Oftentimes, people walk away from toxic relationships, unhealthy attachments, or bad habits, thinking that the battle is over. But leaving is only the first step. The real challenge is filling that empty space with something better. It’s easy to think that once you’ve cut ties with the wrong person or situation, everything will automatically be fine. But if you don’t intentionally fill your heart with positive, God-centered things, you might find yourself slipping back into old patterns even after you might have vowed that it would never happen again.
“When an unclean spirit goes out of a man, it passes through dry places seeking rest, and does not find it. Then it says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came.’ And when it comes, it finds it empty, swept, and put in order. Then it goes and brings with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they enter and dwell there; and the last state of that man is worse than the first.” — Matthew 12:43-45 (NKJV)
This is the very point Jesus was making in Matthew 12. A man was freed from an unclean spirit, but when the spirit returned, it found the house empty. Without something better taking its place, the man’s situation worsened. It’s a pattern we see in relationships, too. If you leave one behind but don’t fill your life with healing, purpose, and spiritual growth, you open yourself up to emptiness and vulnerability. This emptiness can lead you to crave the wrong things: unhealthy attention, distractions, or even another toxic relationship.
Instead of just walking away from bad relationships, it’s crucial to intentionally build a life that’s full of what truly matters—God’s wisdom, His love, and a deeper sense of purpose. Focus on nurturing your relationship with God, growing emotionally, and investing time with people who help you grow in faith. Stay busy with purpose, serve God like never before, and pursue personal growth. When you fill your life with the right things, you create a strong foundation, leaving no room for the wrong things to creep back in.
Leaving behind what’s wrong is an important step, but the real work begins after that. If you don’t fill the empty space with God’s truth, His presence, and a sense of purpose, you are at risk of falling into that same cycle. Today, make the decision to fill your life with His presence so that when love comes, you are not settling out of emptiness but embracing something beautiful because you are whole, ready, and aligned with God’s perfect plan for you.
Loneliness is a powerful feeling. Like desperation, it can make people settle for less—for relationships they know aren’t right. They do this just to fill the empty space in their hearts. However, if you make a decision based on loneliness, it will often lead to premium tears—your temporary fix causing you long-term pain.
Sometimes we mix it up, but get it straight now. God didn’t propose marriage to Adam because he was lonely. No! There’s a world of difference between being alone and being lonely.
“And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’” Genesis 2:18 [NKJV]
A man can be alone, but not lonely. Another man can be married to a woman, yet lonely. “Being alone” means being singular—be it physically, in an assignment or project, etc. while “being lonely” is a void in the heart—a feeling of emptiness in the soul that is often caused by a lack of active participation in purpose.
Adam was too busy with what God had committed into his hands to do that he didn’t even have time to be lonely. He was alone but not lonely. God had to come to initiate marriage when he saw that Adam needed a helper.
For singles, the temptation to say “Maybe this is the best I can get” often springs from loneliness. Seeing others in relationships makes matters worse, making you feel like time is running out. That’s desperation. But don’t let the feeling of loneliness and desperation push you into something unhealthy. It’s better to wait alone than to walk into a relationship that steals your peace, your values, or your destiny. The wrong relationship will drain you much more than loneliness ever could.
For married couples, well, you can be married and still be lonely. Loneliness can still creep in—especially when communication is broken down or when life gets overwhelming. However, the solution isn’t to withdraw, seek emotional validation elsewhere, or compare your spouse to others. The solution is to fight for your marriage to thrive again—work towards reconnecting. Talk. Pray together. Block out every channel (the opposite gender) that gives you emotional satisfaction. Remember why you chose each other. And fight to reconnect.
A good marriage is not built on constant excitement; it’s built on commitment through every season. Commit to working on your marriage. Commit to fighting for the spark to return again. Sometimes, or most times, it starts with just one of the spouses. If it’s you, then don’t get discouraged. Keep your eyes on the goal, regardless of what you see on the way. Don’t allow loneliness to last. Don’t allow it to lead you into an emotional affair and, ultimately, a full-blown affair.
Ultimately, may we all always recognize that God is always present with us, so we can draw strength from Him.
“Do not fear, for I am with you.” Isaiah 41:10.
God is always present, even in seasons when you feel lonely. So, instead of making hasty decisions out of desperation as singles, trust that His timing is perfect. While waiting, keep active with your purpose. The right love—one that honors God—will come. And if you’re married, the love you already have can be strengthened.
I have come to realize that choosing a spouse is not as spookyas some people make it to feel. If you can just follow God all through, the journey will be less complicated.
Also, I have realized that more often than not, your spouse is very much around you. Godis not just about to create your spouse. You just need to be discerning to know where he or she is.
Ex 32:1(KJV) And when the people saw that Moses delayed to come down out of the mount, the people gathered themselves together unto Aaron, and said unto him, Up, make us gods, which shall go before us; for as for this Moses, the man that brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we wot not what is become of him.
After Moses had gone for a long while, the children of Israel became impatient and demanded a god. Where would they get the raw materials to fabricate a god? Remember, they were in the wilderness.
See what Aaron said.
Ex 32:2-4 (KJV) And Aaron said unto them, Break off the golden earrings, which are in the ears of your wives, of your sons, and of your daughters, and bring them unto me. 3 And all the people brake off the golden earrings which were in their ears, and brought them unto Aaron. 4 And he received them at their hand, and fashioned it with a graving tool, after he had made it a molten calf: and they said, These be thy gods, O Israel, which brought thee up out of the land of Egypt.
