by Rev Dunamis Okunowo | Oct 29, 2022 | Singles and Married
Reading Time: 3 minutes
How To Recognize Emotional Affairs. Sally was long gone in falling in love and emotionally entangled with George, and yet George kept claiming they are just friends. Sally was like ice cubes exposed to the sun each time she is around George. She would simply melt and become fidgety at the sight of George.
George could see this and continued to exploit her emotionally by even becoming more nice and available for her, without making any commitments. Sally couldn’t help herself, her love canvas is shattered, and splattered with images of George!
In the same vein, the Johnsons were not having a great time as Mrs. Johnson found herself in a contradictory love triangle, emotionally intertwined with her boss at work. How did she get to that point without knowing as a child of God? To make it worse, her husband is constantly fighting her and being insensitive. It is as though hell scripted the plot, as she found herself sliding down the adulterous abyss, her husband in no sight to pull her out. The time she needed him so much was the time he neglected her too much!
Her voice, calling out to George from the abyss, “I need help dear!” Help me! But George was too preoccupied with his work and too insensitive to hear her drowning voice. His silent treatment is further silently increasing her vulnerability!
There is no child of God that outrightly proceeds into an adulterous relationship. It is usually a subtle happenstance, an innocent friendship, albeit, subtlety and innocence would never be an excuse for compromise.
There is a difference between a platonic friendship and a romantic relationship. When you have a platonic relationship with another married person, there would be no qualms. But the moment the relationship crosses the line from platonic to romantic, there would be issues and one can be easily trapped. An emotional affair is just a step before a full-blown affair.
The question then is at what point does a friendship cross from platonic to romantic?
How To Recognize Emotional Affairs
1. When that which ought to be kept secret between you and your spouse is divulged to the other person.
This is the first sign that you are playing with fire. When a married person begins to share with you what ought to be secrets between him and his spouse, it is a good place to run away. Or when as a married person, you begin to share with that young single lady what ought to be the exclusive reserve for you and your spouse, you are crossing the line and trying to hug some fire.
At what point did that single sister become your counselor? It’s the pathway to adultery!
For singles, you are always talking deeply, sharing secrets, and advising each other and you say you are just friends? Face it, it’s already emotional! When troubled, you are the first person to be called, and you seem to always bring peace to the troubled soul…Hmmm… you are both in love joor!
2. When you catch yourself fantasizing or daydreaming about somebody else apart from your spouse, you are traveling beyond the platonic into the romantic, and definitely something will soon happen that might culminate into regrets later. That close friend has found his way into your thoughts right in the bedroom and you are just friends? You are beginning to conjure her image so you can enjoy intimacy with your spouse and you are just friends? Nay, thou are not just friends!
As singles, you say there is nothing between you and yet he is the last person you think about, and the first person that slides into your thought’s DM? Even God no dey get space like that again! Una don dey in love, biko!
I will stop here this morning!
Tomorrow, I will conclude on How To Recognize Emotional Affairs
by Rev Dunamis Okunowo | Oct 28, 2022 | Singles and Married
Reading Time: 4 minutes
Is It Just A Feeling or Love? One of the most abused statements in this generation is “I am in love.” Two people met themselves, there was strong body chemistry, and they hit on the very moment they set eyes on each other, it was as if they have known each for a long time, in a matter of hours, they are intertwined in each other’s embrace, locked up in sex and everything looks great for them. Is that love? Unfortunately, the answer is a No-No!
Pastor, why do you say so? What about love at first sight?
Well, there is nothing like love at first sight, what really happens most times is lust at first sight. If you think well, what we call love, at first sight, is usually predicated on the intense feelings for each other when you set eyes on each other.
There may be a “knowing” at first sight, where you get to know who the right person is for you either by revelation or by intuition, but there is nothing like love at first sight.
Is It Just A Feeling or Love? To love a person, you have to know that person. You don’t really know a person at first sight, you may have feelings, but you don’t really love him or her because you don’t know him or her.
A Feeling is not love, even though, there may be a feeling in love. Feelings can be fickle, they can change, it is on the surface and if you marry because of feeling alone, you will be heavily disappointed, because there would be times in marriage, there would be no iota of feelings. Will you go and divorce?
In the scripture, Amnon had a strong feeling for Tamar. (2 Sam 13.) The feelings were so strong that he became sick and lean. He was so vexed with love, some other translation says he was fond of Tamar while some others say he was obsessed.
Pastor, you mean somebody can be very fond of me, thinking of me every time, and yet not be in love? The answer is Yes. Pastor, you mean somebody can be all over me, showering me with gifts, ready to “die” for me, cannot sleep without me, cannot do without calling me ten times in a day, and yet not be in love? The answer is Yes!
