Back in the early days of our marriage, around 2002, my wife and I got into a quarrel that dragged on for days. Strangely, I can’t recall what sparked it. However, during this dispute, something remarkable happened: I experienced a spiritual awakening. For the first time, I glimpsed into the realm of the supernatural and saw the deep-seated animosity that the devil and his followers harbor toward marriages and families. It was eye-opening to witness the lengths to which the devil would go to sow discord and disrupt relationships. Fortunately, the quarrel between my wife and me was resolved swiftly thereafter.
If God were to grant you a glimpse into the spiritual realm, you’d find yourself softening swiftly. All the anger and aggression would dissipate as you realize you’ve been under demonic sway. Demons are indeed real. While the physical world may seem bustling, the spiritual realm is even more so.
Understand, there exist powerful malevolent forces, opposing courtships and marriages, aiming to sow doubt and discord. These evil spirits seek to manipulate your thoughts, feeding you assumptions that could jeopardize your marriage.
The real question is: will you align your destiny with hell? As a child of God, the devil cannot intrude into your life, family, or home unless you invite him in. Remember, the devil has already been defeated. However, by disregarding God’s principles, you inadvertently open the door for his influence.
A child of God cannot be possessed by a demon but can experience oppression. This oppression can pave the way for yielding to demonic influences. In your relationships, marriage, and home, it’s crucial to steer clear of certain pitfalls. These missteps can swiftly open the door, providing the devil with an opportunity to wreak havoc. One such mistake to avoid is harboring bitterness towards each other.
Don’t get bitter at each other
Bitterness should be shunned like a plague, for it is far more destructive. When bitterness takes root, it becomes a barrier to receiving help, as even prayers go unanswered. It’s not merely a fleeting emotion; it’s a deep-seated root that, if left unchecked, can lead to further devastation. Reflect on the scriptures for guidance in this matter.
Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled; (Hebrews 12:15 KJV)
When bitterness takes hold, it can cause God’s grace to falter, a perilous position to find oneself in. It warns of trouble ahead, as bitterness only begets more trouble. Ultimately, many will be tainted by its influence, leading to impulsive actions. In marriages, it can affect the children, while in single life, it may disrupt academic and career pursuits.
It all begins with getting hurt. You may have an expectation, perhaps awaiting an apology, but none comes. As you grapple with this, another hurt follows, compounded by the absence of an apology. Then, another action adds to the hurt, perpetuating the cycle.
These accumulated hurts can evoke a range of emotions, from feeling unloved to harboring hatred toward the very person you’re meant to love. Before you know it, the devil steps in, planting seeds of suggestions and assumptions. Remember, the devil is a deceitful liar, the originator of falsehoods incapable of speaking the truth.
Embracing and believing these assumptions leads to a hardening of the heart, gradually plunging you into depression and despair. In this state, where scripture and God’s love are pushed aside, the sole focus becomes proving a point, paving the way for bitterness to take hold. In the grip of bitterness, your spouse becomes perceived as the enemy, ensnaring you in a trap.
The wife withdraws emotionally, while the husband’s anger escalates, exacerbating the situation. Bitterness clouds judgment, leading to regrettable decisions.
When trapped in bitterness, there are paths to freedom.
1. Prayer is key
Engage in fervent prayer to clear the mind and open yourself to God’s guidance, which offers a way out.
2. Patience
Patience is paramount when dealing with a bitter spouse. It requires an abundance of patience to guide them out of their bitterness. In cases where both parties harbor bitterness, it’s crucial to set aside hostilities and collaborate towards resolution.
3. Forgiveness
Additionally, swift forgiveness is imperative. Only through quick forgiveness can prayers find their efficacy.
4. Humility
Humility plays a pivotal role as well. Rather than asserting dominance, humility fosters an environment conducive to reconciliation.
For singles, the process remains the same. If bitterness and hurts permeate your relationship or courtship, seeking help and mentorship is essential to uproot the bitterness. It’s imperative not to proceed down the aisle burdened by bitterness.
Top 56 Valuable Lessons from the 56-Year Marriage of Joyce and Dave Meyer
Joyce and Dave Meyer have been married for over 56 years. In their Video, Talk It Out, they share candidly about the highs and lows of their journey together. Joyce notes early on in their 5-date courtship, they didn’t truly know each other. Yet through divine intervention, they found themselves bonded for life.
Based on this conversation with celebrated life coach and bestselling author Joyce Meyer and her husband Dave, here are some invaluable insights on how to build a strong, God-honoring marriage.
1. Joyce and Dave Meyer discuss the ups and downs of their early marriage and how their thinking has changed over the years.
2. Dave knew marriage was forever so he never thought about changing Joyce or leaving if things didn’t improve.
3. They had to learn about each other through experiences and God helped Dave deal with difficult situations. Over decades, Joyce and Dave Meyer learned to accept each other fully as God designed.
4. Dave applies relevant scriptures like Ephesians 5:28 to situations rather than dwelling on problems.
5. Joyce explains she came from a difficult childhood which manifested in erratic, emotionally volatile behaviors in their first years of marriage. She recalls giving Dave the silent treatment for weeks at a time when upset.
