Two Ways Couples Hurt Each Other. I want to start today’s devotional by quoting verses from the Bible. If you are a believer, then you will recognize the Bible as the highest authority on earth and heaven. We live by its instructions and heed its advice.
1. Your Words
As couples, we need to place close attention to our choice of words, speech, and tone. Couples should not just say anything they feel like saying without considering its effect on their spouses. God the covenant witness between the two of you is watching.
Lovers of God think before they speak, but the careless blurt out wicked words meant to cause harm. Proverbs 15:28 TPT
Reckless words are like the thrusts of a sword, cutting remarks meant to stab and to hurt. But the words of the wise soothe and heal. Proverbs 12:18 TPT
Your words are so powerful that they will kill or give life, and the talkative person will reap the consequences. Proverbs 18:21 TPT
You must stop speaking evil, hurtful words and never deceive in what they say. Always turn from what is wrong and cultivate what is good; eagerly pursue peace in every relationship, making it your prize. 1 Peter 3:11 TPT
The Bible tells us to stop speaking evil and hurtful words. You can stop it. Even if you are a hot, inconsiderate temperament. You have a new life in Christ.
We are to pursue peace in every relationship especially that with our spouse.
If your speech causes a bridge in the marital covenant, then you are allowing the devil to use your speech to accomplish his purpose which is to steal, kill and destroy. May that not be your portion in Jesus’ name.
Let your words rather soothe and heal your spouse.
Not thinking before you speak or weighing your words or reckless words do more harm than good.
Two Ways Couples Hurt Each Other.
2. Your Actions
Usually, the hurtful words are as a result of hurtful actions. The hurtful words emanate from a completely frustrated spouse. Your spouse is distracted, causing you harm, your BP goes up and you can literally see yourself dying. In your desperation, you blurt out words in other to get the attention of your spouse who seems oblivious to your actions! Hurtful words will do harm. Hurtful actions will do harm as well!
Infidelity issues, emotional adultery, lack of communication, insincerity or lying, drinking, smoking and many more are some of the hurtful actions that couples can get into.
I think once your spouse says this habit is killing me, raising my BP, and so on, if you truly love that man or woman, then you will work on your weaknesses and not feed them! It is one thing to be tempted by the devil, it is another thing for you to be tempting the devil. Don’t pursue your lusts! Don’t set yourself up! Don’t follow lustful desires like you are uncontrollable! Ask God to create a new heart in you!
Psa 51:10 (KJV) Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
Marriage is work!
Back to hurtful actions and words, the simple way to deal with this is to be friends, focus on each other, respect your issues and please yourselves after pleasing God. Communicate well, be open and be sincere. You will see that those issues will be resolved. Alternatively, seek a mentor and talk! Some couples actually need a therapist!
Most people who lie impulsively, live in denial and have depression waves one after the other may be dealing with bipolar issues and some other mental issues which will require an expert in that field.
Your marriage will thrive. These are Two Ways Couples Hurt Each Other.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY My marriage will work. I will stop killing my marriage and spouse with my words. I am not Satan’s agent doing his bidding in my marriage
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Father give me your wisdom and strenght to always yield my tongue to the Holy Spirit in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Reckless words are like the thrusts of a sword, cutting remarks meant to stab and to hurt. But the words of the wise soothe and heal. Proverbs 12:18 TPT
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY I will stop using hurtful words like swords on my spouse but I will use my words to build him/her up
BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY Pro 12
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We will be concluding this topic today and this is Part 3
Yesterday we looked at the second thing that will Sustain you in marriage, which is
2. Discover yourself ( if you missed this, check it HERE).
Things That Will Sustain You In Marriage
3. Discover your purpose.
This is very much similar to the discovery of your Person. It is after you have discovered your person that you can embark on the journey to discover your purpose.
When the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable. The purpose of anything determines its function. When your purpose is known, greatness is inevitable because you can move faster to get things done.
