Good morning everybody, we are continuing our topic of love language in marriage. Couples should go all out to speak the language of their spouse unreservedly since our aim in marriage is to place our spouse.
It will be good to always look for creative ways to speak the love language our spouse understands. Marriage is a place where we serve each other. We don’t think of ourselves first. We allow and trust God through our spouse to take care of us
That is why it becomes imperative for us to learn and understand our spouse love language.
3. Words of Affirmation
Here, words mean a big deal to your spouse. In speaking his/her love language, you want to be careful of what is said, how it is said, when it is said, your body language, your tone, pitch and everything surrounding the words you say.
Here, it means a lot to your spouse when you give words of encouragement. Words that will uplift him/her. You might not be able to provide all the money in this world but your reassuring words makes them feel loved.
Your thoughtful words keeps him/her going. In times of stress, needs, bills to pay, weakness etc, your words are like magic.
Speaking negative, derogative, harsh and hard words or sermonizing or nagging your spouse could be counterproductive.
Please watch for those other than your spouse that speak gently, softly and tenderly to you. Avoid them, it could be a danger spit for the devil to exploit. An emotional affair could develop if you are not
discerning and careful.
Never look forward to anyone’s company or enjoy any ones company other than your spouse.
4. Quality time
If the love language of your spouse is quality time, then love mean time. Not only quantity but quality of time.
Your spouse will appreciate being present with him/her. Your presence and not just present matters to them.
Create memories. Go out for outings together, dinners, vacations, go to seminars together and just spend time together. However, what you spend your time on also matters.
Quality time means time of getting to know your spouse better, listening them talk, being sensitive to them, trying to understand them and knowing how to react and respond.
The lord will help is all. If could be challenging since usually opposite temperament will always attract and some time our love languages are different or we want our love language expressed in a different way from that of our spouse.
Our male female differences, the background we grew up in and other factors are responsible for this.
As a matter of rule, watch out for people of the opposite sex you spend too much time with.
5. Gifts
Your spouse feels love is not complete until it is expressed in buying of gifts. Something must be given to show you care. It has to cost you. More often than not, the thoughtfulness behind the given will mean more to your spouse. So its nor about the gift, but you taking the pains of know the appropriate gift to buy at what time or occasion. Example you wife just deliver a baby, and you got her a a sexy gown. She probably can’t even wear it because of breast feeding.
Find out our favorite color, scent, her size, her preference, her need. What is the point buying your wife high heels when she is pregnant or buying your husband an expensive office suitcase when he needs a belt and doesn’t go to office but works from home.
In all these love language, we all need the help of the holy spirit to lead and guide us. Lest our good works become evil spoken of. We get offended and not appreciated because it didn’t meet our deepest desire.
The holy spirit is our helper, when we call on him he will help us even in performing our duties of speaking our spouse’s love language.
May God grant us understanding.
God bless our marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I learn to speak my partners love language.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray for wisdom to speak the love language of your spouse
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:25 ESVHusbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Speak your spouses’ love language
Dear God Well, you start writing a letter with the word “Dear” and God much likes it when you call Him that.
Have you ever wondered how writing a letter to God would be like? It’s pretty much simple. Just pick a writing pad, notebook, or something to write on and start to write.
After starting with a “Dear God”, you tell Him why He is so great and powerful, why you love Him, and why people praise and worship Him.
Then begin to thank Him for what He has done for you, your parents, siblings, friends and people around you. It’s good to thank Him for not only what He has done for you but for others too.
Move on to laying your requests before Him. Tell Him what you need and it’s not like He doesn’t know but He wants you to still say it. He says you should ask Him of anything and He will answer, that it’s what He hears you say that He will do.
Ask in faith and not in fear, knowing that your heavenly Father is able to do far more than you can ever imagine. Ask knowing that He hears your prayers.
“Behold, I am the Lord , the God of all flesh; is there anything too difficult for Me?” (Jeremiah 32:27) AMP
Then bring in some more praise and worship as you thank Him for a time in His presence. Thank Him for answered prayers. Give Him the glory and honor due to His name. Don’t forget to close with a faith-filled “In Jesus’ name.”
Of course, you should put your name at the end because all letters end with the name of the writer. How about you write a letter to God write now, starting with ‘Dear God.”
A lot of people are at a loss when it comes to this issue of knowing who to marry. A large number are bothered that God has not ‘shown’ them anybody particularly or ‘spoken’ to them in clear terms, yet they have fallen in love with someone and they feel the peace of God about it. Can that be God? No dream, vision, voice, or any spectacular direction, yet it looks like it is God. Is that possible?
A lot more have believed the lie of the devil that God is not really with them in their relationship because they did not hear God tell them who to marry or see anything.
Well, God did not promise to show all of us a dream or vision. He did not promise that He would speak to all of us in an audible voice or in some spectacular way.