In the scripture, it says concerning Amnon:
“And Amnon was so vexed, that he fell sick for his sister Tamar; for she was a virgin; and Amnon thought it hard for him to do any thing to her.” (2 Samuel 13:2, KJV)
Message Translation:
“Amnon was obsessed with his sister Tamar to the point of making himself sick over her. She was a virgin, so he couldn’t see how he could get his hands on her.” (2 Samuel 13:2, MSG)
The feelings were so strong that his body began to collapse. That ought to be strong love, but sadly, it is not.
He calls me twenty times a day, it may not be love. She may be calling somebody else, thirty times a day as well. She spends weekends with me, it may not be love. She may be spending weekends with other guys as well. He gives me a lot of money. It may not be love, he may just see his money as a tool to get what he wants and when he doesn’t want it, he withdraws his money.
I can go on and on. Is It Just A Feeling or Love?
You would have concluded Amnon was so so much in love.
But then he lied to his father and to Tamar. True love is sincere.
He ended up raping Tamar. True love protects, it does not violate!
He forces and uses scripture to manipulate you into sleeping with him and he says he is in love? He is not only lying, he is lying in state!
But Pastor, he is truthful. He told me that I am not the only one he is sleeping with and that I am the only one he would marry! Then what are you doing in that kind of relationship where you are being told with audacity and effrontery such sexual atrocities? How did you get yourself into that place?
Amon, after raping Tamar and getting what he wanted, sent her out of his door and the scripture says something very powerful:
“Then Amnon hated her exceedingly; so that the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her. And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone.” (2 Samuel 13:15, KJV)
In verse 2, he loved her to the point of obsession. In verse 15, he hated her exceedingly, after getting what he wanted. That is not love. It is spelled L-U-S-T!
There is a huge difference between love and feelings!
For married couples, one of the prayers you should keep praying is that God’s love is shed abroad in your hearts. You may wake up some of those days and feelings seem to have travelled, at such times, your love must still remain firm because you are in a covenant with your spouse. You should not feel before you love in marriage, you should love, feelings or no feelings! In marriage, love moves away from feeling completely to commitments!
Is It Just A Feeling or Love?
by Rev Dunamis Okunowo | Oct 27, 2022 | Camp-Meeting 2022
Reading Time: < 1 minute
Singles Conference 2022 is here! The Conference is non-residential. Visitors from outside Ibadan are to make private arrangements for their feeding and accommodation,.
Date:
Fri. Dec 16th to Sun 18th
Schedule:
Friday Evening: 5.00pm
Saturday Morning: 9.00am
Saturday Evening: 5.00pm
Sunday Morning: 9.00am
Kindly find the flier below:
To Register,
Fill Registration form – https://forms.gle/bvHmoYN6gMLS93GEA
by Rev Dunamis Okunowo | Oct 27, 2022 | Singles and Married
Reading Time: 3 minutes
Dealing With Devices in Marriage. George, a married man, traveled from work and lodged in a hotel, and then a beautiful lady, Sally lodged beside his room. In no time, they became friends and in a matter of minutes, she is already in his room chatting away. It looked like they’d known each other for ages. It is not because George or Sally is friendly, it is simply a DEVICE to draw them into a compromise, even though it all looked innocent.
Over the years, phone designs and models have evolved and what we have now are beyond phones, they are more rightly called DEVICES. These are multi-functional gadgets that can play multiple roles at the same time.
So we can begin to understand what the Bible means when it says:
“Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his DEVICES.” 2 Corinthians 2:11, KJV
We should not be ignorant of the DEVICES of the devil. What can we learn about the devices of the devil?
1. A device goes through a process before its release.
A device doesn’t just come out, it is something that is conceptualized as an idea, then documented, and then goes through plans and processes before it eventually comes out.
In the same way, we need to understand that the devil sits down to plan its attacks. He makes plans and finds ways to execute plans. That is why the scripture calls it a device. It is something that is packaged from hell to destabilize you. You should not be ignorant about it. You should not be oblivious to it.
2. A device has a target market
A device is not just released haphazardly. It is always targeted. In the same way, the devices of the devil are targeted at you. They are deliberately designed with you in mind. You must never let down your guard. Otherwise, before you know it, you may be compromising heavily despite the fact that you are born again, Spirit-filled and tongue-talking.
3. A device is designed to taste
Do you know you have a device weakness? It may be Samsung, Techno, or Apple device. There is always a device specification that resonates with you. In the same way, there is a device that the devil sits down to design to feed your weakness. That is why the Bible says:
“But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.” (James 1:14, KJV)
For some, they must not see a light-complexioned lady, for some, it is the other way around. For some, their knees weaken when they see a busty lady. Some ladies, get melted when they see a tall, hunky gentleman who is easygoing. The list goes on, but you know within yourself what your weakness can be.
