The Commitment Of Marriage. God is our creator, He made us and we are the sheep of His pasture. He also created the marriage institution and knows how best it is to be worked. He didn’t just leave us clueless but gave us His guidelines.
The Bible is our manufacturer’s manual. It becomes our road map to doing marriage well. God has promised the days of heaven on earth in our marriages. We can only achieve this when we live according to the dictates of the Bible.
Any diversion from the commands of God’s injunctions leads to a negative experience. God may lead us around but He definitely will not lead us wrong.
There are instructions for living individually because it is two whole individuals that make a good marriage.
We are to study the Word of God for living. The Word is to transform us.
Let’s look at one of the core instructions to married couples in Ephesians. It speaks specifically to husbands and wives. This is The Commitment Of Marriage
Husbands and wives are to pursue these instructions with the whole of their hearts. They are to study it in different translations of the Bible and ask the Holy Spirit for Grace to do it no matter what.
That is how to follow God. The rewards are for the Word practitioners. Talk is cheap, quoting the scriptures is cheap but being a doer of the Word is where the real work is.
Ephesians 5:21-33 TPT And out of your reverence for Christ be supportive of each other in love.
For wives, this means being devoted to your husbands like you are tenderly devoted to our Lord, for the husband provides leadership for the wife, just as Christ provides leadership for his church, as the Savior and Reviver of the body.
In the same way, the church is devoted to Christ, let the wives be devoted to their husbands in everything.
And to the husbands, you are to demonstrate love for your wives with the same tender devotion that Christ demonstrated to us, his bride. For he died for us, sacrificing himself to make us holy and pure, cleansing us through the showering of the pure water of the Word of God. All that He does in us is designed to make us a mature church for his pleasure, until we become a source of praise to him—glorious and radiant, beautiful and holy, without fault or flaw.
Husbands, have the obligation of loving and caring for their wives the same way they love and care for their own bodies, for to love your wife is to love your own self.
No one abuses his own body but pampers it—serving and satisfying its needs.
That’s exactly what Christ does for his church! He serves and satisfies us as members of his body.
For this reason, a man is to leave his father and his mother and lovingly hold to his wife, since the two have become joined as one flesh.
Marriage is the beautiful design of the Almighty, a great mystery of Christ and his church.
So every married man should be gracious to his wife just as he is gracious to himself.
And every wife should be tenderly devoted to her husband. This is The Commitment Of Marriage.
This remains the core of the marriage relationship. Couples having issues in their marriage should come to a point where the Word becomes the final authority they both submit to.
Each couple should embark on a personal journey of doing everything possible to unravel this instruction. Study, meditate and confess this scripture.
Any teaching that is outside these instructions is not the Word.
Let me leave us all to study this scripture. May the Lord grant us understanding
Our marriage will thrive
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I live by the word. I honor the Word. I humble myself under the mighty hand of the Word. As I obey the Word, my life and marriage is transformed.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Father give me your wisdom to honor my spouse in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY So every married man should be gracious to his wife just as he is gracious to himself. And every wife should be tenderly devoted to her husband. Ephesians 5:33 TPT
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Study this scripture until you have understanding and revelation on it.
The Five Magic Words For Couples. If you attended a good nursery and primary school, you will probably have learnt that there are five magic words
When growing up, it must have been the training passed down to you by your parents. The use of these magic words is the normal etiquette of any relationship
As couples, these five magic words should not be far from our lips. We should be courteous to each other.
The Five Magic Words For Couples
1. Thank you The first magic word is thank you. As couples, we should be quick to thank our spouses. For little things and big things. You may not know the sacrifices they are going through. Being married to you is a lot of sacrifice, that we should thank our spouse for.
Take nothing for granted.
2. Please This shows courtesy and respect for the person you are talking to. Please close the door, please make rice for me, please take the bin out etc. Don’t talk to your spouse as if they were your servant.
3. Sorry Apology can never be wrong. Some spouse feel too big to say sorry. You should learn to say sorry. Humble yourself and tell your spouse “I am sorry”. Let your sorry be from a genuine heart
4. Excuse me Another word that shows you respect your spouse
5. Pardon me You cannot just bump on your spouse all in the name of superiority complex.
These are The Five Magic Words For Couples. All these magic words should be used by couples when interacting with each other
Your marriage will thrive.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am courteous when talking to my spouse. My words are gracious seasoned with salt
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Father give me your wisdom to honor my spouse in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Reckless words are like the thrusts of a sword, cutting remarks meant to stab and to hurt. But the words of the wise soothe and heal. Proverbs 12:18 TPT
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Make the five magic words a part of your words
Two Ways Couples Hurt Each Other. I want to start today’s devotional by quoting verses from the Bible. If you are a believer, then you will recognize the Bible as the highest authority on earth and heaven. We live by its instructions and heed its advice.
