We startedyesterday talking about how important it is for you to speak your wife’s language. I also stated that language here means your wife’s love language.
If you didn’t read yesterday’s post, I will implore you to go ahead and read it.
There are five basic love languages which are:
1. Words of affirmation 2. Quality time and Attention 3. Service 4. Gifts 5. Physical Touch
We have looked at Words of affirmation. Let’s continue from where I stopped yesterday.
2. Quality time and Attention It is good to know that basically, it is the responsibility of the husband to learn his wife’s love language. It is God’s order in a marriage that the husband loves his wife while the wife respects and honors her husband.
It is not a case of “my wife is too demanding, she always wants me to speak her love language while she doesn’t attempt to speak mine.” Husbands must concentrate on loving your wife.
Quality time as it suggests means spending quality time with her. Here, quality time could mean different things to different women. To some, it could mean spending time with her when she is in the kitchen cooking, it could mean going on vacation together, having weekend trips, going to the movies, shopping, just spend time with her.
It means you are spending time and giving her attention. You let her know your plans, your whereabouts, investments, meetings, friends, and everything. You don’t keep secrets.
Your wife may be crying for your attention and you are busy working yourself out to stupor trying to provide for the family. She will not sense your love until you slow down and spend some time with her.
If you are a busy husband, schedule time consciously to be together. We had to plan that into our marriage. Call it me and you time. Let nothing interrupt this time. You may need to switch off your phone or do a get-away for two.
It doesn’t have to be expensive or far. If the children are still young, find a friend’s place you can keep them for a few hours to just go. Your wife will appreciate you more for your effort.
Many quarrels go on in marriage because we don’t know where to focus our resources and energy. Once you discover your wife’s love language, go ahead and start speaking it and improve on speaking it.
Your wife may be throwing tantrums just because she doesn’t feel your love. She feels your love when you speak her love language. She will adore you and respect you the moment she can sense your love.
Try and pay attention to her and seek to find out her love language. What does your wife complain about all the time? It is a clue to what her love language is. You may have to try different things before you finally discover which one it is.
God bless your marriage
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have wisdom for my marriage
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord, open the eyes of my understanding
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY “In the same way you married men should live considerately with [ your wives ], with an intelligent recognition [ of the marriage relation ], honoring the woman as [ physically ] the weaker, but [ realizing that you ] are joint heirs of the grace (God’s unmerited favor) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. [ Otherwise you cannot pray effectively. ]” (1Pe 3:7, AMP)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Find out what her love language is
Prayer is one habit that you should have as a child. It’s your way of communicating with God and making it a regular habit is a huge bonus for you as a Christian child.
When you pray often, you are creating an open channel of conversing with God. The more time you spend with Him, the more you will know Him, know yourself, know His plans for you and enjoy His glory spread all over your life.
Jesus, the son of God, had the habit of always taking time off to pray to God. See what the bible reveals about how Jesus took prayer while He was on earth, in the verses below.
But Jesus often slipped away to other places to be alone so that he could pray. Luke 5:16 ICB
At that time Jesus went off to a mountain to pray. He stayed there all night, praying to God. Luke 6:12 ICB
After he said good-bye to them, he went alone up into the hills to pray. It was late, and Jesus was there alone. Matthew 14:23 ICB
Early the next morning, Jesus woke and left the house while it was still dark. He went to a place to be alone and pray. Mark 1:35 ICB
Prayer was an important part of Jesus’ life while He was on earth. He did so early in the mornings, left His disciples at some times to go pray alone and even to empty and quiet places to pray. Through prayer He communicated with His father. He asked for help with what was going to happen to Him. He also prayed for the disciples and many people.
Be like Jesus, find a quiet place where you can be alone and pray to God. Early in the morning, pray to God. During the day, pray also. Put aside some few minutes to pray and see how your relationship with God grows. The habit of prayer will sure do you some good.
May His grace give you the strength to pray at all times. Amen.
Prayer: Heavenly Lord, I want to develop the habit of praying to you often; help me to take on the habit prayer. I want my life to improve and my relationship with you also in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Action point: Find more verses in the bible that speaks about habits. Read and study them. What did you learn?
Pressures can come from different sources. Pressures can come from the devil, they can come from your friends, they can come from your environment, and they can come from within you.
Here are a few things to note about pressures.
1. Pressures come to everybody Everybody experiences one form of pressure at one point or the other. From the pews to the pulpit, from the laity to the clergy, from the janitor to the archbishop, from the person that got born again yesterday, to the one that has been in the faith for twenty years! As long as you are human, you will experience one form of pressure or the other.
The fact that pressures come to everybody is also an indication that tells you that you are not in that alone. There are no custom made pressures, and there is no pressure that you are facing that somebody, somewhere has not faced before.
Here is the scripture:
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. (1 Corinthians 10:13 KJV)
Even Jesus Christ had pressures! That is why the Bible says
We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all––all but the sin. (Hebrews 4:15 Message)
2. Nobody can put pressures on you unless you allow that person. Everybody that is putting pressures on you, be it sexual, physical or mental, you have allowed them one way or the other.One of the greatest gifts that God has given you is the gift of time. 24 hours that you live yesterday was time spent, but it was also a portion of your life that can’t be relived again. Those hours are gone into oblivion. The question is who have you given access to in your life, directly or indirectly?
Anybody you spend time with and listen to, you have just given them access into your life and permission to carry out whatever ulterior motives they had.
The moment you spend time with that unbeliever, you have just given him access to put pressures on you. The moment you go out on date with your boss who is married, you have just given him access to put pressure on you. The moment you report your spouse to your colleague or your boss at work, you have just given him or her permission to put pressures on you! The moment you keep spending time with that fellow all in the name of being taught tutorials, you have just given such a person access into your life.
