There are many areas where you need to understand your wife, but there are four critical areas I want to mention this morning.
Understanding these areas will help you to understand your wife better.
Understanding your wife better will bring peace and tranquility into your home.
What are some of these areas?
Connecting Deeper With Your Wife
1. Understand her love language
Her love language is her password!
Language is so powerful that when God wanted to deal with man’s wrong ambition in Genesis 11, all He did was to confound their languages.
“And the LORD said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do. Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another’s speech.” (Gen 11:6-7, KJV
There are four love languages. These include
a. Words of Affirmation – saying the right words.
b. Quality Time – spending time with her
c. Gifts – buying her gifts regularly
d. Acts of Service – helping out at home
e. Physical Touch – touching her regularly
I will not be able to expatiate on this now, but your wife will respond mostly to one or more of these.
Connecting Deeper With Your Wife
2. Understand her temperament
Her temperament is the reason she acts the way she does.
There are four basic temperaments.
These include
a. Sanguine – Appealing personality, Talkative, Storyteller, Life of the party, Good sense of humor
b. Choleric – dominant, strong, decisive, stubborn and even arrogant
c. Phlegmatic – easy going, laid back, nonchalant, unexcitable and relaxed
d. Melancholy – thinking, assessing, making lists, evaluating the positives and negatives, and general analysis of facts
Usually, she would have a blend of two of these.
Understanding these will help you better to manage weaknesses and strengths. You will be able to minimize weaknesses and harness strengths.
Exploring Her Bedroom Wishlist 2. I started on this yesterday and will continue from where I left off. What does your wife want?
2. Sweet nonsense Your wife wants you to whisper in her ears. She obviously prefers that to a silent, no-single-statement kind of thing.
She wants to hear you say a lot of good things about her and when you do so, you will see she is not really frigid as you might probably be envisaging.
Words mean a lot to ladies. And you must be skillful enough to use the words rightly. One wrong statement and you will just lose her.
One right statement and she is all yours. However, your words will mean nothing if it is only during love making you say those things.
She would feel you are speaking from your head and not from your heart.
She would feel you never meant those words, that you are just saying them because of what you want from her.
Basically, those words you whisper in her ears in bed cannot stay in space, they have to be carved upon the platform of the words you already said to her during the day, through texts, phone calls, and whatever means.
3. Essence of her beauty
Lastly, she probably wants to know why you always say she is beautiful.
Explaining that to her in one statement words would fire her up
If you don’t do some of these, you would think your wife has no libido, whereas, it is just that you have not unlocked it.
Words of admiration for your wife from your heart are like passwords! I will have to stop here!
I pray that God will grant more understanding in Jesus’ name!
Exploring Her Bedroom Wishlist. This area of question is perhaps an area I have often been asked.
“Pastor, my wife is frigid, what can I do?”
“Pastor, my wife will never initiate lovemaking. Is she normal?”
“Pastor, my wife is disinterested in lovemaking, unless on rare occasions and this makes me feel she might be seeing someone else.“
Pastor, how can I make my wife enjoy it more, I don’t like her attitude in bed!”
“The list goes on.
Now, I am going to suggest a few things you can do as a husband to make your love experience a better one.
Some people already have a great and fantastic experience, or so they thought, but it can always get better.
It is actually meant to get better as time goes on. You understand yourselves more, you become more mature, and even more dexterous in bed with each other. You also learn how to satisfy each other, where to touch and where not to, and so on. It’s like old exotic wine that tastes better with age!
Pro 5:18-19 (MSG) Bless your fresh-flowing fountain! Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! [19] Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose— don’t ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted!
Okay, so here are a few things that could help.
Exploring Her Bedroom Wishlist
1. Longer foreplay
If your wife hasn’t told you this, you just might not have been listening.
Oh I don’t mean she said that verbally, but she would have said it many times with attitude and body language.
But I always advise wives to communicate what they want and make it explicit without any inhibitions.
Your wife wants longer foreplay, even if she seems to be the type that is always “in the spirit” all the time.
She doesn’t want a helicopter kind of thing, she wants the airplane experience.
The helicopter takes off and lands at once and abruptly, as long as the blades are working.
The airplane takes time to taxi around before taking off.
The taxi-ing experience is the foreplay
An average woman needs at least twenty minutes of foreplay in order to be ready.