Aaron made the golden calf with the earrings he found around him.
Who would have thought something good could come out of those earrings?
I mean, they wear these earrings every day. They see it every day. They use it every day. It was looking too common in their eyes, so they couldn’t see the golden calf in it.
And that is how this marriage thing is. You are probably seeing your spouse every day. You are probably interacting with your spouse every other day. The issue is that you may not know. It took Aaron, the priest, to see that something good could come out of the earrings. Likewise, it will take a priest to see if something worthwhile will come out of that lady or gentleman lurking around you.
However, as believers, we don’t need any Aaron. You are the Priest and Prophet over your life.
You are the one who will look beyond the physical and go for what you want.
You are the one who will cry to God to open your eyes that you may see what others are not seeing in that person.
Everyone saw a woman with five husbands, but Jesus saw an evangelist.
Everyone saw gold earrings, but Aaron saw a golden calf.
Everyone saw something whitish, but Moses saw food for the Israelites.
When it comes to choosing the right partner, I hear people say a lot. I want a God fearing man. He or she must be a Christian [I wonder if you want to consider an unbeliever before]. I want someone who can demonstrate the gifts of the spirit, and so on.
While you may be entitled to your choice, there is an important factor I would love you to consider in your prospective fiance or fiancee.
Marriage is a whole lot. It would be wise for you, if you can, to reduce the issues you would face in marriage.
When the bible says you should not be yoked with unbelievers, it is to your advantage. Apostle Paul says marriage comes with additional stress in an already stressful life. How do you want to add that to a partner who doesn’t share your spiritual values?
Back to my discourse, the very first thing I feel you should consider before saying yes is integrity. Does this person have integrity? Is he or she a person of his/her words? Do they mean yes when they say yes?
When the disciples were to choose the seven deacons, the first criteria was honesty.
Acts 6:3 [KJV] Wherefore, brethren, look ye out among you seven men of honest report, full of the Holy Ghost and wisdom, whom we may appoint over this business.
They chose integrity before they mentioned being full of the spirit.
Acts 6:3 [AMP] Therefore, brothers, choose from among you seven men with good reputations [men of godly character and moral integrity], full of the Spirit and of wisdom, whom we may put in charge of this task.
What does that tell you?
Don’t be swayed by the gifts of the spirit you see manifesting in that person’s life. Check for integrity. Check for honesty. You can’t afford to get married to someone who doesn’t value truthfulness.
Even God honors His words above His name. That is integrity!
Ps 138:2 [NKJV] I will worship toward Your holy temple, And praise Your name For Your lovingkindness and Your truth; For You have magnified Your word above all Your name.
Marriage is one of life’s most significant commitments, and it requires careful preparation, self-awareness, and a strong foundation. Before jumping into this lifelong partnership, it’s essential to assess whether you’re truly ready emotionally, spiritually, and practically. Below is a quiz designed to help you reflect on your readiness for marriage. Answer honestly, and use the results as a guide for further growth.
1. Do You Have a Deep Relationship with God?
Marriage should be grounded in faith, especially for Christians. A strong relationship with God equips you to navigate challenges, make wise decisions, and prioritize love over selfish desires. If you feel distant from God or unsure about His role in your life, consider investing more time in prayer, Bible study, and spiritual growth before committing to marriage.
2. Can You Communicate Effectively?
Healthy communication is the cornerstone of any successful marriage. Are you able to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly? Can you listen actively without becoming defensive? Misunderstandings and unresolved conflicts can strain relationships, so mastering communication skills is crucial before tying the knot.
3. Are You Emotionally Mature?
Emotional maturity means understanding and managing your emotions while showing empathy toward others. Do you handle stress well? Can you take responsibility for your actions and apologize when necessary? Emotional immaturity can lead to unhealthy patterns in marriage, such as blaming, controlling behavior, or avoiding tough conversations.
4. Do You Know Yourself Well?
Self-awareness is vital for building a healthy marriage. Are you clear about your values, goals, strengths, and weaknesses? Do you understand what you bring to the table—and where you might need improvement? Knowing yourself helps ensure that you enter marriage as a whole person, not someone seeking completeness through another.
5. Are You Financially Responsible?
Money is one of the leading causes of conflict in marriages. Do you have a basic understanding of budgeting, saving, and financial planning? Are you free from excessive debt or reckless spending habits? While no one expects perfection, being financially responsible demonstrates maturity and readiness to manage household responsibilities together.
6. Have You Resolved Past Hurts?
Unresolved issues from past relationships or family dynamics can resurface in marriage if left unaddressed. Have you worked through any lingering pain, trauma, or bitterness? Healing these areas ensures that you don’t carry unnecessary baggage into your new life together.
7. Do You Share Core Values with Your Partner?
While differences can enrich a relationship, core values like faith, family, career, and lifestyle priorities must align for long-term harmony. Do you and your partner share similar beliefs about raising children, finances, and commitment to God? Compatibility in these areas lays a solid foundation for lasting love.
In conclusion, if you answered “yes” to most of these questions, congratulations—you’re likely ready for marriage! However, if some areas need improvement, take the time to grow and prepare. Remember, entering marriage prematurely can lead to unnecessary struggles. Trust God’s timing, and invest in yourself and your relationship. After all, a successful marriage isn’t just about finding the right person—it’s also about being the right person.