However God did promise that He would LEAD all of us!
My dear, that is all you need. Stop bothering yourself. You don’t need to hear a voice. You don’t need to see a dream. You don’t need to fall into a trance before knowing who to marry. The person that sees five dreams in a day is not more spiritual than you that sees nothing. In fact, for all I care, you that don’t dream at all may be more alert to hear God, because the one that hears God through dreams only will be knocked to sleep each time he needs to hear God. Imagine a brother that needs to make a decision, and then he tells you, give me some time, let me go and sleep!
Deliver yourself; stop being intimidated by some overly excited dreamer, allow God to lead you to who to marry the way He wants to. If you are given to dreams, that is great, but don’t feel superior to others around you.
So how do I know I am a child of God when I don’t dream, and I don’t have any spectacular encounter?
Here is the answer.
For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. (Romans 8:14 KJV)
There can be leading without some audible voice. All you need to do is to follow. The Lord is my shepherd!
Thank God for who He is that can abandon ninety-nine other sheep to look for me!
The real deal then is to be led.
God can lead you into a relationship without hearing a single voice or seeing any vision!
But you know you are led.
So, how do I know if I am being led?
How do you know you are really born again? How do you know Jesus really exists? Have you see him before? How do you know there is a God in heaven? Did you hear His audible voice or did you see Him in your vision seated on His throne with Cherubims and all that? Why then do you believe in Him?
Because you simply know within yourself that God is. You may not be able to prove it, but you just know in your ‘knower’ that God exists. You know in your ‘knower’ that Jesus died for your sin. You were not there in Golgotha with him physically, but you just know it happened deep within you.
That is what is referred to as ‘Inner witness.’
Inner witness! That is the primary way God speaks to His children. No voice, no vision, no trance, nothing, but just this knowing that comes with an unexplainable peace, too deep and assuring that you cannot put it into words!
Don’t let the devil come to you and tell you that the reason you have a troubled marriage is because you didn’t have any dreams or hear a voice about who to marry!
Do you know that when you have had twenty-five dreams about a particular lady and yet this inner witness is not there, you are not supposed to proceed? This inner witness, the peace of God, is most important!
See it described in the scripture
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7 KJV)
I like it particularly in Amplified version
And God’s peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Did you see that? That peace of God, that transcends every understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds. Garrison! Mount guard! Those are military terms. That is exactly what happens when you allow the peace of God and you are led by Him. His leading is a like a soldier protecting you. You know why? God will never lead you wrong! Glory to God! He will not lead you into misery! Thank God for His leading.
God is the one that can re-order our steps when we have made mistakes; He is the one that will lead us into our wealthy place. Stay with God and you will never regret. Don’t be led by your feelings which can be fickle, be led by the Holy Spirit, and you will be protected!
This morning, as God’s servant, I speak God’s leading into your life. I speak His peace into your life! May you experience His leading in Jesus name!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am a child of God. I am led of God
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God lead you by His peace
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY God’s Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go! (Romans 8:14 Message)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Read Kenneth Hagin’s book – ‘Following God’s plan for you life’
The concept of the five love languages is very popular. I have written about this topic before but it bears repetition. Sometimes, we think we know something until we hear it again and again.
We don’t fully understand a subject matter until we have taken time to think about it.
The topic of love languages in marriage is so important that the understanding of it will literally solve major issues of your marriage.
Every couple should take time out to ask themselves what their love languages are.
Love language by definition is just how you perceive love. It is the language spoken to you that makes you know that you are loved by that person.
For example, if the language you understand is English and someone is trying to communicate with you something important in Spanish, you will not understand nor respond as you ought because they are not speaking your language and you have not learnt that language.
The same thing happens in marriage. Love needs to be expressed for it to be appreciated. So if your wife or husband is speaking or communicating love to you in a language that is not what you speak or understand, you don’t feel their love.
There are basically 5 love languages. Studies have shown that you can have a combination of more than one love language. For further study, you can read Gary Chapman.
They are
1. Physical touch 2. Acts of service 3. Words of affirmation 4. Quality time 5. Gifts
Let’s begin with:
1. Physical touch
This love language is spoken not only in words, thoughts but more so by touching. For a person whose love language is physical touch, there must always be contact. Your spouse feels special when you touch them. You put your hands around their shoulders when talking to them and they feel loved. A kiss early in the morning, or a hug each time you see them, makes them feel fulfilled. My husband loves it when I stroke the back of his head whenever he is driving and I constantly touch him when we are together.
When your spouse’s love language is physical touch, even when he/she is angry and you speak this language, they calm down. Such spouse respond to touch and body contact a lot.
This is also a pointer to what is to be avoided by anybody that is not your spouse. It is easy to fall in love with anybody speaking your love language to you.