Imagine if you have a washing machine and you don’t know what it’s used for. You still take out all your family clothes outside to wash with your hands. What a waste of time and energy.
Fulfillment and joy in life are some dividends of discovering your purpose. There is an inner joy that comes to your life, which your spouse can’t give you knowing you are doing exactly what you have been created to do.
Many spouses are unhappy because they are not doing what they were created to do. Many husbands and wives are doing jobs that are just stressing their lives. They experience burn out and their loved ones partake of their burnout.
Your wife can only help you fulfill the assignment you are aware God gave you.
Your purpose is to be discovered, not decided by you. You don’t decide what you are created to be. Your purpose predates your existence.
Discovery of your purpose is one of the Things That Will Sustain You In Marriage. Our purpose was already determined before God formed us.
Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations. Jeremiah 1:5 KJV
Your Marriage has a purpose. You didn’t just get married to have sex, give birth to babies, have a nice job, live in a fine house, and use bone straight weave on.
This journey to discover purpose is done as you seek God. He is the creator of your life and your marriage. He knows your specific purpose.
Go to His word and seek His face in prayer. Be sincere and intentional, and He will reveal your purpose to you.
Some indications can help in your discovery of purpose. What do you naturally like doing? What are your gifts? What are the things you do without effort?
Take time and discover your purpose.
God bless your marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY God created me for a purpose. He doesn’t created without a purpose. I have open eyes and I discover my purpose
PRAYERS FOR THE DAY Lord, cause the eyes of my understanding to be flooded with light, that I may discover my purpose in life in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations. Jeremiah 1:5 KJV
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Ask God to reveal your purpose and that of your marriage to you.
BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY Jer 1
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Here’s A Major Secret To be Found. Susan has had a very rough storyline regarding being found by that remarkable man. A lot of guys have taken her on a ride, some just wanted a sexual thing, while some were having a fling. Susan was almost at that place where she thinks something must be wrong with her. She doesn’t understand why it has been difficult to get married.
I want to share with you this morning about a secret to being found. Certainly, there are many ways, but I want to dovetail on just one specific area.
Let’s take a look at the scriptures. Pro 18:22 (KJV) Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
Notice this scripture.
It says whoever finds a wife…
Not whoever finds a sister!
Not whenever finds a babe.
The great question is how do you become a wife before getting married?
It’s not on going around to cook for a guy. It’s not in offering your body for sex in the quest to “insure” the guy for a wedding. It is not in spending your hard-earned money on a guy who will later ditch you for another. Here’s A Major Secret To be Found
It’s in preparation! That is how to become a “wife” before becoming a wife!
Marriage is such a great work that you will do yourself good and do your future husband good by first becoming a wife in your attitudes, responsibilities, and general outlook on life.
A wife is a helper.
A wife is a homemaker.
There are many more, but as a single lady, you must develop yourself intellectually and otherwise in readiness to be found.
You must read wide, sit down with mentors, and learn all you can learn!
Men are looking for a “wife”
And trust me, real guys ( I am not taking if those just looking for flings or sex ) know how to spot a wife!
I will stop here this morning. I pray that God gives you more understanding! Here’s A Major Secret To be Found
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am not in a hurry. I receive wisdom in my relationship.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, give me wisdom that is specific to me
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Pro 18:22 (MSG) Find a good spouse, you find a good life— and even more: the favor of GOD!
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide to read a book a week
BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY Proverbs 18
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Like Adam, have you been in that place where no help-meet has been found? Have you searched and prayed and fasted and yet nothing is forthcoming?
You see, you have to cease from your own strength! Your intellectual prowess cannot get a prudent wife from the Lord. Your nice manners and Queens English are irrelevant. The parameter of your cognitive abilities is not the issue here.
Adam successfully named every creature on earth, a display of uncommon spiritual and mental energy and prowess, and yet was frustrated at the end because he could not find a spouse!