Forty minutes is even better.
More than an hour will be fantastic!
Exploring Her Bedroom Wishlist
While a man is ready in less than ten seconds, it is different with a lady unless she is on a mission of prostitution or some perverse acts in exchange for a mammon.
So, dear husband, your wife wants you to be patient with her, so that she can enjoy it as well.
Dealing with in-laws’ issues can be quite challenging, especially in this part of the world. It is a sensitive issue, that must be handled with maturity and love.
Remember the law of seed time and harvest. You don’t want to reap later an in-law who treats you badly. Here are some helpful tips that can help you deal wisely with your in-laws.
1. Change your perspectives about them
Put yourself in their shoes and understand their insecurities and weaknesses. Overlook offenses and just work more on having compassionate interactions.
2. Build a strong relationship
Let your priority be building a strong relationship as a couple. Know that your in-laws are a third party and can only come in between you if you allow them.
3. Be there for your spouse
Each spouse should manage and handle their family and parents. It’s easier to deal with your parents. Defend your spouse and empower them.
10 Ways To Handle Your In-Laws
4. Respect your Differences
Due to generational gaps, age differences, and perspectives, differences in personalities, beliefs, and opposing viewpoints are inevitable. Respect your differences
5. Stay positive
Be willing to open up for a better relationship. Try to find common grounds and positive aspects of your relationship, this will help improve your interactions
6. Have Boundaries
Establish clear boundaries. Discuss with your spouse and mutually agree on what extent you will allow your in-laws to interfere in your matters.
10 Ways To Handle Your In-Laws
7. Talk about issues
You must maintain open and respectful communication with your in-laws. Share your feelings and thoughts directly and calmly and listen to their perspectives
8. Be at peace with all men
Choose your battles wisely. Not all issues are worth confronting. Let go of matters that are no big deal
9. Seek Counsel
Don’t hesitate to seek guidance from a therapist or counselor when situations become overwhelming.
10. Pray
Pray about the situation and pray for your in-laws. God indeed answers prayer. He will give you the needed wisdom
Remember having a beautiful relationship with your in-law is a blessing. It is possible if you are willing and patient, asking God for help.
This may not really sound as important to menfolk, but I can tell you as a marriage counselor that it is a big deal for ladies.
One woman bitterly complained that the only problem she had with her husband was that he never says “I love you!”
The man went to a recording studio and recorded a seventy-minute audio of his voice repeatedly saying “I love you!”
He took this CD and presented it to his wife.
“Hey dear, my pepperento potatoe, anytime you want to hear me say that, just play this CD!
The wife took it from him, broke it into two, and threw it out of the window.
The man was furious.
The wife said calmly, “I didn’t marry the CD, I married you and I want to hear it from you.”
And that is the way it is.
Dear husbands, your wife needs to hear that every time.
Don’t allow the compliments she gets outside to outweigh your own expressions for her at home.
After childbirth and as they approach midlife, women go through a mix of emotions and they struggle with their appearance, their tummy, and body shape.
That is why mirrors are never far from them.
They need a lot of affirmations from their husbands at this time.
Your affirmations will go a long way in stabilizing their emotions and ultimately make them feel loved.
Husbandry Unveiled: Unmissable Trio
2. Attend Church Together
Very importantly, the husband as the head should ensure he raises a godly family.
Part of doing that is not forsaking the assembly of God’s people.
It is important you keep hearing the same thing.
I do not always subscribe that couples attend church services differently.
Attend the same church and build up yourselves spiritually.
Grow together.
Study together.
Pray together.
It goes a long way to strengthen the marriage.
As the husband, it is your responsibility to give spiritual leadership and direction.
Husbandry Unveiled: Unmissable Trio
3. Resist the Urge To Lift Your Hands Against Her
Finally, as a husband, you should do all in your care to never lift your hands against your wife, for any reason, whatsoever.
This is what separates the men from the boys.
“Oh Pastor, you don’t know my wife. She is stubborn, rude, annoying, and disrespectful. Before I say “A,” she is by the “Z.”
Well, physically abusing her will not be the way out.
1Pe 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
Make a covenant that you will never hit her!
As you make up your mind to do this, to honour her, protect her, and take care of her, God will also honour His Word in your life.
I pray that God will honour you indeed, send help to you in your marriage and fulfill all His desires for your life!
