Forgiving The Lover Who Hurt You. Sandy was badly hurt, that ten years after the blow meted to her by her lover, she was still hurt! Without knowing, the hurt has morphed into wounds and the wounds have crystallized into bitterness. This in turn affected everything about her life.
How do you forgive in the real practical sense of it?
Forgiveness is not talking about the issue. Forgiveness is not explaining the situation. Forgiveness is not reporting the person to your pastor. Forgiveness goes beyond that especially when the issue is very grave and hurting.
Usually, the female gender is the most hurt, they are more like at the receiving end. A lady attaches more to a relationship than a guy will. Man is a logical being, so it is easier for him to walk away from relationships and console himself so that somebody else will show up.
The lady on the other hand, has her whole life, emotions and essence woven and intertwined in a relationship because she is a relationship being, so it is usually more hurting for her especially when she is not the one initiating the break-up.
In marriage; it is the same, the wife is more hurt. When I am settling quarrels between a couple, you find the man smiling after a while, but the lady finds it more difficult to let go like that, depending on the process that led to the hurt. However, in marriage, the greatest thing you can learn to do is to forgive! In fact, it is good you practice advanced forgiveness!
Forgiving The Lover Who Hurt You. The first thing to do in forgiving a person is to
1. Decide to forgive
This step is actually important because you can say “I have forgiven so and so,” when in reality, you never decided to forgive such a person. Forgiveness is a conscious and deliberate decision you make. You have been jilted, used, abandoned, rejected, abused sexually, treated shabbily, and so on? Let go! Decide to forgive so that you can move on. The best revenge is success and good marriage. But that will only come when you forgive! Forgiving The Lover Who Hurt You is a must!
2. Ask God to give you the needed strength to forgive.
If the name of the person who hurt you is mentioned, and your countenance changes, you have not forgiven yet. If you hissed at the thought of the person, you have not forgiven yet. In such instances, you need strength from God. You need to pray that God should reach within you, touch you where no man can touch you, and heal you indeed.
Your offender who you thought would rot in hell can meet Jesus along the way and go to heaven! You that were offended too should make heaven and not allow someone to occupy a space in your heart springing up into bitterness. Being bitter will never make you better! Wives, forgive your husbands, yes, you think he is naughty and sometimes wicked, but forgive him all the same, so that you can both believe God for greater things! Never curse your husband in your heart!
Embrace him tonight. Let your love be rekindled. Don’t give the enemy space in your home. Husbands, forgive you,r wives, You think she is stubborn and disrespectful but forgive her so that your prayers will not be grounded. Call her on phone and assure her you have forgiven! She might come up with uncooperative attitudes, but ignore it, and bury your ego, she probably wants to be sure you are remorseful. Ignore her attitude and be resolute in making your marriage work. This is what Forgiving The Lover Who Hurt You entails.
I will probably still write more on this tomorrow.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I forgive all who have hurt me
PRAYER FOR THE DAY I receive strength to forgive in Jesus name
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. (Colossians 3:13 ESV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY List out names of all who hurt you and forgive them one by one
BIBLE READING John 1
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When there is disunity in a household, there are all sorts of evil works of unrighteousness there. The devil has a field day because the demons are at work in such a family.
A family where they don’t pray together, study God’s word, take confessions, and do spiritual exercises together invites the devil.
The atmosphere in such a family is tense; there is hardly laughter, playing, or any of such. All there will be is suspicion, strife, unforgiving spirit, and abuse.
A house where the father is the lion of the tribe of the house; he is feared with trepidation, where the children are full of lies, abuses, and emotional hurts, where the children hibernate in their rooms for lack of companionship. Where the wife is full of lies, insincerity, hurts, bitterness, and schemes, all this ought not to be so.
We as believers are called to Christ-like life, to live like Christ, to love like Christ, to be meek and gentle like Him in all that we do.
When Jesus was on earth, He lived a selfless life, he lived to please God and not himself, his relationships were selfless.
He taught forgiveness, he lived forgiveness, even when he was dying on the cross he said; Father, forgive them for they know not what they do. That statement alone can set us free in our marriages.
