For the next 4 weeks, we will be looking at what it means to be one flesh. To make it easier, I have made this article into a series, and today, we will start with the first part.
Part 1 – The Mystery of Oneness
When God said in Genesis 2:24, “A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh,” He wasn’t just talking about physical union or romance. He was revealing a divine mystery — one that reflects His own nature of unity, love, and purpose.
Marriage was God’s idea, not man’s. When He created Eve out of Adam’s rib, it wasn’t because Adam was lonely and needed company. It was because God saw that His creation was incomplete without a counterpart who would complete, not compete. Eve was not another version of Adam — she was the missing piece of his wholeness. Together, they reflected the image of God more fully.
To be one flesh, therefore, is not simply to live together or share responsibilities. It means to be joined in spirit, in purpose, and in destiny. It means that what affects one affects the other. It means there’s no “his” and “hers” — it’s “ours.” Our dreams, our struggles, our wins, our calling.
For singles, this truth invites deep preparation. It’s not enough to desire marriage; it’s important to become the kind of whole person who can merge with another whole person under God’s authority. Emotional maturity, spiritual grounding, and purpose clarity are vital. You cannot merge into one flesh if you are still fragmented within yourself.
For the married, this oneness is a lifelong journey. It doesn’t happen automatically after the wedding; it’s cultivated daily through understanding, forgiveness, communication, and prayer. It’s about consistently choosing unity even when differences arise. One flesh means we win together, we grow together, and we heal together.
Every wife desires certain core elements in her marriage that foster love, respect, and emotional security. While individual preferences may vary, universal longings are rooted in God’s design for relationships. Understanding these desires can help husbands create a nurturing environment where their wives feel cherished, valued, and supported. Here’s what every wife truly wants in her marriage.
1. To Be Loved Deeply
At the heart of every woman’s longing is the desire to be loved deeply and unconditionally. Ephesians 5:25 instructs husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church—sacrificially and wholeheartedly. A wife yearns for love that goes beyond words; she wants to feel seen, known, and treasured for who she is.
This kind of love involves expressing affection through both actions and words. Small gestures like holding her hand, leaving encouraging notes, or simply saying “I love you” regularly remind her of your devotion. Love isn’t just about grand romantic gestures—it’s about consistent care and attention.
2. To Feel Respected and Valued
Respect is foundational to a thriving marriage. Peter 3:7 urges husbands to treat their wives with honor as co-heirs of the grace of life. Wives want to know that their opinions matter, that their contributions are appreciated, and that they are equal partners in the journey of life.
Respect means listening without interrupting, valuing her input, and supporting her dreams and goals. It also means avoiding criticism or dismissive behavior. When a wife feels respected, she feels safe to express herself fully and contribute meaningfully to the relationship.
3. Emotional Connection and Communication
Wives crave deep emotional intimacy—the kind that comes from open, honest communication. They want to share their thoughts, fears, joys, and struggles with their husbands and feel understood and supported. James 1:19 reminds us to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.
Active listening is key. Put away distractions, make eye contact, and engage genuinely when she speaks. Ask thoughtful questions and validate her feelings, even if you don’t fully understand them. An emotional connection builds trust and strengthens the bond between husband and wife.
4. Leadership Rooted in Love
A wife looks to her husband for spiritual and relational leadership—but not domination. She desires a leader who leads with humility, gentleness, and wisdom, following Christ’s example (Colossians 3:19). This kind of leadership creates a sense of stability and protection within the marriage.
Spiritual leadership includes praying together, studying Scripture, and making decisions that align with God’s will. Leading with love means prioritizing her well-being, seeking unity, and modeling Christlike character. A loving leader inspires confidence and admiration in his wife.
5. Quality Time Together
Time is one of the most precious gifts a husband can give his wife. In our busy world, it’s easy to let responsibilities overshadow relational priorities, but Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good.” Investing time in the relationship demonstrates that she is a priority.
Quality time doesn’t have to be elaborate—it could be a quiet evening at home, a walk together, or a shared hobby. What matters most is being present and intentional. Regular date nights or moments of undivided attention reassure her that she holds a special place in your heart.
While every wife is unique, these core desires—to be loved deeply, respected, emotionally connected, led with love, and given quality time—are universal. Meeting these needs requires effort, patience, and a willingness to prioritize your wife above other distractions.
Husbands, remember that loving your wife well reflects not only your commitment to her but also your reverence for God. As you seek to fulfill these desires, pray for wisdom and guidance, trusting that God will bless your efforts to honor Him in your marriage.
Ultimately, a happy wife contributes to a happy home. By nurturing these aspects of your relationship, you’ll build a strong, joyful, and God-honoring partnership that stands the test of time. After all, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22).
Oftentimes, people walk away from toxic relationships, unhealthy attachments, or bad habits, thinking that the battle is over. But leaving is only the first step. The real challenge is filling that empty space with something better. It’s easy to think that once you’ve cut ties with the wrong person or situation, everything will automatically be fine. But if you don’t intentionally fill your heart with positive, God-centered things, you might find yourself slipping back into old patterns even after you might have vowed that it would never happen again.
“When an unclean spirit goes out of a man, it passes through dry places seeking rest, and does not find it. Then it says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came.’ And when it comes, it finds it empty, swept, and put in order. Then it goes and brings with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they enter and dwell there; and the last state of that man is worse than the first.” — Matthew 12:43-45 (NKJV)
This is the very point Jesus was making in Matthew 12. A man was freed from an unclean spirit, but when the spirit returned, it found the house empty. Without something better taking its place, the man’s situation worsened. It’s a pattern we see in relationships, too. If you leave one behind but don’t fill your life with healing, purpose, and spiritual growth, you open yourself up to emptiness and vulnerability. This emptiness can lead you to crave the wrong things: unhealthy attention, distractions, or even another toxic relationship.