So with this knowledge also comes the responsibility of avoiding persons who want to speak your love language to you other than your spouse.
2. Acts of service
This is your love language when you love things to be done for you. You love it when your spouse helps you do your personal stuffs and also do for you what you are supposed to do.
For example, when your spouse helps you do your chores, helps with the kids, wash the car, do laundry or pay to help someone else do it for you.
It shows that your spouse is thoughtful and concerned. He/ she has not left you all alone to sweat it out, slave away or figure how to get your work done.
Some spouse enjoy work. In fact they have extra energy for work. That is the reason some people who are not disciplined and have this love language often fall on love with the house helps, messengers and the likes.
If your spouse is not speaking this language, you have to let them know it makes you feel loved. Let them make arrangements to someone to help out at a fee.
Let me stop here today.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I learn to speak my partners love language.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray for wisdom to speak the love language of your spouse
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Eph 5:25 ESVHusbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Speak your spouses’ love language
Words are powerful. Words are eternal. They don’t die.
Jesus said words are spirits.
Joh 6:63 KJV It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.
Nations have gone to war because of words spoken and battles have been known to come to an end because of words.
Jesus also said that words reveal what is in a man’s heart.
Luk 6:45 AMP The upright (honorable, intrinsically good) man out of the good treasure [stored] in his heart produces what is upright (honorable and intrinsically good), and the evil man out of the evil storehouse brings forth that which is depraved (wicked and intrinsically evil); for out of the abundance (overflow) of the heart his mouth speaks.
You can decode a man’s attitude from his words. His words, when analysed will show you where he is going.
This morning, I want to show you a few words that men who claim to be your lover often say that show something is defective somewhere. They let you know that your relationship or marriage needs some attention and counsel. Here are a few of those statements that your lover may not be saying.
1. I am not a religious freak. I don’t like church stuffs. I can’t be a fanatic.
What he is really saying: I don’t want to be spiritual. I will not always go to church. I don’t believe in God that much. Once we are married, you will have to stop going to church as you do now.
The implication: Your spiritual life will be depleted. You will not be on the same page. Without a good foundation of spiritual life and relationship with God, you will be limited, you will do a lot of things with struggles and you will never be able to enter the fullness of God’s blessings for your life.
2. There is nothing wrong with sex as long as we love ourselves, although I am not insisting. Even pastors are messing up.
What he is really saying: I will soon get you. It is a matter of time. I will wait for you to get emotionally connected with me and fall in love hopelessly and then you won’t be able to say No. How will I be in a relationship without having sex? ‘You never know anything!’
The implication: His word already reveals his heart. If you stay in a relationship with such a person, you will soon compromise. It is just a matter of time. If you value your relationship with God, you will disconnect from any tiny appearance of compromise before you become entangled and fall in love.
3. Let’s keep our relationship to ourselves for now. I don’t want any pastor or parents to know. Don’t even tell too many of your friends for now. I am a private person and I don’t like being discussed all over the place. Let it just be between the two of us. When the time comes to go public, I will let you know.
What he is really saying: I don’t want to go all the way with you. I don’t want any commitments; all I want is sex! Let’s make the casualty to be only you and not involve any authority figure that will tie me down.
The implication: He will not walk the aisle with you. He is not interested in marriage and there is no point wasting a few of your years with him. A good courtship is not supposed to operate as a secret cult!
4. I really love you and that is why you are number one out of all my girlfriends. You are the one I want to get married to.
What he is really saying: I have other girlfriends that I sleep around with. Be careful so I won’t change my mind about you because I have so many of them in my hands.
The implication: He is manipulating you with that statement and he may not get married to you eventually. Even if he does, there would not be an automatic disconnection with his girlfriends especially if they are sexually involved. You will have to contend with that after marriage and practically fight battles that could have been avoided. As a child of God, you are to be loved and adored by your husband. The moment you are being threatened this way, something is not quite right. Don’t stay under a manipulative man; that is not God’s plan for you.
5. Even though, I am married, I don’t love my wife. I don’t know why I have not met you before I got married. You are my true wife. I will find a way to leave that woman and marry you. You are so caring, loving and I can do anything for you. Just stay with me, I will give you anything you want and I will marry you eventually.
What he is really saying: You think it is so easy to leave the mother of my children? You are just a baby, and I will keep on giving you paltry sums of money to get what I want. I will rent a house for you and buy you a car and I will visit you there for sex. The day you say you are no longer interested, I will collect my car and my house.
The implication:Adultery is not worth it. You will simply waste your youth and practically stop your life. It will look sweet initially but soon turns into gravel in your mouth. Disconnect from such relationships because God doesn’t want you there.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am wise. I have a better understanding of my lover. I know what my lover is saying and not saying.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will show you what your lover is not saying.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life. (John 6:63 ESV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Review all your relationships and follow God’s instructions to find out what your lover is not saying.