Ask yourself, the wrong that is done to you, does that person know it is a sin? Then if they do not know, forgive them. Be quick to forgive easily. Develop a forgiving spirit. Learn to forgive in advance. Make up your mind; you are going to forgive your spouse no matter what he/she does.
When you forgive, you are actually helping yourself, because you cherish your relationship with God more than anything, and you don’t want anything to disrupt your relationship with God, you forgive.
Let us work towards making our home a haven and not an oven. It is your responsibility. Don’t wait for one person to do it for you. You have to be committed and take up the responsibility to do it yourself.
God bless your marriage.
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I have God’s wisdom to do the right thing
PRAYER FOR THE DAY I receive grace to forgive easily
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace. –Romans 6:14 (KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Decide to forgive all
BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY 1 Samuel 9-12
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Eventually, one day came and God brought out Joseph from the prison. He did not just bring him out, He became a ruler!
When he was called, he did something.
Then Pharaoh sent and called Joseph, and they brought him hastily out of the dungeon: and he shaved himself, and changed his raiment, and came in unto Pharaoh. –Genesis 41:14 (KJV)
Learn to dress for your future address as Joseph did. Ladies, learn to dress well without being seductive. Don’t be overly spiritual and be careless with your dressing. The fact is that men are moved by sight, even the very spiritual guys. So learn to dress well.
Wear clothes that fit you very well. Joseph shaved and changed his raiment in order to prepare for where God is taking him. Before you complain that there is no husband, go and fix that hair, dress well and be particular about your appearance.
6. Finally, Joseph was a forgiver!
He forgave his brothers. He didn’t try to fix them or deal with them.
Now, therefore, be not grieved, nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither: for God did send me before you to preserve life. –Genesis 45:5 (KJV)
He allowed the overall plan of God to gain ascendancy over hurts and past wounds. If your relationship, and inevitably marriage will work, you must be a quick forgiver. An unforgiving spirit can hinder you and stop God’s blessings in your life.
The one that violated you while you were little, the one that raped you, the one that took advantage of you, the one that deceived you, the one that used you and dumped you, the one that collected your money and later dumped you, the one that jilted you, the one that was double dating with you, the one that really hurt you badly, the one that slowed down your education.
The one that impregnated you and denied he never met you, the one that ditched you for a richer person, the one you sponsored out of the country and then forgot about you, the one that took your money and your esteem away, the one that stole your dignity, the one that robbed you of your innocence, the one that forcefully violated you, the one that toyed with your emotions, the one that you trusted as a pastor but manipulated you….the list goes on…forgive all of them!
Why forgive? Four reasons:
a. So that God in heaven will also forgive you.
b. So that your heart can be unclogged and you can move on.
c. So that your prayers can be answered.
d. So that the adversity will eventually become an advantage!
Mention their names, and say, so so… I forgive you!
That seems difficult, but do it! That is how to move forward in life. Let go and let God!
I pray for you this morning that God will help you to forgive those you need to forgive! Free yourself. Let your soul escape like a bird out of the snare of the fowler.
If you need to cry to do that, please do, but forgive! God will wipe your tears away and you will forget the shame of your youth!More Lessons From The Life of Joseph
CONFESSION FOR THE DAY I forgive. I am a forgiver! I will not clog my heart with hurts and bitterness
PRAYER FOR THE DAY Pray and ask God to give the grace to be a quick forgiver
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY So now it was not you that sent me hither, but God: and he hath made me a father to Pharaoh, and lord of all his house, and a ruler throughout all the land of Egypt. –Genesis 45:8 (KJV)
ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY Study the life of Joseph
BIBLE READING FOR THE DAY Genesis 46-47
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Marriage is the place where you will have to come to terms with the practicality of forgiveness. In other relationships, forgiveness is also essential but it may not be as that of marriage.
In marriage, you will have to forgive for the relationship to be healed. You and your spouse cannot avoid each other. You live together, have children together, for the sake of peace and progress, forgiveness is very necessary.
