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If you have been in courtship for some time, the likelihood is that your lover/fiancé has at one point or the other probably told you, “You don’t respect me!”

You see, you need to understand that the way a man thinks and the way a woman thinks are so different and are miles apart. While the man is thinking, “She doesn’t respect me, the woman is thinking, He doesn’t love me!

One important thing you need to know about men is that they are logical and so tend to interpret most things from logic.

The logic is “I am the head of the house. The decision rests on me. The bucks stop at my table.”

A woman interprets things from a relationship point. Her thoughts are “If he really loves me, he wouldn’t do this or that, he would spend time with me and so on and so forth.

Now, if your fiancee ever looked you in the face and tell you, “You don’t love me,” you don’t need to argue at all. She is the one that is supposed to receive the love and she can’t feel it. Rather than get logical and rant about what you did last year and so on, be humble and try to understand what she is trying to say and what love means to her.

In the same way, if your fiancé tells you repeatedly that you don’t respect him, you don’t need to get hurt or moody over that and manipulate his emotions through silent treatment until he comes to apologize for saying what he feels. Rather than get hurt over that, simply try to enter his brain through loving communication to find out his concept of respect.

To one man, it could be as simple as genuflecting (bending the knee a little). He is simply “traditional” and he has seen his mum and siblings do that for his dad for thirty years. It has been tattooed into his brain and if he voices that out to you as what he wants, be smart enough to do it.

It wouldn’t reduce you, it will bring peace to your home and the surprising thing, after a while he wouldn’t demand that again because in his mindset would be the statement, “My fiancee respects me!”

To some other man, it is cooking a good meal. The important thing is to find out what your fiancé deems as respect and do it!

If you keep getting hurt over everything at your fiancé, after a while he would simply keep quiet and that would impact communication. You wouldn’t want to know the consequences of that.

Study your fiancé. Generally, men don’t talk until they are sure of what they want to do or the decision they want to take. Have you ever asked him about some pressing issues and he refuses to say a word? And you are hurt because he ignored you?

Let me tell you something, he didn’t ignore you. The reality is that he didn’t know what to say or what to do. The proper thing is to say, “Dear, give me some time to think about that.” But most times, when a man is confused, he will simply keep quiet and refuse to say a word. His ego would not allow him to own up and say something like, “Dear, on this issue, I am as confused as you!”

Here is the difference between a man and a woman

A man thinks his way into a decision

A woman talks her way into a decision.

So, there is always tension and difficulty in communication when a woman wants to talk her way into a decision that a man has not thought about!

Learn about him and there would be fewer conflicts. This is why a lot of marriages crack and most courtships dissolve.

In the same vein, study your fiancee and simply do what she wants as long as there is no scriptural contradiction. Find out the love language of your lover and speak it. Spend time with her and give her attention! And have peace of mind!

May God grant more understanding.

I understand my partner properly.

Pray for wisdom to understand your lover.

Eph 1:18 (KJV)The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints,

Start speaking the language of your lover

Rom 4


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