.
God gave you the power to influence. Find out what it is that your husband is called to do and influence him positively. Influence him to be the best in his field of endeavor. Be known for something and let it be a positive influence.
God bless your marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am a positive influence on my husband
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, help me to be a positive influence on my husband.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A woman shall compass a man
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Begin to deploy your power of influence.
If you have been in courtship for some time, the likelihood is that your lover/fiancé has at one point or the other probably told you, “You don’t respect me!”
You see, you need to understand that the way a man thinks and the way a woman thinks are so different and are miles apart. While the man is thinking, “She doesn’t respect me, the woman is thinking, He doesn’t love me!
One important thing you need to know about men is that they are logical and so tend to interpret most things from logic.
The logic is “I am the head of the house. The decision rests on me. The bucks stop at my table.”
A woman interprets things from a relationship point. Her thoughts are “If he really loves me, he wouldn’t do this or that, he would spend time with me and so on and so forth.
Now, if your fiancee ever looked you in the face and tell you, “You don’t love me,” you don’t need to argue at all. She is the one that is supposed to receive the love and she can’t feel it. Rather than get logical and rant about what you did last year and so on, be humble and try to understand what she is trying to say and what love means to her.
In the same way, if your fiancé tells you repeatedly that you don’t respect him, you don’t need to get hurt or moody over that and manipulate his emotions through silent treatment until he comes to apologize for saying what he feels. Rather than get hurt over that, simply try to enter his brain through loving communication to find out his concept of respect.
To one man, it could be as simple as genuflecting (bending the knee a little). He is simply “traditional” and he has seen his mum and siblings do that for his dad for thirty years. It has been tattooed into his brain and if he voices that out to you as what he wants, be smart enough to do it.
It wouldn’t reduce you, it will bring peace to your home and the surprising thing, after a while he wouldn’t demand that again because in his mindset would be the statement, “My fiancee respects me!”
To some other man, it is cooking a good meal. The important thing is to find out what your fiancé deems as respect and do it!
If you keep getting hurt over everything at your fiancé, after a while he would simply keep quiet and that would impact communication. You wouldn’t want to know the consequences of that.
Study your fiancé. Generally, men don’t talk until they are sure of what they want to do or the decision they want to take. Have you ever asked him about some pressing issues and he refuses to say a word? And you are hurt because he ignored you?
Let me tell you something, he didn’t ignore you. The reality is that he didn’t know what to say or what to do. The proper thing is to say, “Dear, give me some time to think about that.” But most times, when a man is confused, he will simply keep quiet and refuse to say a word. His ego would not allow him to own up and say something like, “Dear, on this issue, I am as confused as you!”
Here is the difference between a man and a woman
A man thinks his way into a decision
A woman talks her way into a decision.
So, there is always tension and difficulty in communication when a woman wants to talk her way into a decision that a man has not thought about!
Learn about him and there would be fewer conflicts. This is why a lot of marriages crack and most courtships dissolve.
In the same vein, study your fiancee and simply do what she wants as long as there is no scriptural contradiction. Find out the love language of your lover and speak it. Spend time with her and give her attention! And have peace of mind!
May God grant more understanding.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I understand my partner properly.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray for wisdom to understand your lover.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 1:18 (KJV)The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints,
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Start speaking the language of your lover
One of the greatest challenges that a man will face is how to care of his wife. This is not because a man is reluctant to do so, but simply because the definition of care in a man’s brain is sometimes exact opposite of how a lady defines care. I am not talking about when you’ve just fallen in love. Mostly at that time, your eyes are not open to reality then. At the times when you’ve just fallen in love, everything he does is okay and everything she does is okay!
A woman sees C-A-R-E as availability, attention and some good money! A man often sees C-A-R-E as money, money and money, and that is where the problem is?
Didn’t I just send you money? How can you say I don’t care? Didn’t I just send you to Dubai? You see, a woman that truly loves you doesn’t mind going to Dubai, but she doesn’t want to go alone! She wants to go with you!
I know there are some women who see C-A-R-E as money, money and money! This isn’t a genuine love, and at the end of the day, they are still frustrated despite the money because the real need is never met!
This is the bane of ladies who are of marriageable age, but refuse to love and be loved appropriately because of some man who is giving them money or who rents an apartment for them somewhere.
You call them big girls, but they are really small inside! The big girls are not the ones spending some ill-gotten money that they accumulated from using their bodies as a commodity; the big girls are the ones who refuse to compromise in the face of provocation, who decides to stand up for God!
If you are engaged to a lady who never asks for your time and attention but only wants you to send her money, you should really be worried! She is probably getting the emotional fulfillment somewhere else and you are just a tool in her hands, to get money!
On the other hand, if a lady never stresses you for money but only asks that you call regularly and be there for her, she really loves you! Though, there could be an extreme of this as well, when the lady in question is overly needy because of past experiences and self-esteem issues.
So how do you take care of lady? Be there for her. Take care of her by spending time with her. But, I have to provide for her, so I am busy and I have to be away! Yes, but you have to create time out of no time, to be available for her. May you not get the money and then lose her!
You need to understand that it is a need of hers! Initially she might not complain because the money is always there, but after a while, she would rather let you have her than the money having her.
Why do you think some rich women get depressed? Haven’t you seen ladies living in palatial mansions who are so unhappy and depressed?
Money answereth all things…that it can answer!
Like it is often said, can money buy sleep? Nay, it may buy waterbed, not sleep!
Can money buy a good heart, nay, it may get a beautiful face, not necessarily a good heart. One of the worst things that can happen to a man is a stunningly beautiful face sitting on an evil heart! Conversely, one of the greatest tragedies that can happen to a woman is a stupendously rich man and a handsome face sitting on an abusive, egocentric and violent man!
His money buys your body, your mouth and your mind! You can’t even think for yourself, that is not marriage! Sadly this is where a lot of ladies find themselves! A lady called me sometimes ago weeping profusely; that she has all the money but she cannot spend! She was living in a prison!
It is for this reason that when you are talking of a relationship or marriage with a person, the most singular important factor is God’s choice for you!
And then some people will come up with some funny ideas like; what if God gives me somebody I don’t love? What you don’t know is that God is not man, that arithmetic or geometry will never be.
That God will lead you to somebody you hate all your life? It never happens like that! You will always love what God offers because He gives you the best! Yes, initially you may not cooperate with God’s plan because of selfishness and greed, but when you come to embrace God’s plan, you will see the wisdom of God, and you will be full of praises to God!
Only God knows the man or woman that will last the whole journey with you. Only God knows the one that will pack his or her load along the way. Only God knows the one that might pull the trigger on you five years later. Only God knows the one that wouldn’t mind using you for some ritual… because God looks into the heart…while you are looking at the bank account and the face! You see why it is important you follow God’s direction?
What if you are already married and you feel you made a mistake? Stay there and correct that mistake, with prayers, good attitudes, wisdom and a lot of maturity, God can heal your marriage and make it good!
May God help us all!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am not confused. I am being led of God
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord lead me into that place by your side.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O Lord; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up. (Psalms 5:3 KJV)