6. Dave remained steadfast, understanding where Joyce’s hurt originated while navigating ups and downs to learn about her. He displayed remarkable strength and commitment to their vows.
Common Mistakes in Marriage.
7. Trying to change your spouse instead of letting them be who they are. Realizing their unique qualities complement one another affirms God’s plan for oneness in marriage.
8. Joyce acknowledges trying to change Dave was misguided since transformation must come from within.
9. From the start, Dave viewed marriage as permanent, avoiding the “threat” mindset some have of changing or divorcing a spouse.
10. Focusing on what’s wrong with your spouse instead of what’s right is a common mistake.
11. Thinking you have to be happy for your spouse to be happy instead of each being responsible for their own happiness.
Handling Differences of Opinion.
12. It’s normal to have different opinions and likes in a marriage.
13. Compromise by allowing each person to decorate their own space.
14. It’s okay to disagree as long as you don’t think your spouse is wrong for having a different view.
15. Joyce recommends couples make a side-by-side list of each other’s positive and negative traits. For her and Dave, the good vastly outweighed the bad. By shifting mental focus to a spouse’s virtues, small flaws seem insignificant.
Dealing with Financial Disagreements.
16. Joyce and Dave Meyer advised that you talk through finances and goals before marriage to avoid surprises.
17. Needs can change over time so revisit financial agreements.
18. Understand each other’s perspectives and fears around money.
Dave’s Experience with Saving Money as a Youth.
19. Dave shares how he learned the value of saving money from a young age. He explains how at 16 years old, he saved one thousand dollars cutting grass and selling items to buy his first car.
20. Dave emphasizes the importance of prioritizing spending money on important goals.
Accepting Each Other as God Made Us.
21. Joyce and Dave Meyer are different. Dave is more logical while Joyce processes things verbally.
22. One frequent source of disagreement between spouses is having differing communication styles.
23. Joyce mentioned how she likes to verbally process situations by talking through all the angles, while Dave prefers a more direct, logical approach. It’s not that either way is wrong, but recognizing these distinctions is important. They’ve realized God made them this way and focusing on each other’s strengths has helped.
24. When Joyce was unhappy, Dave modeled finding joy regardless through stable faith.
25. As Christians, we are not to let others dictate our moods but lead by example. Joyce was inspired to mirror Dave’s contentment.
26. Misunderstandings often arise when partners don’t understand each other’s methods of thinking and reasoning through problems.
27. Surrender fully to God’s design for oneness. Appreciate differences as completing each other.
28. Apply biblical solutions in tough times, not human reasoning. Prioritize your spouse’s well-being through humility, patience, and consistent prayer.
We will continue with Part 2 of Top 56 Valuable Lessons from the 56-Year Marriage of Joyce and Dave Meyer tomorrow.
Having a sexual relationship outside marriage is a sin in itself and God doesn’t approve of that kind of arrangement. However, within marriage, withholding intimacy is one way that a person can be abused emotionally, by using withdrawal to control the other person.
In the sanctity of a marriage relationship, you are not supposed to deny each other. The scriptures say that you should not defraud one another.
Married ladies should not use sex to punish their husbands as that may lead to more vulnerability.
Signs of Abusive Relationships Part 2
9. Words like arrows
Another sign of emotional manipulation is when you are called names, given unpleasant labels, derogatory nicknames, and the use of biting cutting remarks.
Words are powerful and you are what you hear everyday. A guy goes to Medical school, listens to medical classes for seven years and then becomes a Medical Doctor. The same thing with a lawyer.Invariably, you are what you are hearing. You should therefore not allow anybody to constantly pull you down and trample on your esteem all in the name of love.
Love will not constantly put you down! Love will not crush your esteem day after day. If one or more of these signs are prevalent in your relationship, you may need to pause and review it.
Listen to me, marriage does not change abusers. It is better to remain single and wait for the right person than to rush into a marriage with an abuser because of the pressures around you.
When the abuse takes a toll, all the people putting pressure will not be seen around you.
The last day you would see most of them is on your wedding day to eat your food!
As my wife would always says, you will live with your choice!
Signs of Abusive Relationships Part 2
10. Personal information
Lastly, abusers can often resort to using your personal information and secrets against you and to control you. This is why you have to beware of people who are always asking for your nude pictures.
Why would a person who claims to be a child of God be asking for your nude pictures?
There is something perverse about that.
Is it to masturbate or what? Or to sell the pictures? Young ladies, don’t ever send you nude pictures to anyone in the name of love.
He would eventually use your pictures to manipulate and control you, and when you call his bluff, you would find your nude pictures all over the internet.
Several young girls have committed suicide when they couldn’t bear with the shame of having their nude pictures and videos all over the internet. So, don’t ever make that mistake.
Remember the scripture we saw earlier? Your souls has escaped like a bird out of the snare of the flower!
Fly away from all demonic and manipulative relationships.
Pro 6:5 (KJV) Deliver thyself as a roe from the hand of the hunter, and as a bird from the hand of the fowler.
Cut off that relationship where you are being oppressed.Let the wrong person go so that the right person can show up! I pray that God will grant you more understanding!