Are you in that place like you are a graduate, but no helpmeet? You are rich and comfortable, but no helpmeet? You attend functions and join the church workforce and do a lot but no helpmeet? That was where Adam found himself.
What was God’s solution to the imbroglio?
And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept…
Guys and ladies, you’ve got to “sleep” and allow God to lead you! Some of you have simply refused to sleep! The scripture said “and he slept,” so it was a choice. He could have said, “I am not sleeping, and just start jumping or jogging.
After you have done all you know to do, why not just sleep and abandon yourself in God’s arms and plans for your life? You have been too much awake and yet no result!
Just sleep and trust God to do it. When you sleep, you don’t wake up every two minutes to check your security. You just sleep. Go into a deep sleep and stop sampling ladies all over the place every Sunday! You don’t even listen to messages again in church!
By the time Adam woke up, God brought her to Adam! Ladies, don’t bring yourself, allow God to bring you! When God brings you or showcases you, it comes with a revelation or conviction to your husband-to-be. Don’t be suggestive. Don’t sound too available. Don’t take the lead. The man is the aggressor and the lady is the responder!
When you “sleep,” God will show you your spouse. He will bring her to you! You will see her and know! That was why, without God saying a word, Adam went into a frenzy of romantic prophecy and began to speak in tongues!
And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
Who told him? I wonder! But he had gone through the process of “sleeping” and allowed God to do it, so He woke up with conviction and with no doubt about who his wife was. He didn’t have to go to a mountain in Eden to pray again, He just knew because he had slept!
The next time you want to take things into your hands and step outside His will, remember to step back and got to “sleep!”
I pray for you this morning that this year, God will establish all that concerns your relationship/marriage and dissolve every puzzle in Jesus name!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY By the Spirit of God, I am making wise decisions. I make the most of opportunities in my relationships.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, I ask for an anointing of wisdom. Teach me to do the best and at the right time.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Lam 3:27 KJV It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth.
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Discern which season you are now and ask God for wisdom to maximize it.
BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY Job 40-43
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God wants us to serve him with the integrity of heart.
In our homes and in our individual lives, God requires that we serve Him with an upright heart. Serve God in the faithfulness of your heart. Seeking to know God and His ways will engender walking in the integrity of your heart, where you are not deceived in your own heart.
Some people try to mock God. They serve God unfaithfully and expect the reward of being faithful.
Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. – Gal 6:7
What you reap is a function of what you sow; that is God’s word. You can’t serve God without integrity and expect the reward of those that serve God with integrity.
David served God with the integrity of his heart. He was sincere. He was true to himself and to God. He loved God genuinely, he served him with the whole of his heart. He had no other God. Were David’s heart to be opened, you will see him serving God with the truth. He had no skeleton in his cupboard.
So he fed them according to the integrity of his heart; and guided them by the skilfulness of his hands. – Psa 78:72
God promised that if we walk in the integrity of heart and in uprightness, keeping all His statutes, He will establish us. In the works of our hands, in our homes, and on the job, He wants to show Himself faithful.
And if thou wilt walk before me, as David thy father walked, in integrity of heart, and in uprightness, to do according to all that I have commanded thee, and wilt keep my statutes and my judgments: Then I will establish the throne of thy kingdom upon Israel for ever, as I promised to David thy father, saying, There shall not fail thee a man upon the throne of Israel. – 1Ki 9:4 – 5
Let us be true to ourselves. Let us not think we can do things on our own. Let our heartbeat be to do His will. Some of us don’t want to do things God’s way because we think His ways are too difficult.
In our hearts, let us check for any form of deception that may want to deceive our hearts. As a husband or as a wife, seek to serve God with the integrity of your heart. God is searching for those whose hearts are upright towards him.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have the wisdom of God to do the needful
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray that God will teach and instruct you in the way to go
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye (Psalms 32:8 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Discuss the issue of integrity
BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY Psalms 56, 120, 140-142
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