1. Your Words
As couples, we need to place close attention to our choice of words, speech, and tone. Couples should not just say anything they feel like saying without considering its effect on their spouses. God the covenant witness between the two of you is watching.
Lovers of God think before they speak, but the careless blurt out wicked words meant to cause harm. Proverbs 15:28 TPT
Reckless words are like the thrusts of a sword, cutting remarks meant to stab and to hurt. But the words of the wise soothe and heal. Proverbs 12:18 TPT
Your words are so powerful that they will kill or give life, and the talkative person will reap the consequences. Proverbs 18:21 TPT
You must stop speaking evil, hurtful words and never deceive in what they say. Always turn from what is wrong and cultivate what is good; eagerly pursue peace in every relationship, making it your prize. 1 Peter 3:11 TPT
The Bible tells us to stop speaking evil and hurtful words. You can stop it. Even if you are a hot, inconsiderate temperament. You have a new life in Christ.
We are to pursue peace in every relationship especially that with our spouse.
If your speech causes a bridge in the marital covenant, then you are allowing the devil to use your speech to accomplish his purpose which is to steal, kill and destroy. May that not be your portion in Jesus’ name.
Let your words rather soothe and heal your spouse.
Not thinking before you speak or weighing your words or reckless words do more harm than good.
Two Ways Couples Hurt Each Other.
2. Your Actions
Usually, the hurtful words are as a result of hurtful actions. The hurtful words emanate from a completely frustrated spouse. Your spouse is distracted, causing you harm, your BP goes up and you can literally see yourself dying. In your desperation, you blurt out words in other to get the attention of your spouse who seems oblivious to your actions! Hurtful words will do harm. Hurtful actions will do harm as well!
Infidelity issues, emotional adultery, lack of communication, insincerity or lying, drinking, smoking and many more are some of the hurtful actions that couples can get into.
I think once your spouse says this habit is killing me, raising my BP, and so on, if you truly love that man or woman, then you will work on your weaknesses and not feed them! It is one thing to be tempted by the devil, it is another thing for you to be tempting the devil. Don’t pursue your lusts! Don’t set yourself up! Don’t follow lustful desires like you are uncontrollable! Ask God to create a new heart in you!
Psa 51:10 (KJV) Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
Marriage is work!
Back to hurtful actions and words, the simple way to deal with this is to be friends, focus on each other, respect your issues and please yourselves after pleasing God. Communicate well, be open and be sincere. You will see that those issues will be resolved. Alternatively, seek a mentor and talk! Some couples actually need a therapist!
Most people who lie impulsively, live in denial and have depression waves one after the other may be dealing with bipolar issues and some other mental issues which will require an expert in that field.
Your marriage will thrive. These are Two Ways Couples Hurt Each Other.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will work. I will stop killing my marriage and spouse with my words. I am not Satan’s agent doing his bidding in my marriage
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Father give me your wisdom and strenght to always yield my tongue to the Holy Spirit in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Reckless words are like the thrusts of a sword, cutting remarks meant to stab and to hurt. But the words of the wise soothe and heal. Proverbs 12:18 TPT
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY I will stop using hurtful words like swords on my spouse but I will use my words to build him/her up
Handling A Difficult Spouse. Yesterday, we looked at four of the ways we can handle a difficult spouse. We looked at:
1. Prayers
2. Patience
3. Perspective
4. Praise
We continue from here.
Handling A Difficult Spouse
5. Persist in doing good
1 Pet. 3:1-4 talks to women about dealing with a difficult husband. They should have a quiet and calm spirit (sweet spirit). It’s difficult but possible with the help of the Holy Spirit. Keep your smiles. Don’t retaliate. Avoid arguments. Avoid talking back or answering rudely.
Just keep calm. Don’t give fire for fire, it can burn down the house. You believe God is already fighting for you. Keep the atmosphere cool by being full of thanksgiving, worship, and praise.
1Pet 3:7 talks to husbands dealing with difficult wives. They should see their wives as the feminine part of the covenant of marriage that deserves to be treated with honor or else their prayers will be hindered.