The standard of the Word of God is so high. That’s why it is a narrow road that leads to heaven.
The Bible does not mince words when we are told to love our enemies. Hmmm. I thought we should love our friends and well wishers and stay clear and avoid our enemies.
The bible tells us to love them, and bless those who curse us. That is pretty hard. A hard pill to swallow. I believe that is why we have to live in the spirit so we do not gratify the lust of the flesh.
We need Holy Ghost power. We cannot do it in our own natural strength.
But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; – Matthew 5:44 KJV
Our differences will most often act as threat to our marital union and our mandate as couples. It will pose a problem to our becoming one.
The natural man tends to be selfish and only one that is submitted to Christ and His word can love genuinely.
It is easier for women to hold on to hurts and have difficulty in forgiving. Women hurt deeply essentially because they are emotional being and because they analyse more.
Whichever way, let God be true and every man a liar. The standard of God’s word must be followed. A different gospel is not for men and another for women. We are to follow and obey the same word.
We should allow the Holy spirit to rightly discern the situation and analyse it for us.
God is not saying we should not be hurt, angry or need time to heal. We should do that and then get over it and move on.
That’s where power lies. That’s where victory begins. The Word says we should be angry but we are not permitted to sin.
We sin when we over analyse. There is a spirit way to analyse things that instead of being bitter, we become better.
When we allow bitterness, we open the door for other demons to enter our lives and afflict us. Disobedience opens the door for the enemy of our souls. We open the door for sicknesses, diseases, poverty, disfavor etc.
Joseph could have wasted his life being bitter. He could have lost years by being bitter. He could have lost opportunities. But he choose to enjoy where he was on his way to being better and to where God was taking him to.
Joseph saw his brothers who sold him into slavery and he analysed the situation well by the help of the Holy spirit.
He said what they meant for evil, God used it to preserve many lives. Can you allow that situation to become a tool in the hands of God?
I’m not saying it will be easy. That’s what taking up your cross daily and following God is about.
Couples, learn to give that situation to God. You are reviled, persecuted, unjustly treated, abused, afflicted, cheated etc. Surrender it to the Lord. Give it to Him.
Allow the Holy spirit to make you see what it really is. Until Joseph saw correctly, he could not forgive and forget.
Jesus was able to pass through the cross because he saw well. For the joy set before Him, He endured the cross.
He could say father forgive them,for they know not what they are doing.
God is able to turn things around and make your mess a message that will liberate thousands.
Don’t fight your spouse, forgive and move on. Learn what you are to learn. Don’t be afraid of being misjudged or treated unfairly. Jesus was wrongly and falsely accused. He shut His mouth and didn’t answer back. It was tough, but at the end, He was justified and glorified
Ask the Lord to help you see well and He will come to your aid.
God bless your marriage
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Now that you have been forgiven your sin, there is one thing you should also strive for. As I earlier said, forgiveness is God’s act of Mercy, and this occurred during the death of Jesus on the cross of Calvary.
who once were not a people but are now the people of God, who had not obtained mercy but now have obtained mercy. – 1 Peter 2:10 [NKJV]
Since we have been shown mercy by the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, it is expected that we show others mercy as well.
Why is this important?
Let’s look at the words of Jesus Christ himself while he was on earth.
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy. – Matt 5:7 [NKJV]
You have not been forgiven so that you can brag about it. You have been forgiven so that you can forgive others as well. You have received mercy so that you can show others mercy as well.
Regardless of what that person has done, god expects that we walk in love and forgive him/her.
Look at how the message bible puts it as I conclude this morning;
“You’re blessed when you care. At the moment of being ‘carefull,’ you find yourselves cared for. – Matt 5:7 [MSG]
Conclusively, the more forgiveness you show, the more forgiveness you receive.
May God help us to act as we have learnt in Jesus name, Amen.
PRAYER: Father in Jesus name, I just want to thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me a new life.
ACTION PLAN: Decide to live a life free of sin
DECLARATION: I am a child of God, he has forgiven me my sins when Jesus died on the cross and so I live a life free of sin. Amen
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