I will show you more ways to handle pressures tomorrow.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am not under undue pressures. I have liberty in God.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Ask God to give you strength to say NO at the right times.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY And she caught him by his garment, saying, Lie with me:and he left his garment in her hand, and fled, and got him out.(Genesis 39:12 KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Disconnect from people putting pressures on you
One of the greatest challenges that a man will face is how to care of his wife. This is not because a man is reluctant to do so, but simply because the definition of care in a man’s brain is sometimes exact opposite of how a lady defines care. I am not talking about when you’ve just fallen in love. Mostly at that time, your eyes are not open to reality then. At the times when you’ve just fallen in love, everything he does is okay and everything she does is okay!
A woman sees C-A-R-E as availability, attention and some good money! A man often sees C-A-R-E as money, money and money, and that is where the problem is?
Didn’t I just send you money? How can you say I don’t care? Didn’t I just send you to Dubai? You see, a woman that truly loves you doesn’t mind going to Dubai, but she doesn’t want to go alone! She wants to go with you!
I know there are some women who see C-A-R-E as money, money and money! This isn’t a genuine love, and at the end of the day, they are still frustrated despite the money because the real need is never met!
This is the bane of ladies who are of marriageable age, but refuse to love and be loved appropriately because of some man who is giving them money or who rents an apartment for them somewhere.
You call them big girls, but they are really small inside! The big girls are not the ones spending some ill-gotten money that they accumulated from using their bodies as a commodity; the big girls are the ones who refuse to compromise in the face of provocation, who decides to stand up for God!
If you are engaged to a lady who never asks for your time and attention but only wants you to send her money, you should really be worried! She is probably getting the emotional fulfillment somewhere else and you are just a tool in her hands, to get money!
On the other hand, if a lady never stresses you for money but only asks that you call regularly and be there for her, she really loves you! Though, there could be an extreme of this as well, when the lady in question is overly needy because of past experiences and self-esteem issues.
So how do you take care of lady? Be there for her. Take care of her by spending time with her. But, I have to provide for her, so I am busy and I have to be away! Yes, but you have to create time out of no time, to be available for her. May you not get the money and then lose her!
You need to understand that it is a need of hers! Initially she might not complain because the money is always there, but after a while, she would rather let you have her than the money having her.
Why do you think some rich women get depressed? Haven’t you seen ladies living in palatial mansions who are so unhappy and depressed?
Money answereth all things…that it can answer!
Like it is often said, can money buy sleep? Nay, it may buy waterbed, not sleep!
Can money buy a good heart, nay, it may get a beautiful face, not necessarily a good heart. One of the worst things that can happen to a man is a stunningly beautiful face sitting on an evil heart! Conversely, one of the greatest tragedies that can happen to a woman is a stupendously rich man and a handsome face sitting on an abusive, egocentric and violent man!
His money buys your body, your mouth and your mind! You can’t even think for yourself, that is not marriage! Sadly this is where a lot of ladies find themselves! A lady called me sometimes ago weeping profusely; that she has all the money but she cannot spend! She was living in a prison!
It is for this reason that when you are talking of a relationship or marriage with a person, the most singular important factor is God’s choice for you!
And then some people will come up with some funny ideas like; what if God gives me somebody I don’t love? What you don’t know is that God is not man, that arithmetic or geometry will never be.
That God will lead you to somebody you hate all your life? It never happens like that! You will always love what God offers because He gives you the best! Yes, initially you may not cooperate with God’s plan because of selfishness and greed, but when you come to embrace God’s plan, you will see the wisdom of God, and you will be full of praises to God!
Only God knows the man or woman that will last the whole journey with you. Only God knows the one that will pack his or her load along the way. Only God knows the one that might pull the trigger on you five years later. Only God knows the one that wouldn’t mind using you for some ritual… because God looks into the heart…while you are looking at the bank account and the face! You see why it is important you follow God’s direction?
What if you are already married and you feel you made a mistake? Stay there and correct that mistake, with prayers, good attitudes, wisdom and a lot of maturity, God can heal your marriage and make it good!
May God help us all!
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I am not confused. I am being led of God
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Lord lead me into that place by your side.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O Lord; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up. (Psalms 5:3 KJV)
Distractions will come at you as you plan to manage your time well. They come straight at you, heavy and unrelenting. You have to learn how to identify and stop them if you want to make good use of your time. You have to learn to remove distractions.
Distractions could be from friends, family and even you. There will be good distractions that look pleasing and reasonable but are not pushing you forward.
For instance, you want to study your bible for the evening and a friend visits and asks that you both study for a test tomorrow.
It’s a good thing – studying for a test, but is it in your plan? No. You have to learn to remove distractions. Rather than study or tell your friend you can’t study with him because of bible study, ask him to join you for bible study. After that, you can both study for the test.
Ensure you explain to him first what you are planning to do and if he agrees to wait or join you, fine. And if he refuses, well you can try to further explain to him. But you have to learn to remove distractions.
I’m sure he will agree. If he doesn’t, well, it’s not your fault, you just have to stick to your plan.
Remember, there’s a time for everything under the sun.
There is a powerful concept of time that you should know – time lost can never be recovered. It’s not a piece of paper that can be found or a missing person. It goes away and becomes history to you. So you have to learn to remove distractions.
Always put this thought before you as you do things. Ask yourself ‘What I am doing now, is it what I should be doing?’
May God grant you more insight about the concept of time. Amen.
Action plan: Lord, give me the strength and wisdom to handle any distraction that comes my way. Teach me how to remove distractions. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Action plan: Stay firm in how you manage your time.