When husbands treat their wives well in tenderness and with honor, God usually rewards them with abundant prosperity. Avoid yielding to the temptation to retaliate. Understand that there are some things you can never understand about being a woman. You just love her all the same and seek to be there for her. It is not everything you will criticize, pass judgment and try to fix.
Handling A Difficult Spouse
6. People’s intervention
This is important especially since not all types of difficult spouses or situations can be handled on your own. Sometimes you might need the intervention of professional counselors, therapy and someone to help you through with a difficult spouse. Especially in cases of infidelity. It must also be noted that you should be careful who you talk to about your spouse. Confidentiality must be maintained. Such a person should handle the issue maturely, offering solutions and not judgment or criticism
7. Packaging
This is keeping your soul and body together. Avoid pity parties and self-pity. Anything you put pity on does not heal on time. You feel bad about what is happening but keep faith alive. Faith will make you smile and give you a reason to dance. God is the judge and your covenant witness between the husband and wife. He still restores and compensates the offended.
Look good, because the truth is that there is still a lot of good in you. No body should determine your joy. Look good physically, intellectually and emotional. Don’t yield to depression. Tell yourself never again. Pick up yourself. Even God is saying, arise and shine.
Your marriage will thrive.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will work. I will give myself to prayers, patience, I will have a better perspective, I will be persistent in doing good, so help me God.
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Father give me your wisdom and strength by your Holy Spirit to navigate this times of difficulty
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Husbands, you in turn must treat your wives with tenderness, viewing them as feminine partners who deserve to be honored, for they are co-heirs with you of the “divine grace of life,” so that nothing will hinder your prayers. 1 Peter 3:7 TPT
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Follow the steps to dealing with, your spouse whenever he/she is proving difficult
Dealing with A Difficult Spouse. Whether a spouse is perceived as difficult or they are actually difficult we need to arm ourselves with what to do. It also becomes a handy tool in helping others who are going through difficulty in their marriage.
We are to be reminded that the standard in our marriage is that of being Christ-like.
The same principle is used to solve little issues as well as big issues in marriage. Marriage is supposed to be till death do us part and we should not see divorce as an easy way out.
We are therefore to equip ourselves with tools to enable us to cope and manage in times of crisis.
Note that these steps do not exclude seeking and going for counseling (professional intervention) and seeking therapy for more difficult issues like infidelity, abuse of any kind, etc
Dealing with A Difficult Spouse.
The seven steps are:
1. Prayers
Please don’t underestimate the power of prayers. By prayers, I don’t mean complaining. There are principles in prayers. Don’t complain about your spouse to God, pray about and for him/her.
Prayer changes you, changes the atmosphere in the marriage, and changes your spouse. Our prayer has to be done in faith. We are to align our thoughts, actions, and words with our prayers. Don’t pray for your spouse and then nullify the prayers by talking evil of your spouse. Don’t talk about the situation, talk about the solution. Receive wisdom from God and walk in that wisdom.
2. Patience
You need patience. We obtain the promise (of a better marriage) by faith and patience. Sometimes it takes time before what we pray for manifests in the physical. Be patient and have a good attitude while at it. You will feel like giving up, don’t. If you give up, you give up too soon.
3. Perspective
You may just need to change the way you view the situation. What may be causing you sleepless nights may be solved by changing your perspective. If you will just show a little empathy. Try to be understanding. For example, if your spouse is frigid, don’t just scream at her. Understand and help her through the fact that she had been abused sexually. Understand your spouse’s background, and personality and use that to evaluate the issue.
4. Praise
When your spouse is being difficult, don’t throw away the baby with the bath water. There are still some good qualities in them. Focus on their good and praise them for those good virtues. The truth is that when we are having issues with our spouse we tend to see their weaknesses. Don’t yield to the temptation of complaining and nagging about their weaknesses.
These are four of the steps in Dealing with A Difficult Spouse. I will continue tomorrow by God’s grace.
Your marriage will thrive
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will work. I give myself to the study of God’s word to know what to do. I have wisdom
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Father give me your wisdom and strength to navigate this times
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY And now let me speak to the wives. Be devoted to your own husbands, so that even if some of them do not obey the Word of God, your kind conduct may win them over without you saying a thing. For when they observe your pure, godly life before God, it will impact them deeply. 1 Peter 3:1 – 2 TPT
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Follow the steps to dealing with your spouse whenever he/she is proving difficult