Instead of just walking away from bad relationships, it’s crucial to intentionally build a life that’s full of what truly matters—God’s wisdom, His love, and a deeper sense of purpose. Focus on nurturing your relationship with God, growing emotionally, and investing time with people who help you grow in faith. Stay busy with purpose, serve God like never before, and pursue personal growth. When you fill your life with the right things, you create a strong foundation, leaving no room for the wrong things to creep back in.
Leaving behind what’s wrong is an important step, but the real work begins after that. If you don’t fill the empty space with God’s truth, His presence, and a sense of purpose, you are at risk of falling into that same cycle. Today, make the decision to fill your life with His presence so that when love comes, you are not settling out of emptiness but embracing something beautiful because you are whole, ready, and aligned with God’s perfect plan for you.
Loneliness is a powerful feeling. Like desperation, it can make people settle for less—for relationships they know aren’t right. They do this just to fill the empty space in their hearts. However, if you make a decision based on loneliness, it will often lead to premium tears—your temporary fix causing you long-term pain.
Sometimes we mix it up, but get it straight now. God didn’t propose marriage to Adam because he was lonely. No! There’s a world of difference between being alone and being lonely.
“And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’” Genesis 2:18 [NKJV]
A man can be alone, but not lonely. Another man can be married to a woman, yet lonely. “Being alone” means being singular—be it physically, in an assignment or project, etc. while “being lonely” is a void in the heart—a feeling of emptiness in the soul that is often caused by a lack of active participation in purpose.
Adam was too busy with what God had committed into his hands to do that he didn’t even have time to be lonely. He was alone but not lonely. God had to come to initiate marriage when he saw that Adam needed a helper.
For singles, the temptation to say “Maybe this is the best I can get” often springs from loneliness. Seeing others in relationships makes matters worse, making you feel like time is running out. That’s desperation. But don’t let the feeling of loneliness and desperation push you into something unhealthy. It’s better to wait alone than to walk into a relationship that steals your peace, your values, or your destiny. The wrong relationship will drain you much more than loneliness ever could.
For married couples, well, you can be married and still be lonely. Loneliness can still creep in—especially when communication is broken down or when life gets overwhelming. However, the solution isn’t to withdraw, seek emotional validation elsewhere, or compare your spouse to others. The solution is to fight for your marriage to thrive again—work towards reconnecting. Talk. Pray together. Block out every channel (the opposite gender) that gives you emotional satisfaction. Remember why you chose each other. And fight to reconnect.
A good marriage is not built on constant excitement; it’s built on commitment through every season. Commit to working on your marriage. Commit to fighting for the spark to return again. Sometimes, or most times, it starts with just one of the spouses. If it’s you, then don’t get discouraged. Keep your eyes on the goal, regardless of what you see on the way. Don’t allow loneliness to last. Don’t allow it to lead you into an emotional affair and, ultimately, a full-blown affair.
Ultimately, may we all always recognize that God is always present with us, so we can draw strength from Him.
“Do not fear, for I am with you.” Isaiah 41:10.
God is always present, even in seasons when you feel lonely. So, instead of making hasty decisions out of desperation as singles, trust that His timing is perfect. While waiting, keep active with your purpose. The right love—one that honors God—will come. And if you’re married, the love you already have can be strengthened.
I have come to realize that choosing a spouse is not as spookyas some people make it to feel. If you can just follow God all through, the journey will be less complicated.
Also, I have realized that more often than not, your spouse is very much around you. Godis not just about to create your spouse. You just need to be discerning to know where he or she is.
Ex 32:1(KJV) And when the people saw that Moses delayed to come down out of the mount, the people gathered themselves together unto Aaron, and said unto him, Up, make us gods, which shall go before us; for as for this Moses, the man that brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we wot not what is become of him.
After Moses had gone for a long while, the children of Israel became impatient and demanded a god. Where would they get the raw materials to fabricate a god? Remember, they were in the wilderness.
See what Aaron said.
Ex 32:2-4 (KJV) And Aaron said unto them, Break off the golden earrings, which are in the ears of your wives, of your sons, and of your daughters, and bring them unto me. 3 And all the people brake off the golden earrings which were in their ears, and brought them unto Aaron. 4 And he received them at their hand, and fashioned it with a graving tool, after he had made it a molten calf: and they said, These be thy gods, O Israel, which brought thee up out of the land of Egypt.
Aaron made the golden calf with the earrings he found around him.
Who would have thought something good could come out of those earrings?
I mean, they wear these earrings every day. They see it every day. They use it every day. It was looking too common in their eyes, so they couldn’t see the golden calf in it.
And that is how this marriage thing is. You are probably seeing your spouse every day. You are probably interacting with your spouse every other day. The issue is that you may not know. It took Aaron, the priest, to see that something good could come out of the earrings. Likewise, it will take a priest to see if something worthwhile will come out of that lady or gentleman lurking around you.
However, as believers, we don’t need any Aaron. You are the Priest and Prophet over your life.
You are the one who will look beyond the physical and go for what you want.
You are the one who will cry to God to open your eyes that you may see what others are not seeing in that person.
Everyone saw a woman with five husbands, but Jesus saw an evangelist.
Everyone saw gold earrings, but Aaron saw a golden calf.
Everyone saw something whitish, but Moses saw food for the Israelites.