So what do you do? You guard yourself against your weakness. You don’t feed your weakness. You know you must not behold the green bottle, yet you followed your friend to the club? You just shot yourself in the leg. You know your temperature rises when you see a light-complexioned lady and yet they brought a tall, light-complexioned lady to you from the village as house help, you said it is okay? You are setting up yourself for a downfall that way!
You know as a lady if you spend time with a man who “toasts” you for hours, showers you with gifts, and so on, you cannot say No, and yet you followed that man on a shopping spree when you know he is already married? That’s like carrying fire in your bosom!
4. A device is never forced on you
Finally, a device cannot be forced on you. You have to decide to buy it. In the same way, the devil cannot impose anything on you, you have to patronize him to buy into his traps. What do you do?
Guard yourself. Pray a lot. Be vigilant, be sober, be alert, and be alive in Christ. Don’t go and spend the night with the one you are not married to. Don’t fly to Dubai with a person who is not your spouse. That is not God’s favor working for you, that is a device trying to trap you.
Do you know the scripture says favour can be deceitful? Before you jump and conclude it is God’s favor, the question is if a compromise is involved. Is your conscience violated? If that is the case, it is not favor, it is set up against your destiny.
A person who doesn’t want to be ignorant stays informed. Stay informed by reading and studying God’s word regularly!
I pray for you this morning that God will indeed send help your way in Jesus’ name and help you to confront and overcome that device of the evil one.
by Rev Dunamis Okunowo | Oct 26, 2022 | Singles and Married
Reading Time: 3 minutes
Those Who Do You Wrong. Sally has been deeply hurt! Thinking she would soon be the enviable bride, she was dropped like hot potatoes! She landed badly and bitter! Her expectations were crushed, and she felt like life should just end. Life became boring, she became depressed and despondent and in her bitterness, she began to plot how to deal with her offenders. In this state of mind, she wondered why things even got worse for her. What was she supposed to do?
Alexander the coppersmith did me much evil: the Lord reward him according to his works: (2 Timothy 4:14 KJV)
Those Who Do You Wrong. Paul had a real opportunity to be bitter judging from the tone of his words. He was genuinely hurt. Whatever Alexander did must have really got to him. Like you and I, Paul was human, and he was seriously hurt here.
The Amplified Version puts it this way:
“Alexander the coppersmith did me great wrongs. The Lord will pay him back for his actions.” (2 Timothy 4:14, AMP)
In life, you will meet the Alexanders! You will meet Those Who Do You Wrong. There will be trusted people that will disappoint you in big ways.
In fact, it is possible you have already met several Alexanders. From jilting experiences that got you jolted, from betrayals that got you crucified, from the disappointment of promises that got you depressed, from lies and intrigues that got you livid, the list goes on and on. Everybody has a share of being let down one way or the other, and it can really be painful when it has to do with relationships or marriage.
Pastors are not left out when their trusted allies back out from them when they couldn’t have their way. Several people, you have trusted when in the real sense, they have vagabond spirits, moving from one church to another, searching for clout and control, and never settled in a place. Such men will leave you in the cold thinking their leaving will deal a lethal blow to the system. As Pastors, resist the temptation to hit back on the pulpit!
Those kinds of hurts and bitterness are deep-seated, almost breathing within and giving direction to all your actions if you are not careful.
What do you do to Those Who Do You Wrong? What do we do when we are in this state of mind? It is not a good place to be at all. If you were given a gun, you could shoot the person involved if you go by the flesh.
We must learn from Apostle Paul. No doubt he was hurt, but he made a powerful statement:
“…the Lord reward him according to his work!”
This is what we must do. Don’t bother to try and fight back in your own way, because you might end up fighting dirty. Learn to commit the situation into God’s hands as Apostle Paul did.
Do you know why you need to do this?
You need to let go so that the wicked and careless actions of those who betray and disappoint you will not end up immobilizing you! What do I mean? You see, when you hold people in an unforgiving spirit, it will slow you down. It will hinder your prayers. It will turn you into a bitter person and it will affect your productivity, even at workplace.
You need to let go. It could be childhood abuse, it could be rape, it could be lies and betrayals, it could be unfaithfulness, whatever it is, give it back to God and let God compensate you for every trouble and heartache you went through. God who knows the intent of men, who knows the motives will appropriately reward those who deal wrongly with you! Let them scheme against you, let them plot ways to bring you down, let them devise how to slow down your work, let them do all they know to do, but don’t fight back!
Forgive and forget and get healed. Don’t let that past event tamper with your present. Get healed from the past so that you can move on. It might even be that you are the one that hurt somebody else. Go to God and make your way right. Desist from such actions and God will give you a new beginning. God knows how to reward Those Who Do You Wrong
I pray for you this morning, may God compensate you for every trouble you went through. I pray for healing in your soul and I ask that God will indeed lift up your head in Jesus’ name!
